80 Chapter Eighty
"I love you."
After visiting Doctor Li, they went shopping in the market the next day. Considering Xie Huaijin's health, Ci Ying and Xie Huaijin did not go out again during the New Year.
Most of the time, the two of them stayed in the study, each reading a book.
Occasionally, Ci Ying would talk to Xie Huaijin about the official business of Mobei, almost without reservation. She described some things in great detail, hoping to hear Xie Huaijin's opinion, and mentioned some things briefly, just to tell Xie Huaijin that they happened.
Then he briefly mentioned the incident with Yin Ce. Since it happened not long ago, Ci Ying remembered it very clearly and described what he said at that time truthfully.
The young man next to her chuckled. Ci Ying didn't think it was a big deal at first, but when she looked over and saw the smile in Xie Huaijin's eyes, her face suddenly turned red.
The young man looked at her gently and pointed out the resentment hidden in Ciying's words.
"He doesn't respect you."
Disrespect for Ciying's anger.
Xie Huaijin only said this, but Ci Ying's eyes turned red. She threw herself into the young man's arms, and those hidden and unexpressible emotions found an outlet at this moment.
The young man stroked Ciying's head with his slender hand in a soothing gesture, his eyes gentle.
"It's okay." The young man said in a low voice.
He ran his fingers through Ci Ying's smooth black hair and said softly, "Time will tell."
Ci Ying whispered, "He was wearing similar clothes to you, making similar movements, and that smile on his face made me uncomfortable."
"Then we hate him." The young man coaxed.
Ci Ying laughed, thinking that the two of them were the biggest childish people in the world. So the childish person clenched his fists and said, "Well, I hate him, so I drove him out of Mobei."
Xie Huaijin also laughed, and then started coughing.
Ci Ying's expression suddenly changed, and her worry was so intense that it completely dispelled her joy. The young man silently held Ci Ying's hand and whispered, "Don't be afraid."
He looked at Ci Ying with a serious look in his eyes and spoke the same words.
"I promised you that I would live well."
He paused for a moment, coughed, and said, "Ciying, I will keep my promise."
If a person's heart is determined enough, he can fight against the heavens.
The young man quietly looked at the person in front of him who carried all his thoughts and attachments. He gently stroked his lover's face with his hand. His lover's tears turned into warm water, like a river of life connecting him with the world.
Eyes are like boats, drifting on the river, carrying only the reflection of one person in this world.
Xie Huaijin never mentioned all the hardships he had gone through in the past six months, the medicine he had to take but couldn't swallow, the late nights with high fever to the point of unconsciousness, and the two times he almost died.
Of course he knew that in the past six months, as long as he wrote a letter saying "critical illness" or "missing him", Ci Ying would temporarily put aside everything in Mobei and travel thousands of miles to see him.
But it turns out that I was reluctant to do so.
In the past, he was very concerned about the girl's love, always thinking that it would be great if she could love him a little more and love him the most. Now that it is confirmed after all the ups and downs, he is reluctant to let her go.
He was reluctant to see her lose her way forward and the direction she had finally found because of him. He was reluctant to become an obstacle in the girl's growth and he was unwilling to become an enemy of Ci Ying on another level in their bumpy fate.
What is love?
Xie Huaijin didn't know.
But he habitually put on a gentle and beautiful appearance, hiding all his delusions over the years in this skin that Ci Ying liked.
Maybe he knows too.
——He knew he loved her.
Fate is bumpy and shaky, but fortunately, fortunately...
The two of them snuggled together, Ci Ying raised her head and gently kissed Xie Huaijin's lips, very lightly, like a dragonfly touching the water.
The snow in Mobei melted early this year, and the sun outside became brighter just after the New Year.
It was a bit cold, and there was always a lot of charcoal burning in the house. In addition, Ciying didn't restrain herself from eating, so blisters appeared on her mouth before the New Year was over.
Ci Ying looked at herself in the mirror for a long time. She was not someone who cared about her appearance, but few people could care less about anything in front of their loved ones. She asked Xu Yun to prescribe some medicine and found that Xu Yun also had a red mark on his lips. They looked at each other and both laughed.
