Chapter 82 Xia Tingxue: "Green tea bitch" is the highest praise in life.
I have never liked Ke Yanchen.
When I first heard someone call me a "green tea bitch," I was so angry I trembled. Later, I regarded it as the highest honor in my life.
I idolize Yuwu, and I hate her the most in this life. I want to trample her under my feet all the time.
***
As far back as I can remember, I've known that I'm very beautiful.
When I was a child, I thought my parents were very smart. Later, I found a word that could describe them more accurately: skilled at mastering the craft.
They saw my potential to marry into a wealthy family and raised me like a princess from a young age.
I'm learning piano, violin, classical dance, calligraphy, etiquette, flower arranging, and other things that I don't like.
I tried to rebel, but I was too young, and their words were too seductive, so my soul remained imprisoned in a small cage.
Until I went to high school, I met the person I hated most in my life.
But actually, at first, I regarded her as an idol.
Fog.
I noticed her during military training. She was tall and had dazzlingly fair skin, making her hard to miss. Even though everyone else was wearing those awful military training uniforms, she stood out from the crowd with her unique presence.
I tried to figure out what was different, and then I realized that it was because her neck was too long and her body was too slender, which made the effect of wearing it different from that of an ordinary person.
I was inexplicably drawn to her at that moment, and I kept staring at her while we were standing at attention.
I ran into her a few times at school, and I kept staring at her without blinking, my face expressionless.
Occasionally, when she noticed my offensive gaze, she would give me a kind smile, though she seemed a little confused.
I don't laugh.
I kept staring at her until she disappeared from my sight.
Later, after the military training ended, I ran into her again outside of school.
She was wearing a simple white T-shirt and shorts, her proportions were perfect, showing off her long, straight legs. She held an ice cream in her hand, and in the sweltering summer heat, she was leisurely walking and eating alone in the dappled sunlight filtering through the trees.
My parents never allow me to eat while walking.
At that time, my parents were buying things at a roadside supermarket, and I was standing alone by the roadside, staring at her without blinking.
Until a creepy guy from the next class, whose face was covered in pimples and looked really disgusting, stared at me with ill intent, struck up a conversation with me, and asked me to go out with him. He even reached out to touch me.
As we got closer, the red, swollen, and festering pimples on his face made me feel so disgusted that I almost vomited.
I took a step back, and an ice cream cone landed squarely at the lewd man's feet.
Yu Wu walked over in a few steps, pointed at the man, and told him to get lost.
Just then, my parents came out of the supermarket and looked me over from head to toe, showing concern for me.
By the time I had comforted my parents, the gloom had dissipated.
For me, it's very different.
I am a cowardly, repressed, and suffocated person who has been kept in captivity for too long and has lost my independence.
My parents taught me from a young age how to be a lady, how to win a man's heart, and how to play the victim to control everyone.
She showed me another side of female independence.
I ran into her a few more times outside of school, and each time she seemed very free.
She could laugh unrestrainedly and without manners, and even swear when she was happy. I envied her for shopping at the supermarket at 11 pm, for daring to fight back when bullied, and even more so for her later stand alone against the rumors that filled the world, and for her passionate love and hate for Ke Yanchen. Although I knew that fighting against the rumors that filled the school was hardship, for someone like me living in a suffocating and oppressive cage, hardship was the oxygen that pierced through my numb life. Because I had been protected too well, I had never experienced it.
But I know I can never escape my parents' control.
Everyone praised me.
Xiaoxue is so beautiful and lovable.
—Oh my, Xiaoxue is so well-mannered when she eats.
Xiaoxue will definitely marry a rich man in the future.
Xiaoxue has excellent grades and is also good at playing the piano.
At these times, my parents' faces always show undisguised satisfaction.
I was born to be their puppet, the only topic of conversation in their mediocre lives, and the gold leaf of honor for their public image.
Listening to Snow in Summer—what an impractical name. How can one listen to snow in summer?
But my parents have such high expectations of me.
......
I idolize her.
It's not just because of her outstanding height and proportions.
