A clear conscience, clear right and wrong, black and white
Qian Jianjun thought for a moment and answered frankly, "It's not just that, it also includes care and protection, but the specific manifestations are indeed as you said."
"If that's the case, I think..." Liu Che weighed his words carefully, speaking slowly, "You're the primary party at fault! I apologize for using such words. I don't mean to condemn you, and you probably didn't do it intentionally, but the truth is, it was you who caused all of this."
"It's okay, please speak frankly. If it's my fault, I will definitely change it!" If possible, Qian Jianjun is still willing to save this endangered marriage, especially under the influence of the memories just now, all the good things about Mei Rugu are still lingering in his heart.
"Simply put, according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the highest level of need is self-actualization. I won't go into the specifics. The hallmark of a lack of self-actualization is a feeling of emptiness driving your life, a need to fulfill what a human being should do. In a relationship, this means loving someone in your own way! This includes earning money to support them, pampering them, and so on. You'll find satisfaction in these ways of showing love, just like a philanthropist donating money to help others."
After a theoretical exposition, Liu Che gave Qian Jianjun a brief pause, seemingly gathering his thoughts, before continuing, "These methods are what you consider love, but they aren't what your wife approves of, so she rejects them. This leaves your needs unmet. On the other hand, your ways of expressing your affection not only fail to make your wife feel the sweetness of love, but may even backfire by increasing her sense of crisis."
"Oh? Why is that?"
"This is all due to the power of entertainment and publicity! Every day, we see men despise their wives after achieving career success, as if anything less than this doesn't prove their success. So, how many wives behind every successful man don't feel a sense of crisis?"
"Is it really that powerful? Are they just blindly following others' advice and lacking their own judgment?"
"Not to mention the pervasive power of public opinion, the very binding force of morality itself relies heavily on public opinion. However, people's thirst for novelty and excessive publicity have allowed some unethical behavior to constantly surface. While there has been symbolic verbal and written criticism, it eventually becomes commonplace. This isn't just about the emotional aspect. For example, film and television, to maintain gripping plots, create countless desperate counterattacks and comebacks, making low-probability events abound. Little do people realize that desperate battles and desperate attempts are recorded in history because of their rarity, while the vast majority of others end in failure. Yet, people are subtly conditioned to believe that miracles will always happen. If tragedy does occur, who is to blame? Sorry, I digress!"
"No, no, what you said makes a lot of sense and I have benefited a lot from it!" Qian Jianjun thanked him sincerely.
"Let's get back to the emotional aspect. It's your psychological needs and the reality of your situation that have caused your wife to feel completely insecure in her relationship life. That's why she argues with you over trivial matters and groundless suspicions. It's like a child crying to get their parents' attention, or even to reassure them that they still love them."
"You're right. Whether subjectively or objectively, the root of the problem seems to be me..." Liu Che's words eroded Qian Jianjun's rock-solid confidence like a wave, and he began to doubt himself. Then he looked at Liu Che expectantly, seeking an answer. "What should I do?"
"Try to change, love in a different way, a way she can accept, and give her enough sense of security, and it will be a virtuous cycle."
Without more information, Liu Che only gave a rough outline. Even this rough outline caused Qian Jianjun to think for a long time.
The rationality that followed was like a gust of wind, blowing away the dense foam that had just accumulated from longing, revealing the bitter and bursting clarity like Italian espresso.
Qian Jianjun expressed his difficulties and doubts in a deep voice, "I've tried many times and have tried to communicate, but I think there's another very important problem between us: she prioritizes her career over her relationship. As you said, the need for self-actualization, I have that need, and so does she. Her career is above all else! To touch her career would be like touching her weak spot."
"That's possible. Most modern women don't want to be subordinate to men. It's normal for them to want their own space and recognition. This requires compromise and concessions. Aren't things as small as relationships between men and women and as big as national politics all the product of compromise?"
Liu Che said the word "compromise" lightly, but what Qian Jianjun heard was a hysterical cry from the bottom of his heart - "I've had enough of compromise? I can't compromise anymore!"
So he took advantage of Liu Che's topic and asked, "But if we really can't compromise, won't there be war, breakup, and divorce?"
"Yes, if you're sure you can't compromise, then letting go is the best option! But are you sure? Are you sure your judgment is correct? Are you sure your wife's pursuit of a career is due to self-realization, and not a form of self-protection due to a lack of security?"
Liu Che's question made Qian Jianjun deeply feel the power of gentleness.
He was silent again.
The ticking sound of the watch broke the continuous silence into pieces and made it last longer.
"I'm not sure!"
Qian Jianjun said these words very tiredly, as if he had used up all his strength.
Liu Che did not respond and continued to wait with the ticking sound.
Finally, the spinning of the clockwork gave Qian Jianjun enough courage to continue speaking his mind. "No, I wasn't sure at all! It's my fault. I'm used to making judgments, decisions, and then firmly executing them! I always believed that my judgment was correct, and I've lost the patience to assume that I'm wrong. So it's very likely that your inference is correct, and then I've misunderstood her all along!"
