Chapter 67
◎Go see him.◎
After eating a whole piece of osmanthus cake, her throat was filled with the sweetness, but Ci Ying kept eating. She didn't know the cakes in Mobei were so sweet. She ate a whole piece in one breath, and a bitter aftertaste emerged in Ci Ying's throat.
Yan Ji was still complaining, and Ci Ying listened slowly.
It was as if there were some pastry crumbs stuck in her throat, and she couldn't swallow it down. Unspeakable emotions surged up in her throat. Ci Ying slowly poured herself another glass of water and drank it bit by bit.
Yan Ji observed Ci Ying's expression. Seeing that Ci Ying didn't react for a long time, he realized that his complaint was quite weak. Indeed, he had chopped off the beginning and the end to pick out this short paragraph, so it was unlikely to be effective.
Yan Ji returned to his nonchalant self at the beginning: "When will I 'catch' the young lady back?"
Ci Ying's mind shifted from the three words "Xie Huaijin" and she calculated the days. After a while, she gave her answer: "Three days from now, I'll be waiting for you at the silver shop in Dingyang."
Yan Ji said "OK".
Before leaving, Yan Ji suddenly asked, "What is your relationship with Master Xie now?"
Ci Ying paused for a moment, but without hesitation, she said calmly, "It's okay."
Yan Ji made a "tsk" sound and said nothing more.
After Yan Ji left, Ci Ying's stiff back bent down, and the tea in the cup had been finished without her knowing when. Ci Ying never had the habit of indulging in alcohol, but she wanted to have a drink at this moment.
She had no intention of looking at the sky outside anymore, and just picked up another piece of apricot blossom cake and started eating.
The same greasy sweet taste. She ate three pieces in a row. When she couldn't help but bend over and vomit, Zhu Guang pushed the door open. Ci Ying quickly covered her mouth with a handkerchief. Zhu Guang asked with concern, "What's wrong with Ci Ying?"
Ci Ying shook her head, put down the remaining half of the cake in her hand, and said softly: "It's just that the cake is a little greasy."
Zhu Guang picked up a piece and started eating it. After two bites, he said "Puh, phuh, phuh" and took a cup of tea from the side and poured it into his mouth: "It's too sweet."
Ci Ying nodded and refilled Zhu Guang's empty cup of tea.
Zhu Guang had been next door the whole time. He only went out for an inspection after Ci Ying and Yan Ji had reached an agreement. Naturally, he understood that the matter was settled.
But it’s not time to celebrate yet, defeating Yan Ji is just the first step.
The two looked at each other. Zhu Guang saw some fatigue in Ci Ying's eyes. She held Ci Ying's hand wordlessly and said softly, "Go back and have a good sleep."
Ci Ying said softly, "Yan Ji is just the first step."
Zhu Guang understood, but still said, "Go back and have a good sleep first."
Ci Ying nodded. The scorching light of Mobei shone on the people passing by on the street. Ci Ying stepped into the carriage with a white gauze curtain at the side door of the restaurant. Then the carriage started to move and drove into the crowd. Ci Ying leaned against the inner wall of the carriage, recalling what happened today, and finally began to discuss the matter of Dingyang with Zhu Guang.
When she returned to the yard, the sun had already set in the west. Ciying went into the study and began to write down her future plans. She didn't put down her pen until dark.
Zhu Guang had already brought the meal to the table, but seeing that Ciying was busy, he put it down silently and left.
Ciying walked over and found it was still warm, so she washed her hands and sat down to eat it bit by bit.
After finishing her meal slowly, Ci Ying looked at the moon by the window, then turned back to write her plan. It was not until dawn that she had roughly arranged everything. Although she was obviously very tired and could hardly lift her eyelids, Ci Ying had no intention of sleeping at all.
She sat at the desk in silence.
Only when the night is deep and everything is quiet can she hear the beating of her own heart.
If it was Xie Huaijin that day in the cave, would it be Xie Huaijin that day at the banquet and at the teahouse?
What he wants to do.
Why did he...
Ci Ying couldn't answer any of the questions, because in the instant a voice flashed through her mind, it told her that it would be shameful to think of that person again as she moved forward.
Why?
The bridge is back to the bridge, the road is back to the road. She fell into the warmth of longing so easily, which was nothing more than an indulgence of lust.
