Chapter 11 Talented Awkward Player
Over the next few days, Meng Weishen's private messages were flooded with messages from men of all genders and orientations. It was as if he had stumbled into a public bathhouse and had been offered countless free opportunities to admire male genitalia.
He had heard about the openness of the gay community, but he had never expected it to be this open. These guys were practically greeting each other by showing nude photos, and the things in the photos were extremely ugly, so he didn't know how that could promote any relationship.
...No, buddy, we agreed that most users were female! The lie that all the sisters are gay is a lie!
Meng Wei was so angry that he uninstalled the Xiaodigu software. The world finally returned to relative peace, with only Qin Shihuang's singing voice showing day and night.
After leaving his job, Kuang Jia still didn't change his leadership habits. Less than a week after he posted the message, Kuang Jia came to have dinner with him and asked about the progress of his blind date.
Meng Weishen's blind date progressed to zero. He felt extremely guilty and could only report the situation honestly.
When Kuang Jia heard that his private message had become a gay gang den, she found it strange and decided to check out his little sweet potato ID in person.
After this work inspection, Kuang Jia raged at him: "Then let me ask you! Meng Weishen, don't you consider the atmosphere when choosing photos? Atmosphere!"
Meng Weishen hesitated and asked, "Is there something wrong with the photo I chose?"
The first photo was taken when he was an exchange student at Imperial College London. There was an LGBT movement across the street and a rainbow flag was flying in the background.
The second photo was taken in the mirror after exercising. The body lines after exercise are particularly clear, which is quite deceptive.
The third photo was taken at Stefanie Sun’s concert. Everyone was dressed warmly and the picture looked the most normal. He still doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it.
Kuang Jia was too lazy to talk to him, so she snatched his phone away and quickly deleted all the photos he had posted. She told him to honestly upload his work license plate and master's graduation photo, with the title "Straight men, no homosexuals allowed."
Kuang Jia's transformation was indeed effective. That night, Meng Weishen received several new replies. The other party's homepage was full of pictures of studying for the civil service exam and Lingna Belle's daily life, so the gender was most likely female.
[Qiu Yun] Please look at me, poster. I work in HR in Beijing, I'm 27 years old, and I'm planning to get married soon. I think you have all the right qualities. Could I ask about your family situation?
Meng Weishen replied honestly: My parents divorced when I was very young. I rarely saw my father and have always lived with my mother. My mother is a high school Chinese teacher. She is currently retired and has been re-employed. She has a decent income, but she has a strong personality.
He waited a long time for the other party's reply, and thought that the blind date post was doomed, so he busied himself with giving his dog a bath.
After a bath, Qin Shi Huang was surprisingly silent in the middle of the night, not even a single cry. Meng Weishen had already tucked himself into his pillow, but he felt uneasy. He left the bedroom to investigate and, as expected, found Qin Shi Huang vomiting. Green, sticky specks of vomit covered the sofa, doghouse, and coffee table.
Qin Shi Huang had been a diabetes experimental dog, and his health was already plagued by numerous issues. Meng Weishen didn't dare delay, so he immediately took the dog to a 24-hour veterinary hospital for an IV drip.
Naturally, he forgot about blind date posts and men's bronze and silver parties.
By the time Qin Shi Huang's condition stabilized, Meng Weishen felt like his bones were falling apart, unable to connect to the lower body. He collapsed on a bench at the veterinary hospital, finally having time to check the Little Potato app.
A red dot with 999+ new messages suddenly popped up at the bottom of the screen.
Meng Weishen was so frightened that he quickly sat up straight, and then he prepared himself mentally before clicking on the details of the blind date post.
Among the more than 1,000 comments, two of them received more likes than his post. And the comments were already fighting each other:
[Freud] Ladies, be discerning when looking for a partner. Don't assume the poster is so good that you can snag a bargain. Men from single-parent families are often psychopathic, especially when the poster's mother is in a high-risk profession like a high school teacher. It's common for the poster to have an Oedipus complex. Don't forget that the murderer Wu Xieyu also had a family situation very similar to the poster's, raised by a controlling, single-parent teacher mother.
[Girls only please themselves] Are there people who actually believe the poster's words? This post is clearly a way to divert traffic to a scam app. Within a few days, the poster will start recommending dating apps, claiming to offer high-quality dating resources and zero entry requirements. They then trick you into paying for membership and the contact information of attractive men and beautiful women, but it's all fake. I work in a neighborhood office, and I've seen this scam countless times.
