Chapter 38
◎What a shame.◎
Ci Ying looked at Xie Huaijin in disbelief, unable to believe what she had heard. Her fatigue turned into anger, and she slapped the young man.
The young man did not hide. After a crisp sound, five clear finger marks appeared on his face.
Even so, the young man didn't look the least bit embarrassed. His cheeks flushed like a rosy cloud, and his eyes remained expressionless. He took his wife's hand and gently counseled, "Don't be angry. Think carefully. Mr. Li is originally from the Xie family..."
Ci Ying felt a surge of anger surging from her chest, nearly fainting. She broke free from the young man's hand and shouted, "Madman, you are a madman, who do you take me for? And who do you take Li Sheng for? Get out, get out..."
This was a rare vulgar remark from the girl. Xie Huaijin ignored Ci Ying's punches and kicks, cupping the girl's face with both hands and saying gently, "Isn't that good? Next time you accidentally take that kind of medicine, you won't have to endure it alone."
Gentle, sincere, and there was actually some consideration for Ciying in his words.
Ci Ying's tears mixed with anger turned into something very sad the moment she looked at the young man. She had never understood so clearly at any time what kind of madman the young man in front of her who looked gentle, polite and bright was.
"Get out, get out..." Ci Ying lowered her eyes. The sudden intense emotion made her heart beat wildly. In a trance, she felt that her heart was beating faster than when she was rescued by Xie Huaijin on that snowy day.
She supported herself on the ground with one hand, bent over and began to retch.
The cave was not very quiet, but Ci Ying felt that she could not hear any sound. Her lips were stained with the bitter water in her throat. In a trance, she felt that something was jumping bit by bit in the yellow water she vomited out.
When people are in pain, their faces are often confused. Ciying's tears flowed slowly, and at this moment she even lost the strength to speak.
In a trance, the young man brought her some clean water to rinse her mouth, and then wiped away the remaining water stains on her lips. Ci Ying looked at him, but it seemed that she could no longer see him clearly. She closed her eyes and deceived herself into thinking that this was just a dream.
The young man held the sleeping girl in his arms, but he actually didn't quite understand why Ci Ying reacted so strongly.
Is it because he asked Li Sheng to purify himself?
But he didn't want her to have children.
She was still a child herself.
Such a painful thing, for just a Mr. Li, or rather, he didn't think there was anyone in the world who was worth her going through.
He hugged her tightly, and his slender fingers stroked the girl's cheek very gently, and his eyes were more gentle than ever before.
In the dark cave, the candlelight has gone out, leaving only stars in the distance. In a simple nest made of a pile of dry clothes, the jade-like young man has fingerprints on his cheek, but he doesn't care at all. He just lowers his head and kisses the fingertips of the girl in his arms.
Ciying didn't wake up and shuddered, so the young man hugged her tighter.
*
At nightfall, Ciying still had not returned. Although she had told Xie Ran about her whereabouts early in the morning, Li Sheng and Zhu Guang were still worried. The two men, who always quarreled with each other, decided to go together to look for her.
When they reached the main street, Zhu Guang suddenly stopped, frowned, and grabbed Li Sheng, who was about to walk forward without knowing what was going on. Before Li Sheng could understand what was happening, he heard the girl in black say coldly, "Get behind me."
As soon as he finished speaking, Zhu Guang drew out the soft sword from his waist and blocked the hidden weapons flying from different directions. Li Sheng coughed, and before she could say "girl, be careful", Zhu Guang had already wrapped the hidden weapon with his belt and turned around to send it flying back. A few "muffled groans" were heard from the eaves in the distance, and several figures left quickly.
If it were any other day, Zhu Guang would definitely go after her.
But... at this moment, she looked at Mr. Li who was bending over and coughing, frowned, stopped where she was, and did not chase him anymore.
In fact, after she came back, she didn't argue much with Mr. Li. Speaking of familiarity, they were actually not very familiar with each other.
Zhu Guang thought for a moment and said, "It's not someone sent by the young master."
She pondered this while supporting the coughing Li Sheng as they walked home. Her voice was quieter than before: "I'll take you back. Don't come out. I'll go alone."
Li Sheng said in a gentle voice, "Thank you."
As they approached the door, Li Sheng confessed, "The young lady is someone close to Master Xie, so she should know my identity."
Zhu Guang continued, "They weren't sent by the Master... You chose the right person. After Ci Ying cut off your trace, the Master didn't send anyone to investigate. As for the item in your hand, you should understand that the Master didn't care about it in the first place. It was only because it was related to the Patriarch that he asked us to investigate."
