Chapter 59
"Happy, happy."
"I was wrong about Yuwen Fu," the young man said slowly. His voice trembled slightly, but he maintained his usual calm demeanor. Seeing Ci Ying's cold eyes, he softened his tone, "I did... tell Yuwen Fu that Ruzhen had left Chang'an with you."
"I expected Yuwen Fu to catch up, but I know that Yuwen Fu will not harm you and Ru Zhen. The people in the mansion have been following us secretly."
Ci Ying looked at Xie Huaijin coldly. This sentence was almost the same as an admission.
She looked at Xie Huaijin and asked only one more question: "Why?"
In fact, she could no longer remember what happened at that time, but she still remembered the scene of the thunderstorm at the inn. Many times when she woke up from her dream, she felt that she was still in that inn.
She looked at Xie Huaijin, not knowing what she wanted to hear from the young man.
She pushed the hug away and whispered, "Forget it. I don't really want to know anymore. Maybe you're just like that. I always think of you in my own way, thinking too much of you, too much of you. Maybe you're not that good, nor that bad. I'm just trying to find the right balance. I'll coax you when it's fun, and leave when it's boring. And when your fun falls on me, it becomes too much of a burden."
Ci Ying analyzed the situation calmly, recalling the previous arguments, as if she was about to say it all at once. She pondered slowly, "Xie Huaijin, I was wrong. You always accused me of favoring those people. Now that I've thought about it, I think that might be the case."
She downplayed it, actually no longer feeling anything, even her words became gentle: "Maybe it's just that my heart understands deception before I do. I always deceive even myself. Fortunately, I chose not to deceive others."
Xie Huaijin stood there like a sculpture, his pale blue clothes making his face look very pale, and there was no longer the calm smile he used to have between his eyebrows.
Ci Ying felt that she had said too much. She finally looked at Xie Huaijin and said, "Let me go, Xie Huaijin. You have things you need to do, and I have things I need to do. If we continue to entangle, we will only become two young corpses. I don't want the first person's blood on my hands to be yours. Putting aside these entanglements, there is actually no deep hatred between us."
Finally, Ciying said softly, "You continue to manipulate people's hearts and seek your own world. I will be my Ciying. You know, I prefer being Ciying to being the mistress of the Xie Mansion, your wife."
Xie Huaijin looked into Ciying's calm eyes and said softly, "You can continue to be your Ciying."
Ci Ying stared straight at Xie Huaijin: "No, I'm not like that when I'm with you."
Freedom can be many things, but it cannot be the product of mutual deception.
When leaving, Ciying did not look back.
The sky was covered with heavy snow, and Xie Huaijin stood there quietly until Ciying had left for a long time.
In the past, Mo Yu would come out at this time, but after waiting for a long time, Xie Huaijin still didn't see any trace of Mo Yu. He then remembered that Mo Yu was dead. His eyes were stunned for a moment, and he didn't know why he felt a little tired in his heart.
In the snow-covered sky, the young man was as silent as a dead branch covered with snow, which would only make a creaking sound when stepped on.
He could have captured her again, like he had done many times before, and then... there would be no more. He was a monster, and sooner or later he would do something to hurt Ciying again, over and over again. As far as Ciying was concerned, their only destination could be two graves.
Ciying wouldn't even be willing to be buried with him, or she wouldn't take him with her when she died.
This thought made Xie Huaijin feel fear for the first time in his life. He realized for the first time that he was afraid of death. If this person was Ci Ying, he didn't want to see Ci Ying turned into a small grave.
For a moment, he understood Mo Yu. Mo Yu did so much before his death just because he didn't want Zhu Guang to become a grave.
Xie Huaijin thought, those people were right, he was a monster.
Ciying...Ciying was the wedding candle on their wedding day, bright and beautiful. The wind lit the candlelight, the fire burned the wind, the lamp oil dripped bit by bit, and there would always be a moment when it burned out.
On the day the two separated, the snow that had been falling in Chang'an for a month stopped.
Ci Ying actually didn't think that she and Xie Huaijin were in a relationship that needed to be said goodbye, but when Xie Huaijin came, her eyes stopped on the separation letter that Xie Huaijin handed her. Xie Huaijin's name and handprint were neatly written on it. In the snow-covered sky, Ci Ying took the thin piece of paper, her breathing a little dazed.
