Chapter 46
◎Birthday. ◎
At the beginning of May, Ciying went alone to pay tribute to the young lady and the lady.
It was drizzling that day. When they arrived at the tomb, Ci Ying put down his umbrella, knelt down gently, lit three incense sticks for the lady first, and then walked to the young lady's tomb.
A few years passed, and the area around the grave was covered with green grass. Ciying hadn't been there for a while, and with the spring breeze, it had grown to half a person's height. As usual, Ciying used her sickle to mow a circle around the grave. When the grave was clean again, she knelt in front of the young lady's grave.
She was talking to the tombstone about recent events, and her voice became softer as she spoke.
Ci Ying looked at the tombstone and lowered her eyes.
She really wants to be happier, and she's trying very hard to be happier.
It was fine at the Xie residence, but once we reached the young lady's tombstone, it was completely gone. The rain grew heavier, soaking the paper money on her fingers. Ci Ying replaced the cakes with fresh ones, tears dripping onto the edge of the white plate.
Under the rain, the lonely girl lowered her eyes and counted on her fingers, one year, two years... many years.
There are still many years to come.
As she ages, so does she.
Growing up is really a scary thing. Ciying didn’t get sick like Ruzhen, but she can no longer remember things from the past.
"Asu, Asu."
The echo of Ciying's words just now came from the empty courtyard.
The rain was heavy and did not stop until Ciying returned home.
In the carriage, she changed her clothes, which looked dry now. But her skin was still clung to rainwater, and even after wiping it off, the sticky feeling of it rubbing against her clothes didn't go away. Ci Ying quietly instructed the maid in the courtyard to prepare water for her bath.
In the wooden barrel, Ci Ying sank herself down.
She only emerged after choking on the water. The maidservant outside saw her and rushed in to support Ci Ying. She wiped the water off her face with a towel. Ci Ying's eyes were red. She spit out a mouthful of water and whispered, "Bring me a cup of cold tea."
The maid quickly agreed, and after a while, she handed the freshly brewed cold tea to Ciying.
Ci Ying slowly finished her cup. After bathing, she didn't dress properly, but put on her inner garment and walked to the window. It was still raining outside, and she watched quietly for a long time. When the rain stopped, she dressed properly and went to the study to finish the remaining business.
Another month passed and Ciying had become quite proficient in the job.
Lingyue and Lingshuang have also returned. After a quick meeting, they went to deal with the things that were left behind in Chang'an. They also brought some things from Jiangnan that required Ciying's decision.
Ru Zhen's condition has improved. Ci Ying hesitated about when to really tell Ru Zhen about going to Jiangnan. The days passed by in hesitation. Ci Ying still remembered the dream about Yuwen Fu that day. She didn't want to tell Xie Huaijin about the dream, so she sent someone to investigate herself. However, Mobei was indeed too far away, and the people she sent had not returned yet.
Zhu Guang made a false promise to her and ran away. Ci Ying guessed that he was probably going to look for Mo Yu.
Speaking of Mo Yu, Ci Ying hasn't seen him around Xie Huaijin for a while.
When Ci Ying was having dinner with Xie Huaijin that night, she mentioned Mo Yu. Xie Huaijin asked gently, "Did Zhu Guang ask you to ask about this?"
Ci Ying shook her head: "No, Zhu Guang left the house early in the morning."
Today I drank fish soup again, which was milky white and very delicious.
She looked at Xie Huaijin, but the young man didn't seem to want to say anything.
It was getting dark outside, and Ciying finished her meal and prepared to leave.
Before she left, she heard Xie Huaijin's voice: "Mo Yu has gone to recuperate."
Ci Ying turned around quickly: "Is he injured?"
"Very concerned?" The young man said this with a smile. Ci Ying was startled and said softly, "He is very powerful, so how could he be injured? Is there any difficult task recently? Do you need Zhu Guang's help?"
"Zhu Guang's arrival will only cause more trouble." The young man walked back with her, holding a lantern, the light slowly illuminating the road ahead. Ci Ying defended Zhu Guang, "She's very powerful."
Xie Huaijin did not deny: "In terms of martial arts alone, Zhu Guang is indeed better than Mo Yu."
"Then why can't she help?" Ci Ying retorted softly.
Looking at the people who were trying to get information, Xie Huaijin smiled gently, "It's not appropriate."
