Chapter 147 Don't do it for me, don't do it for them, do it for yourself. ...
On the seventh day of the second lunar month, before the New Year celebrations were even over, Jiang Yueming had to catch the earliest train back home. This was ten days before Li Leshan's school started, and in fact, it was quite some time before university students even began their semesters. He helped Jiang Yueming pack his luggage, wondering why he had to go back so early.
"You're going back so early?" Li Leshan asked, unable to resist, after packing his suitcase. "Is it something going on at home?"
Jiang Yueming nodded, "Yes, I'm a little worried that my aunt won't be able to handle it alone."
"Do you need my help?" Li Leshan sat down next to him, a hint of worry on his face.
“No need, Lele,” Jiang Yueming said honestly, “I don’t want to trouble you either.”
"I don't find it troublesome. I don't understand why you always feel like you're bothering me?" Li Leshan's expression was very serious because he really didn't understand. If you had to put it that way and calculate it this way, how much trouble had he caused Jiang Yueming?
“I didn’t mean that,” Jiang Yueming leaned closer to him, knowing what he was thinking. “I know you want to help me and your aunt, but it’s not necessary. Your grandfather is old and wary of strangers, and I’m also worried that you won’t be used to it there.”
Li Leshan nodded and didn't say anything more. He gently placed his hand on Jiang Yueming's injured calf and said, "Your leg isn't fully healed yet, so be careful not to overexert yourself."
“Okay,” Jiang Yueming said, her shoulder to shoulder with his, and he readily agreed, “I know.”
“Take good care of yourself and be careful.” Li Leshan continued to sign at him.
“Okay,” Jiang Yueming stared intently at his hand, “I know too.”
“Remember to call me often,” Li Leshan said, his brow slightly furrowed. “You have my class schedule; you can call me whenever you don’t have classes. I don’t know what’s going on your end, and I don’t want to bother you…”
He lowered his head, hesitated for a moment, seemingly a little embarrassed, and then continued, "I wait for your call every day."
Jiang Yueming had never seen him like this before, not in over ten years. Looking at his embarrassed face, she inexplicably felt like a heartless man who had abandoned his wife and children. Her heart melted instantly, and she felt both amused and heartbroken. "Okay, it's my fault, it's all my fault. I'll definitely call you more often, whenever I have a reason. You can't complain about me, okay?"
"When have I ever found you annoying?" Li Leshan retorted.
That's true at all times; no matter what, I never feel annoyed. My tolerance is extremely high.
"Do you know everything I've said?" Li Leshan nudged him with his elbow.
“I know everything,” Jiang Yueming said, pressing her face against his, reluctant to let go. “You also need to know what you promised me.”
The two of them cuddled together, and Li Leshan didn't object at all, even though he didn't actually like close physical contact with people. Jiang Yueming knew that even though he didn't say it, he was definitely reluctant to part with her. He knew Li Leshan too well; because he wanted her to leave without any worries and didn't want her to worry, he never said he was reluctant to leave.
“Don’t secretly give me money this time,” Jiang Yueming said, recalling the last incident. He felt a little embarrassed, actually quite embarrassed, extremely embarrassed. He had cried his eyes out on the high-speed train, and everyone knew he was moved. The problem was, nobody knew; everyone thought he had broken up. The young woman next to him kept playing videos on the loudspeaker about how to comfort someone who had just broken up. “I don’t need it,” Jiang Yueming said. “You have high expenses in Beijing; keep the money for yourself.”
"Didn't you let me go too?" Li Leshan retorted, not forgetting the previous question. One shouldn't be so hypocritical, allowing only oneself to do things while forbidding others. Those who allow magistrates to set fires while forbidding commoners to light lamps usually don't end well.
"Well, my aunt gave it to me in there. I was just completing a mission." Jiang Yueming said honestly that his aunt was worried about him and always asked him to ask Leshan how he was doing.
Li Leshan pursed his lips, his gaze unfocused as he stared at the sky outside. After a long while, his thoughts returned. "Grandma is in there too. I'm just completing a mission."
Jiang Yueming's throat tightened, and she felt a lump in her throat. In the end, her eyes were red, and she couldn't utter a single word.
It had been a long time since Li Leshan had mentioned his grandmother. But Jiang Yueming knew that his silence didn't mean he had forgotten. On the contrary, it was precisely because he didn't mention it that he kept all his sadness and longing to himself, not knowing when he would be able to process it.