Li Sheng coughed and said, "I know that a man is innocent unless he possesses a treasure. These people were not sent by Master Xie, but they must have come because of me."
Zhu Guang frowned, held the young man's hand and stopped, then asked in a serious tone, "What do you have in your hand?"
Li Sheng paused, took out a tattered fan from his arms and handed it to Zhu Guang.
There was a lantern hanging outside the door, emitting a faint light. Zhu Guang took the fan, looked it up and down and left and right twice, and finally pried the handle of the fan. Soon a small walnut fell out.
Zhu Guang picked it up hesitantly and asked, "What is this?"
Li Sheng said nothing, only asking Zhu Guang, "Can the Cuiwei Painting of the previous dynasty, which the master personally gave me, buy Ciying's freedom?"
Cuiwei Tu, a picture of a journey through the mountains near Chang'an. It is said that the late emperor had hidden immense wealth in the mountains near Chang'an. Whoever could find it in these troubled times would become the new master of the dynasty.
Zhu Guang said nothing and slowly returned the walnut to Li Sheng.
......
When Ci Ying woke up again, she had returned to the mansion. She opened her eyes and saw the familiar emerald green bed curtains. She moved but found that the quilt was pressed down. In a trance, she looked up and saw Xie Huaijin leaning against her bed.
The young man lowered his eyes, as if he had taken a nap and fell asleep.
Hearing the sound, those beautiful eyes slowly opened.
Ci Ying took a deep breath and ran out of the room, forgetting even to put on her shoes.
A long time later, she understood that this emotion was called fear.
She was not just afraid of Xie Huaijin as a person, but since that day, she began to slowly fear everything related to him.
It rained that day. When she ran barefoot along the corridor, the coldness spread from the soles of her feet to her heart little by little. The wind in the south of the Yangtze River finally became cold and harsh, with a sense of coming winter snow. Ci Ying's dress was fluttering, and she looked like a falling butterfly in the cold wind.
The young man stood at the back of the corridor, staring at the girl's back for a long time.
Ci Ying closed the door of the study, blocking out the sight.
She slid down the door and sat down, completely unable to stop her body from shaking. Last night, the wind was very cold and the study windows were not closed. At this moment, Ci Ying was surrounded by scattered manuscripts.
Ci Ying's eyes fell on the manuscripts, and she picked up one of them with trembling hands. When her sight fell on a certain word, her emotions suddenly broke down and she crumpled the manuscript into a ball, her tears smearing it, staining the ink all over.
Ci Ying bent down, and after a long time, she got up tremblingly.
She said "sorry" to someone she didn't know, and put the ink ball in her palm into the unlit brazier bit by bit. When she bent down, the cold black ash choked her, and she belatedly felt the chill. She took a cloak from the side and put it on, but still felt cold. She pushed open the door to find a hot water bottle, and saw the young man's face again.
This time, Ci Ying did not retreat like last time. Instead, she lowered her head and pushed the man away. However, no matter how hard she pushed, she could not move him. The young man's gentle voice rang in Ci Ying's ears: "It's cold, wear shoes."
Ci Ying's eyes trembled, and where her sight fell, the young man was holding her embroidered shoes.
She was silently helped to the chair. Seeing the young man bending down awkwardly to put on her shoes, she couldn't help but kick him. However, the young man seemed to have guessed it and held her foot down and put on the shoes.
But it was obvious that it was not the case. In a trance, the young man's fingers were colder than the stone steps of the corridor. She curled up in the chair and wanted to retreat, but the chair was pressed against her. She was completely unaware and only felt that the sky was too bright.
The feeling of caressing her toes was completely unignorable. The young man's fingers pinched her feet through her stockings. Everything seemed like torture. When it finally ended, Ci Ying actually breathed a sigh of relief. She thought she would never go without shoes again.
Even if she really saw a ghost in the middle of the night, she would put on her shoes before running.
Telling yourself jokes won't change the situation.
The rain outside did not stop. When Ci Ying left with an umbrella, the young man did not catch up with her.
*
In the study.
After hearing Xie Huaijin's crazy talk yesterday, Ciying couldn't bear to look at Li Sheng again. Xie Ran and Li Sheng asked Ciying about what happened yesterday in a roundabout way, but Ciying gave a vague summary. She took out the newly revised manuscript and continued to talk about her plan: "According to previous public opinion, I have revised everything you mentioned to me."
Li Sheng took it, took a look, and said softly, "No problem."
Xie Ran said with concern, "Ciying, the temperature difference in Jiangnan is quite large recently. You should wear more clothes every day. It will be even colder when it snows soon. Don't catch a cold."