Ci Ying had learned to restrain herself a long time ago. In the dim room, Ci Ying blew out the last candle. The increasingly bright sky made her face look bleak. She pushed open the door of the study, washed up, and went to the bedroom to sleep.
Before falling asleep, Ci Ying thought that she had to move forward step by step.
*
The next day.
Zhu Guang hesitated for a long time before looking at Ci Ying beside him. They were having dinner at that time.
Ci Ying saw that Zhu Guang was hesitant to speak and asked him what was wrong.
Zhu Guang looked at Ci Ying. Last night, Zhu Er brought news saying that the young master was critically ill and asked her to go back to see him tomorrow.
Zhu Guang didn't know whether Zhu Er was exaggerating or not. After all, the young master had been ill for a long time. She didn't know how serious his illness was that he asked Zhu Er to pass on the message to her. She couldn't help with Ciying's affairs for the time being, so she had to go back, but she didn't know whether she should tell Ciying.
Ci Ying raised her eyes and took in every change in Zhu Guang's expression.
Zhu Guang hesitated for a long time, but finally didn't say anything. She clenched her teacup and said, "Ciying, I have to go out to do something. Dingyang may not be able to accompany you."
Ci Ying's heart suddenly relaxed. She looked at Zhu Guang and said softly, "It's okay. I've already arranged Dingyang's affairs. I have other secret guards around me. You can go do your own thing."
Zhu Guang twisted her fingers and looked at Ci Ying several times. Ci Ying looked up at her in confusion.
Zhu Guang didn't know whether he should speak or not.
If she told Ciying that the young master was critically ill, would... Ciying was trapped by the shackles in her heart again, just like the time at the post station. She understood Ciying's soft-heartedness best, but... the young master seemed to be really going to die.
Zhu Guang didn't know that Ci Ying hated the young master, but Zhu Guang had never hated anyone.
But if it was Ciying, even if she hated someone and that person was about to die, Ciying would not be very happy either.
After much thought, Zhu Guang still couldn't find a suitable solution, so he could only use food to block his mouth. After eating hurriedly, he said goodbye to Ciying.
When Zhu Guang was leaving, Ci Ying called her.
In the early morning light, Zhu Guang heard Ci Ying say, "See you later. Be careful."
Only then did Zhu Guang realize that Ciying had not slept well yesterday. There were faint dark circles under her eyes. Ciying had not put on any makeup that morning, so the dark circles were particularly obvious. Tiredness also emerged from Ciying's smile.
Zhu Guang opened his mouth lightly and finally reminded: "Ciying, have a good rest."
Ci Ying looked at Zhu Guang's back, and for some reason her heart ached. She walked back holding onto the wall, looking calmly at the bed curtains. They were dark and hazy like a foggy sky. Ci Ying closed her eyes and curled up her body. The fragrance in the room became stronger.
When Zhu Guang hurried back, Zhu Yi and Zhu Er were still guarding the door.
Seeing her come back, Zhu Yi didn't say anything, but Zhu Er looked behind Zhu Guang, his lips already parted: "Isn't the Madam here?"
Zhu Guang said softly, "Yeah."
Zhu Er was about to say something but was stopped by Zhu Yi.
Zhu Guang walked past them, opened the door and walked behind the screen, and saw Xie Huaijin supporting his seriously ill body and leaning on the bed. The beautiful man looked haggard and frail. He just glanced at her when he saw her come in.
The strong smell of medicine permeated every corner of the room. As an excellent secret guard, Zhu Guang easily smelled the scent of blood, which was heavily masked by the medicine. Her fingertips trembled as she stepped forward and asked the thin but still calm young man, "What did Doctor Xu say?"
The young man hadn't spoken yet, but he had already started coughing. When Zhu Guang turned around to pour tea, she found her hands were shaking. She suppressed her hands and said with her back to him, "Young Master, don't blame me."
As if he understood what she was going to say, Xie Huaijin had no expression on his face and just shook his head.
Zhu Guang's tears were about to fall, and with a "plop" sound, they dripped into the teacup. She raised her sleeve to wipe them away, then turned back to look at the young man on the bed. His face was as white as the finest porcelain, but his neck was covered in dense needle marks. Zhu Guang's eyes were red as she said, "Zhu Er told me that the young master was dying."
Xie Huaijin looked at Zhu Guang: "That's a bit exaggerated."
After saying this, the young man started coughing again and couldn't help spitting out a mouthful of blood.
