Chapter 35
Winter in Jiangcheng continued, and Xing Jiayan, back at the headquarters of YunChuang Technology, devoted more of his energy to his work. The company's office building in Jiangcheng High-tech Zone offered views of the city's skyline, partially obscured by the winter fog, through floor-to-ceiling windows. The damp, cold air was palpable even through the glass, but he was used to it; after all, this was no different from the winters in Jiangcheng when he left during his second year of high school.
When He Chen pushed open the door, Xing Jiayan was reviewing the establishment plan for the Beijing branch. Two weeks had passed since he returned from Jiangda University, and he had buried himself in work almost all of his time.
"Brother Yan, the basic framework in Beijing is complete." He Chen placed a stack of documents on the table. "I'll head over next Monday."
Xing Jiayan looked up and adjusted his glasses: "Thank you for your hard work. In the initial development phase, we may need to stay there for a while."
"It's nothing." He Chen sat down opposite him, looking him over. "But you, you've been acting strange ever since you came back from Jiang University. Did you meet with Fang Chi...?"
Xing Jiayan paused for a moment while typing. He didn't answer, but simply took off his glasses and rubbed his temples.
“Actually, I’ve always wanted to ask,” He Chen hesitated for a moment, “Back then, when you suddenly decided to take Auntie to Singapore, even I only knew a week in advance. Later, after you succeeded in your business and came back, you never contacted him proactively. Now that things are like this, if you really care, why don’t you just tell him clearly?”
The sky outside the window was overcast, as if it were about to snow again. Xing Jiayan looked towards Jiangda University in the distance, her voice soft: "What do you mean? That my dad cheated on me, and I fled that house with my mom overnight? That I was in Singapore studying high school while taking care of my mom and dealing with all that mess of my parents' divorce?"
His tone was so calm, as if he were telling someone else's story, but He Chen knew what lay beneath that calm.
"Why didn't you tell Fang Chi? Back then..."
"What was our relationship back then?" Xing Jiayan chuckled self-deprecatingly. "Competitors? Strangers who occasionally chatted on forums? What's the point of telling him all this? To make him pity me? Or to drag him into my family's mess?"
How do you know he won't understand?
“I just know.” Xing Jiayan interrupted him, her voice lowering. “He Chen, some people’s lives are clean, like Fang Chi. He has a clear future and pure passion, and he shouldn’t be tainted by anything dirty. My dad cheated on me, my parents divorced, and my mom cried every day during that time… I find these things disgusting.”
The office quieted down, with only the faint sound of the air conditioner running.
"So you'd rather he think you're a jerk who left without saying goodbye?" He Chen asked.
Xing Jiayan looked back at the computer screen, the cursor blinking in the document: "That's for the best. He's doing well now, he has his own life, and maybe he's found someone new." He spoke the last few words very softly.
He Chen wanted to say something, but looking at Xing Jiayan's profile as she resumed her work, he could only sigh in the end: "Then what about you now?"
Xing Jiayan did not answer.
After He Chen left, only the sound of typing remained in the office. Xing Jiayan couldn't concentrate on a single word. He remembered the winter of his sophomore year of high school when his mother discovered his father's affair, leading to daily arguments at home. His mother cried in his arms, saying she didn't want to stay in that city anymore. So he quickly applied to a school in Singapore and escaped that broken home with his mother.
He left in such a hurry that even saying goodbye felt like a luxury. He remembered that winter was particularly cold, and the day he left was just like this, with a gloomy sky that looked like it was about to snow.
My phone vibrated; it was a call from my mother.
“Jiayan, are you coming home for dinner this weekend? I made your favorite soup.” Her mother’s voice sounded very energetic—over the years in Singapore, she had slowly moved on from that marriage and was now healthy and cheerful, even teaching Chinese at a community college.
“Okay, I’ll go back on Saturday.” Xing Jiayan’s voice softened.
He hung up the phone and looked out the window. His mother was doing well now, which was probably the only comforting thing during those chaotic years.
---
The day before He Chen left for Beijing, the two had a meal together.
"The Beijing market is tough, but I'm confident," He Chen said, raising his glass. "It's just a bit of a shame that I'll have to face someone again this time in Beijing."
