40 Chapter 40
◎Male ghost.◎
Two days later.
The heavy snow that had been falling in the south of the Yangtze River for many days finally stopped. The attendants used salt water to melt a path through the mountains. At noon, a group of people set out from the post station and started their journey back to Chang'an.
The journey was quiet. Zhu Guang didn't go looking for Mo Yu as he usually did, but instead stayed close to Ci Ying. Inside the carriage, a young man sat quietly with a book in hand, his eyes cast down. Ci Ying and Zhu Guang, with their backs to Xie Huaijin, gazed out the window at the scenery, occasionally muttering to each other.
It was fine when Zhu Guang was there, there was some noise in the carriage, but when Zhu Guang occasionally got off, Ci Ying and Xie Huaijin in the carriage often didn't say a word to each other for the whole day.
Neither of them said anything, but it seemed as if they had said everything.
Ci Ying looked at the melting snow outside the carriage. As the wheels of the carriage rolled, it slowly flowed into the haystack beside it. Occasionally, the wheels would roll over branches, making a hoarse sound. This winter began with heavy snow.
After arriving at a more prosperous place and taking a short rest, the group set off again.
The situation was still the same as before. When the road ahead became smoother, Ci Ying began to bend over the desk and write, mostly things that would be used in the identity of "Jiang Wei" in the future.
Occasionally Zhu Guang would come over to take a look, but most of the time he would just watch from the side and not disturb Ci Ying.
Everyone knew that there was a problem between Ci Ying and Xie Huaijin, or perhaps, this was the first time they made others feel so intuitively that there was a problem between them.
Zhu Guang's eyes rolled around, but in the end he just danced with the dagger in his hand. When the black dagger turned around and picked up a wild flower hidden in the snow from a distance, Zhu Guang finally saw the smile on Ci Ying's face.
It was so light and pale, as if it was covered with a layer of fine snow like the wild flowers.
Zhu Guang brushed away the invisible snow on Ci Ying's face and said softly, "So beautiful."
Ci Ying looked at the flower lying in the palm of her hand. It was light purple, and she didn't know what kind it was. Beneath it was a piece of green stem of the same light color, which was cut off sideways by the dagger, and snow water like dew slid down from the petals.
She didn't look out the window again, but instead looked at the small, fragile flower in her hand.
Not far away, the young man looked at her indifferently.
Ci Ying felt the gaze in his eyes and looked back.
This was the first time Xie Huaijin had truly seen Ci Ying's eyes since he was locked outside that day. She no longer had the innocence that he always used to sarcastic and protective of. Her eyes were as pale as glass under her long eyelashes.
After just one glance, Ci Ying looked away.
She asked someone for a clean purse and carefully put the flower away. Then she bent down and continued to sort out the manuscripts she had been working on for the past few days.
Xie Huaijin looked at her fingertips. It was indeed a small wound, which was now smooth as before.
That long and thin piece of gauze had long been thrown away somewhere.
Xie Huaijin stroked his fingers, thinking of everything that happened that night——
Snow fell all night, and he stood quietly in front of the locked door all night.
When the young man left the next morning, his figure was still as slender and as strong as a pine tree. He did not show any of the tiredness and embarrassment that others would show after staying up all night. Only his eyes, which were always as calm as water, blinked very lightly, like butterfly wings briefly resting on a flower bud covered with dewdrops.
*
It was already mid-December when the group arrived in Chang'an.
The carriage entered the Xie Mansion and almost stopped. Without waiting for the servants to lift the curtain, Ci Ying got off the carriage by herself and ran towards a place in the mansion like a gust of wind.
The girl held up her skirt and ran in the snow, her cloak fluttering in the wind.
After her, the young man slowly got off the carriage. When he turned around, he could only see the girl's shadow. He raised his eyes and stared at the direction where Ci Ying left, and whispered, "Tell Zhu Er to release the person."
Ru Zhen has always been under the care of Zhu Er. After the last drugging incident, Zhu Er would never have let Ci Ying in again without Xie Huaijin's order.
Zhu Guang looked around and saw no one around. She realized Xie Huaijin was only giving her orders. She glared at the young man angrily, but dared not say anything, and hurried away.
