Chapter 48 Willingly "I don't know... how to repay it."...
"What did you bring back?" Lin Cuiqin took the bag from his hand and looked inside. "It's snowing outside again. Did you really have to go out to buy it at this time?"
He looked at the snow on Jiang Yueming's head and clothes, his tone slightly reproachful, "It's late at night, and you suddenly rushed out, saying you were going to Leshan Square. Leshan Square is so big, where am I supposed to find you?"
“Auntie,” Jiang Yueming saw the worry on her face, “I’m perfectly fine. I’m already thirteen or fourteen, and I’m over 1.7 meters tall. These days, even human traffickers don’t want someone like me.”
"What are you talking about?" Lin Cuiqin patted the snow off his shoulder. "What's the matter that's so urgent? You said you'd be right back, but it's already eleven o'clock."
Jiang Yueming gently pressed her shoulder and walked her to the living room. He then pressed Lin Cuiqin down on the sofa and comforted her, "I... I didn't pay attention to the time. I thought I ran very fast."
"Sigh—" Lin Cuiqin sighed deeply.
"Okay, Auntie, I have something important to say..." Jiang Yueming lowered his head to unpack the package and took out a pair of shoes. They were non-slip. He had gone to the store specifically to ask about them. There were only a dozen minutes left before closing time, and Jiang Yueming asked each store one by one. If one store didn't have them, he would quickly move on to the next one.
"Shoes?" Lin Cuiqin asked, somewhat puzzled.
“Lele, his grandma is old and has trouble walking. It’s been snowing and the ground is slippery these past few days, so I bought her a pair of non-slip shoes so she can walk more easily.” Jiang Yueming squatted down and looked down at the shoes, then put them back into the shoebox.
After putting everything away, Jiang Yueming looked up and smiled at Lin Cuiqin, "How about I buy you a pair later?"
“You could have just told me,” Lin Cuiqin said. “I’ll buy a pair when I pass by tomorrow. You went out in the middle of the night by yourself…”
"I want to buy them tomorrow," Jiang Yueming said. She had gone to buy shoes for her grandmother with Li Leshan last time. Li Leshan said that his grandmother always wore those cloth shoes, which no longer fit properly, and the glued-off parts had been repeatedly patched up. He knew his grandmother's shoe size, so he wanted to buy them as soon as possible.
"You child..." Lin Cuiqin knew he was kind-hearted and good to people. The child took after his mother, Cuilan, in this respect.
"Okay," Lin Cuiqin patted his head. "Leshan will definitely be happy. Go back to sleep. You have to get up early tomorrow."
Jiang Yueming thought so too. He nodded and rushed back into the room. He lay down on the bed and only then did he feel exhausted. When he remembered that he hadn't finished his homework in his bag, he forced himself to get up and write it, but sleepiness took over at that moment. His mind was blank, and all the mathematical equations, zinc, helium, lithium, beryllium, and boron... were forgotten.
Jiang Yueming picked up his shoes and went out. Lin Cuiqin had gotten up very early today, saying she had learned a new skill: making red bean paste buns and brown sugar buns. She learned it from the old lady at the bun shop. Zhenhua Restaurant didn't provide breakfast, only takeout. In short, Lin Cuiqin thought they were pretty good, and now it was perfect for Jiang Yueming to take some to Leshan to try.
“Auntie, you’re such a great auntie,” Jiang Yueming looked up at the clock on the wall in shock. It was 6:30. She looked at the still dark sky outside in shock, and finally looked at Lin Cuiqin, who was wearing a floral apron, in front of her in shock. She gave her a thumbs up. “I’m going to give you one of the top ten awards in the country.”
Lin Cuiqin was amused by him and hurriedly packed four steamed buns and two bottles of milk, putting them into Jiang Yueming's other free hand. "Stop being so glib, remember to share some with Leshan. I'm going back to sleep now."
"Okay, I understand." Jiang Yueming felt the steam rising from the buns. "Then I'm off—"
He rushed downstairs excitedly, already anticipating Li Leshan's surprised and delighted expression. He was definitely overjoyed, but also worried about going out late last night. Jiang Yueming was prepared for Li Leshan to refuse; he was certain Li Leshan would say, "No, I can't accept this, it's too valuable," and then, "We'll return it..." So he was prepared to throw a tantrum to get Li Leshan to accept it.
Never mind. Jiang Yueming thought to herself.
Li Leshan was waiting for him downstairs when Jiang Yueming told him to stand at the entrance of the stairwell so the wind wouldn't blow on him. Li Leshan was worried about obstructing the passageway, especially since there were older high school students living in the building who also needed to get up around the same time. So, he always stood at the door waiting for Jiang Yueming.
"Lele!" Jiang Yueming waved from a few steps away. "Hurry up, my aunt made these steamed buns this morning, they'll get cold soon."
He stuffed two steamed buns and a bottle of hot milk into Li Leshan's arms.
"Thank you..." Li Leshan couldn't use sign language, but Jiang Yueming knew what he was going to say next just by looking at him. After spending so much time together, they probably had a telepathic connection.
"Eat quickly," Jiang Yueming took a bite of the bun, which was filled with red bean paste and was very sweet. Then, she casually handed the shoe to Li Leshan, "Oh, right, this is for you."
Li Leshan was a little puzzled. He asked, "What is this?"
Jiang Yueming knew she couldn't hide it from him any longer, so she had no choice but to bite the bullet and say in a relaxed tone, "Shoes."
He didn't dare to look directly at Li Leshan's reaction, so he secretly glanced at Li Leshan and saw that the man's hand paused and his face turned somewhat gloomy.
