Chapter 52
◎Hear. ◎
"I don't understand what you're saying." Ci Ying's voice fell silent after she finished this. Even with the sunlight, she couldn't quite see Xie Huaijin in the dark. Her eyes blurred for a moment before she continued talking about Zhu Guang: "Don't let Mo Yu go. I'll find a way to deal with Yu Wenshu."
"No need. I didn't agree to Mo Yu in the first place." The young man's voice faded, and he no longer had the same emotion as before. He didn't even look at Ci Ying again, but turned around and looked at the top of the low bed.
Xie Huaijin slowly lowered his eyes. Compared to his previous anger, his indifference now seemed even colder. Ci Ying's hand flinched, but she only whispered "OK" before leaving.
After Ciying left, the holiday was filled with empty silence.
Mo Yu silently brought the medicine. Xie Huaijin asked calmly, "When are you going to tell Zhu Guang?"
Mo Yu was speechless, but according to the rules of the secret guards, they were not allowed to conceal any information from their masters. Without much hesitation, he said softly, "I'm not going to tell you. If Zhu Guang asks you about it, please keep it a secret for me."
Xie Huaijin looked at Mo Yu, and after a long time he finally said "hmm".
This was probably a rare moment of tenderness for Xie Huaijin, the eldest son of the Xie family. Mo Yu sat by the bed and passed some secret letters to Xie Huaijin: "Yuwen Fu said that he wanted to visit you in two days."
"No." On the bed, the young man lowered his eyes, his fingers turning page after page of the secret letter. He asked Mo Yu a rare question that he couldn't answer. The pale-faced young man stared out the window for a long time. When a drop of rain fell along the eaves, he spoke softly, "Mo Yu, I think I did something wrong."
Mo Yu was a little surprised. He seemed to have never heard the word "wrong" from the young master's mouth.
Even in this incident, the young master just said, "It was my carelessness, no one else's fault." Mo Yu didn't know how to respond, but Xie Huaijin obviously didn't need his answer.
......
People cannot predict the future.
So when Xie Huaijin realized he had made a mistake, it was too late. Even if he could turn the world upside down and manipulate everything, he couldn't go back and correct that mistake.
The past jokes and evil will eventually ferment into bitter fruit one day. Even though it has not happened yet, Xie Huaijin has already seen the future. However, he and Ci Ying had no future in the first place.
Ci Ying deployed a plan to attack Yuwen Shu's more remote forces, crush them first, and then find a way to attack Yuwen Shu after returning to Chang'an.
Xie Huaijin secretly asked Mo Yu to stop him.
Naturally, this matter could not be concealed from Ci Ying, and Ci Ying did not go looking for Xie Huaijin, but just made another plan. However, she was still stopped by Xie Huaijin once, twice, and three times. During Xie Huaijin's recuperation, the two men never met once, but clashed four or five times.
After the plan was interrupted for the fifth time, Ci Ying held her breath. Zhu Guang advised Ci Ying to just forget about it, but Ci Ying gritted her teeth, thinking that Xie Huaijin just wanted to go against her.
There were only Ci Ying and Zhu Guang in the yard, and Ci Ying scolded Xie Huaijin severely.
Zhu Guang grinned on the side. Ci Ying's scolding was really... cute. She only said words like "childish", "idiot", and "stupid". It was not known whether the young master was angry or not, but she was touched by her cuteness anyway.
"Maybe the young master has his own plans." Zhu Guang analyzed carefully and actually felt that Ci Ying could ignore the young master's affairs. After all, if the young master really wanted to take action against Yuwen Shu, it would only take a flick of his finger.
Ci Ying calmed down, looked at Zhu Guang, and a breath of air slowly subsided in her heart.
She could say against her will that she did not do these things because of Xie Huaijin, but she knew in her heart that everything she wanted to do to Yuwen Shu now was just because of the scene in the carriage where the doctor cut open the mottled flesh on the young man's body.
Zhu Guang hugged Ci Ying and said with a chuckle, "Okay, don't think about Yu Wenshu anymore. We will go back in a few days."
But is it a happy thing to go back to Chang'an?
Ci Ying looked at Zhu Guang's smile and felt that it was a real mess.