Zhu Guang had rarely seen the young man in such a state of disgrace. His fingers trembled uncontrollably. As he stepped forward to help the young man, he heard Xie Huaijin whisper, "No need, Zhu Guang."
He whispered, "You don't need to come today, and don't come again in the future."
It is not an order, but it is more important than an order.
Zhu Guang knelt down crying and refused to leave stubbornly.
Xie Huaijin wiped the blood from his lips with a handkerchief and said softly, "I have Candle One and Candle Two by my side. You can't help me much."
He didn't mention Ciying at all.
As Zhu Guang thought about it, his tears could not stop flowing.
She wiped away her tears, but they kept coming. When she stood up, her eyes were already red: "I don't want it!"
Xie Huaijin looked at Zhu Guang indifferently and said nothing.
He pointed to the pot of flowers on the windowsill and said, "Then please help me water the flowers. I haven't watered them for many days."
Seeing that the young master did not seem to be joking, Zhu Guang fixed his eyes on the flowers in the distance, walked over and began to water them silently.
Xie Huaijin looked at Zhu Guang's back quietly and said softly, "Zhu Guang, I want to ask you a favor."
Zhu Guang stopped watering the plants, lowered his head and said, "Not good."
The young man looked at her for a long time, and finally said nothing more.
Zhu Guang was actually waiting, but after a while, he could only hear the sound of flipping pages from behind. Zhu Guang clenched his fists, put down the kettle, and sat in front of the young man.
"Sir, if you ask again, maybe I'll agree."
The young man just said, "Forget it."
As if realizing Zhu Guang hadn't heard clearly, the young man raised his eyes and said softly, "Forget it."
Zhu Guang clenched his fists even tighter: "Don't you want to know Ciying's recent situation?"
Zhu Guang didn't actually want to reveal Ci Ying's name. If possible, she didn't want to cause trouble for Ci Ying. But the scene before her made Zhu Guang panic, even more panicked than when the young master's wrist was covered in blood.
Xie Huaijin's slender fingers paused for a moment, and after a while he said, "Forget it."
Zhu Guang's eyes widened slightly, and her heart became even more panicked. She didn't know what else she could do if Ci Ying couldn't keep the young master in the world. Zhu Guang opened her mouth and closed it again, and finally drooped down weakly.
Zhu Guang didn't hesitate for long, because a quarter of an hour later, the young man fell asleep.
As if realizing that he was about to fall into a coma, the young man closed the book and placed it beside the bed before falling asleep.
Zhu Guang was at a loss when Zhu Yi walked in from outside: "Young Master, you are not awake for long."
"What does the doctor say?" Zhu Guang asked anxiously.
Zhu Yi glanced at the young man on the bed. "Doctor Xu said it's a blessing that he's still awake."
Zhu Guang took a step back. After much thought, she could only utter the words "Young Master is a liar". Tears streamed down her face. "Young Master clearly promised me that he would treat my illness well."
Zhu Yi lowered his eyes and said nothing.
Zhu Guang suddenly asked, "Who invited Doctor Xu?"
Zhu Yi said softly: "...Second Elder."
Zhu Guang blinked, thinking that this world was really absurd. The culprit who persecuted the young master when he was a child now wanted him to survive more than the young master himself.
Zhu Guang wanted to ask something else, but he didn't know what else to ask.
She chose Ciying between Gongzi and Ciying, and her heart was biased.
The young master also chose Ciying between himself and Ciying, and his heart was also biased.
Zhu Guang stayed for a while.
As Zhu Yi said, Xie Huaijin is not awake for much of the day.
One day, Zhu Guang suddenly asked Xie Huaijin, "Where do you want to be buried after you die?"
Candle One and Candle Two outside the door stopped what they were doing and listened secretly.
The young man lowered his eyes, genuinely stumped by the question. He thought for a long time, then finally said, "Either is fine."
The book in his hand has been read over and over again many times, but Xie Huaijin never seems to get tired of it. He stares at the moon in the poem, his fingers gently stroking the pages.
......
When Ci Ying received Zhu Guangxin's letter, she had already been "captured" by Yan Ji.
Zhu Guang's letter was very brief, only saying "it will take some time", but he did not say the specific time. Ci Ying read the letter over and over again before folding it up and putting it in the box.
