Chapter 44 Shengping is not my home. I don't know where to go...
Winter has arrived in Shengping, the longest season of the year. Han Jiang's homeroom teacher was a rigid old man. He made the students wear their school uniform jackets over their uniforms. Yes, those cotton-padded coats underneath. You see, northern children wear three layers upon three layers in winter; that thin jacket on the outside made them look like they were completely sealed off. The old man said it was for wind protection.
Han Jiang angrily criticized this, saying that if you really want to protect yourself, you can wear a cotton-padded coat; what can a school uniform jacket protect you from?
Anyway, resistance was futile. We still had to wear them; everyone in Class Six looked like penguins, walking a beat slower than everyone else—they were so bulky. If we ran into human traffickers, that would be easy; they could just grab them one by one and throw them into the car in a minute.
Even Xu Qing, a dancer, who is so thin and tall, would look incredibly bulky dressed like this. She would avoid Li Leshan whenever she saw him, not wanting him to see her like this, so Jiang Yueming had to avoid her as well, since the two of them were always together.
"The homeroom teacher of Class 6 is amazing. Now, I can tell which student is from Class 6 just by looking at their backs on campus without even having to guess," Jiang Yueming complained to Li Leshan. Although he wasn't in trouble himself, he still had to stand up for his good friend.
Li Leshan had just come out of the stairwell, wearing a brown scarf sewn by his grandmother around his neck; it looked quite nice on him. Jiang Yueming had the same scarf, but in a different color—gray. They were both hand-sewn by his grandmother, and he cherished them dearly, not even letting Tian Tian touch them.
"I forgot my gloves." Jiang Yueming patted his pockets but couldn't find them, realizing he must have left them at home. "It's okay, I won't wear them today."
Li Leshan wasn't wearing gloves either; he'd left them at school. He didn't wear them often because they made writing slower. They weren't particularly cold in the classroom, even though there was no heating. There were many people, and the doors and windows were closed, so there was no draft. In those situations, Li Leshan usually didn't wear them.
“Then I’ll ride a bike today.” Li Leshan’s hands were already on the handlebars.
“No need, don’t be so delicate.” Jiang Yueming stretched out his hand and rubbed it against Li Leshan’s face. “Aren’t you cold? It’s only fifteen minutes, you don’t need to ride.”
Li Leshan shook his head, pointed to the back seat, and gestured two crisp words, "Get in the car."
Seeing his persistence, Jiang Yueming didn't refuse anymore. The two of them kept deferring to each other, and then she was late again.
Jiang Yueming sat properly on the back seat. In fact, Li Leshan had ridden in front many times, but sometimes Jiang Yueming would get sleepy and stumble after taking a few steps, making it impossible for him to ride. Sometimes Jiang Yueming would get lazy and automatically move to the back seat.
“Okay, that’s perfect, I can catch up on my sleep for another fifteen minutes.” Jiang Yueming nimbly hugged Li Leshan’s waist and rested her head on his back.
He didn't think there was anything wrong with this action, although he wouldn't hug Han Jiang like that, because it would be difficult to jump out of the car in case of an emergency. He just felt that he and Li Leshan were so familiar with each other, and they were both boys, so there was no need to distinguish between boys and girls. They had even slept in the same bed, so what was wrong with hugging? Therefore, Jiang Yueming's hug was particularly reasonable and justified.
Li Leshan was quite calm sitting on the back of the bike, except when they passed that alley, when he would reach out and hug Jiang Yueming for a moment, saying he was a little scared. He didn't do that at other times, and he didn't need those fifteen minutes of sleep in the morning. Jiang Yueming was a good rider; he could go downhill even with heavy brakes, unlike Han Jiang, who could easily navigate green belts on a bicycle. Therefore, Li Leshan hardly worried that Jiang Yueming would take him crashing into trees or plunging into ditches…
In the final moments before his consciousness faded, Jiang Yueming didn't realize there was anything wrong with their actions. He only noticed how thin Li Leshan was; even though he was wearing a coat and a down jacket, he could still tell. The faint scent of laundry detergent on Li Leshan gave Jiang Yueming a strange sense of peace.