After a while, Mo Yu came back from outside, walked up to the young man and whispered, "The one in the palace heard that the young master had returned and specially held a banquet. The chief eunuch is already waiting outside."
"Hmm." Xie Huaijin rubbed the ring on his finger and said softly, "Go tell my wife in two hours."
Mo Yu murmured "yes".
......
Zhu Guang caught up with Ci Ying, and when they arrived at the gate of the courtyard where Ru Zhen was imprisoned, they did not see any guards guarding the gate, but only saw a wooden door with a little snow on it.
Ci Ying's eyes trembled and she stepped forward to push it away.
The door was not locked, and Ci Ying saw Ru Zhen in the yard almost at first sight. Just one glance and Ci Ying's eyes turned red.
Ru Zhen was wearing the clothes she wore as a maid, her hair loose. The once lively and cheerful person was now eerily quiet. When she heard the sound, she assumed it was the person who usually brought her food, and she didn't move a muscle.
It was not until no one spoke for a long time that she looked over and saw Ciying at a glance.
Ru Zhen was stunned for a moment, then blinked very lightly, and tears slowly flowed down her face.
Ci Ying rushed over and hugged her, running her fingers through Ru Zhen's long hair. The hair felt extremely dry under her fingertips, and when she looked closer, she found that it had white threads.
Ci Ying's tears immediately flowed down: "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Ru Zhen, I'm sorry..."
She spoke one after another, and Ruzhen also cried.
Ru Zhen raised her hand to wipe away Ci Ying's tears, but the more she wiped, the more tears came. She opened her eyes wide and spread her hands, then realized that she was crying too.
Something in her head seemed to explode. Ru Zhen stared at Ci Ying blankly, choking with sobs and unable to speak. She subconsciously shrank into Ci Ying's arms, her whole body trembling.
She whispered in Ciying's arms, intermittently: "Why are you back? It's okay... It's okay, Ciying, we can run again. Wait for me, wait for me to think of a way."
The sad thing is that Ci Ying started crying and realized that Ru Zhen was in a bad mood. She held Ru Zhen's hand tightly but still couldn't calm her down. She anxiously called Ru Zhen's name over and over again, but Ru Zhen just wanted to pull her out: "I, I'm going to find Yu Wenfu, I...he should be, Yu Wenfu."
Ci Ying held Ru Zhen's hand tightly: "Ru Zhen, what's wrong with you?"
Ru Zhen just grabbed her head and walked out. When she was stopped by Zhu Er, Ci Ying looked at Zhu Er with bloodshot eyes.
Zhu Er was a little more indifferent than before, and he didn't smile as much. His tone of voice was becoming more and more similar to Zhu Yi's: "She has lost some of her memories." After a long pause, Zhu Er added: "She only remembers you and Yu Wenfu."
Ci Ying felt as if she couldn't understand such a simple sentence. Her voice was hoarse when she spoke: "What do you mean?"
Zhu Er looked at Ci Ying calmly: "Literally."
When she fell ill, Ru Zhen even began to not recognize Ci Ying and ran out with her hair loose.
Ciying hugged her from behind. Ruzhen struggled to turn around, and a hint of hesitation appeared in her eyes. Then she whispered, "...Ciying, are you Ciying?"
Ciying cried and said, "I am, Ruzhen, I am..."
Ru Zhen suddenly smiled, as if she had forgotten everything that had just happened. She whispered, "Why are you back? You..." As a painful expression appeared on her face, Ru Zhen's voice became sharp and sad: "Ah, Ciying, you, you were, ah ah - go, Ciying, go..."
She struggled to break free from Ci Ying's embrace. Ci Ying was caught off guard and fell onto the table beside her. Pain emanated from her waist, but she had no time to care. She quickly stood up, grabbed Ru Zhen, and coaxed her, "I'll come back to see you."
Ru Zhen, who had a strange expression on her face, slowly calmed down after hearing this. She blinked and carefully took Ci Ying's hand: "Come back to see me... I, I, Ci Ying, I miss you too. I... have you become the Crown Prince's Consort? It seems like, where is Yu Wenfu, Yu Wenfu?"
