Unexpectedly, my sister looked around and said expressionlessly, "Do you think I really want to go?"
Her elder sister had always been the princess of the Song Dynasty praised by everyone, as if she had walked out of countless words praising the royal ladies. This was the first time Shenyou saw her elder sister so clearly express an emotion that "should not" exist. She looked up in surprise, and her elder sister had already taken the lead in lifting her skirt and stepping over the threshold. She was still the demure, beautiful, filial and loving princess.
Shenyou lost his concentration at this moment.
There is a saying among the people that at the age of five or six, a child is always a troublemaker, and at the age of seven or eight, even dogs hate him. Shenyou and his sister were just "young girls" in the eyes of the Zhao Song officials. No one had ever made him experience what it means to be hated by dogs. Shenyou didn't know why others did that. She was just afraid. She was afraid of her father. But she also admired her sister. That kind of dependence and endless trust seemed to be a mark flowing in her blood.
She had believed that her sister would not abandon her before, and now she would not abandon her even more - she suddenly felt an indescribable joy. She knew that only she, Zhao Shenyou, had seen this side of her sister, the undisguised, ordinary side.
But it soon became a different matter. The one who took away her privileges was her elder sister's husband, Yue Yun, the eldest son of Yue Jiedu.
After Foyou and Shenyou were married, both consorts trained in martial arts for a year or two, first Yue Yun and then Wu Fu. Shenyou didn't know what this meant at first, and her sister didn't seem to realize it either. However, this "unconsciousness" soon became Shenyou's fantasy. She heard with her own ears how her sister secretly and tactfully inquired about Yue Jiedu and the consort, and about her father's attitude, and she also saw with her own eyes how her sister and her future consort sat opposite each other, one shy but honest and sincere, the other generous but with a keen sense of cunning.
"They are a good match," Shenyou said, carefully paying attention to her sister's expression. But her sister held her in her arms and asked for a long time if she wanted to meet Wu Fu as well, or write a letter like her sister.
Shenyou refused.
She hated everything that required her to interact with others, and she especially hated being touched by men, including her father. Probably the only person she didn't hate was her sister. No one knew why, and no one thought of caring why. It was just a trivial quirk of the high-ranking Princess Zhao Song. Shenyou didn't know why she had to get married, and she didn't know how she and her sister ended up with princes-in-law, and even her younger sister who stumbled when she walked. She had heard her sister read to her the biography of Princess Taiping in the New Book of Tang. She had never thought of gaining power like Taiping, but she wanted to avoid getting married under the pretext of practicing Taoism like Taiping did - Shenyou really wanted to be a lay Buddhist who practiced Taoism.
It stands to reason that as Daddy gets older, fewer and fewer people will go against his wishes. But after Daddy was surprised to hear that she was definitely interested in Buddhism, he just frowned at the scriptures on her desk. When my sister later thought about it and wondered why she was not afraid of Daddy getting angry, Shenyou answered firmly, I knew he wouldn't.
The elder sister was holding Yue Yun's letter in her hand. She was stunned for a moment before she reacted and praised her for being quite insightful.
Of course she understood. She knew that her father would not care about such a trivial matter. It was just a matter of meditating and reading one or two volumes of scriptures, not becoming a nun in a shocking way. Just like in the future, as long as she did not make a big fuss about getting married or getting divorced, her father would probably not care whether she and her husband were deeply in love or had different dreams. The marriage was arranged by the parents and the matchmaker. Princess Zhao Song and the generals and nobles, or even Jin Shenyou, seemed to be luckier. Now that her father's authority was growing, she at least did not need to worry about being virtuous until death under the nitpicking of famous ministers and virtuous people like Princess Yongshou and Princess Chongde. She only needed to marry and live a life of joy or sorrow like thousands of couples who got married blindly and dumbly, and as her father wished, she would add icing on the cake to the overall situation of the world that he only cared about.
But she was just a little bit unwilling...it wasn't even unwilling, it could only be described as a feeling of helplessness and sadness.
Wu Fu was not as good as Yue Yunru, the military commander of Yue Jiedu, nor was he as good as Han Yanzhi (the proposed consort of Yiyou, the eldest son of Han Shizhong), who was a son of a noble family. He was like most of the yamen, not very good, but not that bad either. There were some criticisms that reached his ears, and some even said that this was the reason why the second princess had always been the least noticeable in front of the emperor, and that everything was determined by fate.
Everything is determined by fate. We have no control over it. We have to accept God’s blessing.
She had to admit that her sister was really in love with the prince consort, and Yiyou was really peaceful and happy together until old age, but she was the only one who treated them with respect, like an icy guest. There was nothing wrong with Wu Fu, but even though he inherited his father's tactfulness and delicacy, he could not understand the princess's hidden but unconcealable resistance and indifference, and he did not understand her tossing and turning and loneliness for many years.
Shenyou didn't know whether his father and the two queens had noticed it or not. After a few years, only Chengping's mother (Empress Dowager Wei) had privately and semi-explicitly said it once during the New Year's Day that this was somewhat inappropriate and that your uncle must be a pillar of support that the government could use.
At the New Year's Eve banquet, everyone was talking and laughing, but this sentence was like a blow to the head, directly and rudely knocking out what she was unwilling to admit - she was wrong, and any reason was hers. Shenyou was in the warm hall, next to her was her husband who was accustomed to her gloomy expression, but she seemed to be standing alone on the white ground, with ice and snow biting her bones, and no one to rely on.
Those who know me say that I am worried, those who don't know me say that I am asking for something. Her wandering eyes subconsciously found her sister's figure, until she didn't know when her sister pulled her away from the table. Just like when she was a child, when she couldn't stand the countless times when her face turned purple in the crowd, her sister took her along the deserted path and walked aimlessly forward.
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