44 I feel sick when I see her
Song Hanjun looked at her in surprise, with a puzzled look in his eyes, obviously not understanding how Su Tang knew about his illness.
"Did Ding Xiumin tell you?"
Su Tang shook his head.
"I'm just guessing. Yuan Chiye said I'm very accurate at fortune-telling. Do you believe it?"
Su Tang's expression was relaxed and his tone was cheerful, but Song Hanjun couldn't smile at all.
"It's not funny."
"Don't worry about how I know this. I can help you cure this disease, but I need you to cooperate with me."
Song Hanjun was silent for a moment.
"Why help me?"
"Because if you withdraw, our group will definitely lose. Several people on the team are ranked in the lower tier. If we lose this performance, most of them will be eliminated. Therefore, you are very important."
Su Tang's eyes sparkled, and for a moment, Song Hanjun felt that he was really important.
The corners of his mouth twitched.
"You are too naive. It cannot be cured."
He has been in the psychiatric ward for the past two years with no progress.
He thought about it and decided that participating in the talent show was to give himself a chance and also to say goodbye to himself on the stage. No one knew how much he loved the stage, but he still couldn't overcome it.
Su Tang patted his chest.
"How can we know if we don't try? There's still a month until the first official performance. We can take our time and give up if we can't cure it."
Song Hanjun looked at Su Tang's confident expression and suddenly couldn't say no.
Sometimes, people who are terminally ill have no choice but to hold on to their last hope and try their best to save the dying horse.
"How can I cure it? I feel sick just looking at you, and my fingers are shaking. Your presence will only make my condition worse. And you still want to cure me? Even the top psychiatrists have said that I have a severe traumatic reaction to women..."
As Song Hanjun was speaking, he suddenly realized something and opened his eyes wide.
His intense reaction to Su Tang only proves that Su Tang is a girl.
He then gave Su Tang a formal glance.
"Ridiculous! I thought my condition had worsened and I was starting to have a traumatic reaction to sissy boys. I didn't expect you to be..."
Song Hanjun didn't say the word "girl". He just felt it was strange and became more curious about Su Tang.
She has fair skin, a well-proportioned body, a pair of peach blossom eyes that are as bright as stars, and her pupils are also light amber.
It is hard to imagine a girl, disguised as a man, working hard among boys, and facing the blackmail of the entire network. He still remembers clearly how Yuan Chiye led Class F to target her.
He really didn't understand what Su Tang was trying to do.
Su Tang didn't notice what Song Hanjun was thinking.
Since Song Hanjun had guessed it, she admitted it openly.
"We do have something in common. We are all people who live with masks on. I know how you feel. I know what it feels like to be imprisoned by fear."
She pointed to her bra.
"I love the stage as much as you do, and I also hope to work hard on it, but every day I worry about being discovered and all my efforts going to waste. It's not a pleasant feeling,"
She smiled.
"So I can understand you. We are the same kind."
Song Hanjun's eyes flashed.
What Su Tang said was far-fetched, but the sincerity in her eyes unexpectedly touched him.
Although after knowing that Su Tang was a girl, his disgust in his heart increased several times,
But what was rare was that Su Tang's unreasonableness made him willing to listen to her.
Normally, he would gag if he spoke to a girl.
Perhaps he was shocked by Su Tang's identity as a girl, so his illness was delayed and he started to have severe shortness of breath again.
"No, I feel like vomiting again, you stand outside the door and talk."
Su Tang “…”
In order not to cause a violent reaction from Song Hanjun, she walked to the door obediently and said seriously,
"I think I can help you. You can get used to my presence first, and then face other women step by step."
"What kind of method is this?"
Su Tang had many friends in the circle before, and one of them was a female singer who was also afraid of water because her mother drowned.
After treatment, he gradually recovered.
There are many such cases, and generally speaking, the patient's cooperation is still required.
"This is called exposure therapy. It fights fire with fire. The more you fear something, the more you need to adapt to it. Simply avoiding it will only lead to stagnation and won't improve your condition at all."
Su Tang's words made perfect sense.
If Song Hanjun hadn't felt like he was about to suffocate, he would have almost believed it.
"It's useless... Now I feel sick when I hear you talking, ugh~"
Su Tang was surprised to hear Song Hanjun's violent reaction.
"No, your reaction just now wasn't that big."
Song Hanjun weakly grasped the guardrail of the hospital bed, powerless.
"Who knows, sometimes good, sometimes bad."
"Are we still vomiting even through the door?"
"Um,"
"What are you thinking about when you feel like throwing up?"
Song Hanjun was silent for a moment, and suddenly remembered the scene that had been entangled for a long time. He confessed,
"The splattered blood, the noisy crowd, those gray eyes, and the overwhelming scolding voices. All I hear are these sounds. It's so annoying that I want to vomit..."
The more Song Hanjun talked, the more he felt he couldn't breathe. The scene kept repeating itself.
"No, this feeling is getting stronger with every word you say."
Su Tang thought about it and thought that it was most likely the scene when the female bassist committed suicide. Isn't this a typical trauma flashback?
"How do you feel now?"
"My heart was beating fast, my vision was blurry, and I felt like I was dying."
Su Tang never thought that Song Hanjun would be so upset.
"Then you should take a break and relax, empty your mind, and stop thinking too much."
Song Hanjun's face was pale, and he closed his eyes.
A long time passed, and just when Song Hanjun thought Su Tang had left,
He completely relaxed.
Suddenly, Su Tang's voice came from outside again.
“I heard your previous band was a rock band?”
Su Tang leaned against the edge of the door frame and moved his numb feet.
"Is there any significance in the name Ember?"
Song Hanjun's tense nerves twitched slightly. He didn't know why Su Tang's topic spanned such a wide range. However, when he suddenly thought of the band back then, his expression softened.
"Embers, even after being burned out, still retain a spark. At the beginning, we all thought that as long as we burned and retained the original dream, it would still shine even if it turned to ashes."
As he spoke, a trace of pain flashed across Song Hanjun's eyes.
"Now that I think about it, everyone knew the ending from the beginning. This word seems to just remind me that the past glory is only the past, and the embers can no longer burn into a blazing flame."
Su Tang smiled.
"Is there a possibility that this is a reminder to you that no matter what, you should cherish the beauty in front of you,"
Song Hanjun was stunned for a moment, and suddenly felt that it made some sense.
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