Chapter 105 Partner Checking Up on Me: "I almost called the police!"...
Grandma left a letter by her bedside. But because he was in such a hurry to go to the hospital, Li Leshan didn't find it right away.
The letter was probably written by her flipping through the pages of an old dictionary at home. The writing on the note was crooked and contained typos, and it was written in large characters.
What I could vaguely make out was: Leshan, I dreamt of your mother yesterday. She said she was taking Grandma over. Leshan, in my whole life, you are the one I've wronged the most, and you are also the one I'm most proud of. Grandma loves you.
Li Leshan choked back tears as he read the entire letter, the paper soaked with his tears, blurring the words. He tried to wipe it away again and again, only to find it getting blurrier, just as he could never hold onto his grandmother.
After his grandmother passed away, Li Leshan took a two-week leave of absence.
He went alone to obtain the death certificate, contact the funeral home, and calculate the costs, repeatedly pleading with the staff to "be gentle, be gentle."
He used the money in his savings account to pay off all the expenses and sent text messages to the phone numbers that still existed in his memory, recorded in his grandmother's old account book, and to the names of relatives he couldn't recall.
At night, he sat on his grandmother's bed again, wiping the photo frame. The food Jiang Yueming brought was cold on the table; he had barely eaten or slept lately.
In the past two weeks, he quietly completed all his tasks.
When he finished the last thing, he stood in the empty room and realized for the first time how cold spring in Shengping really was.
Whether December 21, 2012, was the end of the world was no longer particularly important to Li Leshan. In this time of approaching spring, his doomsday had already arrived.
In late April, Li Leshan returned to school. He still had to continue studying to catch up on the progress he had missed in the past two weeks.
Zhang Fang understood his situation and spent most of the day comforting him in the office. However, no matter what she said, the conversation always came back to exams and college entrance exams. She earnestly advised Li Leshan to study harder and get into university so that his grandmother could rest assured.
Li Leshan stood silently in front of his desk, his hands behind his back, not even lifting his eyelids.
All he knew was that even if he got into Tsinghua or Peking University, his grandmother would never come back.
So many things had happened in the past month that Li Leshan was completely drained of energy. He spent the day in a daze, doing homework, taking tests, previewing lessons, reviewing material... just like any other day.
"Lele!" Jiang Yueming was a little nervous. They hadn't seen each other much lately. Aside from the few times he'd insisted on going to see Li Leshan because he was so worried, they'd only been communicating via text messages. The messages were mostly things like, "Have you eaten?", "Have you slept?", "Are you feeling unwell?", "Do you need me?"...
The answers were all the same: "I've eaten," "I need to sleep," "I don't feel unwell," "I don't need it"...
No matter how worried he was, there was nothing he could do. At this point, all he could do was wait for Li Leshan to slowly walk out.
Upon hearing Jiang Yueming's voice, Li Leshan trembled. He quickly looked up and searched through the crowd, finally finding Jiang Yueming waving at him among a group of students.
"Are you tired?" Jiang Yueming asked immediately, then added, "Are you keeping up with your studies?"
Their Tsinghua and Peking University classes are incredibly fast; one student learns in a day what others learn in three days. It's impossible for the entire class to fall behind for the sake of one student; they definitely have to keep pushing themselves to the front.
Li Leshan gently shook his head, his gaze lingering on Jiang Yueming's face for a moment. "Not tired. I can keep up."
"That's good then." Jiang Yueming said softly, "My aunt and I were both worried about you. I didn't dare to go to you..."
He spoke softer and softer as he spoke the second half of the sentence. He knew that Li Leshan definitely didn't want to trouble him with these things, and he was even more afraid that he would upset Li Leshan during this period.
"I'm fine," Li Leshan said in sign language. "I've been able to sleep better these days."
Being able to eat and sleep is already a big improvement over before.
"Are you short of money?" Jiang Yueming glanced at him discreetly. "I have some here..."
“I don’t need it.” Li Leshan gently grasped his hand, then let go. “I don’t have any other needs for money.”
Jiang Yueming uttered two "ohs" and dared not speak again, afraid of saying something wrong and upsetting Li Leshan.
"Thank you for always being there for me." Li Leshan glanced at him and repeated, "Thank you."
Lately, Jiang Yueming has been sending him text messages every day and checking on him promptly after class. If Li Leshan is home, he goes in to talk to him for a while; if Li Leshan isn't home, he waits outside for him to return. Jiang Yueming doesn't say anything, but Li Leshan understands everything.
Jiang Yueming felt a lump in her throat, her eyes stinging a little. "No need to thank me..."
There's really nothing to thank him for; he felt he hadn't done anything at all. In this situation, how could he dare leave Li Leshan alone at home? He should have been even more persistent and spent more time with Li Leshan. He hadn't done anything, nor had he been of any help.