Xie Huaijin agreed too quickly, which was completely different from before. Before seeing the divorce agreement, Ci Ying always felt that there was a conspiracy. It was not until the divorce agreement was put in her hands that she felt relieved.
The young man watched Ci Ying walk away quietly, and returned to his study alone.
He picked up the pen to write something, but didn't know where to start. He thought that Ciying probably wouldn't even read the letters he sent her in the future. Such moments were rare in Xie Huaijin's life. He was wrapped in great confusion and didn't know where to go in the future.
Most of the people in the Elders' Hall have died, and killing the rest would be venting anger on others.
Logically speaking, the next step should be the destruction of the Xie family, or his.
But when Xie Huaijin saw Ci Ying's back, he realized that he could no longer be as resolute as he was when he was young. If people could turn into ghosts after death, he would definitely float to Ci Ying's side, just like returning to his roots.
But......
In the empty study, Xie Huaijin sat upright, not moving for a long time.
He was worried.
He was worried about Ciying.
......
Ci Ying took the bird named "Happy" with her. Happy chirped all the way, and Ci Ying broke off some snacks to feed her. When Zhu Guang heard that she was going to divorce Xie Huaijin, he rushed back from outside. Zhu Guang didn't say it explicitly, but Ci Ying understood that Zhu Guang was afraid that she would not be able to leave.
Zhu Guang looked at Kai Xin and fiddled with it with his fingers: "Ci Ying, it's very friendly, unlike the one I picked up."
Ci Ying continued to feed him a snack and said softly, "Grow it a little longer, and it might be cooked."
Zhu Guang placed his head on her shoulder, just like before, but he would never smile as freely as before. Zhu Guang's gentle voice came from below: "Ciying, congratulations."
Ci Ying chuckled softly and said, "Well, I congratulate myself too."
No one wanted to delve into why Ciying was able to leave this time.
"Did the young master really give you the divorce letter?" Zhu Guang asked softly.
Ciying took it out of her arms and handed it to Zhu Guang. Zhu Guang looked at it for a long time and said to Ciying, "Good, Ciying, that's really good..."
Ciying also said "That's great", and Kai Xin was pecking at the broken cakes in Ciying's hand. Lingyue and Lingshuang asked Ciying where they were going now. Ciying thought about it and decided to go to Jiangnan first to see the academy run by Xie Ran and Li Sheng, as well as Ru Zhen. Thinking about it carefully, she and Ru Zhen had not seen each other for a long time.
Five days later, they arrived in Jiangnan.
Xie Ran was busy with the affairs of the academy, so Li Sheng brought Ru Zhen to pick her up. When they met, Ru Zhen gave her a big hug first, and Ci Ying smiled sincerely. Zhu Guang stepped aside and saw that Ru Zhen had regained most of her consciousness, and only occasionally mentioned Yuwen Fu's name accidentally.
When Ci Ying heard Yu Wenfu's name, her eyes became complicated for a moment.
According to blood relationship, Yuwen Fu is actually her brother with the same father and mother. It is hard to think of anything more absurd than this in the world, but it happened.
Ci Ying touched Ru Zhen's head and felt that she would probably never acknowledge this marriage in her entire life.
When there are too many things between people, things will become complicated.
Ci Ying could never forget what Yuwen Fu had done to Ru Zhen. She stroked Ru Zhen's head and whispered, "I will always be by your side from now on."
At this time, Ci Ying didn't know that words like "always" and "forever" were actually a vow in one sentence.
Ru Zhen blinked and asked Ci Ying, "Don't we need to go back to Chang'an anymore?"
Ci Ying shook her head and said softly, "Xie Huaijin and I have divorced."
When everyone was congratulating Ciying, only Ruzhen hugged Ciying and whispered, "Will Ciying be very sad?"
Ci Ying was stunned for a moment and said, "Of course not."
Ru Zhen just looked at her gently and said softly, "Okay, of course our Ci Ying shouldn't be sad."
Ciying smiled, but Ruzhen touched Ciying's head again.
After settling Ciying, Zhu Guang said goodbye to Ciying.
Ci Ying was a little surprised, thinking that Zhu Guang would be with her, just like before. After all, when Mo Yu was still alive, they were together every day. Now that Mo Yu was dead, Ci Ying thought that Zhu Guang should have no other attachment to Chang'an.