Xie Huaijin eventually found out about it. How could he not notice it since they were together every day?
Ci Ying tried to cover it up again and again, but in the end the young man pierced it with a needle.
The silver needle had been burned with fire, and there was no feeling at first when it was inserted. Then a stinging sensation began to spread from the lips. Ci Ying rarely suffered such pain, and because Xie Huaijin was in front of her, her eyes were a little red.
Having consulted Xu Yun in advance, the following steps cannot be omitted.
Seeing that Ci Ying's eyes were red, the young man kept coaxing her in a gentle voice.
Ci Ying found it difficult to describe the feeling in her heart. It was obviously not a big deal, but at this moment, grievance and happiness emerged together. This kind of "grievance" was different from the previous grievances. The sourness in the past was like the green fruit in March, which could be felt in the heart when bitten. Now, after thinking about it, it turned into a smile on her lips.
Ciying is not someone who likes to talk about happiness all the time.
But she felt happy.
She had a very happy moment in her youth, climbing up the high wall to look into the distance and imagining the future with the young lady. Now she is in the future she once looked forward to. This place is completely different from what she had imagined when she was young, but it also makes her feel happy.
After treating the blisters on his mouth, the young man carefully applied medicine.
Ci Ying opened her mouth to speak, but the young man stopped her with a look. He touched her head and said, "Be good, wait a moment."
Ci Ying was screaming in her heart, and it really sounded like the tone of someone coaxing a child!
Ci Ying's eyes widened slightly, and she stared at Xie Huaijin motionlessly.
Then there was a kiss.
Of course, it’s not the mouth that has just been applied with medicine, but the tip of the nose.
There was no immediate contact and it stayed for a long time.
The sunlight outside shone on the two of them, and the snow melted silently in a place where they could not see, little by little. The two looked at each other, and Ci Ying laughed first.
She hugged Xie Huaijin and whispered, "Xie Huaijin, I love you, I love you, I love you..."
She willfully squandered the courage she did not have in her youth.
She thought that even if she could go back to the past, she would not be able to be so brave, but at this moment, she could.
She expressed her love to her lover's right ear that had "lost and regained its sight", to her lover's left ear that remained constant, to her lover's heart that beat because of her, and just like that, to fate.
Those intertwined destinies that can never be broken apart become the red thread of blessing.
She embraced him in countless red threads. Who could say that this was not a gift from fate?
......
During the Lantern Festival, Ciying took Xie Huaijin to see her mother.
She was actually a little unfamiliar with the word "mother". It was too formal and too correct. Ciying always felt it was a bit awkward to pronounce.
In the past, when she thought of the embroiderer, she never used the word "mother". She would occasionally use "mother", but most of the time she called her "embroiderer". In her memory, the embroiderer didn't seem to have her own name. Maybe she did, but Ciying had never heard of it in her childhood.
Then there is Yanlian.
Rather than "mother", she often referred to her in her heart as the bright and lively "Miss Yan".
Xie Huaijin asked Ci Ying to help him up. Ci Ying roughly understood what Xie Huaijin was going to do. In the end, the two of them knelt in front of the tomb together, kneeling in a row, wearing clothes of the same color.
The wind is gentle and the snow is melting.
Ci Ying chuckled and said, "Xie Huaijin, it seems like a newlywed."
The young man looked at Ci Ying, and the girl smiled, a very sincere smile.
He laughed along, "What a pity it's not a red dress."
Ci Ying glanced at the clothes on the two people and said, "It doesn't matter!"
The two of them bowed to Mrs. Yan's tombstone together, naturally and respectfully.
The incense was lit later and carefully placed in front of the grave by Ciying. The cakes and fruits offered were replaced with fresh ones, and the paper money was also burned.
Ci Ying said softly to the grave: "Miss Yan Lian, I am very happy."
After thinking for a while, she said, "Mother, my daughter is very happy."
If, if you could see me in heaven, I hope you would be happy too.
Xie Huaijin looked at Ci Ying and slowly took her hand. Ci Ying looked at him and they smiled at each other.