"Lele, for a while, you can sleep with me," Jiang Yueming said after hesitating for a long time. "Go back to my place to sleep. I'll..."
He was also worried about Li Leshan living alone. He wanted to get Li Leshan out of the empty house as soon as possible, so that Li Leshan could have some support if he lived with him.
“I’ll go to school with you. I’ll go to class early so I can study a bit. I’ll wait for you to leave school together in the evening.” Jiang Yueming was worried that he wouldn’t agree, so she quickly added, “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I’m just a little, a little worried.”
"I'm fine," Li Leshan said with a forced smile. "Don't worry."
He knew Jiang Yueming was worried, but he didn't want Jiang Yueming to take care of him too much or worry about him too much. In addition, he had to work the night shift, and he couldn't let Jiang Yueming know about this. If he knew, Jiang Yueming would definitely not be happy, but he would definitely want to help him.
Li Leshan then used sign language to say, "I will send you messages every day. I will let you know if anything happens."
Jiang Yueming could only nod and didn't insist any further. He couldn't very well drag Li Leshan out of there; that wouldn't have worked.
"Okay, then you must tell me what's wrong. Don't keep it to yourself. We're not in the same school, so I don't know what happened, I don't know your situation. If you don't tell me, I can only keep asking and worrying. But I don't know who to ask." Jiang Yueming, for the first time in a long time, began to regret not trying harder back then. If she had tried harder, would things have been different?
He didn't know who to ask, Han Jiang or Xu Qing? He didn't want to ask, nor did he want them to worry unnecessarily.
"I know, I'll tell you." Li Leshan looked at him. "And don't keep thinking about me, you're almost a senior in high school."
Jiang Yueming was speechless, stung by these words. He desperately wanted to tell Li Leshan that he no longer cared about being in the second or third year of high school; it was none of his business. His entire focus was now on Li Leshan, thinking every minute about how he was doing, whether he was feeling bad, and whether he was sleeping well.
He just couldn't bring himself to say it; he couldn't bring himself to say these words. In the end, he could only helplessly say, "I wasn't thinking about it all along."
As the weather warmed up, the number of people in the internet cafe increased. When Li Leshan opened the door, he could see that the room was full of people and filled with the smell of smoke.
He frowned slightly and sat back down in his seat. His bag was heavy, filled with a pile of books and workbooks. He had fallen behind in the past two weeks, with dozens, even hundreds, of pages of homework unfinished.
"Are you alright?" Liu Yang didn't know that something had happened at home. Li Leshan hadn't explained much either, only saying that something had happened, without saying what it was. "You don't look well. Didn't you get enough rest?"
Li Leshan shook his head and wrote on the paper: It's nothing.
He added: "Sorry I couldn't come before, but I won't be absent in the future."
Liu Yang glanced at the contents of the paper, feeling a little uncomfortable. They had worked together for a year, and this guy was still so polite. "It's nothing. Take care of yourself first, then think about finding a job. I'm worried about you..."
He felt the second half of his sentence was a bit ominous, so he didn't say it aloud.
Li Leshan smiled bitterly, "Die? If I were to die, I'd stay far away from it."
"What nonsense are you writing?" Liu Yang crumpled the page in his hand and threw it into the trash can. He felt that something had happened to Li Leshan during the past two weeks, and his condition was worse than before. "You're only seventeen, what are you thinking about all day?"
Li Leshan stared blankly ahead, not thinking about anything, really not thinking about anything.
Not getting a reply, Liu Yang watched him do his homework for a long time and thought to himself, "This exam-oriented education is really amazing, no doubt about it." The guy looked like he was about to faint, but he was still doing the questions.
Li Leshan felt the words in front of him were a little blurry. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to clear his head. When he checked the time, two hours had passed without him realizing it.
He felt no drowsiness whatsoever, and his mind was exceptionally clear. He put his homework aside and suddenly remembered that he hadn't texted Jiang Yueming tonight. However, it was almost 1 a.m., and he couldn't text her at this hour anyway; if he did, she would probably worry even more.
Li Leshan had no choice but to put his phone away again. About an hour later, the vibration in his pocket woke him up again.
Jiang Yueming: Where are you?
Jiang Yueming: Where did you go? Nobody's home.
Jiang Yueming: Lele! Don't scare me...
There were also several missed calls.
He hurriedly typed a text message, but his phone screen went black and shut down instantly after he had only typed half a word.
Li Leshan quickly grabbed his coat from the chair, then struggled past a crowd of people getting water from the nearby water dispenser and waved to Liu Yang.
"I...I...have something to do." Li Leshan didn't have time to explain; he had to rush home.
Liu Yang was completely baffled and didn't understand at all. He guessed that the man was probably going out. "Shall I give you a ride on my motorcycle?"
I thought Li Leshan would definitely refuse, but to my surprise, he nodded.