She never thought that Zhu Guang was just giving her a ride, but that's life. When Ci Ying saw Zhu Guang off at the dock, she didn't know why she thought of that winter before when Zhu Guang took her to jump onto higher and higher trees. Little by little, the person on the ground turned into a small dot. Zhu Guang smiled and said in her ear, "It can be higher."
And now, Zhu Guang just stood quietly at the bow and waved to her.
Ci Ying looked at it, not knowing what was beating in her chest. She got everything she wanted when she was young, but she still didn't seem that happy.
She embraced freedom and understood the feeling of loss in the cold winter sea breeze.
It's not about anyone, it's just about time.
She thought of the young lady after a long time.
In her eyes, the world became a flat line.
Ci Ying was hugged by Ru Zhen beside her, and she came back to her senses. She looked at Ru Zhen with a smile, but Ru Zhen raised her hand and touched her eyes. Ci Ying said softly: "I'm not crying, I'm just a little happy."
Ru Zhen looked at her quietly and said softly, "Well, I'm happy too."
On the way back, Ru Zhen asked, "Sister, are you rich now?"
Ci Ying nodded solemnly: "I can buy you anything you want."
It seemed like something they liked to say when they were young, when they always had endless troubles. Ru Zhen always envied the new pearl flowers on Yun Xia's head, and Ci Ying said that she would buy it for her later, but she had already bought cakes with the money from last month.
Ru Zhen always said "no", then turned around and asked Ci Ying coquettishly when she would buy it for her.
"Come on, Ruzhen, let's go buy some pearl flowers." Ciying held Ruzhen's hand. Ruzhen puffed up her cheeks and said, "Then I want them all!"
Ciying cooperated and said, "Okay!"
But in the end, Ruzhen only chose one, a very simple style with some pearls on it.
Ciying actually remembered that Ruzhen didn't like this style before, but Ruzhen seemed to have forgotten. After putting it on in front of the mirror, she smiled and asked Ciying, "Does it look good?"
Ciying nodded, and Ruzhen became happy again.
Ci Ying turned around and looked at the streets of Jiangnan. The people passing by only left faces for a moment in her life. She would forget them in the blink of an eye, but she would remember new faces. It was really strange that people had more than one definition of growing up.
......
When Zhu Guang pushed open the door of Xie Huaijin's study, the room, which had been dark for a long time, suddenly lit up. After looking around and seeing no one, Zhu Guang walked straight into the dark room.
A young man in a snow-white coat sat at the desk with his back to her, flipping through the books of Xie Qingyu, whom he had never read before. Zhu Guang said, "Zhu Yi and Zhu Er said you haven't eaten for many days."
The young man remained silent and just flipped through the book in his hand.
Zhu Guang looked at Xie Huaijin, his lips straightening. "If the great Master Xie died of starvation because of not eating, I'm afraid he would become a laughing stock in the world. I don't know how many records the emperor would leave in the history books, but you will definitely have one."
Xie Huaijin stopped turning the pages of the book. The young man's slender, bony fingers curled up and he said softly, "I thought you would stay in Jiangnan."
Zhu Guang paused and said softly, "Maybe it was possible before. You placed a lot of people around Ciying. There are only a few secret guards left in the entire Xie Mansion. It's too crowded. I don't want to lie on the same tree with so many people."
Xie Huaijin said softly, "You don't have to lie down under the tree. You can stand next to Ciying."
This sentence made Zhu Guang silent. Zhu Guang's head tilted against the door frame, and a smile seemed to curve at the corner of his mouth: "Isn't this the path you and Mo Yu chose for me all along?"
Xie Huaijin said, "Well, but you don't have to go that route now. Ciying no longer needs a secret guard leader. She might need Zhu Guang as a friend more."
Zhu Guang held the sword and whispered, "Whatever path you choose for me, I will follow it. If you tell me not to go, I won't go. How could it be so good in the world that everything goes according to your wishes?"
Zhu Guang didn't know who he was talking to. As he left with his sword in his arms, he said to the empty space beside Xie Huaijin, "If this goes on for a while longer, I'm probably going to hate you."
Xie Huaijin looked to his side. If Mo Yu was there, he would probably be standing in this position.
