Chapter 60 New York and the Supermarket God of War [VIP]
778.
As mentioned earlier, I lent my sword, "Qie Man," to Weng Sui. My natal sword is connected to my mind, and I can sense its state with a single thought, and even remotely control it.
As a new-age swordsman, the tassel on my natal sword also has the functions of positioning, monitoring, detecting, shielding signals, and collecting energy. The scabbard can store spiritual energy, store sword moves, play movies, and act as a surround sound system.
Although my classmates refuted me and told me that I was not a new-age sword cultivator, and asked me not to make the reputation of sword cultivators weird (referring to the people in Wanling Academy who used me as a prototype and wrote sword cultivators as yanderes pretending to be control freaks).
But everyone has to admit that the "e" function is really useful! It's especially useful in hostage situations when you're forced to throw your weapon away and raise your hands.
The prisoner thought this would buy him some time, but he didn't expect that my scabbard would automatically attack! It automatically restores mana and health, making it so much easier.
Anyone who says I'm shameless is just jealous of me.
779.
In reality, Weng Rui, as the Holy Maiden of Hehuan Palace, had no shortage of offensive tools. She could wield swords, knives, staffs, hammers, axes, harps, whips... and she was particularly adept with the axe, wielding it with great skill and vigor.
She has also mastered the stereotypical charm and control to perfection. It can be said that any creature with thoughts and emotions will be controlled by her, the only difference is the length of time.
Because her true form is the Joy Tree, its flowers resemble a beautiful woman's face, blooming in response to laughter, and its fruiting absorbs joy. Therefore, unlike other cultivators who prefer physical connection, Weng Sui prefers to fully immerse herself in a relationship, exchanging sincerity for sincerity, and enjoying the world.
I say all this because she became “good friends” with Captain America while studying abroad in New York…
Weng Sui studied clinical psychology at Columbia University, and her supervisor was her senior sister.
My senior sister has become a leading figure in psychology, researching metahumans (her last paper was on psychological resilience under extraordinary stress). She also serves as Director Fury's psychological advisor. She's collaborated with Dr. Banner on the effects of gamma radiation on human psychology, and she enjoys discussions with Professor X on mutant psychology.
However, Weng Sui and Steve did not know each other because of the doctor-patient relationship. Before her senior sister took her to participate in the "Superhero Mental Health Support Program", Weng Sui had encountered Steve countless times in places such as libraries, coffee shops, and gyms.
If Weng Wei hadn't told me seriously that it was really an accidental encounter, I would have thought that Weng Wei had calculated and planned it all and forced it with all his might.
Then she met someone from Wanling Academy who told her fortune and said that New York would be very dangerous recently, and the situation around Captain America would be extremely dangerous.
So she asked me to borrow my sword so that she could swing me over to help her in an emergency.
780.
Honestly, I'm a little hesitant. If she really shakes me over, should I wear a uniform? After all, Peregrine Falcon, as a superhero, fighting aliens sounds much more appropriate than the eldest daughter of Gotham's richest man fighting aliens.
The most important thing is that Iron Man Tony Stark and my dad have been competing against each other for so many years, competing for the cover girl of each issue, the amount of charity investment, the treasures at the auction, etc.
Although the internet immediately declared Bruce the loser when Stark announced he was Iron Man, the war between them has never stopped, so I feel like it wouldn't be a good idea to go in no matter which identity I play.
Stark also knew Bruce had some furry little hobbies at night. I wonder if he told Captain America about it. If I went there, would Iron Man say to me, "Get out of my city?"
After much thought, I decided that if I really wanted to go, I would have to disguise myself and use some sleight of hand.
781.
I made a face for myself with black hair and black eyes, so I couldn't find it in a crowd.
Then he was shaken away.
The streets of New York were in chaos, the sky was filled with Chita warships, and the sounds of explosions, screams and fighting were mixed together.
In the alley, Weng Rui looked at me in silence for a moment, "Are you sure you want to wear this to a fight?"
I looked at my ordinary black hoodie, casual pants, and slippers and asked in confusion, "Isn't that possible? Do I have to wear a suit specifically for a fight?"
"Forget it, it's all right." Weng Sui waved at me.
"Won't you come with me?" I asked her.
"What a joke! I'm just a weak graduate student at Columbia University. You want me to fight aliens? That's too cruel, right?" Weng Sui pointed at me in surprise.
What kind of weakness is this? Is it the kind that involves chopping your enemy into small pieces with an axe?
782.
In order to reveal Xia's ordinary identity, Weng Wei was forced by me to use a sleight of hand to go with me.
"My favorite face said sadly, "They have to be buried with my beloved bakery."
"Wait a minute, she tossed the hilt of Weng Sui's huge battle axe with ease.
