Chapter 50 Let’s Fall in Love Seriously
At night by the pond, the cries of the deceased's family members took root in the damp soil, and the salty smell of grief lingered in the air. Meng Lirong's curses were drowned out by the sobs on both sides, and only Meng Weishen could hear them.
She scolded him for not having any sense of danger at such a grown man, wondering if he was seeking death and leaving her alone in the world. Meng Weishen accepted it all in silence, and so far it was a good ending. But she then started to bring up the past, scolding him for being heartless. She had clearly raised him all by herself, and he still resented her for divorcing Xu Qingdong, and wanted to avenge her with death.
"Can you please stop mentioning your ex-husband?" Meng Weishen became irritated for no reason. "He did come to Beijing to see me privately before, so what?"
Meng Lirong finally paused, grabbed him and asked, "What did you say?"
"He already has a new wife and new children. If it weren't for the profit, he wouldn't even think of us." Meng Weishen said numbly, "Unlike you. You're the only one who keeps bringing up the past. Haven't you let go of your ex-husband yet?"
Meng Lirong cursed briefly, "Asshole," not knowing if it was directed at Xu Qingdong or him. She turned and walked away. Seeing that he hadn't caught up with her, she breathlessly called out to him, "What are you standing there for? Hurry up and go home for dinner."
The death he had witnessed still weighed heavily on his mind. Meng Weishen had no appetite, so he quickly cleaned the rice from his bowl, treating it as a makeshift meal. When dinner was over, Meng Lirong, as usual, came to clear the greasy dishes, piling them up like a wall. Meng Weishen hesitated for a moment, then followed his mother to the kitchen to help her wash the dishes.
Mother and son each had a sink, back to back. Neither offered to make peace; the only sounds in the kitchen were the rushing of water and the clinking of ceramic and stainless steel.
A crashing sound pierced the silence of the room as a ceramic plate tumbled onto the cement floor. His mother screamed in surprise and suddenly hugged him from behind. The foamy water from her gloves seeped into his T-shirt, leaving a sticky dampness between his ribs.
Meng Weishen froze, only to hear his mother say behind him: "I think of Lanlan. She always wanted to help me wash the dishes before... She was so young, but she was very sensible, more sensible than your aunts and uncles."
"Who is Lanlan?"
"My little sister. Meng Lilan." The other woman sobbed intermittently. "When she passed away, she was no older than today's children. She must have been nine? Or eight? We went to the pond to herd ducks, and I left her alone for a few minutes, and she... I can't swim either. I ran to ask adults for help, but it was too late. We watched her sink."
The painful memory of death struck his heart again. Meng Weishen touched his mother's arm, as a clumsy comfort: "Mom, you're not to blame for the accident. It's too dangerous to let a child go to the pond to chase ducks. Where are grandma and grandpa? Aren't there other adults at home to take care of the ducks?"
"At the time, your grandfather was working in the city, and your grandmother had to farm and look after so many children all by herself. She was simply too busy to handle it. Don't mention this to your grandmother. She has always hated your grandfather. She thinks your grandfather didn't care about the children, which is why Fourth Sister left."
"She...Where is Lanlan buried? I've never heard you mention it, nor have I seen you visit her grave."
"We can't find her grave." Mother shook her head dejectedly. "We buried her in the farmland. There was no tombstone, just a small mound. Later, everyone went to the city to study and work, and we haven't been back to the countryside for decades. Last year, your aunt and I tried to find her, but we couldn't find her."
This ghost died young, her closest relatives unwilling to recall her memory, and she left no photograph or tombstone. All traces of her existence on earth have been erased. Death is not the end of life, but extinction is.
Meng Weishen acted as a quiet listener. When the other person gradually stopped sobbing, he suggested again: "Mom, carve her name on Grandpa's tombstone. From now on, when you visit Grandpa, you will be visiting her."
Meng Lirong stared at his face blankly. "You seem to have matured. Is it because you got married?"
"I'm already 28. You're the only one who thinks I can't make up my mind and have to obey your arrangements in everything."
"I didn't say that," the other person said shyly. "In fact, you're calmer and smarter than me. I know that. I'll consider your advice carefully."
——
The holiday was over, but the Meng family had not yet decided what to engrave on the tombstone.
When she heard that her fourth sister's name would be added to the tombstone, Grandma made a request: she didn't want to be buried with the old man, nor did she want to be buried in a desolate village. She paid for the plot herself and wanted to be neighbors with several old classmates, who had already chosen a cemetery in the city.
This incident scared the children quite a bit, and we probably need to hold a few more family meetings before we can make a final decision.
