She filled the glass to the brim with a disgruntled tone. "Just tell me, are you going to drink or not? I'll punish you with a glass!"
"Drink, drink, drink."
Xu laughed heartily, raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, and then picked up his wine glass and drank it all in one gulp.
I was just kidding, why are you getting so worked up?
The wine was fine; before setting off from Night City, no one intended to skimp on themselves, and the supplies they brought on the ship were all high-quality.
But he was more curious about something else: "Why did you suddenly decide to have a heart-to-heart talk with me?"
As we all know, having a heart-to-heart talk with Xu Shi is often a dangerous thing; you might end up falling into a ditch if you're not careful.
"...I can't explain it either."
Hearing his question, Xie Qingyan suddenly felt a little disappointed. "Maybe it's because of... what you said before we left?"
Which part are you referring to?
Xu Shi blinked. "The part where I asked Wuyou to change clothes?"
"It's the part where you say who you want to miss."
The woman, unusually, didn't argue with him, and her tone became increasingly melancholy, "When you were talking, I thought about it too, but when I turned around, I realized... I don't have anyone to care about."
“My father passed away long ago. As for the other veterans and key figures in ‘Prism’… I won’t lie to you, in my eyes, they are nothing more than pawns.”
She poured herself a full glass, saying, "It's the same with everyone else. Everyone's just using relationships. How much of it is genuine?"
"When I think about it, it seems that Shanshan is the only person I can truly be close to. That little girl still loves to argue with me and is not well-behaved at all."
"so?"
Xu Shi pressed on with great interest.
"So I was thinking, if I have no one to care about, then conversely, does that mean no one will care about me?"
Xie Qingyan sighed and traced circles on the side of the wine glass with her finger.
Seeing her like this, Xu Shi also toned down his frivolousness and his tone became more serious, "Don't be so arbitrary, there are still people who care about you."
"who?"
"Me?"
Xu Shi laughed and said, "My fiancée is as beautiful as a flower, of course I don't want to see anything happen to her."
"...Is this considered a consolation?"
"Not entirely."
"I'll take it."
Xie Qingyan smiled, but her smile carried a bitter taste.
The phrase "not entirely" perfectly encapsulates the relationship between her and Xu Shi.
He could confide in her like anyone else, and she could banter with him every now and then, but the rift between them remained, impossible to bridge.
That's why she's jealous—jealous that other girls can joke around with him without any burden, because they all have a clear conscience, right?
She was even jealous of Xu Shi. This bastard had people who cared about him, and others who cared about him too, such as those people in Night City of Sin. They were probably all praying for his safe return.
Xie Qingyan was the only exception. No matter what, she could never fully integrate into the relationship. Her feelings towards Xu Shishi were always like a rollercoaster. Sometimes they were wonderful, but as soon as someone stirred things up, they would plummet.
For example, when Jiang Chengcheng retorted last time, no one else would have been angry, because they wouldn't have worried that Xu Shi might discard them like trash one day. That would never happen.
But she will. She has always had this worry because she just lied and said that there was no one she could care about, but isn't this man in front of her the one she can care about?
At least she couldn't hide it from herself; she simply couldn't live without him, or was unwilling to give him up again. She couldn't put on airs in front of him, and she would be happy to hear him say he wanted to watch the stars with her. She would even feel jealous and envious of him.
But that barrier stood between them, preventing her and Xu Shi from ever being completely honest with each other. This limbo stuck in her heart, making it hard for her to breathe.
For a moment, she really wanted to get herself completely drunk, and then, fueled by the alcohol, grab this bastard by the collar and demand an explanation: what exactly do you want?
However, she ultimately dismissed the idea, because she knew that she had created the crack herself, and the answer to this question was the same as what Xu Shi had said before: he didn't know.
She herself didn't know, and nobody else knew.
"I doubt anyone would care if I died, right?"
Thinking this way, she felt relieved. "I know how many people call me a she-devil behind my back."
"Don't say things like that, it's bad luck."
Xu Shi blinked. Goodness, everyone else's emo just now was just a reaction to the scene, but you've gotten so caught up in it that you can't get out?
But he wasn't unaware of the reason behind the other party's mentality; it was just a pity that he truly couldn't answer it.
Maybe sex would help? The saying "one shot solves all your problems" isn't just a joke... but it only works temporarily and doesn't solve the problem at its root. In the long run, it might even backfire.
He himself couldn't deny that his relationship with Xie Qingyan was too strange. He could bully this dog of a woman without any burden, and he could also say, "Let this rose remove all its thorns."
But looking at her now, he suddenly felt a little uncertain. Even if she really changed as he wanted, could he completely let go of the past conflicts?
He used to think it was definitely possible, but now... Xu Shi is not so sure.
"You believe this? I certainly don't."
Xie Qingyan shook her head. "What good or bad luck? Feudal superstition is not advisable."
"Don't say it's unacceptable."
Xu Shi was both amused and exasperated, and simply waved her hand to tell her to stop talking.
"Why can't I tell you if I don't believe you? Would you cry for me if I died?"
The slut persisted, "If you say you will, then I won't say."
"...Say it or don't, it's up to you."
Xu Shi rolled his eyes at her. Really, all women are the same when they're being unreasonable. "Who cares if you live or die?"
"Okay, okay, I won't say anything more, alright?"
These words were unpleasant to hear, but Xie Qingyan laughed instead. "I was just expressing my feelings suddenly. Don't worry, I won't ask you to do anything... I don't have that right."
"Like you said, let's just keep it this way. It's actually quite fun, isn't it?"
As she spoke, she raised her glass. "At least you still care about me a little bit, I'm very satisfied... Cheers!"
Xu had no choice but to clink glasses with her.
Anyone could see that she wasn't as carefree as she seemed, but he didn't want to expose her forced smile.
It was at this time that...
"...Do you smell anything strange?"
"It seems so, maybe a little."
Realizing something was wrong, the two of them turned their heads at the same time and looked out the window.
Visibly, the sea outside had changed slightly—the water had become darker, even faintly tinged with scarlet.
The strange taste comes from this; the ocean itself only tastes bitter and salty, but now it has an added nauseating stench.
Upon closer inspection, one can see many marine carcasses floating on the sea surface, their limbs and remains incomplete.
"This is……"
The two exchanged a glance and instantly came to their senses.
"Oh no, a fish swarm!"
(End of this chapter)
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