Li Sheng's eyes fixed on the red marks on Ciying's hands, and he handed her a cup of warm tea. "Yesterday, Zhu Guang and I went out to look for you, but we couldn't find you. Master Xie brought you back in the middle of the night." After hesitating for a moment, Li Sheng asked, "Ciying, are you okay?"
Ci Ying's hand froze for a moment, but she quickly shook her head: "It's okay."
Xie Ran held Ci Ying's hand and said, "If there's anything, you must tell us."
Ci Ying curved her eyes and nodded.
Xie Ran was careless and could not notice the subtle emotional changes of others, but Li Sheng next to him saw everything. He looked at the forced smile on Ci Ying's lips, and his hand holding the teacup tightened slightly, but soon he started coughing again.
On any other day, Ciying would have shown concern, but today she didn't say a word until Xie Ran went up to hand her some water.
She lowered her eyes, and after Li Sheng stopped coughing, she found an excuse to leave through the side door of the study. The wind blew the loose hair on the girl's cheeks. There was no emotion on her delicate face, and her slender white wrists were covered with crescent-shaped blood-red nail marks.
She arrived at a secluded courtyard and sat on the swing, the rain falling down her cheeks.
The wetness suffocated her whole body. It was raining and should have been very cold, but she could not feel the cold at all. She only came back to her senses when she saw the pale fingers.
She knew this was probably indulgence...
But the girl raised her eyes and looked towards the sky.
She didn't know what to do. What else could she do? It seemed like she had done everything she could. She ran away, once, twice, three times, tried to persuade him gently, spoke harshly to him, but none of these seemed to work on Xie Huaijin.
She is a normal person and she cannot know what a madman is thinking.
In the second half of the month, snow began to fall in the south of the Yangtze River.
This was Ciying's first snowfall in Jiangnan, and she suddenly realized that it had been less than a year since she escaped from Chang'an. In April, suona music filled the air as Ru Zhen, in her blood-red wedding gown, tearfully escorted her out of Chang'an. Her pockets were filled with the jingling of copper coins, gifted as wedding money.
These copper coins accompanied her all the way, but were later used up. The only one left was lost during an escape. She felt lost for a long time, and her dreams were filled with Ru Zhen and her childhood shadows.
Ru Zhen was laughing and making a fuss. She looked at Ru Zhen with a smile. Ru Zhen puffed up her cheeks and said to Ci Ying, "We want to be friends for life."
It seems that people can only accompany others for a part of the journey. Ci Ying was pushed by the young lady and the lady. She pulled Ru Zhen and Xiao Wan forward. On the way, she met Xie Ran and Li Sheng, but was about to say goodbye to them. All the time, people around Ci Ying came and went, and in the end, for some reason, only Xie Huaijin could be seen.
He stood in the vast expanse of white snow, smiled gently and said to her, "I found you."
That was a nightmare that Ciying dared not talk about for many days.
She still vaguely thought that it would be better for her to forget some things. Maybe if she forgot some things, she could have a good sleep and she could... look more normal.
It has only been more than half a year since Ru Zhen got married in Chang'an in April. It is not long, but it seems too long.
Opening and closing her eyes, Ci Ying sat under the corridor and looked at the snow outside.
As quiet as the birds embroidered on the screen.
It was similar to before, yet different. She had changed a lot. The repeated escapes had drained her energy, and the sleepless nights of worry had consumed all her vitality.
Ci Ying thought that if she peeled off her silent body, she would probably get an equally silent heart.
When she felt a pair of slender hands on her shoulders, Ci Ying knew it was Xie Huaijin without turning around. She didn't turn around, but just continued to look at the snow in the yard.
The footprints she had left were slowly being covered by the new snow. A young man's gentle voice came from behind her: "Ciying, after the bookshop has printed the book, we should return to Chang'an."
Ci Ying looked at Xie Huaijin dimly and said softly, "I'm not going back."
The young man touched her head, his voice so gentle it seemed to melt the snow in winter: "Be good, get ready, we'll set off in three days."
Ci Ying was not surprised and wanted to ask, "Can't you hear?"
Ci Ying did not despise the deaf man, but her brows clearly showed disdain for the young man in front of her.
She didn't even try to hide the emotion anymore.
Xie Huaijin lowered his eyes, his hand resting on the rope of the swing beside Ciying, and said softly, "It's snowing in Chang'an too. The tombstones of my aunt and Suwei are all covered in snow."
He seemed to understand what he meant to make the girl's eyes regain their spirit. When Ciying looked at him, he said softly, "After we get back, let's go sweep the snow for Auntie and Suwei, okay? You haven't been home for a long time."
There was actually a hint of begging in his words.