Looking at Ru Zhen, who was as ignorant as a child, Ci Ying felt as if her heart was being cut by a knife. Something was overflowing from the bottom of her heart bit by bit. She did not have time to think about why Ru Zhen kept saying Yu Wenfu's name over and over again. She just touched Ru Zhen's head again and again, and after a long while she smiled stiffly and said "hmm".
Ru Zhen opened her eyes wide and laughed, but her eyes were red and her face was pale. Some of her long hair was blown onto her face by the wind. Ci Ying reached out and brushed it behind her ears with concern.
She stroked Ruzhen's long hair. Ruzhen's once cherished long black hair was now completely dry and yellow with a hint of white. Ciying held back her tears as she simply tied up Ruzhen's hair and whispered, "So beautiful, Ruzhen."
This is what they often said when they were young.
Ru Zhen suddenly felt happy and leaned into Ci Ying's arms: "Ci Ying is also beautiful. Will the young lady be back tomorrow?"
Ci Ying finally couldn't hold back her tears and nodded with her back to Ru Zhen: "Yes, tomorrow, tomorrow the young lady will be back."
"That's great." Ru Zhen smiled and slowly fell asleep in Ci Ying's arms.
"Zhu Guang." Ci Ying called softly.
Zhu Guang walked to Ci Ying and looked at her with complicated eyes. She had almost never seen Ci Ying like this. Hatred and anger were about to overwhelm the girl, but she was extremely quiet.
Zhu Guang said: "Don't worry, I will take good care of her."
Ci Ying thanked him softly, turned around and walked towards the courtyard gate. Before she went out, she saw Mo Yu.
Mo Yu whispered, "Madam, you need to go to the palace for a banquet tonight."
Ci Ying acted as if she hadn't heard anything. She looked up at Mo Yu and whispered, "Where's Xie Huaijin?"
Mo Yu hesitated for a moment, then when he saw Ci Ying's eyes, he whispered, "In the study."
No one stopped her along the way. When Ci Ying opened the door, the young man was sitting at his desk, correcting something. He was a little surprised to see her, and asked in a lukewarm tone, "Why are you here?"
Probably still worried about the post station, the young man only glanced at her and continued to handle his official business, exuding a cold air.
Consistent attitude.
Ci Ying looked at him slowly and walked forward step by step. When she reached the young man's side, he finally looked up at her.
Seeing her bloodshot eyes and tear marks on her face, he paused with the pen in his hand.
Then, the young man Sven placed his pen on the pen holder and stood up.
Without caring about the previous cold war, he wanted to use a clean handkerchief to wipe the tears rolling down Ciying's face, and his voice became lowered: "How did you get yourself like this?"
When the young man lowered his head to wipe the girl's lips, red marks gradually appeared on the handkerchief. He frowned and pinched Ci Ying's chin: "Stop biting."
Ci Ying looked at him with bloodshot eyes filled with hatred.
Xie Huaijin didn't notice it. He just frowned and looked at the place where Ci Ying was bitten. His cold fingertips carefully pressed on the girl's bloody lips. Before he could say anything, he was slapped in the face.
“Snap—”
The blow was harder than before, but the young man just tilted his head.
Ci Ying wanted to fight again, but the young man grabbed her hand.
He didn't seem to use any strength, but the girl couldn't move at all.
"That's enough." The young man's voice was very faint, like the snow falling quietly outside the window.
The study fell silent for a moment. The servants outside had already knelt down. The sudden cold wind made the bead curtain rustle. Along with the sound of pages turning, the young man came back to his senses and looked at the girl.
Ci Ying's eyes were red as she looked at Xie Huaijin intently.
She didn't understand why the young man in front of her had such extraordinary abilities.
Whenever she thought her resentment had reached its limit, he would tell her it could go deeper, that he could do something even more extreme.
Xie Huaijin put down the handkerchief in his hand, dragged Ci Ying all the way to the soft couch by the window, pressed her down on it and grabbed her shoulders. Ci Ying struggled the whole time. After being pressed on the couch, she raised her foot to kick and raised her hand to hit the young man, but he held her down firmly: "Ci Ying!"
The young man's voice was unusually cold, and there was even a hint of warning in his tone.
Ci Ying was not afraid at all. Her mind was full of Ru Zhen's appearance when she was ill. She struggled with red eyes until she was trapped in a soft corner and was forced to stop.