As Zhu Guang said, the more sharp secret guards in Xie Mansion were all sent to Ci Ying, which resulted in Zhu Guang sometimes having no one to use. Sometimes the people she ordered to kill were not as fast as those she killed herself. After several times, she kicked open the door of Xie Huaijin's secret room again.
She picked up the porridge beside her and poured it directly into Xie Huaijin's bowl. Seeing the usually reserved person vomit, Zhu Guang felt that her resentment was worse than that of a ghost. She said angrily, "Who are you trying to show off by acting like you're dying?"
The young man did not blame her, but only said, "The door of the dark room is broken."
Zhu Guang went to repair the door. Halfway through, he squatted down and looked at Xie Huaijin: "Sir, stay alive."
There are many people who want to live but cannot. She walked to Xie Huaijin, thought for a moment, carefully took out a blood-stained ear of corn from the pouch in her sleeve, and handed it to Xie Huaijin: "I'll give it back to you. Live well."
Xie Huaijin recognized it as Mo Yu's sword tassel at a glance. He looked at Zhu Guang's tearful eyes and did not speak for a long time.
"I was going to die anyway, and Mo Yu knows that he won't blame you a hundred years from now."
Zhu Guang fixed his eyes on the porridge scattered on the ground: "At least they are not starving to death."
Xie Huaijin finally started eating.
But no matter how much he took in, he vomited out, and he became weaker day by day. Zhu Guang asked the doctor, but the doctor could not tell her why. Zhu Guang asked Xie Huaijin, and Xie Huaijin said he tried his best. Zhu Guang even asked in front of Mo Yu's grave, and she started crying while asking. There would no longer be anyone who would stand behind her and tell her what to do over and over again.
Zhu Guang began to think that it was the doctor's problem, so he changed doctors.
Zhu Guang began to think that it was the cook's problem, so he changed the cook.
Finally, Zhu Guang realized that it was Xie Huaijin's fault. She couldn't change Xie Huaijin, so she just said, "Sir, why?"
I don't know when spring has arrived. Xie Huaijin's face is as pale as the snow that has not melted yet, and there is no expression on his face. It has been like this for the past few days.
Looking into Zhu Guang's eyes, Xie Huaijin had forgotten how many times Zhu Guang had asked him this question.
He said, "I'm scared."
These three words shocked Zhu Guang as much as telling her that Mo Yu was actually her biological brother. She asked Xie Huaijin what he was afraid of, but Xie Huaijin didn't say anything. Zhu Guang once went to Xie Huaijin's dormitory, which was filled with a strong incense, so strong that she subconsciously joked that even a corpse placed there would smell fragrant.
There were unspeakable expressions on the faces of Zhu Yi and Zhu Er, and Zhu Guang realized that this was not funny.
But Zhu Guang thought it was quite funny. She fished Xie Huaijin out of the box. She didn't see that Xie Huaijin was afraid at all. The blood on the young man's wrist was sticky and slippery. Zhu Guang's hand trembled for some reason. She tore open the clothes to bandage it and whispered to Zhu Yi and Zhu Er to go and call a doctor.
After waking up, Xie Huaijin acted as if nothing had happened, and even ate two mouthfuls of porridge.
Zhu Guang had always been very reluctant to mention Ciying's name, but this time she couldn't help herself. She asked, "If you die, it will all be over. Have you ever thought about what will happen to Ciying?"
Of course Xie Huaijin had thought about it. He thought about it over and over again and felt that he had to die.
If he doesn't die in the thick fragrance, his soul will turn into a ghost and haunt Ci Ying day after day. His pale face will become Ci Ying's pale face, and his blood will become Ci Ying's blood. He always thinks that the world is too dangerous for Ci Ying, but after thinking about it, it seems that he is more dangerous.
A powerful monster who is obsessed with Ciying.
When the elder hall dies, he is the Xie family.
Damn it.
Zhu Guang roared, "A day of marriage is a hundred days of grace. No matter how many evil things you have done, Ciying will be sad if you die."
As soon as Zhu Guang said this, he immediately sensed something was wrong. Sure enough, Xie Huaijin's beautiful eyes lit up in an instant, as if to say, "Will you really be sad for me? Then I'm going to die now?"
Zhu Guang denied his statement: "No."