After Zhu Guang left, she sat on the stone bench, in a daze.
Is Xie Huaijin afraid of alerting the enemy?
But if Yuwen Shu was a normal person, he should have known that Xie Huaijin would definitely attack him after he escaped. Even if Xie Huaijin was seriously injured and died on the way back, the Xie family would never let Yuwen Shu go because of the rumors.
Ciying thought of the rumors again.
Ironically, according to rumors across the country, she and Xie Huaijin were in perfect harmony, extremely loving, and a match made in heaven. Ci Ying recited these words bit by bit, and in the empty courtyard, there was only the sound of the wind blowing.
......
When returning to Chang'an, Ci Ying originally chose to travel by land, but Mo Yu told her that the young master wanted to take the water route.
Ci Ying had no objection, as the water route was less bumpy than the land route.
After what happened last time, the group boarded the Xie family’s boat directly.
Ciying's room was in the center of the cabin, and it was quite large, so Zhu Guang simply shared it with Ciying, and meals were brought to her room each day. The Mobei group had exhausted themselves, and once aboard, Ciying's deep fatigue began to show. She lazily sat in her room, unwilling to leave, writing and reading, and occasionally practicing swordplay with Zhu Guang.
Zhu Guang sometimes told her about Xie Huaijin, such as that he had never seen Xie Huaijin, that Xie Huaijin still had to take a lot of medicine every day, and that Mo Yu suspected that Xie Huaijin was instigating her to look worse and worse. Ci Ying always listened quietly and never responded.
One day during his free time, Zhu Guang asked Ci Ying, "Don't you regret it?"
Ci Ying actually didn’t understand what Zhu Guang meant at first, but she soon realized that it must be about Xie Huaijin.
Do you regret it?
I shouldn't regret it this time.
Zhu Guang sat down beside Ci Ying, looked at her seriously, and said softly, "This may be the best opportunity. There may not be such a good opportunity in the future. Chang'an is impregnable. No one would be stupid enough to attack the young master. Ci Ying, even if you return to Chang'an, you will not be able to take the young master's life."
Ci Ying saw through Zhu Guang's pretense of seriousness and said softly, "It hasn't reached that point."
Zhu Guang swung his legs and whispered, "I think so."
Ci Ying also laughed: "There are too many people who will die in this world."
"Ciying, if one day the young master threatens you with his life..."
Before Zhu Guang finished speaking, Ci Ying said seriously, "That day will never come."
Zhu Guang noticed the seriousness in Ci Ying's expression and said nothing more.
Ci Ying pushed open the door of the guest room and went out, looking at the endless sea. She actually didn't want to take a boat ride. After all, something like that happened the last time she took a boat ride. Sometimes she felt the sea water swaying under her body, and when she closed her eyes, she could see the scene of the knife handle across the necks of several people that day.
She felt that Xie Huaijin did it on purpose.
She wasn't very happy, in fact, she had never been happy. Nothing happy had happened since her birthday. At that time, Xiaowan and the others came back to see her, and she was happy. Then Xie Huaijin stripped Li Sheng naked and sent him to her room, and then everything began to fall apart like a wild horse that was out of control.
Ciying didn't know where else they could go.
Like a piece of driftwood on the sea, life and death are not in our control.
The wind blew, the waves crashed, and rocks and reefs appeared. Ci Ying stood on tiptoe, gazing at the icy lake, her eyes swaying gently with the water. She looked eastward, towards Xie Huaijin's room. She hadn't seen him in the past few days, and according to Zhu Guang, she had only met him once.
"He's pale, like a ghost." Zhu Guang's voice resonated in Ci Ying's mind. She wondered if Xie Huaijin's illness had relapsed or if he hadn't recovered at all. Ci Ying pushed those thoughts out of her head and returned home when she heard a light cough, coming from far away.
In the room on the easternmost side of the cabin.
Xie Huaijin covered his lips with a handkerchief and a mouthful of blood gushed out.
He looked dizzy from vomiting and his symptoms even showed signs of recurring. The things Mo Yu had prepared to control seasickness were placed aside intact, and the young man didn't even open them.
The pale and sickly young man half-closed his eyes and silently threw the handkerchief into the brazier.