Walking through the deserted corridor, the servants saluted them: "Master, Madam."
Even though she had heard it several times, Ci Ying still couldn't react. Only after the group of people walked away did she feel a little relieved.
"Are you still not used to it?" The young man looked at Ci Ying's reaction.
Ci Ying didn't hide it: "Well, there will be a little when there are more people."
She sat down on a stone bench in the garden and looked at Xie Huaijin: "If you were me, you might not be able to adapt to it either. But you were born a master, born noble and respected, so you may not be able to understand this feeling."
Xie Huaijin really couldn't understand: "What is that feeling?"
Ci Ying thought for a moment and described it: "It's like a very thin wooden splinter that accidentally gets stuck in your finger. When you touch it, you can feel the trace of the splinter, but when you squeeze it harder, it won't come out, leaving only pain."
As she spoke, Ci Ying chuckled: "Isn't that a funny metaphor?"
"No." Xie Huaijin said.
He stood beside her as he did many times. He could see Ci Ying's face with her neck tilted back when he lowered his eyes. She always liked to look at the moon, so Xie Huaijin thought of Li Sheng.
In those poems, Ci Ying always compared Li Sheng to the moon.
Xie Huaijin and Ciying looked at the moon together. He said gently, "Don't squeeze it. Soak your hand in warm water. Any remaining splinters will pierce your skin again in a moment."
Ci Ying was speechless.
She no longer looked at the moon, but at Xie Huaijin.
But the moment she looked at Xie Huaijin, the young man was looking at the moon.
Ci Ying occasionally wondered whether Xie Huaijin had ever loved someone, regardless of love between men and women.
But it seemed that there wasn't any. Even for the parents, one of the most important people in a person's life - the deceased head of the family and his wife, she had never seen the slightest trace of nostalgia in Xie Huaijin's eyes.
Perhaps if one stayed in high positions for too long, they would become like Xie Huaijin. Brothers feuding with each other, fathers and sons turning against each other, were common among the aristocracy. There had been no fewer than ten such incidents circulating in Chang'an over the past decade, and those incidents involved were far less powerful than Xie Huaijin.
What exactly is power?
Ciying didn't know.
It is a good thing that can save lives.
Trapping her is a very bad thing.
She held it in her hands, but didn't know how to make some decisions, bloodshed, sacrifice. That day in the study, Xie Huaijin said that she didn't have to bear the fate of everyone...
Ci Ying secretly thought that this sentence should actually be - she cannot afford the fate of everyone behind every decision.
So Ciying was always hesitant and wavering.
Even in her poems and essays, there is always a gentle yearning.
She kicked her skirt lightly and stood up: "I'm going back."
......
The next time I heard Su Xueruo's name was at a banquet, when the wives of several ministers jokingly said, "Someone in the palace wants to set up a girls' school and wants us to send our daughters there to teach her."
The Shangshu's wife smiled and covered her lips, "My little daughter is really moved by the suggestion, but my old and pedantic husband refuses to go. Otherwise, I would have let my little daughter join in the fun."
"Empress Su is the same. What's the point of women studying..." A concubine said to several people in a flattering manner.
The people around glanced at each other, clearly looking down on the stepmother who had forced her way in. They jokingly said, "Madam Wang has a point."
During this time, several people looked at Ci Ying's expression, but there was no expression on Ci Ying's face. They couldn't tell even after watching for a long time.
Ci Ying left in the second half of the banquet.
In the carriage, Ling Yue rolled her eyes: "What those ladies said was too harsh. How can it be said that education is useless for women?"
Ci Ying smiled: "Just told me."
"How dare they?" Lingyue's face immediately became angry, and she puffed up her cheeks as if she was going to go back and settle the score.
Ci Ying shook her head: "No, the youngest daughter of the Shangshu wife is well-known for her talent, and the daughter of the minister's wife who has remained silent all this time also attends a private school."
Ling Yue asked, "Then why do they say that?"
Ci Ying said gently, "They are all wives of ministers from the Xie family. Miss Su, the queen, is from the Su family. The Su family and the Wang family are ostensibly two factions from the Xie family. If Miss Su brings her proposal to me, they won't dare to agree unless I express my approval."
"Madam Shangshu's words were a test. You can say them as you advance or retreat."
Lingyue propped up her head with her hands: "What does the master think?"
