Chapter 145 Heaven Above "Is not wanting to talk about it considered hiding it?"...
“I was worried you were hungry,” Li Leshan said, sensing something was off. He glanced at the open suitcase beside him, a hint of doubt in his eyes. “I made you some noodles at home, come out and eat.”
"Shall we go out to eat?" Jiang Yueming glanced at her calf. Luckily, at least it wasn't bleeding anymore.
He nodded to Li Leshan, forcing a wry smile, "Okay, I'll go eat in a bit..."
"Did you forget to pack your things?" Li Leshan asked. "I'll help you. Go eat."
“Okay…” Jiang Yueming realized he couldn’t delay any longer. He stood up and tried to walk normally towards the living room. “Stop tidying up. Come out and chat with me for a while.”
Upon hearing this, Li Leshan indeed walked out. After all, packing could begin anytime, and a little longer wouldn't make a difference.
Sure enough, there was a steaming bowl of noodles outside, with vegetables and an egg added. Chopsticks were neatly arranged on the bowl, everything was in order.
Looking at the bowl of noodles, Jiang Yueming felt a warm glow in his heart. He grinned at Li Leshan and said, "Thank you... Lele."
Li Leshan sat opposite him, and he smiled at Jiang Yueming, "I just made something quick, you can eat this first. I'll cook you something better during the day."
As for his cooking skills, Jiang Yueming hasn't improved at all over the years. He can only cook simple dishes, and his best dish is potatoes. Stir-fried potato shreds, stir-fried potato slices, fried potatoes, braised potatoes, vinegared potatoes…
Potato has had a worthwhile life, being able to cook it in so many different ways. And it doesn't get tired of it, really, it doesn't get tired of it. What's so tiring about it? It's only good at cooking this one way. If it complains about this or that, then it'll be all over.
Compared to Jiang Yueming, Li Leshan was much better. He started learning to cook in elementary school, wanting to help his grandmother more, because the more he cooked, the less his grandmother had to cook. Although his grandmother always forbade him to cook, it didn't stop Li Leshan from learning very well. He could cook several dishes when he was in junior high school, not to mention that so many years have passed, his skills are truly unparalleled.
"Have you eaten?" Jiang Yueming asked.
"I've eaten." Li Leshan nodded. "I'm going to pick you up from what you just ate. Don't worry."
“You eat not just to put my mind at ease,” Jiang Yueming added. “Remember to eat every meal, even if it’s just something simple, but you can’t always eat whatever you want…”
Seeing his expression, Li Leshan couldn't help but smile. It seemed that Jiang Yueming's biggest concern was whether he was eating properly. He was already a grown man, not a child. He wasn't picky about food and could eat anything. He was easy to take care of.
“I’m not a child anymore,” Li Leshan said in sign language. He wondered what kind of impression he had left on Jiang Yueming during his student days that made him so concerned about whether he was eating properly now.
“Yes,” Jiang Yueming looked at him, “in this respect, you’re not even as good as Tian Tian. You’re not even as good as a child.”
Li Leshan smiled, a little embarrassed. He didn't argue, even though he felt Jiang Yueming was exaggerating. He just stared at Jiang Yueming quietly, as if he wanted to see enough of what he hadn't seen in the past few days.
After finishing his bowl of noodles, Li Leshan cleared the table and went to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Jiang Yueming didn't try to take the task from him this time. Firstly, he couldn't win, and secondly, he needed to avoid moving around now. If he moved, he would give himself away. He had been hiding it for so long, and it had taken a toll on his mental and physical health. He didn't want to make things difficult for himself.
pain.
pain.
pain.
Watching Li Leshan's busy figure in the kitchen, Jiang Yueming closed his eyes tightly and moved his injured calf slightly. Washing a dish wasn't enough time to bandage it, so Jiang Yueming decided not to torture himself and quietly lay down on the sofa, taking care of his injured leg.
It was unusual for Jiang Yueming to be so quiet; it was a bit unexpected. Li Leshan thought he must be tired, hence his unusual behavior. Thinking about it again, it was normal for him to be tired; he'd been on the train for so long and hadn't rested at all upon returning. He must be exhausted.
Seeing that Jiang Yueming hadn't changed her slippers yet, Li Leshan brought over the slippers from the doorway and squatted down to change Jiang Yueming's shoes.
"Lele, what are you doing?" Jiang Yueming opened one eye.
Li Leshan looked up at him and gestured, "Let me help you change your shoes."
“Oh,” Jiang Yueming didn’t quite react, slightly lifting her leg, “I’ll handle this myself…”
The next second, he sat up abruptly from the sofa, ignoring his injuries, and cold sweat immediately broke out on his back.