My teenage dream was to become someone like Yuwu. To not be interrogated by teachers in tedious and boring extracurricular classes because I lack artistic talent, and to have my own time to do meaningless things.
Later I found out that she was actually dating Ke Yanchen from the school.
It's hard to describe how I felt at that moment; a cold, sticky sensation spread throughout my body.
Ke Yanchen was a prominent figure at the school.
But I felt that I was not good enough for her.
But she really liked Ke Yanchen, so much so that I could feel the passion in her eyes.
He turned his head down instantly.
How can an idol be obsessed with romance?
So how complex is human nature?
If your idol is unattainable and you only see her eternally perfect side, you will become her devout follower.
If she's right next to you and you see her imperfections, you'll start subtly comparing her to someone else.
Later, I even used a magnifying glass to observe her closely. She looked haggard even when she stayed up all night without makeup; her hair would get oily over time; and there were times when she felt embarrassed wearing her school uniform outside of school…
Perhaps every girl idolizes someone during her school years. When following a star, one might consciously try to learn their fashion sense and their little habits.
I saw her fall from the clouds to the real world.
So, I wanted to prove myself, to prove that I was more charming than my idol. After all, I knew all too well how to manipulate men, and I'd been itching to try it out for a while.
The best way to pay tribute to your idol is to surpass her.
What better way to prove your charm than by stealing her boyfriend?
Of course not.
What are men anyway? They come and go as they please. Her attention is completely focused on him. Why can't she even linger on my face for a moment? She won't even give me a glance.
I want to surpass her; I want to become her idol. I want her gaze to be fixed on me.
She's surrounded by a bunch of idiots. Jian Mengyu has ulterior motives, Ke Yanchen is foolish and reckless, and oh, there are a few peeping Toms from our class. They think Yu Wu has the air of a swan, but they're actually just a bunch of cowardly fools.
It was far too easy to snag Ke Yanchen.
My parents are absolutely right. Men are especially prone to feeling protective of delicate and beautiful girls.
I won over Ke Yanchen without any trouble.
Being with Ke Yanchen was the first act of rebellion in my otherwise disciplined life. When my parents found out, they were initially very angry, but upon learning of Ke Yanchen's family's wealth and influence, they immediately became ingratiating and even began to instill in me the idea that I should hold onto him for the rest of my life.
Adults with double standards.
......
The first day I was with Ke Yanchen was a Monday morning. We walked into school side by side. Everyone around us was looking at me, but I remained calmly indifferent. After all, I've never lacked attention.
I don't care about the feelings of passersby; I only care about her.
When she called out to Ke Yanchen from behind, I instantly felt all the surrounding noise disappear, and a faint, indescribable sense of superiority welled up inside me, as if I had broken free from a suffocating cage. I turned to look at her, and even I couldn't help but curl the corners of my lips into a smile.
This is something that would never normally happen; I couldn't possibly lose control of my pitiful facade.
Until I saw the disappointment yet determination in her eyes.
My heart felt like it had been doused with a bucket of ice water, and I couldn't breathe for a moment.
She stubbornly told Ke Yanchen, "You're so naive," then turned and strode away without stopping.
It's really something.
They didn't even glance at me.
I immediately lost interest and felt like I had lost again.
...
So, I added her on QQ, followed her on Weibo, and started showing off our affection on WeChat Moments.
I don't know what she's really thinking, but I'm secretly quite pleased with myself. I admit, I'm a dark person. She was once my idol, someone I looked up to, and now I've taken something from her. Who knows how she's crying behind my back.
I want her to come to me, call me a green tea bitch, angrily accuse me of being a homewrecker, anything goes, instead of pretending nothing happened and never looking at me.
I hate her.
...
Ke Yanchen's group of friends are indeed difficult to deal with. In particular, Song Man is lawless and Yuan Yin is scheming and vicious; I almost got hurt several times.
However, Ke Yanchen protected me very well. He seemed to like me quite a bit.