"Let's compete."
A massacre competition began.
783.
? Superman! Superman—!” I heard someone shouting in the ruins.
However, within minutes of my arrival, my communicator gave me some not-so-good news.
The heavily protected Mother Box sensed the Space Stone had opened an interdimensional channel and excitedly sent a signal to Apocalypse. The Positive Alliance went to deal with the incoming Steppenwolf and Apocalypse Demon army.
The Earth is so pitiful. Basically all the villains in the universe are coveting the Earth if there is a chance.
784.
"Did God just crank up the difficulty of Earth Online?" I slammed a Chita into the air with my sword, complaining, "We haven't even finished defeating this wave of aliens, and Apocalypse can't wait to join in the fun?"
Weng Sui swung his axe, chopping a hapless Chirita soldier in half. He casually flicked the fragments of arthropod from the axe blade, "It can't be helped. Who makes all the superheroes on Earth so popular?"
She paused, thinking seriously. "Or maybe you could say... is it possible that Earth is the protagonist of a cosmic Shura Field story, with countless people vying to conquer it and protect it, and the only thing left to do is to see which character readers prefer in the end?"
“…”
If you don’t say it well, don’t say it next time.
785.
During the break in the battle, I glanced at the Avengers fighting not far away.
Tony's armor shuttled flexibly in the sky, and the missiles accurately blew up a Chita warship.
Thor swung his hammer, lightning flashed everywhere, and the alien army wailed.
Hawkeye stood on the top of a building, shooting arrows without missing a beat, accurately reaping the lives of his enemies.
Captain America was negotiating with the police, holding a shield, giving calm commands, and standing firmly in the center of the battlefield, like a stabilizing force.
"Are you going to look for him?" I chopped down a charging Chirita soldier and glanced at Weng Sui. "Why don't you go and say hello?"
"Isn't now a good time?" Weng Sui shrugged. "In his eyes, I should be an ordinary person under his protection. At most, I can have a better relationship with him."
Although she said this, the axe in her hand did not stop at all, and she even chopped harder than before.
What kind of relationship is good? The kind where you compete to see who has the best muscles at the gym?
786.
At this moment, a dazzling golden-red beam of light fell from the sky, accurately destroying an entire team of Chiritars.
Then, an electronic synthesized voice sounded above my head: "Yo, newcomer."
I looked up and saw Iron Man hovering in the air, his golden-red armor particularly dazzling in the flames and smoke.
"This unknown masked swordsman," Tony Stark said, crossing his arms across his chest, his voice rising, "thank you for your support, but I don't remember you being a superhero."
...Good, my deception worked, Stark didn't recognize me.
787.
"I'm just a kind-hearted person passing by." I casually swung my sword. "New York is almost being demolished. Can't I do something brave to help you?"
"Of course." Tony gave a thumbs-up with one hand, "But your sword-wielding style... gives me a familiar feeling."
Weng Sui coughed lightly beside him and said, "Mr. Stark, battlefield analysis should be done after the war."
Tony tilted his head and glanced at her: "Oh? Who are you?"
"The most common slave worker in New York City." Weng Sui blinked innocently, "An ordinary person."
Tony: “…”
I:"……"
788.
"Ordinary people?" Stark was silent for two seconds. His gaze from beneath the armor's visor glanced at the battle axe in her hand. "Then what is this? A recruitment advertisement for the Lumberjacks' Guild?"
"Oh, this." Weng Sui smiled gently and casually shook off the alien fragments remaining on the axe blade. "This is the required equipment for the self-defense club in our community."
Stark: “…”
That's right, I'm also a member of the self-defense society in their community.
789.
Tony clearly didn't want to continue the verbal battle with us, so he got straight to the point: "Anyway, thanks for your help. But whose side are you on?"
"It's from the human side." I answered confidently.
Tony rolled his eyes. "...That's a reassuring answer."
At this moment, his AI butler suddenly spoke up: "Sir, the Chirita army is converging on Central City. The Avengers need to assemble as soon as possible."
Tony turned around immediately and pointed at us before leaving: "No matter where you come from, don't do anything bad."
After saying that, he directly activated his thrusters and flew towards the center of the battlefield.
"What a lovely Mr. Iron Man." Weng Wei said meaningfully as he looked at his receding back.
"Don't even think about flirting." I stabbed a Chirita who was attacking me with my sword and said coldly, "Don't you already have your good friend? And I'm a fan of him and Pepper, so don't try to break us up."
"Alas, life is short, what's wrong with looking at more handsome guys?" Weng Wei sighed and said lamentably, "The level of the entertainment industry has declined a lot in recent years. All the good-looking people have become superheroes. By the way, your brother named Dick has been broken up for a month, right? How about introducing him to me?"