"Oh, don't worry, it wasn't me who spent the money. I went to Leshan Square with my aunt last night, and I just mentioned it briefly, but she insisted on going to buy it, and I couldn't stop her..." Jiang Yueming fabricated, making it sound like a story even though it didn't happen: "You can keep it and give it to Grandma to wear."
Taking advantage of the fact that he had too many things in his hands to sign, Jiang Yueming continued, trying to resolve his concerns, "I know you're probably worried about the cost and don't want to accept it. But your aunt said she'd be unhappy if you didn't accept it..."
"I'll give you the money, and you can give it to your aunt, okay?" Li Leshan hesitated for a long time.
“She said you have to accept it,” Jiang Yueming said. “Lele, your aunt treats you like her own nephew, really. Don’t feel... don’t be upset.”
Li Leshan felt his eyes welling up, his heart aching and numb, as if he were soaking in a bowl of warm, sweet and bitter wine. Besides his grandmother… he had no family left. Hearing Jiang Yueming say this, he felt a profound emptiness, as if from another world.
"Thank you and Auntie, but I still can't accept it." Li Leshan returned the shoes to Jiang Yueming. He was truly grateful, a gratitude he didn't know how to express even if he could speak. It was in his heart, unspeakable and beyond words.
"I don't know... how to repay it." Li Leshan's hands trembled. These words were like heavy stones, making it hard for him to breathe.
Just like his grandmother told him, the debts of gratitude are the hardest to repay. He didn't know how to repay them. He taught Jiang Yueming problems and helped him with his studies, but he was very smart, and he couldn't speak, so Jiang Yueming figured most of it out on his own. He hadn't contributed anything. Being good to Jiang Yueming was something he did willingly. It wasn't something he was going to repay, and besides, Li Leshan didn't know if what he was doing for Jiang Yueming was really good for him.
This terrified him; he feared that one day he would be heavily in debt, and what would he do then?
He didn't know how to repay it; he was afraid he wouldn't be able to repay it all, and even more afraid... that he wouldn't be able to repay it at all.
return?
Jiang Yueming froze on the spot, feeling as if his mind had gone blank. He had considered all of Li Leshan's possible responses, but he had never imagined him saying this. He had imagined that Li Leshan would be embarrassed or refuse, he had even thought about how he would throw a tantrum, but he had never thought of this word.
Why should we pay it back?
To whom should it be returned?
Give it back to him?
“Return it,” Jiang Yueming’s mouth reacted before his brain could process it. His voice was dry, tinged with disbelief and anger. “Why… do I have to return it?”
Was his kindness to Li Leshan something with a price tag? Did he expect Li Leshan to pay for his kindness later? Was that a burden? Was that unacceptable? This was the first time Jiang Yueming had thought about it.
From childhood to adulthood, no one taught him that accepting kindness from loved ones requires reciprocation. Does that mean he also has to repay his aunt? How can he repay her? He owes her a debt he can never repay in his lifetime.
No, no. Jiang Yueming quickly dismissed the idea; it couldn't be calculated that way. If he did, his aunt would be unhappy. But Li Leshan just let it go like that, without considering how he would feel.
"So, you want to repay all the kindness I've shown you? You've been kind to me because you need to pay off this debt?" Jiang Yueming asked, his brow furrowed, a pang of pain in his heart. A sharp, piercing pain suddenly shot through him, spreading rapidly, accompanied by a turbulent sea of confusion and resentment. He thought he and Li Leshan didn't need to be so clear-cut. They'd known each other for three years, almost four; did they really need to be so meticulous?
"And what about all the good things you did for me? You taught me sign language, helped me with my studies, explained problems to me, you even fought with Wang Hao... Is all of this because you owe me? Are you paying back a debt?! In your heart, am I just someone waiting for you to 'pay back a debt'?!"
"No! I, I didn't mean it that way!" Jiang Yueming's question struck Li Leshan like a hammer blow, making his face turn pale instantly. He hurriedly gestured in sign language, "I'm good to you because I want to!"
"I'm doing this willingly!" Jiang Yueming shouted. "I'm fucking willing to be good to you too!"
What makes him different from Li Leshan, making Li Leshan feel like he's trying to get something from him? It's as if Jiang Yueming has some ulterior motive.
He shouted those words. The moment they left his lips, both men froze on the spot. The only sound was the whistling of the cold wind. He had never spoken harshly to Li Leshan, nor had he ever used such a tone with Han Jiang, because there was no such misunderstanding between them. Whether he bought a pair of shoes for Han Jiang's grandmother, mother, or even Han Jiang himself, Han Jiang would be overjoyed.
"I'm sorry," Li Leshan apologized, reaching for Jiang Yueming's hand but pulling it back after touching her fingers. "Don't be angry..."
“I’m not angry,” Jiang Yueming’s tone softened, and he asked Li Leshan sincerely, “I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why you think all of this needs to be repaid?”
“You’ve all been too good to me…” Li Leshan didn’t look into his eyes. “Besides Grandma, no one has ever been this good to me. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I haven’t done anything.”
This was the first time he had seen such an expression on Li Leshan's face. It was the look of someone who had made a mistake and didn't know what to do. So Li Leshan could have such emotions too? What was he worried about? What was he afraid of? What was he rejecting?
“No need to do anything.” Jiang Yueming said, his voice a little hoarse. He took a breath, looked into Li Leshan’s eyes, and said, word by word, “You don’t need to do anything, and you don’t need to repay anything.”
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A message from the author: Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, everyone! Wishing you all happiness every day!
Just a heads-up, Xiao Hui updated her column. Check which one I put first!
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