"Lu Zi!" Liu Yang shouted into the card room, "I have to go out for a bit, you keep an eye on the shop for me!"
The blond guy inside didn't even look up, just grunted in response, seemingly unfazed. "Going out to pick up girls in the middle of the night? You've got some leisure time."
"Get lost." Liu Yang was too lazy to talk to him anymore, and waved to Li Leshan, signaling him to hurry up and follow.
"What are you rushing off to?" Liu Yang asked as they walked, not expecting Li Leshan to answer, since he wouldn't understand what Li Leshan was saying anyway, so it was as if Li Leshan hadn't said anything at all.
"Is your partner checking up on you?" Liu Yang hit the nail on the head.
This person's mouth is truly blessed.
Li Leshan was silent for a while. To some extent, it was true, but this was much more serious than checking up on someone.
The motorcycle sped along, but fortunately Liu Yang was a good driver. The motorcycle slowly came to a stop near Third Alley, and Li Leshan refused any further rides.
"Will I wait for you?" Liu Yang asked.
Li Leshan waved his hand, indicating that he didn't need it.
"Okay. Send me a message if anything comes up." Before Liu Yang finished speaking, the man had already run towards the entrance of the third alley without the slightest hesitation, putting on his coat as he ran.
"Damn," Liu Yang muttered to himself, his legs propped on the ground as he watched Li Leshan's retreating figure, "Is his girlfriend really checking up on him?"
Li Leshan ran up to the fifth floor in one breath and made direct eye contact with Jiang Yueming, who was on the phone.
Instantly, Jiang Yueming's eyes turned red.
He frowned, looking Li Leshan up and down repeatedly, his voice trembling slightly and urgently asking, "Where have you been?"
"Why aren't you answering the phone or replying to texts? Do you know how worried I was?" Jiang Yueming took a deep breath, his heart still pounding wildly. Those few tens of minutes without contacting Li Leshan had terrified him so much his legs almost gave way.
"I almost called the police!" Jiang Yueming shouted, his voice echoing in the empty hallway. Every second here was excruciating. He dared not leave, afraid that if Li Leshan returned, he would go somewhere else, and they would miss each other. He could only make phone calls, then listen to the mechanical voice repeating over and over again, "The number you dialed is currently unavailable..." That sound was driving him almost insane.
"I was wrong," Li Leshan tried to explain urgently, "I was wrong, my phone was off, I didn't answer..."
"Where did you go?" Jiang Yueming repeated the question, her voice a little hoarse.
Li Leshan's Adam's apple bobbed. He couldn't tell anyone that he worked at an internet cafe. No matter what, he couldn't let him know.
"I can't sleep. I'm going out for a walk," Li Leshan lied.
Jiang Yueming was silent for a moment, then slowly rested his forehead on Li Leshan's shoulder, his voice as soft as a feather, as if he had no strength left, "Do you know how worried I was about you..."
He was terrified, more terrified than he had ever been before. He never wanted to experience that fear again in his life.
Li Leshan's heart started beating faster. He held Jiang Yueming in his arms and silently apologized over and over again.
"Lele," Jiang Yueming's eyes were still a little red, "I'm not angry with you, I'm begging you. I know you're still hurting terribly, I don't mean to... I don't mean to control you, I know I'm being very annoying and troublesome right now, but I really can't lose you..."
“I’m sorry,” Li Leshan apologized to him, “I promise I won’t. I’m not bothered, and I won’t be. Why would you think that?”
"Because I'm so scared," Jiang Yueming thought to himself. He was indeed overthinking things, but in this situation, he had no choice but to be cautious; he had to be on high alert.
Jiang Yueming hesitated for a long time, then said nothing. He pulled Li Leshan's hand and led him into the house. "Don't you have class tomorrow? You should get some rest. I see you're alright, so I'll be leaving."
He was a little reluctant, but he couldn't bring himself to stay. Just as he was about to take a step, Li Leshan grabbed his wrist and then let go, saying, "It's late, you can sleep here."
"Can I?" Jiang Yueming blurted out.
Li Leshan nodded. He thought about how Jiang Yueming had come in the middle of the night and worried for so long, and it still felt like a thorn was stuck in his heart. He didn't want him to worry anymore, but there were some things he really couldn't say.
They had slept in this wooden bed for many years. Although they slept there less often after starting high school, Jiang Yueming was still familiar with it; it was his second bed.
Li Leshan lay beside him, reminding Jiang Yueming of countless nights like this. He slowly turned to his side, trying to make out Li Leshan's face in the darkness, and for the first time, he was reluctant to go to sleep.
Unsure how much time had passed, Li Leshan slowly opened his eyes when he heard soft, steady breathing beside him.
He couldn't sleep, even with Jiang Yueming beside him. His eyes kept replaying the scene of his grandmother's passing, and the thought brought tears to his eyes.