Netizens spontaneously formed a People's Tribunal and began to judge the case online. The two groups argued fiercely over whether Meng Weishen was a murderer or a fraudster.
Meng Weishen quickly scanned the comments and felt his head explode. He wanted to explain that he hadn't committed murder or fraud, that he was a good friend of the dog and a good employee of the company, but he didn't know what evidence to provide, so he simply chose to uninstall the software a second time.
When Kuang Jia came to inspect the work for the second time, Meng Weishen had been reported by enthusiastic netizens and banned from posting new messages on Xiaodigu for seven days, which happened to be during the Chinese New Year.
Seeing that Meng Weishen's pre-holiday blind date ended in failure, Kuang Jia didn't know where to vent her anger and could only lash out at everyone with sexual insults:
"Meng Weishen, if you can't talk, just shut up. You're always making people angry when you open your mouth! Of course, most netizens who like to read emotional posts are stupid and like to spread rumors and meddle in other people's affairs! The Little Digu software is even worse. It uses cryptic advertising to attract traffic every day, making even normal people suspicious!"
Meng Weishen quickly reassured him: "It's okay, Boss. I can register a new account on Xiaodigu, or try a few more platforms to cast a wider net."
"Forget it, you're too dumb to be on the internet. Nowadays, netizens are overly aware of fraud and will definitely think you're just playing dumb to commit fraud."
"What else can I do?"
Kuang Jia thought carefully for a long time and made a new blind date plan for him: "You should take the most traditional route first and rely on introductions from acquaintances."
——
Meng Weishen was very grateful to Kuang Jia for introducing him to a blind date. However, the person introduced to him, Ms. Yan Cunrui, had too much of an artistic temperament and was always saying things he couldn't understand, which made him feel very uncomfortable.
Years ago, Yan Cunrui insisted on asking him what his favorite cultural relic was. Meng Weishen pondered for a moment and replied:
"It's the Four Sheep Square Zun, a bronze vessel shaped like four sheep heads. It's square and used to hold wine. Pretty bronze vessels are either used for sacrifice or for holding wine."
Yan Cunrui clapped his fingers exaggeratedly: "My God, Xiao Meng, I'm glad that you also like cultural relics and have your own opinions."
"Actually, it's an illustration from a middle school history textbook. I have a vague impression of it. It was printed in the lesson on bronzeware and oracle bone inscriptions."
"Xiao Meng, you have a really good brain. You still remember everything you learned over ten years ago. You have a great memory. I really admire people who are good at studying."
"It's just an illustration, it's not that hard to remember..."
Yan Cunrui then brought out the main point: "There's a Western Zhou Dynasty-themed auction on New Year's Eve. The organizer has a batch of bronze wine vessels, all of which are in very good condition. What do you think? Since you know so much about bronzes, why don't you come with me?"
Meng Weishen initially declined, citing his absence as a reason to go home for the Lunar New Year. However, Meng Lirong, who was far away, seemed to have developed a telepathic connection and assigned him a task that evening:
"Meng Weishen, you don't have to go home for the Spring Festival this year. Your aunt, uncle, and their families are going to the capital for a trip during the Spring Festival holiday, and you will be responsible for their reception."
Meng Lirong was the eldest sister in the family; she had two younger sisters and a youngest brother. Meng Weishen's two aunts each had two younger sisters after their marriages. Yaozu's uncle got married last year, and his wife had just given birth to their only child, Yaozu. This meant that more than a dozen members of the Meng family had simultaneously descended upon the imperial capital, like a swarm of locusts.
Counting the number of relatives is harder than advanced math problems. Meng Weishen is already starting to have a headache: "What do you mean, you're not coming?"
"I'm saving money to buy you a house, so how can I afford to travel? Don't you know how expensive housing is in Beijing?" Meng Lirong scolded him. "It's inconvenient for your uncle to stay in a hotel with the kids, so he and his family can stay at your house. Is that okay?"
zly
"You're crazy, Mom! Four people are crammed into one bed. Do you want me to sleep in a doghouse or next to someone's wife?"
Meng Lirong seemed to be giving in. "Then you'll be responsible for booking their hotel and travel tickets, and be a good tour guide. You've lived in Beijing for ten years now, so you should act like a big city elite and don't embarrass me in front of your aunt and uncle."