Xing Jiayan knew who he was referring to—Tan Si.
“So much time has passed,” Xing Jiayan said.
“Yes, it’s been a long time.” He Chen smiled, his smile somewhat complicated. “But this time when I went to Beijing, I set up a sponsorship project in the name of the company, and he was the first one I chose.”
Xing Jiayan nodded: "Just make sure you know your limits."
"Don't worry." He Chen paused and looked at him. "Brother Yan, if you really can't let go of Fang Chi, go and talk to him. At least tell him why you left back then."
Xing Jiayan silently drank his tea without answering.
After arriving in Beijing, He Chen quickly immersed himself in developing new markets. He did indeed encounter Tan Si, the boy who had once rejected him. Tan Si was now a sophomore at Beijing University of Political Science and Law, still clean-cut and handsome with bright eyes. Tan Si was initially hesitant about the financial aid, but after He Chen insisted that "this is a company project, not a matter of personal relationships," he ultimately accepted.
He Chen would occasionally mention all of this on the phone, his tone relaxed, but Xing Jiayan could hear the seriousness beneath that relaxed tone.
---
Days passed, and winter in Jiangcheng deepened. Xing Jiayan finally made a decision.
He opened his phone, found the number he had never dialed but knew by heart, and typed a text message: "Fang Chi, this is Xing Jiayan. Are you free tomorrow night? I'd like to invite you to dinner. There are some things I want to tell you in person."
After sending the message, he stared at his phone screen until it automatically turned off.
Ten minutes later, the reply came: "Time and place?"
Simple and direct, no titles, no emotion. Xing Jiayan's heart skipped a beat, and her fingers trembled slightly as she replied with the time and place. A quiet private restaurant, not far from Jiangda University.
"good."
Another one-word reply.
Xing Jiayan couldn't concentrate on his work all day. He kept thinking about how to say it, how to explain that chaotic past. Even as he stood waiting in the restaurant's private room, he still felt a tightness in his throat.
Fang arrived right on time, bringing with him the chill of a winter night as he opened the door. He was wearing a black down jacket and a light gray scarf. Xing Jiayan's gaze lingered on the scarf for a moment before shifting away.
"Sorry, I just finished an experiment." Fang Chi took off his scarf and sat down opposite him.
"It's alright, I just arrived too." Xing Jiayan poured him some hot tea. "Have something to eat first."
The meal was unusually quiet. It was as if an invisible pane of glass separated the two; they could see each other, yet remained untouchable. Only the occasional clinking of cutlery broke the silence.
Only after the last dish was removed and replaced with tea did Xing Jiayan finally take a deep breath and speak.
“I left Jiangcheng in the winter of my second year of high school because my dad was having an affair.” His voice was calm, but the knuckles of his fingers holding the teacup were slightly white. “When my mom found out, he had been with that woman for almost a year.”
Fang Chi looked up at him, a hint of surprise flashing in his eyes.
“There was constant noise at home, and my mom cried every day,” Xing Jiayan continued, her gaze falling on the tea leaves floating in her teacup. “Later, she said she didn’t want to stay in this city anymore, because seeing anything familiar would remind her of those things. So I applied to a school in Singapore, completed all the procedures as quickly as possible, and took her away.”
He paused for a moment: "I left in a hurry, so hurried that I didn't have time to say goodbye to anyone. When I got to Singapore, I was in my final year of high school while taking care of my mother. She was in very poor condition at the time, and I needed to spend a lot of time with her. Later, she gradually got better and is now very healthy, and she is still teaching Chinese."
Fang Chi didn't speak, but listened quietly.
“After graduating from high school, I could have applied to a better university, but my family’s financial situation was not as good as before.” Xing Jiayan’s voice lowered. “I talked with He Chen and we decided to start a business together. We started in Singapore, doing educational technology. It was tough, but we were lucky and slowly built it up. After the company stabilized, we decided to move the headquarters back to China and chose Jiangcheng.”
He raised his head and looked directly into Fang Chi's eyes for the first time: "That's all. I didn't leave without saying goodbye, I didn't disappear on purpose, it's just... at that time, I didn't have the extra energy to maintain any relationships. My mother needed me, the company needed me, and I was barely able to hold on to myself."