But Xie Huaijin even begged in a condescending manner, just wearing the appearance of begging, but deep down he was full of confidence that Ci Ying would not refuse.
Ciying chuckled and said "Okay".
She looked at her legs. There was only a thin layer of snow, so why did she feel like her legs were frozen? Her fingers trembled as she touched her legs, and she could feel the warmth through her clothes. She actually felt like crying.
She whispered "Xie Huaijin"'s name.
Xie Huaijin touched her head and asked, "What's wrong?"
Ci Ying was stunned for a moment and said, "I didn't call you."
"Then who are you calling?" The young man's voice was gentle, without any intention of arguing. He helped Ci Ying down from Qianqiu and took her to leave new footprints on the snow.
Ci Ying took a step forward, and the young man followed.
His footprints were bigger, and they covered Ciying's footprints bit by bit.
When Ci Ying turned around, she finally answered the young man's question. She looked at the young man with a face as beautiful as spring flowers and smiling eyes calmly and said, "I'm calling Xie Huaijin."
But I didn't call you.
At that time, Xie Huaijin didn't understand the difference. He just raised his hand and gently brushed the snow off the girl's hair. For a moment, he wanted to kiss her forehead, but after hesitating for a while, his hand just gently wiped the melted snow. He coaxed Ci Ying, who looked unhappy: "I will send someone to keep an eye on the situation in Jiangnan. I will accompany you back in the spring."
Ciying should be happy.
She could go back to Chang'an to see Ru Zhen openly, to pay homage to the young lady and the lady, and then return to Jiangnan to carry out the next step of her original plan. By then, things had already fermented, and with Xie Huaijin's help, everything would go smoothly, but she looked at the snow all over the sky and only forced a faint smile.
In the vast snow, the girl whispered "Okay".
......
When she told Xie Ran and Li Sheng that she was going back to Chang'an, they were both silent for a moment. Then Li Sheng smiled and said, "When will you be back?"
Ci Ying said, "Maybe... in the spring."
Xie Ran also realized it. "Then we can't celebrate the New Year together. What should we do... I really want to spend the New Year's Eve with Ci Ying."
Mr. Li did not ask Xie Ran to go to Chang'an. After all, everyone knew that there was a young lady from the Xie family's side branch who broke with the family, and it was undoubtedly Xie Ran.
Ci Ying held Xie Ran's hand and whispered, "It's okay, next year... or the year after."
She spoke uncertainly, and Xie Ran hugged her: "It's okay, every day with Ci Ying is like New Year's Day." The scar on Xie Ran's face faded a little, but it was impossible to completely eliminate it. She didn't care too much. She was happy every day after coming to Jiangnan.
Ci Ying seemed to be a little happy as well, and she leaned into Xie Ran's arms.
Mr. Li watched quietly.
Zhu Guang just shook his head silently that day. The Cuiwei Tu in his hand was a treasure pursued by countless people in the world, but to Xie Huaijin, it was really nothing.
Zhu Guang didn't say anything more. The scar on her ear had been engraved into the flesh and became a part of Li Sheng's memory. Later, when Li Sheng thought of Zhu Guang, he always thought of the scar on Zhu Guang's ear, as if that was the proof of the girl's existence.
As for Ci Ying...
Li Sheng silently handed her the tattered fan. When Ci Ying looked up at him with a puzzled look, he teased her, "It's New Year's Eve, and I don't have anything nice to give you. You gave me a fan, so I'll give you one in return. Happy New Year!"
The fan was tattered, but Ci Ying didn't mind it and replied in the same way: "Happy New Year."
Xie Ran could sense the vague sense of distance between the two of them. She smiled and tried to smooth things over: "It's not New Year's yet. It's not too late to send each other New Year's greetings. I don't want to go back to Chang'an. Li Sheng, you can go back with Ci Ying. Didn't you say before that you were going to look for your relatives or something..."
Li Sheng was stunned for a moment and looked at Ci Ying, but saw that Ci Ying unconsciously avoided him.
So he smiled, shook the fan in his hand, coughed twice, and whispered: "I'm not feeling well. It's cold now, cough cough... I'm afraid the long journey will cause trouble to Ciying."
He no longer called Ciying "Miss", a strange title. Xie Ran didn't understand and looked at Ciying.
But Ci Ying nodded: "How can I ask Master Li to accompany me back? Ah Ran, I also want to wish you a healthy and happy new year."
Xie Ran smiled and said, "I'll accept what you said first. As for my blessings, I'll tell you in the New Year~"
"Okay." Ci Ying responded gently.
As they spoke, there was no longer any eye contact between her and Mr. Li.