Her eyes were bloodshot, her lips were covered in blood, and her whole body was trembling.
Xie Huaijin's hands trembled slightly twice, his eyes raised and lowered. After a long moment, his voice returned to its usual gentle tone: "What are you angry about again?"
His movements softened along with his tone, but Ci Ying still couldn't move at all.
She saw the young man's hand coming up to her, as if trying to wipe the tears from her face. She didn't care about anything else and bit it.
She didn't hold back her strength at all, and blood immediately appeared on the young man's knuckles.
A faint sweet and fishy smell spread between her lips and teeth. It was obviously the same taste as her blood, but she couldn't help crying. She didn't let go and continued biting, tears falling one by one.
The young man did not struggle from beginning to end, except for the moment when he was stunned at the beginning, and then when she bit him hard, he just looked at her with deep eyes.
The blood from the corner of Ci Ying's lips mixed with saliva and indescribable tears flowed down bit by bit, wetting the clothes of both people. The marks on the young man's snow-white clothes were particularly obvious.
She bit the man without letting go, struggling against her wrist which was held by the young man's other hand.
"Ci Ying."
The more he called her name, the harder she struggled. The words "I hate you" seemed to come out of her throat, and her pale face was three times whiter than the snow outside the window.
"Ci Ying..."
The girl never let go, and the wound on the young man's hand grew deeper, but he just gently comforted the person in his arms. When Ci Ying was about to break free, he hugged the girl with one hand.
Very tight, very tight.
In the cramped space, the two people could feel each other's breathing. Ci Ying's teeth had sunk deeply into the flesh of the young man's hand. A belated feeling of vomiting came over her, but she was unwilling to let go and endured it.
While she was struggling, the young man held her tightly.
The force was so strong that it was only pressing on her back, but she felt as if she was suffocating.
Ci Ying's teeth gradually loosened, her eyes gradually blurred, and her saliva mixed with blood slowly flowed, becoming a part of this "hug", sharing the same hatred and resentment.
After a long while, when there was complete silence, the young man let go of her hand and began to slowly stroke her back.
He whispered her name.
Ci Ying could no longer hear.
She drowned in the sweet and fishy blood between her lips and teeth. The soft and rotten flesh caressed her moist and bitten lips. She seemed to be able to feel the young man's cold hand through several layers of clothes. It was as disgusting as the human flesh in her mouth.
The sky and earth outside grew dark.
The palace banquet ended in vain.
The person in the palace got very angry and finally pushed away the pregnant queen's hand and left the palace banquet which was full of people. The ministers below were silent, and then started to make noise as if they didn't see anything.
Su Xueruo stroked her belly, which had not yet shown any signs of pregnancy, and looked quietly in the direction where the emperor left.
Mrs. Su came forward to comfort her, and Su Xuerou said gently, "Mother, you worry too much."
Under her stepmother's horrified gaze, Su Xueruo, dressed in a bright yellow robe, spoke softly, "I'm fine. I'm doing...well, it couldn't be better. I'm just waiting for Lin'er to be born."
"Mother, do you think my baby will be a prince or a princess?" Su Xueruo looked at her stepmother gently.
Madam Su swallowed her saliva and said, "I don't know..."
"How could I not know?" Su Xueruo curved her eyes and said, "Hasn't the imperial physician already told father that it's a prince?"
Madam Su's smile faltered slightly, and after a few more polite words, she turned and left. Behind her, Su Xueruo gazed dimly at the empty table beneath the Emperor and Empress.
That was exactly where Xie Huaijin was.
*
Xie Mansion.
The young man washed his hands, and his slender, bony hands reached into Ciying's delicate mouth, wrapping up some tiny pieces of broken flesh with a handkerchief.
Ci Ying was forced to raise her head, and watched him with bloodshot eyes as he gently put the "filth" and the white handkerchief into the charcoal basin. The young man's hanging hand was covered in blood, but he seemed not to feel the pain. After treating the wound on Ci Ying's body, he handed Ci Ying a glass of water.
While Ci Ying was rinsing her mouth, the young man was watching and casually wrapped his right hand with gauze.
Clean water mixed with blood was vomited out. Ci Ying lowered her eyes, feeling the nausea in her throat still there. She leaned over to vomit, but nothing came out.