Xie Huaijin didn't say much, nor did he make any promises in front of the tombstone. He just looked at Ci Ying, gazing at her with his gentle eyes for a long time.
When Ci Ying pushed Xie Huaijin to go back, she talked about Madam Yan's life.
When talking about Yuwen Shu, Ci Ying's voice became very soft: "Did you know that when you didn't want Yuwen Shu and I to recognize each other?"
Xie Huaijin said truthfully: "I know a little. Do you remember the time we went to Anhuai together?"
Ci Ying nodded, but she didn’t think there was any connection.
Xie Huaijin revealed the truth from long ago: "That official at the banquet looked at you for a long time because he was familiar with you. Later, in order to save his own life, he provided clues to your life story."
Ci Ying vaguely remembered that someone had indeed offended her at the banquet, but she escaped danger because she was kicked out early.
Xie Huaijin paused, then continued, "You once said that you had five older brothers and sisters in that family."
Ci Ying's eyes stopped and her hands tightly gripped the handle of the wheelchair.
The young man spoke in a gentle tone.
"When you were giving out porridge in Anhuai, a man came to me and said he was your second brother."
Ci Ying said softly, "He is several years older than me, so he should have had memories by then."
She hugged Xie Huaijin and said, "When I was little, I always thought I was annoying. Except for my sixth brother who was the same age as me, my other brothers and sisters never played with me. Later, my sixth brother died because he was sick and the scholar was unwilling to treat him. For a long time after my sixth brother's death, I was always worried that I would get sick too."
Ci Ying seldom talked about the past. As she reminisced, the smile on her face faded.
She asked Xie Huaijin: "How did you finally place him?"
Refers to the person who calls himself her "second brother".
The young man heard a hint of disgust in Ciying's tone. He rarely saw Ciying dislike someone. He touched Ciying's head and whispered, "No, they just said my wife isn't familiar with him."
There was a hint of sarcasm in these words coming out of the young man's mouth, but Ci Ying smiled.
She bent down and hugged Xie Huaijin: "Indeed, we are not familiar with each other."
She smiled, and Xie Huaijin smiled too. The two kissed silently until the dim moonlight fell on their shoulders. Ci Ying stared into the young man's eyes and whispered in her heart - "My moon."
The moonlight is beautiful.
My moon is even better.
How can love not be compared?
Her moon is the best moon in the world.
The young man kissed her again, Ci Ying closed her eyes, and the two of them entangled each other.
The moonlight is like water, flowing across the courtyard.
The next day.
Xu Yunlai told Xie Huaijin and Ci Ying that she had discussed the treatment method with Doctor Li and that they could resume treatment starting tomorrow.
Xu Yun smiled and assured Ci Ying, "Ci Ying, I think there's a high chance that Young Master Xie will recover this time. Don't worry, leave it to me and Doctor Li. I've learned a set of massage techniques from Doctor Li over the past two weeks. While I can't say it's a sure thing, I'm confident."
Ci Ying said: "Thank you, you have been..."
Xu Yun interrupted Ci Ying directly: "You saved me, Ci Ying, Master Xie. Whatever I do is my duty. Besides, I am only doing my duty as a doctor."
Ci Ying and Xie Huaijin exchanged a glance. Ci Ying was about to say something when Xu Yun interrupted her, "Alright, we're already so familiar with each other, so forget the polite words. If you really want to thank me, then send some apprentices to my useless senior brother. He's been nagging me about this."
Ci Ying and the others naturally said "OK".
Xu Yun only came back to tell the news and then went to Doctor Li's residence again.
It was said that the two had been discussing medical skills and had almost become friends regardless of age difference. Doctor Li even wanted to introduce his useless but handsome grandson to Xu Yun. Xu Yun was so scared that he ran back overnight and ran back again the next day to continue discussing medical skills.
When Ci Ying told Xie Huaijin the story, the young man stared at the word "beautiful" she mentioned and asked in a gentle voice, "How beautiful is she?"
When the young man spoke, his eyes slightly raised, and his beautiful eyes looked at Ci Ying like that.