The private room was quiet, with only the faint sound of wind outside the window.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Fang Chi finally spoke, his voice very soft, "Even just a simple 'I'm leaving'?"
Xing Jiayan gave a wry smile: "What do you mean? Tell me my dad cheated on me, my parents are getting a divorce, and I'm going to take my mom and run away to another country? Fang Chi, what was our relationship back then? Why should I bother you with these trivial matters?"
"So you chose to make me feel like you don't care at all?" Fang Chi's voice finally betrayed emotion, a suppressed anger and hurt. "More than two years, Xing Jiayan. I even wondered if I had done something wrong, if I had said something to upset you that day in the library."
"No!" Xing Jiayan interrupted him, her voice urgent. "You did nothing wrong. I was the one who was wrong. I thought your life was too clean and shouldn't be tainted by the dirty things in my family. I'd rather you hate me, I'd rather you think I'm a bastard, than let you see what I was like back then."
He took a deep breath and lowered his voice: "You know what? When I was most exhausted in Singapore, I often logged into that physics forum to read your posts. When I saw you solve that difficult problem, when I saw you participate in the competition, when I saw you discuss problems with others, I felt that at least your world was still good, still clean."
Fang Chi stared at him blankly, her fingers unconsciously stroking the rim of the teacup.
“Later, the company took off, and my mom got better. I thought about contacting you,” Xing Jiayan continued, her voice carrying an almost fragile honesty. “But more than two years have passed, and I don’t know how to bring it up. ‘Hi, I’m Xing Jiayan. Do you remember me? I left without saying goodbye because my dad cheated on me.’ That sounds ridiculous.”
"So you chose to appear in the lecture hall as 'President Xing'?" Fang Chi asked, his voice laced with sarcasm, "and then asked me if I was in a relationship, and wished me success in my studies?"
Xing Jiayan closed her eyes, then opened them again: "That day, when I saw you and Zhou Xu together, when I saw him wrap a scarf around your neck, when I saw you two so close... I panicked. I thought you had a new life, someone new. That's why I asked that stupid question, thinking that if the answer was yes, I could finally give up completely."
"I'm not in a relationship," Fang Chi suddenly said, her voice clear. "Zhou Xu is just a senior. He forced the scarf on me, saying that the color was wrong and it would be troublesome to return it. I accepted it because I was really cold, not for any other reason."
Xing Jiayan was stunned. He stared blankly at Fang Chi, unable to react for a moment.
"As for your question about whether we can still be like before," Fang Chi put down his teacup and looked directly at him, "Xing Jiayan, we can't go back. You've become 'President Xing,' and I'm still in graduate school. In the past two years, we've each experienced different aspects of our lives. You took your mother to Singapore, you started your own business, and you dealt with things I didn't know about. As for me... I've been at Jiang University, studying, doing experiments, and occasionally I think back to that winter in my second year of high school when someone suddenly disappeared."
He stood up and picked up his scarf: "Thank you for telling me all this. At least now I know that my disappearance back then wasn't because I did anything wrong."
“Fang Chi…” Xing Jiayan also stood up, his voice hoarse.
Fang Chi stopped at the door without turning around: "But I need time. Not to forgive you, but to get to know the current you, the Xing Jiayan who has experienced family changes, shouldered a lot on her own, and is now successful in her career. Also, to figure out what I really want."
He pushed open the door, and the chill of the winter night rushed in.
"Let's talk about it after we've both thought it through."
The door closed gently. Xing Jiayan stood there, staring at the closed door, motionless for a long time.
The night outside the window was deep, and the Jiangnan University campus in the distance was lit up with twinkling lights.
The words "I'm willing to wait" were never spoken, but Xing Jiayan knew that no matter how long it took, he would wait.
This time, he will no longer push the other person away with his self-righteous protection, nor will he use silence to hide his true feelings.
He will wait, until Fang Chi is willing to get to know him again, until they can find a new way to re-enter each other's worlds.
Even if it takes time, even if the road ahead may still be unclear.
But at least now, the truth has been told. Those heavy, unbearable past events are no longer his secret alone.
Xing Jiayan picked up the now-cold tea and slowly drank it all.
The tea was bitter, but somewhere in my heart, I felt strangely relieved.
He was finally no longer alone.
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