But the gentle Liu Che didn't stop at Qian Jianjun's depth. "Not only that, but it's probably not just your wife who's been affected by public opinion, but you yourself as well. Do you also think that you're so successful, that not having cheated on your wife or had a mistress is already a great achievement? So deep down, you think you've given so much to your relationship and family, so even if there's a compromise, it should be your wife, right?"
Qian Jianjun nodded woodenly, prompting Liu Che to take a step further. "I think these are the reasons why your communication has been fruitless. Of course, there are deeper reasons."
"Deeper level?" Qian Jianjun looked up at Liu Che, his bright star-like eyes filled with doubts.
"Yes, the deeper reason is that you have cheated!"
Liu Che's playful smile made Qian Jianjun realize that perhaps the other party already knew about the entanglement between him and Xue Jiuyue.
"I do like Xiaoyue, but that was after my wife and I registered for divorce! I shouldn't have pursued Xiaoyue during the divorce cooling-off period, but my relationship with my wife had indeed broken down before Xiaoyue!" Qian Jianjun tried to clarify the facts.
Liu Che's professionalism helped him suppress his turbulent emotions. Simply smoothing his bangs concealed the violent throbbing of his heart. His tone still lingered a hint of excitement, but it also seemed to be driven by an eagerness to explain. "No, it's not just with Xiaoyue. What I mean by infidelity is actually much broader. Before you met Xiaoyue, for example, when you tried to pamper your wife in your own way and were rejected, did you have no sense of boundaries with those around you, especially the opposite sex? This included an intense desire to show off, gifts, and so on."
Liu Che still only sketched a rough outline, but Qian Jianjun filled in the details in his mind one by one.
"I, I..." When it came to the most inner privacy, even someone as frank as Qian Jianjun trembled.
"You don't have to say it out loud. The answer is in your heart! And this has nothing to do with right or wrong, or morality. It's a normal psychological need that should be met. I just want to help you find a solution."
"Yes, yes, you're right. The key is how to solve it! I find the method you just mentioned very difficult. Even though I understand my psychological problems and the objective reasons, I still find it extremely difficult to reconcile with my wife! After all, a three-foot-thick ice doesn't form overnight! What's more, I was really hurt too deeply in the previous quarrel. I'm scared! Whenever I think back to the quarrel scene, it's no exaggeration to say that I shudder! The thought of meeting her is like taking an exam when I was a kid! I'm a tall and strong man, and I've seen all kinds of storms, but I'm so scared of her, it makes me feel suffocated just thinking about it!"
At first, Qian Jianjun was still seeking a solution, but as he spoke, he turned into an emotional complaint. Soon, this complaint, mixed with anger, was poured out by Qian Jianjun. "Honestly, just now, when I recalled our previous relationship, I missed it so much and felt so guilty. You said it was my fault, and I admit it, and I want to change! But when I think about the previous arguments, when I think about having to face these endless arguments... I, I, I don't even want to distinguish right from wrong anymore. Even if I am criticized by thousands of people, I just want to get rid of it! I want to breathe, I want to live!"
Liu Che discerned the truth from the excitement, calmed himself, and offered his advice frankly. "Before, I tried to persuade you to compromise. After all, marriage isn't easy. And I can sense that you still have deep feelings for your wife! But through your description, I can also deeply feel your pain. Especially now that you've been free for more than ten days, asking you to face it again or forcing you to do anything would be too much to ask and might even backfire. So my advice is..."
The answer should have been on the tip of his tongue, but Liu Che hesitated, as if to be mysterious, to keep the question in suspense, or to be undecided. Finally, he raised his right hand and stroked it across his broad, bright forehead again. Then, with all his strength, he said, "I have a clear conscience!"
"Have a clear conscience?!" This answer was too abstract, so Qian Jianjun couldn't grasp it for a moment.
"My brain told me what to do, and I tried my best! My heart told me what to do, and I tried my best too! This way, I have a clear conscience. As for the outcome, I'll leave it to fate!"
When Liu Che uttered the last few words, even a gentle man like him showed signs of fatigue. He leaned back in the seat, looking for support.
"Follow reason to make the most necessary and correct judgment, strive for it, and work hard, but also follow your inner feelings and choose a way of life that makes you happier and more fulfilled. In this way, no matter what the outcome, you can accept it calmly and feel at ease. Is that right?" Many doubts were suddenly cleared up, and Qian Jianjun's voice sounded cheerful.
"That's basically it! Marriage is about relationships; neither right nor wrong nor reason can bring happiness!" Liu Che smiled gently once again. His dark eyes, set against his slightly pale face, held a mystical air in Qian Jianjun's eyes.
All the goals had been achieved, and Qian Jianjun began to chat with Liu Che for a while on the topic of history and philosophy. Before leaving, Qian Jianjun said something nonchalantly.
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