Seeing Li Leshan's furrowed brows, Jiang Yueming's heart pounded as if it were about to jump out of her chest.
What should we do? Should we keep it a secret? Or should we confess?
He understood the principle of leniency for confession and severity for resistance. But the question was, in this situation, would confession truly lead to leniency?
His mind was a jumbled mess, like a ball of yarn with no beginning or end. To be honest, he didn't even know which problem to start thinking about.
Li Leshan's hands trembled as he lifted up Jiang Yueming's trouser leg.
Jiang Yueming instinctively tried to block, but he forcefully pressed down on her wrist.
He looked up and met Jiang Yueming's somewhat bewildered gaze, his eyes filled with confusion, bewilderment, and perhaps even a hint of inquiry and heartache. He was asking what was wrong and feeling sorry for the injury on his leg.
Jiang Yueming felt a pang of pain in his heart at that look. He covered his face, avoiding Li Leshan's gaze, unsure how to confront him. His voice was a little hoarse, and his first instinct was to apologize, "I'm sorry... Lele. I didn't tell you, it was my fault."
Li Leshan gently removed his hand, his expression full of worry, his hand trembling slightly. "What happened...? Tell me, when did you get hurt?"
Jiang Yueming took a deep breath. He hesitated for a while before saying softly, "Well... a while ago, I accidentally got hurt. I didn't think it was that serious, so I didn't tell you."
"Not serious?" Li Leshan frowned, his eyes reddening slightly. He looked at the wound that was still bleeding and asked again, "Not serious?"
"How serious does it have to be for you to tell me? If I hadn't discovered it today, were you planning to keep quiet?"
Jiang Yueming didn't know what else to say. It seemed impossible to explain the situation. He could only laugh awkwardly, wondering if this trick would work. "It just looks scary, haha, but it's really nothing to worry about."
“I want you to tell me,” Li Leshan stared intently into his eyes, “if I don’t find out today, when are you going to tell me?”
Will they talk? Probably not.
Are we just waiting for him to discover it himself? How will he find out? By chance, like today? And in the future? Will he be able to stumble upon it like this again?
Jiang Yueming fell silent.
"Don't try to hide it from me!" Li Leshan looked up at him.
Jiang Yueming looked at Li Leshan's trembling hands, her Adam's apple bobbed, and she uttered a few words with difficulty, "Does not wanting to talk about it count as hiding it?"
As soon as he finished speaking, he clearly saw Li Leshan's stunned expression and reddened eyes. The man's posture had switched to half-kneeling at some point. His eyes met Jiang Yueming's, and then he hastily looked away the next second.
I don't want to talk about it... it doesn't really count as hiding it.
It's normal that he doesn't want to talk about it. What good would it do to talk about it? Could he fly there immediately, or would his wound heal instantly? No, so what difference would talking or not talking make?
"Hug," Li Leshan gestured, his fingertips trembling slightly, "I'm sorry."
Seeing this, Jiang Yueming gasped. Looking at Li Leshan's retreating figure, he hurriedly called out, "Lele! I... I misspoke. I shouldn't have said that. I just didn't want you to worry... I didn't want to trouble you!"
He hurriedly stood up from the sofa and half-limped, half-ran to catch up with Li Leshan. When he met Li Leshan's expression, Jiang Yueming's heart sank. He quickly grabbed Li Leshan's hand and explained, his words somewhat incoherent, "Lele...you, you listen to me, I didn't mean anything else. I really just didn't want you to worry about me. Look, my leg is almost healed, really. Right? Hey, it's really nothing."
Jiang Yueming rambled on and on, rambling on about this and that. Seeing that Li Leshan remained silent, he quickly took the bandages and medicine from Li Leshan's hands. "Actually, you don't need these. I estimate you'll be fine in a little while. The doctor also told me to move around a bit."
Looking at Li Leshan's downcast eyes and tightly pursed lips, Jiang Yueming truly regretted saying the wrong thing. How could he have said that? What talk of wanting to say or not saying? Li Leshan was concerned about him; he was so worried. What was he saying? He was increasingly unsure of what he was thinking.
"Oh dear," Jiang Yueming tugged at Li Leshan's sleeve, her voice softening, "It's really nothing, just a small wound, it doesn't hurt at all, it's really not that serious."
Finally, Li Leshan reacted. He looked at the wound on Jiang Yueming's leg, such a long, shocking wound. He actually... he said it was just a small wound? Not serious? It couldn't be that bad?
Li Leshan looked up and met Jiang Yueming's gaze. Then, under Jiang's gaze, he rolled up his left sleeve.