Lingyue and Lingshuang came to Mobei a few days ago. They have been settling the military accounts with Yan Ji these days. Yan Ji is indeed not very good at this, and all he handed over to Lingyue and Lingshuang was a tangled mess of accounts.
Even Lingyue and Lingshuang, who were the best at handling such matters, had to stare at the messy account books for several days, and it took them about half a month to sort it out.
Lingyue and Lingshuang didn't complain, but Yan Ji came to complain.
During the conversation, Ci Ying pointed to the messy accounts and said softly, "All the money is in their hands. I never get involved in these matters. If you offend them, I can't do anything about their withholding of your share."
Yan Ji cried out "It's unfair" and asked Ci Ying to promise not to tell Lingyue and Lingshuang that he had been here today as he slammed the door and left.
Ci Ying was amused and laughed, but after Yan Ji left, she couldn't laugh anymore.
She slumped in the chair. Just from secretly accepting some of the Yan family army's affairs, she felt a little tired. She has always been like this recently. There are always times a day when she lacks energy.
The day before being sent to meet Yuwen Shu, Ciying received another letter from Zhu Guang.
Perhaps he already understood that Ciying knew where she had gone, so Zhu Guang did not hide it in the letter and only said "soon".
Ci Ying looked at the two words for a long time. Her body was stiff as she sat on the chair. When she pushed open the door of the study, she happened to meet Ling Yue who came to report something. Ling Yue asked, "Where is the master going?" Only then did Ci Ying's body calm down. She took one foot out, but left one in the study.
Interrupted by Lingyue, Ciying did not take that step in the end.
Lingyue helped her to the study and began to report some financial matters of the Yan family army, asking Ciying to make the decision.
Ci Ying tried hard to concentrate, but her hands were shaking beneath her sleeves. Ling Yue didn't notice anything was wrong at first, but then she stepped forward, touched Ci Ying's forehead, and whispered, "Master, haven't you been resting well lately?"
Ciying shook her head and let Lingyue continue.
Lingyue looked at Ciying worriedly, and only continued talking after seeing that Ciying was really fine.
After Lingyue left, it was dark outside again for some reason.
Ci Ying never opened the door of the study again, and even slept in the study at night. The next day, when Ling Shuang brought in the meal, she also brought back a doctor.
Ciying has returned to normal and asked the doctor to take her pulse normally.
The doctor examined her twice and said, "Miss, there's nothing wrong. You're just a little upset. I'll prescribe some medicine for you. You'll be fine after taking it."
Ciying took medicine for the next few days.
The medicine was very bitter, so when Lingshuang brought it to her, she always liked to put some hawthorn cake on the side. It was made by Lingshuang herself, and it didn't have the sweet taste of the apricot blossom cake in the Mobei Restaurant.
Ciying would use one piece every time after taking medicine.
Over time, Lingshuang felt that she liked it, and always liked to prepare some for her in the study.
When Yan Ji came again the next day, he saw the hawthorn cake and picked up a piece and ate it. Ci Ying did not stop him, but just said that it was made by Ling Shuang, whom he had complained about last time. Yan Ji had no time to say "Pooh" and simply ate the whole piece.
Yan Ji: "He's a cold person, but the hawthorn cake is delicious."
Ci Ying glanced at Yan Ji, then looked back at Yan Ji's hand as he was about to take another piece.
Yan Ji touched his nose embarrassedly, and Ci Ying said softly: "Ling Shuang just doesn't like talking to outsiders."
Yan Ji understood, and he sat in front of Ci Ying: "Tsk, you used to call me brother, but now, yo..."
Ci Ying chuckled softly and called out again, "Brother."
Yan Ji hurriedly stepped back. After thinking about it carefully that day, he couldn't figure out that Ci Ying had been scheming against him from the beginning. He was too stupid. He shook his head hurriedly: "I can't afford it, I can't afford it, you two..."
Yan Ji got stuck in the middle of his words and turned to leave, but then came back and said, "I just slipped up, please forgive me, miss."
Ci Ying said softly, "It's okay."
Yan Ji was unsure what "it doesn't matter" meant, so he asked directly, "Are you reconciled?"
Ciying said, "No."
She even felt that the word "reconciliation" should not be used.
Yan Ji was a man who couldn't hold back his words. He looked at Ci Ying and asked, "What's going on?"