In a trance, she heard herself asking: "Why did you treat Ruzhen like that?"
The young man wasn't surprised she'd asked about Ru Zhen. He hadn't thought about it at first, but then, seeing how emotional Ci Ying was, he understood. He said nothing, only looking down at Ci Ying, who remained in the retching position.
"How did I treat her?"
Xie Huaijin gave the same answer as before.
For a moment, the room was silent.
The young man had lost the gentleness he had during the day, or perhaps it was because he seemed even gentler in the bright lights. He sat sideways beside Ci Ying, his eyes fixed on the exposed part of the girl's slender white neck, and said softly, "I didn't do anything."
Tears welled up in Ci Ying's eyes, and a bitter smile spread across her lips. She raised her eyes, looked at Xie Huaijin, and slowly stood up. The ground next to her feet was covered with the clear water she had vomited.
When she stood up, she was taller than him while he was sitting.
She lowered her head and looked at Xie Huaijin. The gauze on the young man's hand was already stained with blood, but apart from his pale face, Xie Huaijin did not show any other abnormalities, as if he did not feel any pain.
Ci Ying's eyes moved away from the blood-red gauze and she whispered, "Xie Huaijin, what do you want in exchange for letting us go?"
The young man raised his eyes, suddenly looked out the window, and said softly: "Ciying, look, there are stars in the sky."
It was snowing outside, so where did the stars in the sky come from? Ciying looked over and saw that they were lights far away, so high up that they looked like stars in this white, snowy day that was like the scorching sun.
"I told you when I went to Jiangnan." The young man said softly again.
This is referring to Ru Zhen.
"Tell me not to use Ru Zhen to threaten you and you to threaten Ru Zhen again."
Ci Ying was stunned for a moment.
"I told you later." Xie Huaijin walked behind Ci Ying. His slender figure cast a shadow that gradually covered Ci Ying's shadow. "You said, don't say it anymore."
The young man's voice was light. In the vast snow, a light in the distance was like a star. Ci Ying recalled in a daze.
The young man didn't say anything else, but just asked Ciying: "Does it still hurt?"
As if realizing that Ci Ying didn't know, Xie Huaijin's eyes fell on Ci Ying's waist: "Er Zhu told me last night that Ru Zhen accidentally pushed you onto the stone bench, and your waist hit the stone table."
In the dim candlelight, the young man's eyes grew deeper, and his slender, bony fingers fell on the girl's belt.
Ci Ying took a step back and whispered, "No need."
"...I will apply the medicine myself when I get back." She added as the young man raised his eyes.
The young man did not force it, and said gently: "Mo Yu will send the ointment to your yard later."
It seems that today's matter is about to end.
But under the falling snow outside the window, Ci Ying raised her eyes to look at the young man's back and said softly, "Xie Huaijin, it's enough to fool me with the same trick once. I'm not a fool."
The young man stopped but did not turn around.
The madness on Ci Ying's face during the day was gone. She actually didn't know whether she should continue to expose Xie Huaijin, but she really felt that everything now was more disgusting than the meat in her mouth just now.
"Yes, I did tell you not to threaten me with Ru Zhen, or to threaten Ru Zhen with me, but..." Ci Ying paused, her voice soft but firm: "Is there any connection between this and you locking Ru Zhen up and not letting her see me, and you not telling me about her illness after we met?"
Ci Ying took a step forward, and her figure slowly covered the young man's shadow.
She said calmly, "Why do you look so aggrieved?"
Ci Ying paused, her eyes growing even more resolute. Her voice was gentle yet firm, as if she were passing judgment but also as if she were simply stating, "Xie Huaijin, I don't think I've wronged you in any way."
After the girl's voice fell, the room fell silent for a long time. After a while, the young man smiled gently and turned to look back at Ciying.
Under the candlelight, the girl's face was pale, and against the wind and snow in the yard, she looked like a beautiful painting.
Xie Huaijin rubbed his fingertips. He remained as gentle and courteous as ever, his words resonating with the air of a modest gentleman. He looked at Ci Ying tenderly, a smile slowly spreading across his eyes.
"You found out."
【Author’s words】
[Spread hands][Spread hands][Spread hands]bt
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