Now, when Jiang Yueming saw Li Leshan mention his grandmother again, she knew he was thinking about her. She didn't know how to comfort him and felt that no words could express her feelings at that moment. All she could do was put her arm around Li Leshan's shoulder and pat him gently.
This kind of parting, this reunion followed by separation, is always the most painful. Watching him walk away, watching his back recede into the distance, that feeling is etched into the bone. Like a play, clearly performed many times before, yet why do they still feel such pain? Is it because they aren't the audience? Or is it because they are too deeply immersed in the role?
So much so that every time Li Leshan passed by the train station later, he felt a complex mix of emotions. He didn't know when, but this place gradually became a source of lingering regret in his heart, and for some reason, he always wanted to stop and take a look.
Jiang Yueming left early without telling Han Jiang and Xu Qing; only Li Leshan knew. The two of them had said they would get together after visiting their relatives, since Li Leshan and Xu Qing didn't have many relatives in Shengping, while Han Jiang and Xu Qing did. However, it's likely that their plan fell through.
Jiang Yueming didn't say it because she didn't want to put on a melodramatic scene with Han Jiang at the train station.
First, he didn't want to act with Han Jiang; second, he just wanted to spend his last moments with Li Leshan. If he were with Han Jiang, the entire train station would probably become his own personal show, leaving him nothing but worry.
So Jiang Yueming chose to act first and report later. As for the consequences, unless Han Jiang could call from thousands of kilometers away, the consequences wouldn't really matter.
"Lele, do you remember what I said? Don't forget. I'll only be happy if you're doing well." Jiang Yueming held Li Leshan's hand tightly, unwilling to let go.
Fortunately, the train station was crowded, though not to the point of being packed, but still densely packed, so no one noticed them. Even if they did, fine, feel free to voice any complaints; Jiang Yueming wouldn't mind confronting them.
Li Leshan shook his head and quickly used sign language, "Don't say that. Don't do it for me, don't do it for them, do it for yourself. Your well-being is what matters."
Jiang Yueming's heart stirred. Whether it was the atmosphere or something else, perhaps he had changed, he felt an urge to cry in these situations, unsure for whom or why. "Okay, Lele, wait a little longer… trust me. Just wait a little longer…"
Li Leshan was a little confused and hadn't heard what he said. Just as he was about to say something, someone suddenly bumped his shoulder hard, catching him off guard and causing him to fall to the side. Through the glass, Jiang Yueming immediately called out worriedly, "Lele, are you alright!"
Li Leshan steadied himself against the wall, indicating that he was alright. He quickly glanced at the time displayed on the electronic screen, realizing he had forgotten for a moment because he had been talking for so long. "You should hurry up and go, the train is about to arrive."
Jiang Yueming reluctantly turned back again and again, his gaze lingering on Li Leshan's face. He waved to Li Leshan and shouted loudly amidst the noisy commotion, "Lele! Wait for me a little longer—"
This time, Li Leshan finally heard what he said, but in this crowd, even if he used sign language, Jiang Yueming couldn't see it. Moreover, he was completely confused by what he was saying, and because he didn't understand it, he hadn't figured out how to respond yet.
Wait a little longer...
What does this mean?
How long will it take?
What are we going to do?
He didn't understand, he didn't comprehend, and he didn't know. What did Jiang Yueming mean by this? What was there to wait for? "Wait for me a little longer," Li Leshan searched his memory. He seemed to have always heard Jiang Yueming say this, but he didn't know what Jiang Yueming wanted him to wait for.
But no matter what, as long as it's Jiang Yueming, he will wait.
Just like many years ago, when that boy burst into his world, saw his disheveled state, saw his wretchedness, but didn't laugh, didn't tease, didn't ask anything, didn't say anything, just left him with the words "Wait for me after school"...
Now, countless years have passed. Li Leshan's answer remains unchanged to this day. Jiang Yueming said that he would wait, waiting for this boy, who has grown into a teenager, to walk into his world again and hold his hand, just like before.
I'll wait for you, don't be afraid. Li Leshan didn't say anything more, assuming Jiang Yueming already knew.
Much later, when he thought about it again, he wondered if he should have said it, if he should have held Jiang Yueming's hand tightly and told him that he would definitely wait.
If he hadn't said anything, would Jiang Yueming have thought he wouldn't wait? The person she wanted to ask never asked again, and the person she wanted to speak never spoke again.
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