More than anything, I think he's playing a role-playing game. Playing the role of a considerate boyfriend. To say he's hopelessly in love with me is an exaggeration; he only loves himself, loves his own vanity.
There's no chemistry between us. I'll play the perfect girlfriend, being coquettish, shy, and tearful. He'll play the perfect boyfriend, considerate, gentle, and caring.
Outsiders think we're a very sweet couple, but actually he doesn't even know what anime I like.
He loved taking me to noisy parties, but never cared about the outlet for my soul.
He especially enjoyed taking me out. I was the white moonlight of every boy's first crush, and taking me out would garner him a lot of envy, greatly satisfying his vanity.
I can't bring myself to like him.
More than anything, it was about putting up a fight against the dense fog.
Later, Yuwu transferred to another class, and I saw her less often, which disappointed me.
......
After entering university, a group of boys appeared around me who wanted to protect me.
Ke Yanchen isn't with me either; we're in a long-distance relationship. No one helps me carry heavy things, runs errands for me, or makes me feel like I'm being ripped off.
It's no longer working properly.
So when boys took the initiative to take care of me, I didn't refuse.
I need stupid boys to be my slaves.
When a handsome, rich second-generation heir kissed me, I didn't refuse. I wasn't losing out.
We just didn't expect to be seen by Ke Yanchen, who had come from afar, and that's how we parted ways.
I didn't try to stop him at all.
Ke Yanchen is very talented. But I just don't feel anything for him.
Anyway, I'm never short of outstanding boys around me.
Another reason is that I simply couldn't tell that Yu Wu still liked Ke Yanchen. She handled their relationship so decisively and cleanly.
During the years I spent with Ke Yanchen, I couldn't find even the slightest trace of Yu Wu.
Being with him is pointless.
If Yuwu shows that she cares about him a lot, I might actually stay with him for the rest of my life.
She never dated again.
How boring.
My breakup with Ke Yanchen caused my parents to sigh for a long time, and even encouraged me to go to Ke Yanchen to gain his sympathy and get back together for half a year.
I won't.
Seeing my parents' disappointed looks, I felt a secret sense of satisfaction.
......
Yuwu deleted all my contact information.
I've been stalking her Weibo account. She unfollowed me several times, but I shamelessly followed her again. I even frequently liked and unliked posts to get her attention.
Later, she stopped paying attention to me.
She's getting more and more beautiful.
Her clothing style has become increasingly cool and sophisticated, and the word "cool" is not even enough to describe the versatility of her style. The key is that she can always create a unique style for each look.
I even wish I could see her every day.
Sexy bodycon skirts, sizzling fishbone corsets, and even deep V-neck mini dresses that look particularly revealing, all don't give her a vulgar or pandering vibe; instead, they exude a sense of high intelligence.
These are all styles I like, but my parents absolutely forbid me from wearing them. I can only dress like a lady.
She gained a lot of fans, and I even went so far as to stalk them one by one. Most of them were girls. Cute girls charm men, mature women charm women.
I hate those fans.
I don't like the gloom becoming known to the public.
......
Later, Ke Yanchen and Yu Wu got involved together again.
It ignited all my passion almost instantly.
It's that feeling of finally being back on the battlefield.
I regarded her as my imaginary enemy, as a way to prove myself and escape constraints.
That evening, I took out all the clothes and then ordered many more sets.
She also broke up with her rich boyfriend whom she was dating.
...
I've been frustrated by the lack of opportunity to get close to them, since there are class barriers now.
Unexpectedly, an unknown number offered me the opportunity to visit Coconut Breeze Island.
When I saw Yuwu again, she was even more beautiful, and she had a calm and gentle aura about her.
Her style of dressing is unlike hers; it's more like mine.
She seems to also like Ke Yanchen.
Fool.
She was so frightened by a sea cockroach that she fell down, scraping and bleeding her calf. She was clearly upset, and her eyes were full of tears, but she didn't cry.
Why be so stubborn? Tears would have been more effective in winning a man's sympathy.
A few tears can easily get you what you want.
......