Sleep, sleep. Li Leshan murmured to himself. There were still things to do during the day, and there would be more to do tomorrow. If he couldn't sleep, his body would break down. Now he was all alone, and he had to hold on.
No matter how much Li Leshan tried to convince himself, his mind remained remarkably clear. His thoughts raced back to the past, but he couldn't recall anything happy. It seemed that all he experienced was suffering, only varying degrees of hardship.
He slowly got up, reached out and touched Jiang Yueming's hair, stared at Jiang Yueming for a while before getting out of bed.
There were sleeping pills he had bought a few days ago in the drawer. He usually didn't take them because they made him sleepy in class during the day, and taking them frequently was bad for his health. But he hadn't been able to fall asleep in a long time. Every time he opened his eyes and looked at the time, forty minutes had passed, but it felt like an eternity.
Li Leshan swallowed the sleeping pills with cold water, a bitter taste slowly rising in his mouth, spreading from the tip of his tongue to his heart. He returned to bed and closed his eyes.
Shengping finally stumbled into the good weather of late spring and early summer, to the point where it was safe to wear a school uniform jacket over a short-sleeved shirt.
Jiang Yueming has been staying after school more and more frequently lately. Liu Xijun has mentioned him several times, saying that even though he appears to be in class, his mind seems to have wandered off somewhere else.
"You'll be a senior in high school soon," Liu Xijun said earnestly. "Aren't you going to take the college entrance exam now that it's so close?"
"There will be a test." Jiang Yueming lowered her head as if she had done something wrong.
"The teacher didn't mean to blame you," Liu Xijun said, seeing that he was so sincere in admitting his mistake, so he didn't scold him any further. Instead, he changed his approach, "Aren't you on good terms with Li Leshan from Experimental High School? You should learn from him and work harder to catch up with him!"
This incentive strategy doesn't seem to work for Jiang Yueming.
"I can't catch up." Jiang Yueming was telling the truth. Such words might have had a motivating effect when he was in elementary school, but as he grew older and the gap widened, Jiang Yueming had long since come to terms with reality. He was far inferior to Li Leshan. How could he catch up? He wasn't smart enough, nor was he that hardworking. To put it bluntly, he and Li Leshan were worlds apart.
“How can you say that?” Liu Xijun said, displeased. “The outcome is still uncertain, so we could both be dark horses. Who said we’re inferior to the students from other experiments?”
Nobody said anything. The only person who did was Old Liu. But he couldn't bring himself to say it, as it would seem like he was looking for trouble, so he kept quiet.
Jiang Yueming shook his head.
"Ah, that's more like it." Liu Xijun was finally satisfied. He patted Jiang Yueming's shoulder earnestly, "You need to get yourself in the right mindset. You can't let your mind wander like this. If you don't understand anything, like physics or math, just ask."
Jiang Yueming hummed in agreement, bowed to Liu Xijun, and turned to leave the office.
The sky outside was perfect, clear and cloudless. Jiang Yueming looked at the sky outside, feeling inexplicably strange.
Going to university is very important. Jiang Yueming admits that the best way out of Shengping is to go to university and leave. But is going to university the only thing in life? Are all other things in front of going to university insignificant?
But Jiang Yueming felt that there were many, many things more important than studying. But it seemed that no one else felt the same way except him.
Since that day, Li Leshan has never forgotten to send him a message. Although the content is very simple, as long as Jiang Yueming knows that he is alright and nothing bad has happened, that's enough for him. He doesn't ask for anything else.
After his grandmother passed away, Li Leshan became even more silent. Last time, Han Jiang came to ask him if something had happened to Li Leshan, as he seemed very different from before, as if he had become like he was before they met.
Jiang Yueming felt as if he had been struck a heavy blow to the heart. He felt helpless, but there was nothing he could do. He couldn't force Li Leshan to pull him out of the shadow of losing his loved one; he couldn't do that, and he was incapable of doing so.
Grandma is the most important person in Li Leshan's life, the one who has been with him the longest. For Jiang Yueming to tell him he "must move on quickly" and "stop living in the past" seems too cruel. He asks for nothing more now, only that Li Leshan be safe and sound.
His feelings for his grandmother were so deep, so very deep. She was his life. Whenever Jiang Yueming recalled that scene in the hospital ward, a wave of bittersweet emotion would wash over her, lingering for a long time. This pain of separation weighed heavily on Li Leshan, a pain that might take a lifetime to alleviate even a fraction of.
Therefore, Li Leshan had to leave Shengping, leave this place filled with his pain and self-blame. He could only hope that the passage of time would take something away, preferably some of his sorrow.
He slowly followed behind Li Leshan, picking up the things Li Leshan had left behind, piece by piece. He would return them whenever Li Leshan needed them; he would always be there for Li Leshan whenever Li Leshan turned back.
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