He was sitting in a wheelchair, and the sound of the wheelchair rolling was very clear in the middle of the night. The lights were on in the room. The young man rolled the wheelchair to the desk and looked at the book of poems written by Ciying that was spread out on the desk.
He lowered his eyes, very lightly and calmly.
After returning to Chang'an, the first news Ci Ying heard was that Su Xueruo had given birth to twins prematurely. Unfortunately, because the twins were born prematurely, the younger sister died. Ci Ying was stunned for a moment and asked the maid, "How is Empress Su?"
The maid hesitated for a moment and said, "It should be fine. There is no news from the palace."
Ci Ying listened as the maid continued, "The baby boy was crowned the Crown Prince upon birth, and a ceremony will be held when he is one month old. The news that Madam and the Young Master are returning had already arrived. Miss Lingshuang asked me to have the servants prepare several suitable clothes for Madam to choose from when she returns."
After Ci Ying picked out her clothes, she felt a little dazed.
The phrase "things have changed and people have changed" is not appropriate here, but she inexplicably thought of this word.
After she saw Su Xueruo on the Phoenix Throne, this word came to her mind again.
After giving birth, even though she tried her best to dress up, no matter how heavy the makeup was, it could not hide the weakness that emanated from Su Xueruo's bones. It was as if giving birth had exhausted her last bit of strength. Now it was just the bones in her body supporting the flesh, with only a hint of gloom left in her eyes.
Ci Ying took a look and turned back, seeing Xie Huaijin looking at Su Xueruo.
The corners of Xie Huaijin's lips were straight. Although it was clearly a ceremony to enthronize the crown prince, he was wearing a snow-white robe. He was cold and aloof, without a trace of human aura, as if he were snow in the mountains.
Su Xueruo seemed to be looking at them, but for some reason her eyes jumped behind them. Ci Ying looked behind her, but only saw the maids coming and going.
Su Xueruo withdrew her gaze and started coughing.
The emperor turned sideways impatiently. Ci Ying looked at him with complicated eyes, and even wondered in her heart whether all couples in the world were like this, united for the sake of interests, but physically together but spiritually apart. Su Xueruo had just given birth to two children for the emperor, and one of them had even died. In front of all the wives of ministers in the court, the emperor's impatience was even shown on his face.
Halfway through the banquet, Ci Ying noticed that Xie Huaijin had gone out.
After a while, Su Xueruo also went out.
She took a look and followed him for some reason.
In an abandoned palace, Su Xueruo waved away the maid who was supporting her and knelt down in front of Xie Huaijin.
The young man in the snow-white clothes had no emotion in his eyes, and he just called Su Xueruo's name softly.
"Su Xuerou."
The person on the ground was trembling, her eyes becoming more and more confused. She was wearing the same bright yellow official uniform as the emperor, but her whole body looked like a withered flower wrapped in gorgeous clothes.
From flesh to soul, everything was sucked clean.
"Shuhe, please help me, one last time."
Su Xueruo even knelt down and kowtowed. Although she had no strength left in her body, her kowtows made the floor creak. "Shuhe, for Yuhua's sake, please help me one last time. He wants to give my child to Concubine Liang to raise. How can he do that? I am the Queen, and my child is the Crown Prince. They can't do this."
Ci Ying stood behind the pillar and watched Su Xueruo go crazy.
She knelt forward and grabbed the corner of Xie Huaijin's clothes, wrinkling the snow-white clothes. "They can't do this. The Su family has also switched sides. How can they do this? They clearly promised me, promised me. Shu He, please help me again. I know that with just one word from you, those people won't dare to do this to me, just like last time."
Su Xueruo looked at Xie Huaijin with hopeful eyes.
But no matter what she said, the young man's eyes remained cold.
Su Xueruo pleaded for a long time, and after a long while, a faint voice came from above: "You already exchanged your life with Xie Qingyu last time, Queen Su, what do you have left?"
The three words "Xie Qingyu" nailed Su Xueruo to the spot. She hugged her head, covered her ears, and looked blankly into the darkness.
Xie Huaijin looked at him calmly and said, "Su Xueruo, do you still remember his name is Xie Qingyu?"