She used to be very sick and barely breathing, but she has recovered a little in the past six months. However, the color of her lips is still very pale, a thin, light red like the petals of a peach tree in early spring. Her phoenix eyes contain a faint smile, and the spring light is radiant.
Ci Ying rarely saw Xie Huaijin like this, so she was at a loss for words for a moment.
Her heartbeat gave the answer for her, and she hugged him: "That person is definitely not as handsome as my husband."
She bit the word "husband" shyly, but still couldn't help blushing. She pressed her hot cheeks against the young man's neck and whispered, "How can this be compared?"
The young man smiled gently and said, "I don't have any."
Ci Ying chuckled softly, suppressing her shyness, and whispered into the young man's ear, "It doesn't matter. I'm the referee, and I unconditionally declare you the winner."
The world is with you, and I choose you.
People in the world call such words love words.
Poems and essays always use awkward words to express love in an obscure way.
Ci Ying, however, prefers straightforward statements.
To commemorate those anxious and sleepless days and nights in the past.
......
After the New Year, Xu Yun and Doctor Li officially began to treat Xie Huaijin's leg injury.
Ciying would sometimes accompany him, and when he was busy, she would let Zhu Yi and Zhu Er accompany Xie Huaijin.
Yan Ji occasionally came to Ci Ying to confide his troubles, and finally asked Ci Ying indirectly whether Ling Shuang had someone he liked.
Ci Ying nodded as if it was a matter of fact. Seeing Yan Ji's face turn aggrieved, Yan Ji asked her who it was. Ci Ying said truthfully, "Probably me."
Yan Ji's expression was very interesting for a moment. He looked at Ci Ying as if he didn't know her. "How did you learn to lie too?!"
Ci Ying smiled and said, "Maybe I've always been like this."
This is what a truly unbridled Ci Ying is like.
She simply unloaded the burden on her shoulders and no longer needed to fight fate in fear. She was simply nurtured with love and self-awareness, and finally faced everything in the world calmly.
Yan Ji shouted, "You're teasing me!"
Ci Ying's face turned serious. She had never made any comments on Yan Ji's pursuit of Ling Shuang, nor had she tried to stop him or bring them together, because Yan Ji's behavior had never gone beyond the scope of pursuit and he had never asked about it in front of her.
Now that Yan Ji mentioned it, there are some things Ciying needs to say.
She asked, "Do you remember what you did on the boat in Jiangnan?"
Yan Ji made a bitter face: "Are we going to bring up old issues at this time?"
Ci Ying's voice softened, but she was very serious: "Ling Shuang and Ling Yue both love me very much, so they will remember what you did even more than I do."
Yan Ji saw that Ci Ying didn't seem to be joking, and he felt a little discouraged: "But... I..."
Finally, Yan Ji just said, "I know."
Ci Ying looked at Yan Ji's back and suddenly missed Xie Huaijin, so she went to Li's house.
It was Xu Yun who came out to pick her up. On the way, Xu Yun kept telling her, "Don't be afraid, it just looks a little painful..."
Through the window, Ci Ying saw the young man inside, his face pale and covered in cold sweat. His legs were covered with needles and there was blood from nowhere.
Xu Yun whispered, "This is how treatment works."
Ci Ying's mood had just calmed down a little bit because of Yan Ji's joy. She looked at the scene in the house quietly and said softly, "I'm not afraid."
She just feels heartbroken.
Although she had seen a similar scene before, Ci Ying's heart still felt sore when she saw it again after half a year. She remembered that two days ago she leaned on the young man's shoulder and asked him "Does it hurt?", and the young man just shook his head gently.
Xu Yun said softly, "Why don't you stop watching? It will be over in half an hour."
Ci Ying shook her head and said softly, "It's nothing."
Ci Ying didn't speak until the young man finished his treatment today. After a while, Ci Ying's eyes met Xie Huaijin's.
The young man still looked at her gently, but a little weak.
Ci Ying walked in and sat silently next to the young man.
She gently poked the young man's hand and whispered, "Xie Huaijin, you are a liar again."
The young man was speechless for a moment, so he gently held Ci Ying's hand and placed it tenderly on his face.
Ci Ying's voice became softer: "I'll go and donate more money for incense."