They are obviously not together and their faces are cold, but Yan Ji feels that these two people are pulling each other and sticking together. He didn't have this feeling before, but it has been particularly obvious recently.
Ci Ying paused for a moment before saying, "They're separated."
Yan Ji rocked his chair. "Is he threatening me for your sake after the divorce? He has nothing to do..."
Ci Ying's eyes froze, and her voice became even softer: "Maybe he has other plans."
Yan Ji observed Ci Ying's expression and asked, "Do you regard me as your subordinate or your sworn brother now?"
Ciying asked, "What's the difference?"
Yan Ji said indifferently: "If you treat me as a subordinate, I will treat you as the master. I am a person who follows orders. Some words are redundant."
"...Where is my brother?" Ci Ying followed Yan Ji and asked softly.
"If you're my sworn brother..." Yan Ji smiled. "If you're my sworn brother, I'll treat you as my sister. I've recently heard something about my sister's ex-lover, so it's harmless for me to talk to her about it as a brother."
Ci Ying's eyes trembled, but she did not stop Yan Ji from speaking.
Yan Ji then said, "The last time Xie Huaijin came to see me, he was very ill. He asked me to discuss cooperation with you, but don't worry, what I promised you was definitely not because of him."
Ci Ying's hands froze, waiting for Yan Ji to continue.
"The people I arranged to be near him said that he hasn't left the house for many days. A doctor from Chang'an rushed in in the middle of the night a few days ago and hasn't returned since."
Yan Ji did not hide anything, but he knew very little, so he only told Ci Ying the important things.
He looked at Ci Ying. The man who was usually calm and intelligent didn't even blink at this moment. He frowned at Ci Ying, took the pen from her hand and placed it on the pen holder beside him.
"I don't know what happened between you two, and I can't say anything about a marriage that lasts a hundred days. You are my sister, and he is a stranger, so naturally I am biased towards you."
"It's just Ciying." Yan Ji's voice became serious as he spoke: "You are very smart, so you should figure out what you really want and not leave any regrets."
Yan Ji stopped talking here. He felt that Ci Ying was very easy to understand. For example, the careful planning and strategy of the restaurant that day, and the meticulous and flawless arrangements in recent days. However, sometimes she was not so easy to understand, especially after she got involved with Xie Huaijin, it became completely incomprehensible.
He didn't understand why he cared about someone but pretended not to care.
That kind of pretense is not even for others to see, but for herself to see.
Yan Ji thought, who can I deceive?
He really deceived himself, and in the end he ended up like his adoptive father, who sent his beloved to marriage and watched her being worn down by the dirty marriage, and finally died himself. Yan Ji had seen it once, and although he didn't like Xie Huaijin very much, he didn't want to see it again.
Seeing that Ci Ying didn't speak for a long time, Yan Ji got up and left.
He didn't say anything else and didn't even close the study door.
The wind blew the scorching light into the study. Ci Ying opened her mouth to answer but covered her face. In a panic, she listened to her own heartbeat, her hands and feet were stiff, even her fingertips were frozen.
The girl looked at the ground quietly. The wind blew away a book on the bookshelf, which happened to be a book of "Book of Songs".
Ci Ying didn't know which page of the Book of Songs the wind blew to, because she had already run out when the wind blew it away.
She didn't know, she didn't know whether her choice was right or wrong. Maybe one day in the future, she would be silent about repeating the same mistakes, but she knew that it seemed... it seemed that this shouldn't be the case.
She shouldn't have ignored so many things because of fear and dread, because of the past and resentment, even though she was clearly uneasy.
She staggered and pushed open the door, one door after another. The sun shone hotly on her, the passing wind was also hot, and Ciying's eyelashes were trembling.
She met Lingyue on the road. Lingyue supported her and was surprised at Ciying's panic. She looked into Ciying's tearful eyes and asked her in surprise, "What is the master doing?" Ciying picked up the letter sent by Zhu Guang and pinched the bottom line. That was the address Zhu Guang sent the letter to. She didn't know whether Zhu Guang did it intentionally or unintentionally. It didn't matter. After all, he gave her the right to choose.
Ci Ying looked at Ling Yue and said softly, "Go get a carriage and take me there."
Seeing the anxiety in Ciying's eyes, Lingyue also became anxious and hurried out to make arrangements.
Ci Ying held the letter in her hand and lowered her eyes tremblingly in the yard.
She is going to see him.
【Author’s words】
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