...Get lost! Even if my brother is just as bad as you in this regard, I don't want to introduce him to you! Because I'll definitely be the one who suffers in the end!
790.
Things were developing at a rapid pace like a wild horse running out of control. The superheroes were dragged down by the endless stream of soldiers and almost turned the situation into a disadvantageous situation.
With the help of other e-people, Black Widow successfully reached the roof and talked to the awakened Doctor, wanting to use the Mind Scepter to close the wormhole.
Unfortunately, **, who always lags behind at critical moments, lived up to expectations and gave the people of New York a nuclear bomb, preparing for a "strategic retreat."
This section blocks all swear words written in at least 1,000 words per person in New York.
Anyway, when Stark stopped closing the portal and was about to sacrifice himself to intercept the nuclear bomb that would explode a minute later, I volunteered to help throw it into the Chirita mothership.
All the Chiritas lost their ability to move after the mothership was destroyed, and I quietly flew out of New York (with a signal jammer on, of course).
When the work is done, I will leave, hiding my body and name.
I also caught up with the scene where the Positive Y Alliance and Darkseid were talking nonsense, luckily it was okay.
The people from the Dark Positive Alliance took turns checking Superman and found no signs of him being mind-controlled, so they threw countless small props and let Superman go home.
791.
Soon, the Avengers and the unnamed Passerby No. 1 (me) and Passerby No. 2 (Weng Sui) became popular on the Internet.
The outfit I was wearing was out of stock, and the factory was rushing to add orders, and the sewing machines were smoking.
And because we have extremely ordinary faces and ordinary clothes that make people feel close to us, netizens gave us a group name - Supermarket Gods.
Because the one I'm wearing and the one Weng Sui is wearing are both discounted styles from Walmart, and I can get two for $9.9, which is such a great deal.
Netizens also photoshopped a "30-minute delivery" light effect above our heads and an emoji of us stepping on the wreckage of an alien mothership. The hot search terms were
#On how to buy eggs while saving the world#
#Aliens saw it and said the delivery was fast#
#Suggest to join the Avengers takeaway line#
792.
The Simplified Chinese community was even more outrageous, frantically tagging the official account every day to ask if there really were immortal cultivators in this world. Pictures of me stepping on a sword and carrying a nuclear bomb were all over the media.
Finally, the big blogger, scientists and many people said in various ways that my sword is an anti-gravity floating aircraft, and I made it in the form of a sword because of my special hobby.
Weng Sui and I wrote a ten-thousand-word self-criticism letter, but were severely scolded by our master and Bruce. Both groups expelled me from the master's school and expelled me from the family, respectively, and asked me to reflect on myself.
I also want to let an insider who appears out of nowhere to reveal our past experiences and invest heavily in the financial resources of the sword-shaped anti-gravity levitation aircraft.
793.
For example, I opened Bilibili on a whim, hoping to relax my tense mood.
The first video pushed on the homepage was titled: "Is the Supermarket God of War a Mutant? Authoritative Experts In-Depth Analysis!"
I clicked on it with a "huh?" mentality, and found that the other party not only analyzed my fighting style, but also seriously raised the "possibility of being a super-powered person" and even slowed down the video of me flying with a nuclear bomb, trying to prove that I was using some unknown power to control the "flying" sword.
That’s not all. There are people in the barrage who are explaining a certain abandoned super soldier program and even coming up with conspiracy theories.
I:"……"
My muscles aren't some kind of technology! They're my mother's!
794.
I immediately sent an indignant message to Weng Sui: "Look at what the internet has become like now! Morals are declining, and people's hearts are no longer as they used to be! There's even a popular video saying I'm a mutant!"
Weng Sui's response was even more infuriating than the video itself: "Why don't you consider going to X Academy for a free meal? Maybe you can even get an official mutant ID."
I was so angry I almost sent her a barrage of eye-rolling emojis: "Do you think you're so funny? I only saw the miserable plight of a poor swordsman with nowhere to go!"
Weng Sui: "No, I just think you are a good fit."
I took a deep breath, told myself I couldn't stand up to her, and turned to watch another video. But then another trending video came up: "Supermarket God's True Identity Revealed: New York's Strongest Delivery Driver?!"
This title is outrageous, even more ridiculous than the mutant theory.
795.
I clicked on it with mixed feelings, and found that this video was not a serious analysis, but a complete mashup of weird things.
The background music is the classic "Running in the 90s". In the video, Weng Sui and I are standing on the wreckage of an alien mothership. We are photoshopped into yellow delivery boy uniforms and carrying a huge insulated box on our backs with the words "Delivery in 3 minutes, compensation for overtime" written on it.
