Chapter 17 What kind of goddess should a woman be when she engages in marital relations...?
The evening breeze carried the chirping of insects, each sound short and powerful, proclaiming their vitality. In contrast, Qingduo sat at the table by the window, her hands cupping her cheeks, sighing with a worried expression.
Aunt Zhu's words still echoed in my ears: "How could I let you, a young woman, draw erotic pictures!"
Yes! How could a woman like her draw erotic pictures!
Previously, if she hadn't been painting other subjects and even losing money on art supplies, and if erotic art hadn't been so profitable, she wouldn't have done it! Now that she's finally married and doesn't have to worry about making a living anymore, she absolutely doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes!
She immediately said, "Aunt Zhu, please tell the buyer that my father's hand is injured and he cannot paint. In addition to the deposit that should be returned to him, we are willing to compensate him extra."
"No! Ah Zhao, you can't talk about your father!" Aunt Zhu said urgently. "Young Master Liu ordered a painting by 'Dreaming of Immortals,' not a painting by 'Tang Li'!"
Qingduo was stunned: "A dreamlike immortal?"
“He said before that he wanted to stop painting and didn’t want to use his own name to paint erotic art, so he painted under the name ‘Dreamy Immortal.’ Young Master Liu knows about my relationship with your father. If we tell him that the painter’s hand was injured and he couldn’t paint, he will easily guess that Tang Li is Dreamy Immortal and Dreamy Immortal is Tang Li. Then your father will be exposed!”
Qingduo blinked: "So, besides me drawing this picture, there's no other way?"
Aunt Zhu was speechless for a moment. She sighed, "Alas, I should have stopped him back then. He insisted on adding to your dowry, and now he's left us with a mess!"
Thinking of this, Qingduo's lips twitched. Ha, giving her fifty taels and spending two hundred taels on the fish, it's less for her and more for the fish!
There were far more benefits than fish, but a lot to do. Her father's hands trembled the whole time; she ended up doing all the "dirty work"—what could she do, having such a dissolute and unruly father!
Just as Mulan took her father's place in the army in ancient times, Qingduo paints in place of her father today.
She sighed repeatedly, reluctantly pushed aside the silk, took a wolf-hair brush, and lightly sketched the woman's face with pale ink. Just as she was about to continue painting the eyes, a question suddenly arose in her mind, and her hand suddenly went limp.
What should a woman's expression be like during intimate moments? Should she laugh or cry?
Scenes from her wedding night flashed through her mind, and the lingering fear surged up like a rising tide, slowly climbing to her neck and making it hard for her to breathe.
Qingduo barely suppressed her unease, recalling the fire avoidance diagrams she had previously consulted, and muttered to herself: Maybe it's just my problem, other women seem to enjoy it just the way it is.
She forced herself to imitate the experiences of others in her painting, since that was not what she really thought. After the painting was completed, Qingduo felt more and more strange. The expression of the woman in her painting was like a vat of emotions, with joy, anger, sorrow and happiness all jumping in and taking a bath.
No way! The skill gap between me and my father is too vast. Even if I were to learn, I don't know when I'd be able to paint like him. "Painting in my father's place" is nothing but a pipe dream.
Qingduo stared at the woman in the painting with a split expression, feeling extremely frustrated. Not to mention catching up with her father, how come she's not even as good as she was before marriage? Before, she could barely be considered a "sour loquat," but now she's become a "rotten loquat"!
She felt annoyed looking at the painting and reached out to roll it up and throw it away, but then she thought, since the painting is already done, she might as well sell it for a few coins to recoup her losses. As long as she sold the painting, it would never be ugly to her again.
As for whose eyes it might offend, that's their business.
*
Qingduo first put on a veil, then a hat, covering her face completely before going out.
She arrived at the bookstore where she used to sell paintings, called "Tangying Bookstore." The shopkeeper was tall and thin, and rarely smiled. His mustache bulged out in an arc on both sides, and Qingduo secretly called him "Shrimp Shopkeeper."
"Shrimp Shopkeeper" examined her painting carefully, pondered for a long time, pointed at the painting, and asked, "Miss, is the person in this painting crying or laughing?"
"It's laughter," Qingduo blurted out, stealing a glance at the shopkeeper's expression. Seeing his eyes and eyebrows furrow rapidly, she immediately changed her mind: "It's crying!"
Meeting the shopkeeper's probing gaze, Qingduo smiled guiltily and said cautiously, "No, I should still smile!"
The shopkeeper, unable to bear it any longer, sneered, "Don't you know whether your painting is laughing or crying?"
Qingduo thought to herself: "It's probably like me now, smiling on the surface but crying inside." She chuckled and said, "It's alright, the overall look is harmonious. Look at her hair, so black and shiny, and look at this crimson curtain, you can even clearly count the number of folds..."
"Who looks at the fire avoidance diagram to check the creases in the tent!" "Shrimp Shopkeeper" scolded.
"Yes, yes," Qingduo chuckled, then tentatively asked, "This painting does have some minor flaws, but they don't detract from its overall beauty. Shrimp... Shopkeeper, how much do you think it's worth?"
“We don’t want this painting.” “Shrimp Shopkeeper” threw the painting at her.
What? They're refusing to accept it?
Qingduo quickly said, "No, actually her expressions are very rich."
She opened the painting and pushed it straight in front of the shopkeeper: "Look! It's a smile that's not quite a smile, a cry that's not quite a cry, a smile with tears in it, and tears in her eyes that are smiling..."