A group of people went to visit their grandfather's grave. Amidst the endless fields, a solitary mound of earth rose, its companions the sound of the passing wind. The children laid out half a roast chicken, a few mung bean cakes, and opened a bottle of white wine, sprinkling them on the loose soil. As the water stains faded, the crowd dispersed.
Meng Weishen didn't have time to go home and rest. He and Jiang Ranxu had to catch the high-speed train back to Beijing.
Before leaving, Meng Lirong sent him to the station and secretly handed him a red envelope, asking him to pass it on to Jiang Ranxu.
"You insist on settling so far away from home. Your grandma and I can't take care of you, and we don't want you to worry about us. Just take care of yourself."
Meng Weishen was stunned and asked, "Do you agree that I should marry a man?"
"You made this decision yourself, and you should have considered the consequences long ago. I have nothing to say." Mother's face was particularly calm. "Don't worry about what others say. Just live your life well."
The weight of the red envelope was particularly significant. Meng Weishen was in a dilemma whether to accept it or not.
He had thought his mother would strongly oppose his same-sex marriage and beg him to do anything as long as he didn't get together with men. But she actually accepted it and asked him to live a good life with Jiang Ranxu.
Meng Wei was somewhat lost. He didn't know how to handle his relationship with Jiang Ranxu. Their acting was too convincing, and the situation had deviated far from his original plan. The other party had already turned his life upside down without him even realizing it.
He carefully considered Jiang Ranxu's response by the pond. Yes, he was probably in love with the man, and he wanted to have a serious relationship with him. But marriage... marriage was much more complicated and burdensome than love. How could he maintain a real marriage? He didn't know.
The constant crying of babies in the carriage was really annoying. Meng Weishen pulled Jiang Ranxu to the connection between the two carriages and, following his mother's instructions, handed the wedding red envelope to him.
"This is what my mother gave you. I don't know why, but she accepted me marrying a man."
"Actually, your mother loves you very much and cares about you. She just can't find the right way to express her love."
"I know, but that's it. It's better for everyone if I stay away from her."
Meng Weishen knew very well that his mother loved him, and it was precisely because of this love that he had the confidence to cause such a serious mistake. Unfortunately, high concentrations of love often mean control, slander, disappointment, and hysteria. They need distance to dilute love.
Tian Ye was rapidly retreating through the train window, fleeing his hometown for the umpteenth time. He hesitated and suggested to Jiang Ranxu, "Since we've already dealt with my mother, we don't need to continue acting. We can get a divorce."
He didn't dare look at Jiang Ranxu's expression. He only heard him chuckle amid the whirring of the train and snort, "I thought we had developed real feelings for each other, but it turns out you want to throw me away after using me. How cruel."
"No, I didn't want to throw you away." Meng Weishen stuttered to explain, "You were right at that time. I fell in love with you. I want to be with you seriously, so I should start with love, right? So can you date me? Seriously?"
He shouldn't have proposed divorce before confessing his love. Jiang Ranxu seemed deeply hurt by him, his eyes full of resentment, and he kept harping on his previous suggestion:
"But we're already married. How can you just go back on your word? Do you know how much damage divorce would cause me? I'd have nightmares every day about the scenes when my parents argued when I was a child?"
Meng Weishen was deeply troubled. They had clearly signed a prenuptial agreement, a written agreement that Jiang Ranxu must cooperate with the divorce registration process a year later. Didn't Jiang Ranxu foresee the nightmares that would plague him every day after the divorce?
...never mind. The other person looks so pitiful, he should bear all the responsibility.
In a trance, he and Jiang Ranxu were entangled again, hugging each other's necks and kissing. Jiang Ranxu leaned down and pressed against his calves. His back was pressed between the windows. Every time the train passed a section of rails, it caused a tingling vibration in his tailbone.
The child with the instant noodle bucket ran across the aisle laughing. Meng Weishen left Jiang Ranxu's lips as if waking up from a dream, but his arms were still around his neck.
He stroked the other's pale lips and asked in a low voice: "Do you agree to be with me officially now? You even agreed to kiss me."
Jiang Ranxu thought he was too stupid: "Why ask? I've already agreed to marry you."
"But, but marriage is much more dangerous than dating. All the married people around me are unhappy, and the reasons are different. Have you ever seen a happy model couple?"
“No.”
Meng Weishen felt like a lucky finder who had found a piece of uncut jade: excited yet anxious. He longed to carve a beautiful piece of jade, yet feared his recklessness would shatter the treasure. "Logically, we should learn from others' failures and never get married. I still don't understand why you want to get married in the first place."
"If you don't even try, how do you know the result?" Jiang Ranxu's pupils were dark and bottomless. If he wasn't careful, he would fall into the depths. "At least to me, you are you. You are different from others. Let's give it a try. Maybe, I mean maybe, we will live happily."
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