Su Xueruo screamed in pain, but finally begged: "For his sake, please help me one more time, Shuhe, Shuhe, please..."
Seeing that Xie Huaijin was unmoved, Su Xueruo stood up tremblingly and said through gritted teeth: "Don't force me, you know I have the leverage over you, Xie Huaijin, if you don't help me, I will reveal that you are a lunatic, and as for that matter, you know, you don't want to..."
Xie Huaijin raised his eyes and looked at Su Xueruo.
Su Xuerou's expression brightened instantly: "Please help me, I swear, I will never tell anyone about that in my life. You know, if Ci Ying knew..."
"Su Xueruo." These three words fell in the empty palace.
Su Xueruo closed her lips, intimidated by Xie Huaijin's eyes, but she couldn't help but go crazy in fear: "Why don't you do what you can do for me by just raising your hand, Xie Huaijin, please help me."
"Su Xueruo, can't you see clearly?" The young man's voice was calm.
Su Xueruo looked at Xie Huaijin in despair. She saw a hint of irony in the young man's lips and said in a cold tone, "You can't do it."
Su Xueruo's body stiffened.
Xie Huaijin's eyes were beautiful and cold as he pronounced his verdict: "You will never be able to do this."
Su Xueruo went completely crazy. She threw the hairpin on her head over. Xie Huaijin did not dodge. One of the hairpins scratched the young man's face, leaving a blood mark.
Su Xueruo became even crazier when she saw the blood: "I'm not wrong. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with wanting power and wanting to reach the top? You are wrong. You are wrong. Xie Qingyu is wrong. Why didn't you give me the position of Madam Xie and chose to give it to a servant who is nothing? You clearly know that I like you, you clearly know..."
"Xie Qingyu too. He thinks he's so great, doesn't he? He loves me and fights for me. He looks at me like that and tries to stop me, saying I'm wrong and asking me not to make the same mistake again. What's this? If I were born as powerful as you, if I were a man, would I need to do all this?"
"They stole my poems and essays to give to my half-brother, and offered my ideas to him, hoping to make him famous in Chang'an. You all knew all about it, so why didn't you help me? Why...why wasn't I you? Why, Xie Huaijin, do you know how jealous I am of you? I wish I had been born with you. It took me so many years to figure it out. I don't like you at all. Who would like a lunatic like you? I'm just jealous of you and want everything you have."
Xie Huaijin waited calmly for her to finish and said softly.
"Well, I'm crazy, so what did Xie Qingyu do wrong?"
Su Xueruo was stuck, and Ci Ying listened to the young man in white clothes behind the pillar with complicated eyes.
"When I was sixteen, you drugged me. Fearing responsibility after the truth was revealed, you went to find Xie Qingyu. He drank the tea you offered him and spent the whole night with you in an absurd way. The next day, you cried and pleaded your innocence. Xie Qingyu, feeling guilty, came to propose marriage to you, but you cried and said no. But then you also cried and said that if the Su family heard about this, they would force you to death. To protect your reputation, Xie Qingyu became a monk. Well, then he died."
Su Xueruo's fingers were stiff and she looked at Xie Huaijin with trembling eyes.
Xie Huaijin continued, "Interestingly, the palace records of the emperor's sleeping arrangements state that Empress Su fell ill on the first day of his service. Su Xueruo, why are you claiming to be so innocent? Do you think I don't know what kind of person you are, or do you think Xie Qingyu doesn't know?"
"You, what do you mean..." Su Xueruo didn't want to delve into this sentence.
But how could Xie Huaijin give her such an opportunity? He smiled gently, but there was no emotion in his eyes: "You don't really think Xie Qingyu doesn't even know whether he has slept with someone or not, do you?"
As far as Ci Ying could remember, this was the first time she heard Xie Huaijin say such vulgar words.
Su Xueruo swallowed a breath and quickly raised her neck again: "What's wrong with knowing? He was willing. If he really loved me, he shouldn't have stopped me when I asked him to drug you. I chose him, but he chose you. How could you survive if he drugged you with your trust in him? His love is too cheap and can't help me at all."
Xie Huaijin's eyes dimmed. He looked at Su Xueruo and asked calmly, "There's only one thing I don't understand these years. Why did you force him to become a monk?"