"Are you cold?" Li Leshan stopped the car and asked Jiang Yueming, who was trying to regain her senses.
"I'm not cold." Jiang Yueming rubbed her face, trying to shake off her sleepiness. "I'm sitting in the back, you've blocked all the wind, how could I feel cold?"
Jiang Yueming felt that anyone sitting on the back of a vehicle, whether it's a bicycle or an electric scooter, shouldn't say they're cold before the person in the lead says they are. That would seem like being ungrateful or acting innocent after getting something for nothing. Besides, he really wasn't cold; the way he was holding Li Leshan, with his hands neatly tucked into Li Leshan's pockets, meant he wasn't exposed to any wind.
"Let me touch your hand," Jiang Yueming said.
Li Leshan blocked it, saying, "It's cold, I won't let you touch it."
"I warmed it up for you because it was cold." Jiang Yueming pulled Li Leshan's hand and put it in her pocket. "It's warm now, isn't it? I won't forget to wear gloves next time, and you shouldn't ride your bike."
After warming up his hands properly for a while, Li Leshan withdrew his hands and used sign language to say, "I'm not that delicate."
“I know, no one is saying anything to you,” Jiang Yueming joked. “You write a lot, don’t get cold. What if you can only do one paper instead of two a day?”
"Two is too few." Li Leshan walked into the classroom.
"Two sheets are still not enough," Jiang Yueming quickly caught up with him and shouted from behind, "How many do you write in a day, little genius? If you keep working this hard, how are ordinary people like us supposed to live?!"
Li Leshan ignored his question and walked straight into the classroom.
The colder the weather, the more sleepy people become, especially Jiang Yueming. He felt like something was attached to his body. The first two math classes were back-to-back, and he was in agony. Listening to Xiumei's string of words, Jiang Yueming was so sleepy that he couldn't even find his own mother.
Many students in the back row were dozing off, and Zhao Yuxuan's head was almost buried in his desk drawer.
Li Leshan heard a slight snoring sound next to him. He glanced at Jiang Yueming and wondered if the man was sleeping so soundly. He quietly moved closer to him and didn't hear it, but he could still hear it when he moved away.
Oh, it came from diagonally in front.
As soon as the bell rang, three-quarters of the class slumped onto their desks in perfect unison.
Jiang Yueming woke up groggily and looked up to see a large group of people lying down. The scene was quite grand; Sister Xiumei was quite skilled at hypnosis.
"You didn't sleep well last night?" Li Leshan patted him.
"No," Jiang Yueming leaned against the wall, "I was just sleepy, I slept better than anyone else..."
He can sleep well without a nightlight now. Between being extremely sleepy and being afraid of the dark, whether or not there is a nightlight is irrelevant. He is no longer afraid of that dark alley. Every time they pass through that alley, Li Leshan will hug him briefly for twenty seconds. He knows that there is such a reassuring person behind him, like a bright light, so there is nothing to be afraid of.
“Final exams are coming up soon,” Li Leshan said in sign language.
"I know, but New Year's Day is just around the corner!" Jiang Yueming said happily. "There will be a performance at Leshan Square, and my second uncle said we must go!"
Jiang Yueming was very excited. He hadn't seen his second maternal uncle for a long time. It wasn't that he missed him, but his second maternal uncle had been very good to him when he was a child, always taking him around to play. He was one of the few relatives who cared about him, and he was also very interesting.
"When did he get back?" Li Leshan asked.
"I don't know." Jiang Yueming only knew that he would go to Leshan Square on New Year's Day, but he had no idea when he would come back, how many days he would be back, when he would leave, or where he would go.
“He’s never home. My second aunt broke off all ties with him a long time ago,” Jiang Yueming said.
"Is he trying to earn money to support his family?"