Ci Ying said softly, "I think it's pretty good."
If the girls' school in the palace could really be established, people in the society would naturally follow suit.
"The previous emperor, Emperor Xuanwu, loved thin waists. During an inspection tour, he found a concubine whose waist was only as thick as his palm. His favor brought prosperity to his family. After the news spread, the idea of thin waists became a common belief among the people, and many people starved to death as a result."
"The same goes for girls' schools. If they can be established in the palace, it would be a good thing."
This is also the reason why Xie Huaijin and Xie Ran both said that Chang'an was more like the paradise they envisioned than Jiangnan.
Ci Ying's path was gentler than Su Xueruo's. She had originally planned to wait until the identities of "Li Ci" and "Jiang Wei" were revealed, then use her influence in Jiangnan to negotiate with some less prestigious academies, offering them incentives to open up to women.
She had prepared some cards, but the time had not come yet, so she was waiting for public opinion to ferment and take shape.
Ling Yue then asked, "Master, what do you think the Queen is doing?"
"No reason."
After a long time, Ciying's voice was heard from the carriage.
She didn't know Su Xueruo, but Miss Su was doing a very good thing now, and she didn't want to speculate about her with any malicious intent.
She couldn't endorse her as Mrs. Xie, but as Ci Ying, she supported her very much.
The news that the Queen was going to found a girls' school somehow reached the people, and there was a lot of discussion about it. Surprisingly, there were not many voices of opposition. Even some bookstores and teahouses were praising Ru Ruo for really finding the girls' school, saying it was a great achievement since the founding of the dynasty.
The imperial palace.
Su Xuerou stroked her growing belly and asked, "Is the response so kind?"
She struggled to get up from the couch, with a hint of surprise on her face. She was actually prepared to be swept up in the rumors.
An ordinary-looking palace maid echoed from below: "Someone must have come to help."
Su Xueruo touched her belly and asked, "Can you find out who it is?" It went so smoothly that Su Xueruo began to wonder if it was a trap set by the other party.
The palace maid shook her head. "We can't find out. We only know that person gave away a lot of money and silenced the people in the bookshop and teahouse when the rumors first started. Then, several housekeepers secretly endorsed you. Chang'an is also a place of learning, so the rumors developed in the direction we wanted."
Su Xuerou's brows relaxed a little: "Go check again."
After saying that, she lay down tiredly. On the soft couch, the girl with a young face had a very big belly, which was totally different from that of a six-month pregnant woman.
Inside Xie's house.
Lingyue reported the rumors about the girls' school to Ciying. Ciying and Lingshuang looked at each other and smiled at the same time.
After Lingyue said she was tired, she sat on a chair and suddenly said, "If the girls' school needs a teacher, will you go?"
Before Ciying could say anything, Lingshuang grabbed Lingyue's hand and said, "Alright, you don't need to worry about the master's affairs. You haven't finished dealing with the goods in Jiangnan yet, have you? You've been lazy for a few days, it's time to go."
Lingyue stuck out her tongue and said to Ciying, "Master, I'm leaving now."
Ling Shuang also said, "Master, I will go down first. Master, please call us if you need anything."
The two of them continued to quarrel, Lingyue was responsible for the quarrel, and Lingshuang quietly listened to Lingyue's surging emotions that had not yet stopped.
Ci Ying watched the two people walk away.
......
It was mid-May when Zhu Guang returned in a daze. He pushed open the door of his study and saw Ci Ying at a glance.
Ci Ying heard the noise and looked up to see Zhu Guang with red eyes. She put down her pen, walked over and asked softly, "What's wrong?"
Zhu Guang didn't say anything, he just cried.
She kept crying, but it only meant one thing: "I can't find Mo Yu."
Ci Ying touched Zhu Guang's head and sighed helplessly: "I'll go ask for you."
Zhu Guang immediately blinked at Ci Ying and smiled. Ci Ying smiled and poked Zhu Guang's forehead: "Wait until tonight, go down and wash up, then rest for a while, your eyes are red."
Zhu Guang nodded quickly, and when he turned around, the smile on Ci Ying's face faded a little. She might not be able to ask, as Xie Huaijin only gave a general idea last time.
After dinner in the evening, Ci Ying once again asked about Mo Yu's situation.
Xie Huaijin said the same thing as last time: "I'm recovering from my injuries."