At lunchtime, Ke Yanchen dragged Song Man, who was about to devour me alive, away. His group of friends kept giving me sarcastic looks, as if they were watching a good show.
I don't care at all.
Ke Yanchen was largely moved by my tears, and they might get back together soon. The ridicule of others doesn't matter; I only care about achieving my goal.
Until the very end of the meal, I couldn't reach the tissues, and Yuwu casually placed them in front of me.
She always seems to be so gentle.
The tissue she touched, carried by the damp, salty sea breeze, reached my nostrils, carrying a captivating fragrance.
She herself must smell even better.
I couldn't help but turn my head and stare at her.
I looked at her pretty light red floral dress, her straight and slender neck, her slightly upturned, elegant lips, her natural mauve lipstick, her tousled hair, and her smooth, snow-white hands. She laughed as someone amused her, her eyes crinkling with laughter, revealing dimples. While smoothing her hair, she noticed my gaze and looked slightly puzzled.
My face remained expressionless; I simply stared at her.
I couldn't help but recall the image of her holding back tears this morning: her wet eyelashes, her tear-filled eyes, her beautiful, red eyes, and her stubborn, restrained expression.
She is beautiful no matter what expression she has.
......
Later, after returning to Nanhai City, Ke Yanchen and I tried to get back together.
He became uncontrollable, so I used many methods, and finally even resorted to threatening him with my own life.
He and I are together.
But we can't go back to the way things were.
When he's with me, he's mostly silent, or he forces a smile. He's still considerate and caring, but we both know it won't last.
We broke up after only a few days.
He went to find Yu Wu. The unknown number from last time kept sending me the specific address where the two of them were together. The intention was obvious: to make me break them up.
But Ke Yanchen completely ignored me.
......
Ke Yanchen and Yu Wu ended up together.
I lost.
I watched her and Ke Yanchen together with a cold eye, and during that time I kept sending messages to Ke Yanchen and even sent Yu Wu sweet photos of me and Ke Yanchen from the past.
Until the news of their engagement came.
At that moment, it suddenly dawned on me that I couldn't find a richer second-generation heir than Ke Yanchen. But my distress wasn't because of that.
I never expected her to come looking for me.
This was the first time I'd arrived early for an appointment. You see, no matter where I am, I'm always a princess who arrives late. In the summer, when it's too sunny, I'm too lazy to carry an umbrella for those few steps outside and have someone come to my door to pick me up before I leave.
She arrived. Her long, slightly wavy hair, ankle-length pearl-white acetate skirt, and long brown trench coat accentuated her curves. Red-soled high heels completed the look. She exuded an indescribable intellectual elegance, a mature yet gentle charm.
My nerves throbbed at my temples, mingling with my pounding heartbeat, thump, thump, thump. She came over, smelling sweet fragrance, and sat opposite me, my reflection shimmering in her clear eyes.
So beautiful.
I forcefully suppressed my chaotic and anxious state of mind, and at one point I even dared not look at her.
She actually saw through my facade of innocence and knew that I had been constantly arguing with her.
She even said that she once wanted to be me.
I've always been good at playing the victim, good at using retreat as a means of advancement, and good at gaining other people's sympathy, using this mask to hide my viciousness, meanness, and morbid madness.
She always makes me lose control.
Her gaze finally fell entirely on me. When she announced the engagement, I was completely stunned, and for the first time, I tore off the mask of weakness that I had worn for over twenty years.
In that instant, it felt as if my body was being torn apart by an invisible hand. My nostrils were filled with the warm, pungent smell of blood.
It took me a long time to think about it before I understood.
I hate that the bright moon hangs high but doesn't shine on me alone; I hate that she enters a new stage of life but doesn't take me with her; I want her to hate me, yet I also long for her to look at me, unable to let me go.
I long for her to have the same morbid obsession with me.
Instead of getting entangled with a fool who's completely fooled by women.
......
Later, it was discovered that Yu Wu was in love with a super-rich second-generation heir named Cheng Yi. She had met him before on Coconut Breeze Island; he was indeed a man with a powerful presence.
