Chapter 152 It was like he was in a dream. He really was a complete...
In the days that followed, everyone went their separate ways.
Everyone has their own things to do, and everyone has their own life to live. No matter what, life has to go on.
Time seemed to have been put on a fast forward. Li Leshan went to class, worked, and studied every day in an orderly manner, and everything seemed no different from before.
But he knew that a piece of his heart was missing from that moment on, and no matter what he did, it could never be mended.
"Leshan," Sister Qiuxin stepped forward and instructed him, "Go, Xiaoshuo is about to get out of school. I have something to do and can't leave. Can you go to the Third Primary School to pick him up for me? He recognizes you."
Li Leshan hurriedly put down what he was holding, nodded to Sister Qiuxin, and then took the tram keys and went out.
Sister Qiuxin has two children. Her daughter, Xiaorui, is in high school, and her son, Xiaoshuo, was in kindergarten when Li Leshan first met him. Now he is in second grade.
He had lived in this place for two years and knew it like the back of his hand. He knew every street and alley, every shop, and all the roads he used to get lost in, the circles he couldn't navigate, and the alleys he took the wrong turns in. Now he knew them all.
The entrance to the Third Elementary School was crowded with parents, mostly grandparents picking up their grandchildren from school. Li Leshan stood out from the crowd; he was tall and very conspicuous. Sister Qiuxin said that even if he just stood there and didn't move, Xiao Shuo would be able to find him at a glance.
But Li Leshan still had to keep an eye on the child. He was carrying two snacks, but Deng Shuo had better finish them before returning to the store, otherwise he would get a lecture from Sister Qiuxin, and he himself would also get a lecture.
"Lele!"
Suddenly a voice broke Li Leshan's thoughts.
He was startled, then hurriedly looked in the direction of the sound. It was two children chasing and playing. One of them brushed past his arm and ran forward, while the other ran towards him with a smile on his face, calling out, "Lele! Slow down! Wait for me!"
As the boy ran past him, the wind he created caused Li Leshan to freeze in place.
His eyes were fixed on the direction they had run off in, and the words "Lele" were still echoing in his mind.
How long has it been since he last heard that address? He's lost count of the days; no one has called him that since. These days, he's really just living one day at a time. In the past, he would look forward to May Day, National Day, and summer and winter vacations, but now he has nothing to look forward to.
"Brother Leshan, did they hit you?" Deng Shuo saw him standing there in a daze for a long time and thought he was injured, so he couldn't help but ask.
No, Li Leshan shook his head, thinking to himself, they can't see me.
Deng Shuo chattered away in the back seat of the car. Although Li Leshan couldn't give him any response, he was still very happy.
From the very first moment he saw Li Leshan, he was filled with admiration. Hearing his mother talk about Li Leshan—how he came to Beijing alone from a small town to study, how excellent his grades were, how capable and sensible he was—his admiration only grew stronger. In his mind, Li Leshan was a perfect being, except for his inability to speak. But this wasn't a flaw in Deng Shuo's eyes; in the eyes of children like them, it wasn't a flaw at all. On the contrary, it made Li Leshan seem even cooler and more mysterious.
"Thank you for your trouble, Leshan," Sister Qiuxin told Deng Shuo to go and do his homework first. This kid is quite clever. He always said that he hadn't been assigned any homework. At first, she really believed him. Later, when she was asked to go to the school, she found out that not only had he been assigned homework, but the kid was also not doing it. Doesn't he think she's worried enough? "If every kid was like you, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief."
Li Leshan smiled apologetically at her, glanced at the time, and realized there was a lecture at school that evening where attendance would be checked. He had skipped it quite a few times before, so he had to attend this time. He picked up his bag and said goodbye to Sister Qiuxin.
"Leshan! Keep these for yourself," Deng Qiuxin hurriedly handed him several bottles of milk, then hesitated for a moment, "Are you going to Guangdong again this month?"
Seeing that he couldn't refuse, Li Leshan had no choice but to accept it. He took out his phone and typed to Sister Qiuxin, "Sister, is there something you need?"
"No, it's nothing," Deng Qiuxin said. She just felt that every time he seemed to be in a slightly better state, he would become a completely different person after going to the south, which made her a little worried. "Remember to take care of yourself, okay?"
“Okay, I will. Thank you, sis.” Li Leshan typed and showed it to her.
He hurriedly left with his schoolbag on his back, blending into the bustling crowd.