Ci Ying's eyes became more serious: "It's been half a month since I got sick so seriously."
Xie Huaijin whispered, "Yeah."
Ci Ying hesitated and asked, "Where is Mo Yu recuperating?"
The moonlight was gentle. The young man glanced at Ci Ying and shook his head. In Ci Ying's puzzled eyes, he pointed out: "Mo Yu doesn't want to see Zhu Guang. Sorry, I can't tell you."
Ci Ying was stunned for a moment because of Xie Huaijin's attitude.
She blinked and whispered, "But I promised Zhu Guang."
The young man met her eyes and smiled again for some reason. He asked, "Then think about where Mo Yu is?"
Ci Ying initially thought Xie Huaijin was joking, but she quickly realized what was going on and said, "I understand."
The young man took a sip of tea and said nothing more.
Ci Ying went back and walked to the front of the yard, she saw Zhu Guang sitting in the yard, looking at her with his eyes wide open. When he saw Ci Ying, he hurried over. With the help of the lantern, Ci Ying could see Zhu Guang's face clearly. His eyes were not as red anymore, but it was obvious that he had not rested well.
She said softly, "Xie Huaijin didn't say it explicitly, but Mo Yu should be in the mansion. I don't know where in the mansion he is. You are familiar with Mo Yu, so think about it carefully."
"Did the young master say anything else?" Zhu Guang looked at Ci Ying with wide eyes.
Ci Ying hesitated for a moment, then held Zhu Guang's hand. "He said Mo Yu was recuperating from his injuries. I guessed that he was in the mansion. Zhu Yi and Zhu Er haven't been in the Xie mansion recently. Xie Huaijin wouldn't be alone. Mo Yu is probably in a dark place in the mansion."
Ci Ying originally thought Zhu Guang would be worried when she told him that Mo Yu was injured, but upon hearing that Mo Yu was injured, Zhu Guang was indifferent: "It's normal for secret guards to be injured. If they were seriously injured, they would die outside. The fact that they can come back means they are fine."
"Thank you, Ciying." Zhu Guang gritted his teeth and said, "If you ask the Master, he will tell you right away. I've asked him several times, but he won't reveal a single word."
Ciying didn't say anything.
Under the moonlight, Ci Ying looked at Zhu Guang's figure walking away, her eyes curved.
She turned back to the study and as she opened the door, she remembered what the young man had just said: "Your birthday is coming soon."
This was the second time Xie Huaijin brought up the topic of her birthday. After the last time, Ci Ying didn't think much about it.
She looked at Xie Huaijin calmly: "Then I am one year older."
She was leaning against the door when he spoke. The young man's eyes wandered between her and the door, and he said softly, "It seems like you have grown taller."
Although they were not very close, Ci Ying could still smell the fragrance on the young man. It was different from before. She smelled it again and felt it was like sandalwood.
There were still embers in the incense burner nearby. Ci Ying took a look and turned away.
......
Ciying received many gifts on her birthday.
Not to mention the gifts from the palace and various mansions, she met Xiaowan, whom she hadn't seen for a long time, and the hunter mentioned in Xiaowan's letter.
It was Lingyue and Lingshuang who brought Xiaowan in. Lingyue held Xiaowan's hand, and the hunter followed behind Xiaowan embarrassedly. When Lingyue joked that the two were a perfect match, the tall and strong man immediately blushed.
The man and Xiaowan bowed to Ciying together. Xiaowan gently hit the man's arm and said, "This is not the way men bow."
The hunter was neither here nor there. Lingyue laughed, and Lingshuang said softly, "No need to bow, Xiaowan."
Don't bully people.
Ci Ying completed the rest of the words and helped Xiao Wan up personally. Looking at Xiao Wan's rosy complexion, she knew that she should have a good life after marriage. Ci Ying was very pleased, as if she had really married a younger sister.
Ru Zhen hasn't gone to Jiangnan yet, and Ci Ying agreed with Ru Zhen to wait until after her birthday.
Ru Zhen's condition has stabilized a lot recently, and she actually recognized Xiao Wan when she saw her. When Xiao Wan saw Ru Zhen's appearance, her eyes turned red for some reason, and the hunter followed behind her, at a loss.
Ci Ying said gently, "Alright, stay a few more days. I'll have Ling Shuang arrange rooms for you."