The young man laughed silently, but it affected his wound and cold sweat flowed down.
Ci Ying didn't dare to speak anymore, her face serious: "Don't laugh!"
The young man was still smiling and kept looking at Ci Ying.
Bitterness, heartache, and something else surged together as Ci Ying said fiercely, "As a punishment, you are not allowed to read today."
What a...non-deterrent punishment.
The young man took Ci Ying's hand, and with his slender, bony fingers, he wrote the word "good" on the palm of Ci Ying's hand, stroke by stroke.
Ci Ying also learned to write on the palm of Xie Huaijin's hand. She asked the young man to guess what it was. When she was halfway through writing, she deliberately made two mistakes and then looked at the young man with wide eyes.
The expected confusion did not appear on Xie Huaijin's face. The young man took Ci Ying's hand and read back the words Ci Ying had just written on his palm.
"Xie Huaijin, Xie Huaijin."
Just like the little bird named "Happy" in the study, it only calls its name twice.
Ci Ying leaned lightly into the young man's arms. She never mentioned her heartache, but just buried herself silently in the young man's arms in tears. The faint fragrance of medicine filled her nostrils, and the sourness in her heart was like the rain in March - the arrival of spring urges all things to move.
Later, Ci Ying became busy and often could not accompany Xie Huaijin to Li's house.
But no matter how late it is, no matter how busy she is, she will always find time to pick up Xie Huaijin.
As the acupuncture began, the young man's face turned pale again, and his lips became even paler.
Ci Ying always wanted to make her face redder, but she couldn't bear to do so.
So I could only kiss her, and by the end of the kiss, her eyes were always red.
One day in March, Ci Ying had no way to pick up Xie Huaijin for the first time. When she returned home, it was already late at night. The light in the young man's room was still on. Ci Ying knocked on the door and went in, silently leaning against the young man.
Xie Huaijin naturally didn't think anything of it. He looked at the fatigue between her eyebrows and said softly, "Ciying, I don't want to be a burden to you."
So you don't have to do everything perfectly.
The young man looked at Ci Ying and said gently, "I prefer Ci Ying to a perfect lover."
He paused, and after the girl's eyes met his, he continued, "I prefer Ciying to do her own thing."
Ci Ying didn't say anything. After a while, she lowered her head and changed the subject: "Does it hurt?"
The young man looked at her for a long time and said, "It hurts."
He started out honest.
Even if it hurts.
Ci Ying was stunned for a moment, then said softly, "I don't feel like you're a burden to me."
Xie Huaijin said, "I know."
Ci Ying thought of the past and hugged Xie Huaijin. Her tears slowly soaked the young man's clothes: "I just feel that you are in so much pain, but I can't do anything."
Xie Huaijin continued, "I know."
Ci Ying was speechless. She buried her head in the young man's chest, listening to his heartbeat, and said over and over again: "Let Xie Huaijin get better soon, let Xie Huaijin get better soon..."
She says this every day. If there really are gods and Buddhas in this world, they will hear it.
What is illness? Before Xie Huaijin, Ci Ying had only experienced it in Sixth Brother and Young Miss. She had seen Sixth Brother die, and she had also seen Young Miss die. She thought she couldn't accept this outcome happening to Xie Huaijin again.
She saw Xie Huaijin make it through, and survived.
Pain, screams, paleness and silence, she didn't know when, Xie Huaijin in Ci Ying's memory gradually became like this. Now Xie Huaijin was still sick. She was glad that he had recovered a lot, but she and the young man remembered every scene of the past, including the pain of every passing moment.
Ci Ying took the young man's hand, put it to her mouth, and whispered softly.
“It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt…”
Xie Huaijin said gently, "It doesn't hurt anymore."
The tears in Ci Ying's eyes had not yet dried, but she started laughing. She cried and laughed as she said, "Liar, big liar."
The young man also laughed and said softly, "Well, I am a liar."
Ci Ying grabbed the young man's weak hand and said, "Then I'll hold the liar's hand."
Xie Huaijin said: "The liar will stop lying."
Ci Ying asked again: "Is the liar still in pain?"
The liar said, "I love you."
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