Since then, his monthly trips to the south have become a habit. Li Leshan wasn't trying to disturb his life, nor did he intend to bother Jiang Yueming. He was just a little worried, not knowing where Jiang Yueming was, what place he was in, or how he was doing.
He was just going there to try his luck, even though it was no longer his concern. But he didn't know where else to go besides this. If he didn't even do this, Li Leshan didn't know what else he could do.
Even now, a fog still hangs over my mind. Why couldn't I find Jiang Yueming at Nanjing University of Technology? Why did his classmates in the same major tell him, "There's no one named Jiang Yueming in our major"... Where did he go?
The message he sent on WeChat ended up with a red exclamation mark. Fortunately, he could still contact Jiang Yueming via text message, though he never received a reply.
They've rarely texted each other in the last two years, and all the cell phones that hold Jiang Yueming's memories are still sitting in Shengping's house, untouched for a long time.
So now when you open the text message page, there's only Li Leshan there, occasionally persistently asking, "Where did you go?", "I went to your school, but they said there's no one named Jiang Yueming in the School of Information Engineering.", "I won't bother you, I just want to know how you are now."
Of course, these messages disappeared without a trace.
Thinking of this, Li Leshan typed another line in the editing bar: I'm going to Guangdong on the 28th. If you want to see me, I'll be at xxx.
That place is a famous tourist attraction in Guangdong, the kind that everyone in the country knows. If Jiang Yueming could see the message, he would definitely know what kind of place it is. Li Leshan put away his phone, looked at the fallen leaves on both sides of the street, and occasionally a few would land on his shoulder, but he didn't care and just continued walking.
He tried asking Han Jiang, who probably still remembered that he hadn't returned to Shengping after Xiaobai left. Filled with righteous indignation, he dragged Li Leshan aside and vented for a long time, saying things like, "I'll never talk to him again, I'd be a dog if I did," "Do you think I'm always so idle? I have things to do, okay? I can't just revolve around him, the world revolves around him too," and "If I forgive him so easily, wouldn't that be letting Xiaobai down? I'd get hit by a car as soon as I step out the door..."
In short, Li Leshan could roughly glean from his words that he and Han Jiang had lost contact since that incident. Now that he thought about it, wasn't a large part of the reason Jiang Yueming refused to return to Shengping because he himself was there? Because he was there too, he didn't even come back to see Xiaobai.
Li Leshan looked down at the tip of his shoe and stepped on a dead leaf.
He felt sorry for Han Jiang, because his existence created a rift between him and Jiang Yueming. He also felt sorry for Xiao Bai, because his existence prevented Jiang Yueming from seeing it off on its final journey. Most of all, he felt sorry for Jiang Yueming; there were just too many things he had done to wrong her, too many to recount…
"I am a sinner," Li Leshan thought to himself.
He is truly a sinner through and through. He has wronged and harmed many people in his life. He truly shares the same blood as Li Yong; like Li Yong, he is a scoundrel.
Li Leshan slowly walked to the street corner. People came and went, but no one noticed him at the corner. In the vast city of Beijing, he still has nowhere to go.
Tears streamed down his face without warning. Suddenly, he leaned against the wall and coughed violently, as if his internal organs were being churned up. The pain of even breathing brought tears to his eyes.
He had suffered, feared, and even broken down. He once thought that even though he shared the same blood as Li Yong, he would never become like Li Yong. So, in order to desperately break free from this so-called blood ties, Li Leshan struggled, exerted all his strength, and barely clung to life, trying his best to avoid becoming like Li Yong.
But today, he suddenly realized that he was no different from Li Yong. A wave of nausea washed over Li Leshan, his eyes reddening as tears streamed down his face.
Lately, Li Leshan has been having frequent dreams. He keeps dreaming of Shengping, the old locust tree at the entrance of the third alley, the bright red trumpet creeper and lush green ivy beyond the window, the little white dog wagging its tail and circling around his feet, and Jiang Yueming standing on the Lijiang Bridge, calling out loudly to him on the other side. He runs and runs desperately, trying to reach him and hug him tightly. But no matter how hard he runs, he can never reach the other side of the bridge.
These scenes were both familiar and strange. Familiar because he had personally experienced them, yet strange as if they were from a past life.
"Lele—" The final scene always ends with Jiang Yueming calling his name. He keeps calling "Lele," "Lele," but Li Leshan never wants to wake up.
When he struggled to open his eyes, Sheng Ping, the old locust tree, the trumpet creeper, the ivy, Xiao Bai, and even Jiang Yueming all disappeared before his eyes.
It was like he was having a dream, a very, very long dream.
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