Xiaowan waved her hands hurriedly: "That's where the guests live, Master, we..."
Ci Ying took Xiao Wan's hand and said, "Xiao Wan is of course my guest."
Seeing Xiaowan about to burst into tears again, Ciying quickly smiled and said, "Okay, you've been traveling for a long time. It's just a birthday, no need to come all the way here."
Xiaowan hurriedly shook her head and looked at the hunter beside her. The hunter hurriedly took down the basket he had been carrying all the way. Lingyue and Lingshuang took a closer look and found that it was a very beautiful bird.
"Master, I caught it myself. It's very human and can even imitate human speech."
"Mynah bird?" Lingyue asked.
A brightly colored bird flew out. It wasn't a starling, but it was indeed very human-like. The hunter made some kind of gesture, and the bird flew around on its own, then landed on the hunter's hand and called out to Ciying, "Happy, happy!"
Lingyue and Lingshuang looked at each other, and Lingyue shook her head and said, "I lost."
Lingshuang didn't say anything, but that was what she meant.
Ru Zhen walked forward and started playing with the bird. Ci Ying watched and felt a long-lost happiness in her heart.
It seems like nothing has happened yet and everyone is still there.
Lingyue and Lingshuang's gift was a boat. They handed Ciying a key. After congratulating her, Lingyue blinked and said, "Master, my sister and I have been saving this for a long time. It's very thoughtful. Although it's not as beautiful as that bird... Damn it, our boat should also be named 'Happy'. No, let's call it 'Happiness'."
Lingshuang pinched Lingyue from behind, and Lingyue screamed exaggeratedly, and Ciying also laughed out loud.
Although it is called a small boat, it is actually not small. She held the key in her hand and said "thank you" to the two of them.
Ru Zhen had been staying at the mansion, her memory was fragmented. When she heard that today was Ci Ying's birthday, she thought for a moment and placed her hand in Ci Ying's: "Yes, a gift!"
Ci Ying's eyes turned red again. She turned sideways and everyone gathered around her, comforting her one by one.
When the sun set, Lingyue and Lingshuang took Xiaowan and her husband downstairs to settle down. Ruzhen went back to take medicine and have acupuncture. The figures gradually moved away, and only Ciying was left in the room.
Not really.
Ci Ying looked at the birds not far away. The birds seemed to be very human-like. When they saw her looking at them, they immediately started calling "Happy, happy" again.
Ci Ying whispered, "Is your name 'Happy'?
Bird: "Happy, happy."
Ci Ying smiled gently. Yesterday, Xie Huaijin told her that she didn't need to go to his yard for dinner today.
After being away for many days, Ciying was even a little uncomfortable when he suddenly stopped going.
After a busy day, she sat at the table and wrote a poem, thinking that she would send it to Xie Ran and Li Sheng in two days. Then she thought that it seemed like she hadn't received a reply from the two of them for a month.
It was late at night before Ciying put down his pen.
The moon outside the window was very round, and the moonlight poured in through the window. Ciying could get a piece of it with just her hand.
She remembered the birthday gift Xie Huaijin had mentioned before. Today, she didn't even see Mo Yu, let alone Xie Huaijin's.
Fortunately, she didn't expect it.
Thinking of this, she finally made a statement to "Happiness".
The sound of birds echoed in the study: "Happy, happy."
Ci Ying pushed the door open with satisfaction and left the study, walked through the corridor and all the way to the dormitory.
She didn't like being served, and at night there were usually only people outside. She was a little surprised to see the faint candlelight in the room, but she just thought it was left there by the maid for fear that she would fall at night.
She chuckled, thinking about visiting the young lady tomorrow, and slowly closed the door.
The wooden door opened softly, and in the quiet night, Ci Ying could even hear the crackling sound of candlelight in the distance.
Her eyes were attracted by the candlelight, and she felt that it seemed different from the candles she had seen before. She walked around the screen and saw a horrifying scene.
Mr. Li, who was supposed to be far away in Jiangnan, sat on her bed so abruptly.
The frail young man coughed softly, wearing a thin layer of...
Ci Ying didn't know for a moment whether she could still watch, but how could she not know what had happened? She couldn't help but feel angry, but it was too late to look for Xie Huaijin.
He just turned around and apologized to Mr. Li in a low voice.
The girl looked embarrassed and said, "I'm sorry."
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