"No, I can pay, but I absolutely won't travel with them. I've almost forgotten the names of my cousins." Meng Weishen's brain raced, and he actually came up with a devious plan. "I'm going on a date with my blind date during the Spring Festival holiday, so I don't have time. Aren't you urging me to get married soon?"
As he expected, Meng Lirong considered his marriage and love life a top priority, slightly more important than his reputation. His mother was truly helpless, muttering, "Remember to show me pictures of the girls."
Thanks to Yan Cunrui, Meng Weishen transformed himself into a bronze ware research expert and attended the New Year's Eve auction with Yan Cunrui on the theme of the Western Zhou Dynasty.
To avoid embarrassing Yan Cunrui, Meng Weishen set aside a large sum from his year-end bonus to buy a cashmere suit and coat from a brand he called "old money." His old sports watch was definitely no longer wearable, so he rented a younger-looking mechanical watch. He also sprayed his hair with several coats of glue and pulled all the loose hair back.
However, that day, Yan Cunrui wore a red dress from a fast-selling brand and even a pair of white sneakers. The only thing she carried was a small Hermès Kelly doll, embodying the relaxed, old-money vibe. She explained that the courtyard house she rented for the auction was near Shichahai, and the sneakers made it easy to stroll along the capital's central axis.
The two of them met at Soong Ching Ling's former residence, and Yan Cunrui naturally took his arm. Meng Weishen tensed one shoulder, and the cuffs of his suit wrinkled, making him feel uncomfortable.
"Xiao Meng, you are dressed differently today. You look very good in this outfit, which surprises me." Yan Cunrui smoothed out the wrinkles on his cuffs.
"Boys should be nicer to themselves and prepare one or two New Year's jerseys."
Meng Weishen showed a reserved smile to Yan Cunrui, always careful not to show his teeth, especially to hide the protruding fang.
Yan Cunrui laughed so hard that she doubled over, almost out of breath. "Xiao Meng, you're so interesting. I really like listening to you. By the way, if you have any treasures you like, be sure to tell me. You're welcome."
Meng Weishen simply couldn't imagine what an ancient bronze vessel would look like displayed in his rental apartment. He figured it would eventually become a teething toy for his beagle.
He still maintained his smile and nodded slightly: "I try to pick ones that look like the ones in the history textbooks. Those that look similar are likely to be the real thing."
"I particularly like boys who are good at studying." Yan Cunrui looked at him with eyes that could be drawn out. "My first boyfriend was your senior at Tsinghua University. His family was very poor, and he would ride a bicycle to date me. He would ride from Tsinghua University to my home, a full ten kilometers. We also often strolled along the Shichahai Sea at that time."
Meng Weishen tried hard to understand what the other person was saying: "Oh, I'm your senior, which means someone who enrolled before me. Riding a bicycle means I didn't take a taxi."
Yan Cunrui flicked her false eyelashes at him a few times, and Meng Weishen felt his whole body was covered with the other's fallen false eyelashes, which was itchy and prickly.
Just as Meng Weishen was about to pretend to check his watch and pull his arm away, he heard a sudden buzzing sound beside his ear. It sounded familiar to him, and he felt that the other person was speaking with an accent from his hometown.
He followed the noise to its source and saw a family of tourists pouring in from Nanluoguxiang. Some were carrying children, some were carrying bags, and some were enjoying Daoxiangcun. Amidst the chaos, a strange order was maintained. The man leading the group, wearing a stand-up collar jacket in the middle of winter, was busy studying a paper map of Beijing.
...Oh no, why does this idiot leader look more and more like his uncle!
The two groups were getting closer and closer, about to pass each other when his uncle spoke first: "Wow, what a coincidence, this is Wei Shen! I was just about to call you to ask, which hotel did you book for us tonight?"
"Hello, uncle." Meng Weishen's smile froze at the corner of his mouth.
"Your mom said you found a girlfriend, so are you shopping with your mother-in-law? Our in-laws are really nice, they dress so young!"
Yan Cunrui's face became darker and darker.
Meng Weishen has experienced countless embarrassing events in his life, but still lost to a relative from his hometown who was a talented and embarrassing player.
He even decided where to bury himself; he just wanted to die right there.
"Sister, I'm going to disappear for a while. Don't wait for me. Go to the auction site." Meng Weishen said with as much sincerity as possible, "I forgot to lock the shared bike I rode from the subway station today. Seriously, I have to go lock it. Besides, I'm about to incur new fares."
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