I am indeed a bad girl. I went to the front desk of Note Technology several times, claiming that I had found Chengyi's wallet, and finally met him on the fourth time.
Being alone with him in the same space makes me feel suffocated and oppressed.
I tried my best to control myself, and pretended to be calm as I took out a men's wallet, placed it on the table, and returned it to him.
His face was expressionless, his brows slowly raised, and his eyes casually curved into a cold smile, indifferent yet aloof. He extended his slender fingers and slowly picked up the black wallet from the table, opened it with his eyes lowered, and let out a contemptuous sneer.
"You used such cheap methods to deceive Ke Yanchen?"
In an instant, they belittled me to nothing.
No man has ever treated me like that.
Because of my delicate appearance, men have always treated me like a precious gem.
I suppressed my anger and tried my best to put on a pitiful expression to deceive him, my voice timid: "Is that the number that keeps sending me messages yours?"
"yes."
He was very open and casual, a slight smile playing on his lips, a world-weary indifference, as he looked down at me with a mocking gaze, as if I were some lowly creature.
I don't want to endure such humiliation.
“A mistress without a title is also cheap,” I said through trembling teeth.
Cheng Yi leaned back, slightly raised his chin, and looked down at me with a detached tone: "You have no right to judge me."
"Let me guess what your purpose is today."
"Is your wallet just an excuse? You actually want to connect with me?"
"You want to be with me? You want to steal Yuwu away from me?"
I just bluntly voiced all the dirty thoughts in my mind. I felt dizzy and breathless; I could barely stand.
His dark pupils were deep and unfathomable, carrying a calm sarcasm as he tapped his pen on the table. “The biggest difference between you and Yu Wu is your character; she is very resilient.”
"You are like a parasite constantly clinging to its host."
Speechless.
My whole body became cold and sticky, and I couldn't stop trembling.
My mind was filled with all sorts of vicious words, and I chose the simplest and most offensive one: "Aren't you curious whether Yu Wu and Ke Yanchen actually slept together? I saw it with my own eyes."
His handsome features were filled with disdain, and he chuckled softly and slowly, mocking my incompetent overestimation of my abilities. The temperature around us instantly dropped to freezing.
There was no point in staying any longer, so I ran out the door in tears.
He is the second person who made me lose control of my emotions; the first was Yu Wu.
He's not entirely right.
I have a strong will, at least that's what I think.
Men are just stepping stones for me to climb higher; I don't care about them, they are all just tools.
I am a customized dodder flower product that marries into a wealthy family.
I have no emotions; I can always play the role of an obedient, innocent girl.
Later, news broke online about a socialite training class, and I almost laughed when I saw the news.
Understanding and pleasing men is something I've been learning since I was a child.
Online, there is widespread criticism of these socialite women, with many believing that they have distorted values and only know how to please men.
They don't understand that these kinds of people are often more self-aware and know better than anyone else what they want.
—Transcending class boundaries.
In the eyes of rich second-generation heirs, a girl only needs to be delicate and beautiful, have a good figure and sexual value, and preferably also have a selfless spirit of dedication to her family.
They didn't know that every girl has a pair of wings.
It's simply a matter of each person getting what they need.
*
Someone once asked me if I liked the mist.
How could I possibly like her?
I simply find her unique charisma captivating; every smile and gesture of hers is deeply enchanting, even hopelessly etched into my mind. I can never be like her, but I am utterly captivated by her charm.
I don't like her, and I even inexplicably hate her.
I envy her freedom, I envy that she has even become like me.
Imitating her, becoming her, and surpassing her became the only rebellious heroism of my teenage years.
I stole her things, and I hope she hates me for the rest of her life. Whenever she thinks of me, an inexplicable anger rises within her, the kind that makes even her breathing seem wrong.
Liking and loving may not necessarily bind people, but hate certainly can. No matter what, I will leave a mark on your heart.
You must, you must hate me forever.
-----------------------
Author's Note: Simply put, a yandere + toxic fangirl.
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