Two intelligent people who understand each other can often understand each other's meaning with just a glance, let alone such straightforward words. In his peripheral vision, Li Sheng silently watched the pale smile on Ci Ying's face, and the hand holding the fan tightened again and again, and finally turned into a low "cough".
He retreated outside the house, where snow was falling all over. The frail young man looked into the house. Without him, Ci Ying felt less awkward. She hugged Xie Ran, a smile on her face like tears.
Mr. Li often feels that there are too many unfair things in this world. In the long journey of life, he has to close his eyes in order to keep moving forward...and keep moving forward.
The last words his father, who had treated him unfairly since childhood, said to him before his death were: "Live on, Li Sheng, and live for those monks who said you would never live past the age of twenty. Live a long life."
So Li Sheng walked indifferently through the chaotic world with corpses everywhere, hiding from place to place, and only hurried to Chang'an to take a look at the corpses of his entire family that had been exposed to the sun for thirteen days. He held in his hand the treasure that had inexplicably passed to him, but he had no desire to dig it up. In troubled times, people are like grass.
But he met Ciying.
Ciying told him again and again that it was not the case.
Mr. Li, that’s not the case.
Something in his frail body transformed into new bones and blood.
Li Sheng couldn't express many things in words. He looked at Ci Ying quietly, looking at Ci Ying's increasingly pale face, emaciated body and crushed soul.
He was powerless to save her, so he gave her a key.
If it is Ciying, maybe it will be possible?
Mr. Li closed his eyes and looked at the vast snow.
Then, Xie Huaijin's visit caught him off guard.
......
Two days later, Ciying and Xie Huaijin said goodbye to Li Sheng and Xie Ran together in the corridor. Of course, Xie Huaijin had nothing to say goodbye to these two people. In fact, because of him, no one else said much. Only Xie Ran came forward and hugged Ciying, saying softly, "After thinking about it, I still have to say 'Happy New Year' to Ciying in person. Ciying, Happy New Year, I hope Ciying is happy... Freedom, the plan will come true, step by step, we can achieve our original goal."
Ci Ying smiled gently and said softly, "Yes."
Zhu Guang would return to Chang'an with Ci Ying, and she wouldn't be among the people saying goodbye. She bit her lip as she followed Ci Ying, her eyes constantly furtively glancing at Mo Yu, whose expressionless face remained blank. This was their first meeting since they severed ties that day, and Zhu Guang couldn't help but steal glances at Mo Yu many times, but he remained expressionless, not even giving her a glance.
Zhu Guang turned away with red eyes, and his ear, which had already healed, began to hurt inexplicably.
Ci Ying had already said goodbye to the two men in advance and had nothing else to say today. She touched Xie Ran's head and then let go. As she turned to leave, the young man took her hand, and a cold touch passed through his fingertips. Ci Ying looked at Xie Huaijin in confusion, only to see the young man dressed in a snow-white coat and a gentle face. "Wait a moment."
Ci Ying followed Xie Huaijin's gaze and looked at Mr. Li, who had not said much today.
Xie Huaijin's eyes were kind, and his voice was equally gentle. He said to Li Sheng, "My wife told me that Master Li took great care of her along the way. I've been wanting to thank him for a long time, but I'm really cramped in Jiangnan. I wonder if Master Li has time to join us on the journey back to Chang'an. When we return to the mansion, Ciying and I will definitely give him a good reception."
Before Li Sheng could answer, Ci Ying stood in front of Xie Huaijin and said gently, "He's joking. Your Excellency is weak, and the journey back to Chang'an from Jiangnan would be exhausting. I dare not trouble you so much."
Xie Huaijin was about to say something when Ci Ying covered his mouth, afraid he would say the shocking words he had said in the cave that day. There was a hint of anger on her face, but it was only on the surface. Inside, she was filled with helplessness. She whispered, "Xie Huaijin, don't say it. Can you please stop embarrassing yourself in front of outsiders?"
Ci Ying really felt ashamed.
If Mr. Li knew what Xie Huaijin said that day, she would say "sorry" every time she saw him in the future.
She looked at Xie Huaijin, tightened her grip a little, and there was a hint of warning on her face.
But when Ci Ying faced Xie Huaijin, how could a warning really be considered a warning?
As they looked at each other, Ci Ying's eyes kept trembling. After all, the young man in front of her had always been unable to understand what people said. She was really afraid that he would ignore her wishes and calmly say that he would take Li Shengjing in for her from behind.
But it was unknown which words pleased the young man. Hearing the girl's low scolding, Xie Huaijin smiled warmly, leaned over and touched Ciying's head, and said softly, "Okay."
【Author’s words】
[Cat's Paw]
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