She said coldly, "If you die, Ciying won't shed a single tear for you."
Xie Huaijin smiled gently and said, "Yes."
Zhu Guang also calmed down. After that, somehow, Xie Huaijin started to eat well. Although he still vomited, he still tried hard to eat every day. Zhu Guang could often hear the sound of vomiting coming from inside when he was outside the door.
She looked ahead in a daze and thought, how terrible.
Love makes people like you become like this.
Fortunately, her love had died along with Mo Yu.
In April, Xie Huaijin fell seriously ill and was almost dying. Zhu Guang hesitated whether to write to Ciying, but in the end she didn't because she was afraid of disturbing Ciying's peaceful life.
Every day, she and Zhu Yi and Zhu Er took turns guarding Xie Huaijin, watching him drink the medicine like water, but Xie Huaijin still vomited, and kept vomiting until Zhu Guang's eyes were red. She supported Xie Huaijin's hand that was holding the medicine again, and said with trembling lips: "Young Master, let's forget it."
Let him die, which means that there will be two people she will worship in the future.
But Xie Huaijin still drank and vomited, and vomited and drank again.
When Zhu Guang was already numb, she received Ciying's letter. She saw the young man's gaze and whispered, "Ciying sent it to me. I can't show it to you."
In the wheelchair, the young man lowered his eyes slightly, flipping through Xie Qingyu's old books, and said softly, "I won't read it."
Zhu Guang was secretly watching in the corner. In fact, Ci Ying just said that everything was fine. When asked about her recent situation, Zhu Guang ran back and picked up the pen to say that everything was fine. Yes, everything was fine.
When he went to Zezhiyuan again, he found Zhu Yi and Zhu Er guarding outside the door, and the doctor was giving acupuncture to Xie Huaijin who had passed out.
Zhu Guang leaned against a pillar and jokingly asked Zhu Yi and Zhu Er, "What will you do if the young master dies?"
Zhu Yi and Zhu Er's expressions once again told Zhu Guang that this was not funny.
In fact, Zhu Guang felt it was okay, because she laughed so hard that tears came out, and she remembered what the young master said to her at the end that day.
"I'm scared."
"I'm afraid I'll ruin everything for Ciying again."
"Zhu Guang, you know, I'm not a good person."
Zhu Guang occasionally thought that the young master might have been possessed by another soul, but she had grown up with the young master since childhood and didn't know whether it was true or not.
When she told the young master early in the morning that Ciying would hate him to death in the future, the young master didn't care at all and planned everything with ease. Zhu Guang watched as everyone was being manipulated by the young master as if they had puppet strings in their bodies.
Later, the young man began to panic a little bit, and one day he even asked her what to do.
It was not long after Mo Yu died, and her heart had already been infinitely inclined towards Ci Ying. So when the young master asked her, she answered with the hope that Ci Ying would feel better in the future. Looking into the young master's eyes, she said, "Ci Ying also has preferences. It's very simple. Whatever Ci Ying likes, you give her."
Zhu Guang watched as the young master began to act...
Well, he began to play the role of Xie Huaijin in the past with ease.
But this is too inaccurate. To be precise, he is the eldest son of the Xie family, who is gentle, polite, dignified and noble in the eyes of outsiders.
Zhu Guang then asked Zhu Yi and Zhu Er, "What will you do if the young master dies?"
Zhu Yi and Zhu Er remained silent. The three of them looked inside the house. The huge Xie Mansion had been mostly deserted by now. Zhu Guang said softly, "Now the three of us have so many trees."
Zhu Yi finally spoke: "Zhu Guang, don't worry."
He called her Zhu Guang, so Zhu Guang didn't act like a leader. She said, "I'm not worried."
As he said this, Zhu Yi and Zhu Er saw tears streaming down Zhu Guang's eyes.
......
Ci Ying felt relieved after receiving Zhu Guang's reply.
She bought a new house and prepared rooms for everyone.
Ru Zhen's room was closest to her, followed by Ling Yue and Ling Shuang's. Xie Ran was a little further away from her, and Xiao Wan, who might only come once a year, was the farthest away. But in fact, they were all very close. Ci Ying even specially reserved the room next to hers for Zhu Guang.
Ciying folded the letter and looked at the rising sun.
The bird named Happy tilted its head like its owner.
"Happy, happy."
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