Today, the scratches on my arm are less noticeable with the passage of time, but they have left scars that are still quite glaring.
"Just this small wound?" Li Leshan's eyes reddened. "Aren't you in pain?"
If you don't feel pain now, why did you say it hurt so much back then?
...
Looking at the scars on his arm, Jiang Yueming's heart suddenly felt like it had been hit hard by a heavy object. He felt as if something was blocking his throat, and his eyes immediately reddened. When he spoke again, his voice was choked with sobs, and he couldn't speak properly, "It hurts..."
Jiang Yueming's fingers trembled as she touched Li Leshan's arm, tears welling up and dripping onto his arm. "Lele, I... I was really wrong... I... it hurts so much..."
He finally admitted it. But compared to the pain in his heart, the pain in his legs was nothing.
Although Jiang Yueming said there was no need to do anything, Li Leshan insisted that he sit on the bed. Seeing his resolute attitude, Jiang Yueming didn't dare to say anything more. After all, Jiang Yueming's mind was entirely on Li Leshan's arm. He stared intently at the scar on Li Leshan's left arm, and memories from that time resurfaced in his mind.
That was the deepest pain in his heart that he could never let go of. Even though so much time had passed, he still couldn't breathe properly whenever he thought about it.
After the wound on his leg was bandaged, Jiang Yueming suddenly pounced on Li Leshan. He hugged Li Leshan tightly with one hand and touched the scar on his wrist with the other.
“I was really wrong, I…” His voice was a little hoarse, “I don’t know how you got through those days…”
He couldn't imagine how much pain Li Leshan must have felt when he hurt himself. How much pain must he have been in to choose to do that? How much pain must he have felt inside to choose to offset it with physical pain? What was he thinking at that time?
“I’m still scared when I think about it. I almost lost you…” Jiang Yueming buried her face in his shoulder, her shoulders trembling. “I don’t dare to think about it. I haven’t dared to think about it for the past two years.”
He truly dared not think about it; the mere thought filled him with regret, hatred, and anguish. The hatred he felt most was for himself—unable to do anything, why couldn't he do anything? If he had done just a little more, asked just one more question, or looked just one more time, would things be different now? If he had realized it sooner, if he had been a little smarter, could he have guessed…?
Li Leshan distanced himself from him slightly, and gently wiped away the tears on Jiang Yueming's face with his hands.
“It’s all in the past…” Li Leshan signed to tell him that those days were over, a long, long time ago.
Jiang Yueming grasped Li Leshan's hand and pressed it against her cheek; his hand was icy cold. "I...I know. But I just can't forget..."
His eyes started to tear up again, and his throat choked with sobs. Some words he couldn't swallow or say were stuck in his throat, driving him crazy.
“But I just can’t forget…” Jiang Yueming looked up at Li Leshan’s face. He couldn’t forget the bruises on Li Leshan’s face, the redness in his eyes, the scratches on his wrists, and even more so, he couldn’t forget Li Leshan’s painful words to him, “I don’t want to live anymore”…
Even though, as Li Leshan said, those days are far removed from him and from them, the hurdle in his heart remains, unfillable and insurmountable. So much so that whenever Jiang Yueming recalls it, the scene is still vivid in her mind—his expression, his helplessness, his pain—to this day… she can't forget it; just thinking about it is unbearable, tormenting her a thousand times over.
"Have you forgotten, Lele?" Jiang Yueming's eyes reddened. "I wish you had forgotten, I wish... I..."
He desperately wished Li Leshan could forget. But could he really forget? The scar on his wrist had stayed with him his whole life, forming an indelible mark that seemed to constantly remind him of that painful past.
“I haven’t forgotten,” Li Leshan said, his fingers trembling as he shook his head. “I want to remember, I want to remember how good you were to me, I don’t want to forget…”
Jiang Yueming took a deep breath, his internal organs aching slightly. He hugged Li Leshan tightly, his voice trembling, "I will treat you even better, Lele. I will treat you even better for the rest of my life. I swear..."
You can make any oath you want, as long as Heaven is watching. If he fails to keep his word, you can torture him however you like.
He held Li Leshan tightly, with all his might. He dared not let go, afraid that if he did, he would never find him again, nor be able to catch up with him.
How I wish time could stop right now, could stop in his arms, and all the pain and torment could stop too. But no matter how much I think about it, no matter how much I beg, time will not stop for anyone. It is like a merciless messenger, who has seen all the bitterness and hardship of life, the blood and tears. With a wave of its sleeve, it clearly takes away a lot, but leaves nothing behind.
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Author's Note: Alright! I finally posted it!!! Give me a shout-out!
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