Su Xueruo gave up and laughed, "Hahahaha, of course it's because I want to marry you, but he likes me. You like him so much, and I rely on my relationship with him to be able to talk to you. That's why there are those so-called 'childhood sweethearts', 'golden boy and jade girl', and 'match made in heaven' in Chang'an."
Su Xueruo sarcastically spat out these words one by one, as if spitting out the blood from her heart.
"If he liked me, you wouldn't have given me the position of Mrs. Xie. Xie Qingyu is in the way. He shouldn't... shouldn't like me. Isn't it good for us to be friends? Why would he like me?" Su Xueruo started crying as she spoke. Her memory seemed to go back to her youth. The young man named Xie Qingyu always followed her and gave her a gentle smile when she turned around.
Unlike Xie Huaijin's superficial gentleness, Xie Qingyu is a person who is truly gentle to the core.
Su Xueruo felt that she had no strength left in her body. She lay on the ground, becoming one with the dust, but her eyes were still looking at Xie Huaijin.
She didn't love him, didn't like him, but she was jealous of him.
She was so jealous that even with only the last bit of strength left in her bones, she still had to look at him. After a long silence in the palace, Su Xueruo suddenly laughed softly. She said resentfully, "It doesn't matter, Xie Huaijin. One day you will fall from the high peak. I make a wish every year on my birthday. What qualifications do you have to judge me from such a high position? How are you any better than me? One day, one day..."
In Su Xueruo's closed eyes, there was only the corner of Xie Huaijin's snow-white clothes.
Her life seemed to be ending like this, but she thought of her child and she hadn't made any arrangements yet. If she died like this, the cannibalistic palace would eat her child until nothing was left.
She propped herself up and stood up from the ground. The maidservant who came in from outside shouted in panic, "Madam, Madam."
Su Xueruo thought that if her personal maid Ah He was still alive, she would call her Miss, but Ah He was gone, just like Xie Qingyu. When she was pregnant, she sent Ah He to the emperor's bed. Unfortunately, the emperor only gave her Ah He's body. When it was sent to her, Ah He's hands and feet were broken. Her Ah He.
Su Xueruo was helped up by the maid and walked outside step by step.
When passing by a pillar, Su Xueruo stopped and signaled the maid to squat down.
"Left, left again, um, pick it up and give it to me."
The maid handed it over respectfully. Su Xueruo rubbed a bead with her fingers and laughed softly. She said that she would not let Xie Huaijin have an easy time.
If Yuwen Shu's men can't kill Xie Huaijin, then she will do it.
......
On the way back, Ciying was silent.
Zhu Guang asked the groom quietly, "Where is the young master?"
The groom said, "He didn't come back with the lady."
Even when she arrived in the yard, Ci Ying could not forget Su Xueruo's crazy look, and she felt complicated.
She asked Zhu Guang, "Did Miss Su have a half-brother?"
Zhu Guang nodded. "Yes, he died later. Before his death, he had a good reputation. He was very talented and knowledgeable, and he saved the world and the people. But he died young."
"Why are you suddenly asking about Su Xueruo?" Zhu Guang sighed as he thought of something and muttered, "She used to... Anyway, Ciying, forget it."
Ci Ying didn't ask any further questions, but just looked at the moon in the sky.
It seems that when it reaches the fifteenth day, it becomes particularly round.
It was round and seemed to contain a real osmanthus tree, the legendary goddess of heaven, and a snow-white rabbit. She stood up and returned to the house alone.
......
The carriage was traveling through the mountains.
Mo Yu stopped in front of a temple and whispered to the people inside, "Master, we're here."
A light "hmm" came from the young man inside.
After a long time, the first bell of the mountain temple rang, and Mo Yu heard Xie Huaijin say, "Let's go."
In the early morning, there was no sun and the mountains were covered with fog.
The sound of a carriage running echoed through the mountains, one after another, and the sound of the temple bells became farther and farther away. The young man in the carriage half-closed his eyes, and when he picked up the pen, he accidentally wrote the word "Ci Ying".
【Author’s words】
"Accidentally" [spread hands][spread hands][spread hands]
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