She cried and wondered why she was only concerned with hatred at that time, and why she was only concerned with immersing herself in her own sorrow and couldn't get out, and why she didn't think about being better to herself and him.
She cried because she was an oiran but refused to accept her fate, and had to remember in her dreams at midnight that she was the daughter of an honest family. She cried because of the surname she no longer dared to acknowledge.
She cried because her parents and brothers left her one after another, but she didn't even have anyone to talk to. She looked around and felt alone. She cried why she was still hating, hating why some people could be so comfortable and at ease missing the so-called prosperity and wealth.
——"Second, this war lasted for seven years from the seventh year of Xuanhe to the fifth year of Jianyan. Although the Song Dynasty suffered countless casualties and lost thousands of miles of territory, the Song Dynasty would eventually win and the Jin Dynasty would lose!"
Her crying became louder and louder, more and more reckless, and more and more heartbreaking.
She cried because the city of Bianjing, which she once loved so much, was overturned and destroyed under the iron hoofs of the Jin people, and the prosperity in her childhood memories was gone forever.
She cried for the delicious candies that she could no longer eat even though she had money, and for the days and nights when she had to lie on the ground, not daring to sleep or make a sound, watching her brother fall down step by step.
She cried that she, who loved beauty and cleanliness so much, had escaped death several times, and cried that she had become a lonely ghost. She cried that all her relatives had passed away and she had no home to ask about life and death, and she cried that she had dreamed of piles of bones and heads that could not close their eyes every night.
——"Third, no matter how many difficulties and obstacles there are, I will not change my mind and will not give up until I defeat Huanglong! I wish this to encourage the world!"
She was choking and could no longer hold on and knelt on the ground. The tears that had been suppressed in her heart since the Jingkang Incident burst out.
Through her tearful eyes, she saw herself kneeling before her parents as she had imagined countless times, her parents smilingly choosing a name for her when she came of age. She saw herself in a red wedding dress, her brother sending her to the bridal sedan, her delicate and pretty brother running after the sedan horse.
Her hands tightly grasped the fine silk handkerchief, as if she had once grasped her father's beard, her mother's black hair, her brother's sleeves, and her brother's little hand, and she was holding the "Analects of Confucius" her father bought for her and the "Poetry" that her mother asked her brother to copy for her.
In her own crying, she seemed to hear the cheers of her brother who had passed the imperial examination and was paraded through the streets with flowers in his hair, the whispers of her parents as they cut candles, her father teaching her to write about establishing a mind for the heaven and earth and a destiny for the people, and her mother teaching her to read about a wise ruler, loyal ministers, a kind father, a filial son, brothers who are friendly and respectful to each other, and affection between husband and wife.
She cried for her relatives whom she could never save and the past that she could never get back. She cried for the seventeen years she had lived, half of which she had spent learning loyalty to the emperor, patriotism, morality and righteousness from her parents, and the other half of which she had spent hating the emperor and his subjects, and sacrificing her life for justice.
"Mrs. He."
"...Mrs. He?"
She raised her head and helped the maid to stand up. It was a familiar young man calling her. Song Wanru wiped her tears reluctantly and heard him persuade her: "Madam He is not a local... Most of these are Guanxi people who died in the battle of Yaoshan. Madam, don't be sad, probably... probably just a coincidence of names."
Just a duplicate name.
It's just a duplicate name.
Song Wanru patted the little maid who was glaring at her with red eyes, and thanked him gently for his advice. She did not participate in the subsequent rituals and left here exhausted. The maid was still angry, and when there were fewer people, she couldn't help asking her why she was not angry.
Why? Song Wanru smiled, because she knew what she had been waiting for in the past few years, and she had finally gotten what she had been waiting for.
——To establish one's mind and destiny, to inherit lost knowledge and bring peace, isn't that the meaning of reading the books of sages? The young officials must lead the whole court to do the future. If the young officials can do this, the world will get better and better in the future.
When Song Wanru said this, the maid was surprised to see her smiling with nostalgia. She had never seen such an expression before. She had only seen her own wife's slightly frowned brows when she looked at the sparse bamboo outside the window, her stunned look when she lowered her head to grind ink, and the sadness that could not be wiped away even if she was talking and laughing.
The maid had always felt that the lady was like a fairy from Journey to the West, as if she was very far away and would leave at any time. The maid didn't understand what the lady said, but her eyes suddenly became hot from her smile and she almost cried again. She rubbed her eyes hurriedly and stretched out her hand to hand over something as if trying to escape. It was the white jade hairpin: "The tall servant just threw it back."
Song Wanru was stunned for a moment, then she turned around and saw only the excited pedestrians who had watched the Yuetai Grand Sacrifice. The maid held the jade hairpin and muttered, "That servant is so tall. I have seen the Prince of Yan'an before, but he is just older than him. I think the Prince of Yan'an is a man who can eat three cows in one meal and pull out willow trees. No wonder that servant could hold those two people hostage..."
"Holding?"
"Indeed, he was holding her hostage. My lady didn't notice it just now, but I saw it clearly..."
The maid saw the lady looking at her, her eyes were full of teasing, and she stopped talking awkwardly. Song Wanru thought that her story about the "three cows" was a bit funny, and then she thought of the man's face.
Wang Zhongfu.
Song Wanru gently repeated the name, Wang Zhongfu. She remembered that her father had once taught her the Book of Changes, and pointed to the "Zhongfu Xinye" in the Book of Changes. He said, "Remember it, remember it." Zhongfu Zhongfu, I heard that those standing there today are all students from the Imperial College and the Military College. People with such names must have ancestors who are good at writing. But why did she hand over this jade hairpin in a panic?
It was several years later that Song Wanru thought of the little servant she had only seen briefly. After the Mid-Autumn Festival, the officials began to implement the previously rumored release of court concubines. Regular customers came to visit and asked if she was included in the list. It was easy to get naturalized in this matter, but it was difficult to get out. But Song Wanru replied that she was.
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