The climax of the video is the scene where I carry a nuclear bomb and fly towards the Chirita mothership. The subtitle reads: "Even if it's a nuclear bomb, it must be delivered on time!"
...You know what, it's actually quite interesting! But it's still ridiculous!
796.
I opened the comments section to see if anyone was sober, and found that the first hot comment was:
"This delivery guy is really good at what he does. Can he come to my house and deliver food?"
Second one: "Thank you for your hard work, Supermarket God! How do I place an order?"
The second one: "It is recommended that the Avengers start an official collaboration to create 'Super Hero Express'."
I:"……"
I quietly exited the video, telling myself that I could only stay sane by staying away from the internet.
797.
But fate would not let me rest in peace.
The next day, even the news media joined in on the outrageous revelry.
I just opened my phone and saw a serious financial news report: "Recently, a mysterious figure codenamed 'Supermarket God of War' has become a hot topic around the world. Some netizens have suggested that if she founded an instant delivery company, it could completely change the industry landscape..."
I'm even going to start a company???
What’s even more outrageous is that our little group was in an uproar.
Barbara: (Tweets a news link) "You're in the headlines again."
Dick: "Wow, 'Supermarket God of War'? Sounds pretty energetic."
Jason: "Haha ..., Gotham Express, let's check it out. Can we consider letting you take over purchasing for the Batcave?"
Damian: “.”
Tim: (with a photoshopped image of the Wayne Group Express logo) "If you're planning to start a business, I can help you plan your marketing strategy."
I gritted my teeth and said, "Just wait until I get back, and see if I..."
Jason: "Oh? You don't what?" (with a supermarket war god emoji)
…
798.
Hold on, don't hit your brother. Domestic violence is wrong.
I angrily closed the group chat and was about to go make a cup of tea to calm down when my phone vibrated twice again.
——This time it’s Weng Sui.
As the incident unfolded, she created several new accounts for herself, posting videos of herself (pretending to be a fake) reading comments and occasionally performing axe juggling. Her follower count skyrocketed overnight, and she managed the accounts to great success.
Weng Sui: "Someone just added me and said they're the marketing manager of a food delivery platform and they want to invite us to be brand ambassadors."
I:"……?"
Weng Sui: "There's also a shipping company asking if you'd be willing to help them launch a satellite into space."
I:"???"
Weng Sui: "Also, a well-known supermarket wants to launch a co-branded quick-deal shopping bag for you. They've even got the slogan ready: 'Supermarket God of War, One Step Ahead.'"
I threw my phone directly into the crack of the sofa, refusing to accept the absurd reality of this world.
799.
Just as I was trying to physically block the internet, the TV at home started playing urgent news.
"We interviewed Mr. Tony Stark, the renowned entrepreneur and superhero Iron Man, about the recent 'Supermarket God of War' phenomenon."
The scene cuts to a reporter interviewing someone. Stark, wearing sunglasses, looks nonchalant. "Oh, you mean those two mysterious guys? They're quite interesting, especially the one flying with the nuclear bomb."
Reporter: "What do you think of their abilities?"
Stark shrugged. "I hope they're not delivery people, or my pizza might be thrown directly into my living room."
?????
This person just can't stand seeing me doing well, right?
800.
I couldn't stand it anymore and decided to go to Weng Sui to discuss how to reduce the heat.
Before I could even open my mouth, she asked innocently, "Did you know that several professors in Columbia University's psychology department recently held a seminar on the impact of 'mysterious hero identity' on individual psychological stress?'"
“…What does this have to do with me?”
Weng Sui pushed his gold-rimmed glasses and said, "They want to invite you to be a research subject."
I:"……"
This world is still too crazy.
My lifelong reputation... is about to be ruined.
Fortunately, my sister used a sleight of hand, otherwise I would see my face flying around on the Internet every day... Hey - I get goosebumps!
Then a group of people came and went against the previous group, talking about everything from cultivating immortals to social issues, mutants, technology and so on, trying to make the already muddy water even more muddy.
801.
The netizens were happy, the world was at peace, the factory was flooded with orders, but I was the only one who was ridiculed by the other e-sword cultivators.
Yes, although they couldn't recognize my face, they did recognize my sword! Because they were all defeated by my sword Qie Man. According to my fellow junior sister, they would watch the video over and over again every time they lost, and they could even remember every single line on Qie Man clearly.
Now they often use the emoticon package of my sword being defined as a flying vehicle in the group, and there are even "same" products with photos of my sword on pdd and tb!
There are no endless reports, no way to report them all. As soon as you eliminate one, ten more appear!
Enough! I say enough!
Wait a minute! Your reputation has been severely damaged! Fortunately, you don't have a sword spirit. Thank yourself again. Otherwise, wouldn't you have run away from home in anger?
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