"Probably, otherwise where would he spend all that money he earns?" Jiang Yueming said, "My second uncle is a good man; he sends money home every month."
"Okay, then we'll go then."
“I’ll introduce you to him then. My second uncle has been to many places, not just the provincial capital, but also Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai, all over the country,” Jiang Yueming said.
I vaguely remember that when my second uncle came back, he would always bring me a lot of strange and unusual things. Because he had traveled to so many places and returned so rarely, he could hardly speak his hometown dialect anymore. He would speak in a broken Shengping dialect and ask Jiang Yueming how much taller he had grown this year and how his grades were. Actually, he could speak Mandarin and wouldn't have to speak such an awkward and unfamiliar language. Nowadays, students are taught from elementary school to "speak Mandarin and write standard characters."
“Then he’s on a national tour,” Li Leshan added.
"Haha, yes!" Jiang Yueming laughed as well. He had only ever heard this term used to describe celebrities and singers before, and he never expected it to be used on his second uncle.
"You think those places are good? Otherwise, why would he always be running around outside?" Jiang Yueming asked.
Li Leshan pondered for a moment, then used sign language: "Maybe he's always going to other places, and his roots aren't in Shengping anymore."
“Roots?” Jiang Yueming thought for a while and felt that it made sense. “Then that means Xia Bing’s roots are not in Shengping either. She said she would come back, but she would not stay any longer.”
"Then where are your roots?" Jiang Yueming asked again.
Li Leshan pursed his lips, listening to Jiang Yueming talk about his second maternal uncle's wanderings and Xia Bing's departure. The word "root" felt like a fine needle, gently piercing his heart. He felt as if there was a stone hanging in his heart, unable to settle down, suspended in mid-air, unable to touch the ground.
Where are his roots?
Li Leshan always believed in returning to one's roots. Home is where your roots are. He had no home, so wherever his grandmother was, that was where his roots lay. But for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to say the name "Shengping."
“I don’t know,” Li Leshan shook his head. “Shengping is not my home.”
His unchanging expression made Jiang Yueming hesitate, unsure how to voice his thoughts. He knew someone had told him, including what Li Leshan had said himself, and what others had whispered behind his back. Li Leshan had another home, not in Shengping, but by the sea, somewhere called Chuanshan. Although no one had mentioned how he and his grandmother had come to this place, what was the purpose of the old woman and the young boy traveling so far?
Rumors circulated that they went to seek refuge with relatives, but when they arrived in Shengping, they couldn't find anyone. In such a small place, not being able to find anyone probably meant that this person never intended to stay here. In any case, they finally managed to come here, but they couldn't go back. Rumors also circulated that they were born in Shengping, but couldn't return to Chuanshan, as Chuanshan couldn't accommodate the grandfather and grandson.
These rumors remained unverified, and Jiang Yueming didn't inquire further. Although curious, he understood deep down that someone leaving their hometown for another place must have their reasons. Even if they came seeking a better life, they still had their grievances. It wasn't that he didn't believe Li Leshan had come here for a better life; if he wanted a better life, why come to Shengping? What kind of good life could he possibly have in this remote, desolate county town?
But seeing the rare hint of confusion in Li Leshan's eyes, the fleeting loneliness in his voice as he uttered those words, and the almost resigned calm, Jiang Yueming felt a pang of sadness. He was telling her that he had no home, that he didn't know where he would go. This place where he was born and raised wasn't his final destination. But he clearly had his grandmother here, he had us… why did he still feel like it wasn't home? If he really left Shengping, where would he go? That legendary Chuanshan, or somewhere even further away?
If a person doesn't know where their roots are, then they are like a floating duckweed, wandering aimlessly, wherever the wind blows them, that's where they stay. He wanted to tell Li Leshan that this place could also be "home," but the word was too heavy for Li Leshan, and Jiang Yueming couldn't bring himself to say it, also afraid of sounding too frivolous.
So he looked at Li Leshan and could only silently pray in his heart, almost devoutly: Lele, don't go too far. I don't know where to look for you.
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