"A strange mix?" "Shrimp Shopkeeper" rolled his eyes. "I can't appreciate that. Girl, go find a shop that does!"
Despite Qingduo's best efforts to persuade and plead, "Shrimp Shopkeeper" remained unmoved. Helpless, she could only slink away with the painting. Unwilling to give up, she visited several other small shops, pointing out even more flaws in the woman's expression, but the result was always the same—they refused to accept it.
"Snap—" Qingduo kicked a small stone on the roadside and walked towards Zhu Niang's house in a sullen mood.
Tang Li was in much better spirits. He leaned against the pillow, holding a book in his hand, reading with great interest. His hands still trembled, bobbing up and down like waves. I wondered if his eyes were getting seasick.
Qingduo was lost in thought, pondering these random thoughts. Tang Li looked up and saw her looking unhappy, so he put down his book and asked, "What's wrong?"
"nothing."
She didn't want to talk about the shameful things, because it would be like reliving the humiliation.
Seeing that she didn't want to talk about it, Tang Li changed the subject, saying, "I heard from Zhu Niang that you're going to paint that erotic picture for me?"
What he thought was a change of topic actually led him into a trap. Qingduo said irritably, "Yes!"
If it weren't for him, she wouldn't have painted erotic pictures anymore; if it weren't for him, she wouldn't have experienced that embarrassing situation just now! Enraged, she shouted, "It's all your fault! If you hadn't agreed to this shameful job, I wouldn't have gotten involved in this mess! What kind of respectable woman paints erotic pictures! How can I face anyone if word gets out!"
Tang Li glared at her: "You little brat, I didn't say anything to you, but you're trying to extort me!"
"Weren't you quite enthusiastic about drawing erotic pictures before?!"
Tang Qingduo immediately lost her temper. She and Tang Li stared at each other, desperately searching for clues on him. No, how could her father know? He was probably bluffing her.
"What do you mean! Didn't you say you were going to stop drawing? You've been drawing quite a bit in private!" Qingduo first used the tactic of "denying the truth," and then used the tactic of "shifting the blame." She raised her chin, her aura completely undiminished.
"You're still denying it! I saw it all! The day you and Yuanbai returned to your parents' home, right there in your room, I saw something incredible!" Tang Li pointed to himself, "My eyes!"
As Qingduo heard him mention the past, a chill ran through her body. Had she really been exposed? She forced herself to remain calm and said, "What's wrong with your eyes? I can't understand."
"It's so ugly! I'm used to appreciating famous paintings, but yours hurts my eyes just from looking at it once!"
"You're talking nonsense!" Qingduo exclaimed. "It's not as bad as you say! Although the bookstores have rejected it, my erotic books used to sell for dozens of coins!"
"Oh, oh, oh!" Tang Li immediately pointed at Qing Duo, beaming with pride, "You said it yourself!"
Qingduo was speechless for a moment. Huh, how did she admit it?
Tang Li's expression turned grave as he shouted, "Tang Azhao! Look what you've done!"
Hearing her father's angry shout, Qingduo trembled. She lowered her head guiltily, bracing herself for the storm. But then Tang Li said, "If you're going to paint, paint properly! Without any method, the colors are muddy; isn't that just a waste of ink?"
Qingduo suddenly looked up, surprised, and asked, "Father, you're not going to scold me?"
"Why wouldn't I scold you? I'm scolding you right now!" Tang Li glared at her again, his face serious. He said, "You have exceptional talent. Although you haven't had any formal training, you possess a natural liveliness and dynamism. However, you are impatient and restless, unable to learn. I've tried to teach you techniques many times, but you always make excuses, preferring to just scribble on your own. If you only see it as a hobby, I won't force you. But A-Zhao, are you really willing to stop here?"
Qingduo silently pondered her father's words, her mind replaying recent scenes: the amazement she felt upon seeing his paintings, the sorrow of realizing she could never catch up to him, and the bitterness of not being able to sell her paintings recently… She had a wide range of interests since childhood, and could do almost anything, but she only played around and enjoyed them. She often gave up when faced with difficulties, and she didn't think much of it. But painting… Qingduo clenched her fists. She admitted that she couldn't give it up.
"Dad, I want to learn to paint."
It wasn't for her father, but for herself.
Qingduo's voice was calm, but something inside her was undergoing a tremendous change—a seed, gathering strength, was about to sprout.
A gentle breeze carried the sunlight onto her, everything felt warm and cozy. She squinted, gazing at the green vines climbing the grape trellis outside the window, thinking to herself:
It's time to let your dreams breathe.
Qingduo unfolded the painting that had been rejected multiple times and humbly asked for advice: "Father, take a look at this painting, what are some things that need improvement?" Fearing that Tang Li would bring up the woman's demeanor again, she didn't want to hear it anymore, so she quickly added: "No need to talk about the demeanor, I already know that."
Tang Li glanced at it: "Humph, you dare to draw anything, even more unrestrained than your father!"
Upon hearing this, Qingduo instantly perked up. With her current skill level, she had even surpassed her father in some aspects! Hmph, it still has to be her father. The shopkeepers all nitpick at the paintings, but only he can find the highlights in his own work!
She feigned modesty and said, "Oh, no, no, I'm far from being as good as my father!"
“Just draw two women hugging and embracing,” Tang Li pointed at her with his index finger in the air, “Little girl, you’re very bold!”
Qingduo's face immediately darkened: "What do you mean two women! I clearly drew a man and a woman!"
A note from the author:
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Qingduo: It's okay, it's okay, it's not a big deal that they didn't call me by my full name~
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