Chapter 156 - If you choose one of the two
Chapter 156 - If you choose one of the two
In the era without electricity, the night view was actually not that beautiful.
Even though the moonlight is bright and the starry sky is nice, it’s just like that after looking at it for a long time. Moreover, under the night sky, there are very few bright spots on the earth. Most of it is pitch black, like a terrifying big mouth swallowing up everything in the world.
Ning Fei and Duan Yunhong sat on the palm-wide roof ridge, with their feet on the sloping roof tiles, drinking wine while enjoying the night breeze. Because the wind was so strong, the wine glass that Duan Yunhong placed on the roof was blown over. Not only did the wine spill, but the cup also rolled down the sloping roof. Fortunately, after Ning Fei was stunned for a moment, he immediately raised his hand and waved, and the wind blew the cup back into his hand.
"Fuck, it almost fell down." Ning Fei laughed at this sudden incident and handed the empty cup to Duan Yunhong, "If there is no cup for you to drink, then you have failed to show off."
Duan Yunhong said casually: "Anyway, no one will see you pretending, and I don't mind sharing a cup with you."
Ning Fei glanced at him.
Then he raised the cup and threw it out.
Roll, roll, roll. This time the two of them watched the cup roll off the roof. The next second, the sound of glass breaking was heard from far downstairs. Fortunately it was the middle of the night, otherwise it would have attracted the attention of the servants.
Duan Yunhong: “…”
Ning Fei raised his glass, took several big gulps on purpose, and then handed the glass with only the bottom left to Duan Yunhong.
"What? Do you still think I have mysophobia?" Duan Yunhong raised his eyebrows slightly, took the wine glass and drank it all in one gulp - it was just a sip anyway.
"You are just a germaphobe." Ning Fei propped up one leg, stretched out the index finger of the hand on her knee, and lightly pointed at Duan Yunhong, "You just have a filter for me. Wait until the filter disappears, and then we'll see if you will dislike me."
Duan Yunhong was a little surprised: "You want to talk about the 'filter' thing?"
Ning Fei has always disliked this topic and adopted an avoidance strategy. Now that he actually brought it up, Duan Yunhong was a little slow to react.
"No need to talk about it." As expected, Ning Fei still refused decisively. But he changed the subject: "But you looked like you had something to say just now, so go ahead."
"…Are you sure?"
"Sure."
Duan Yunhong didn't believe that Ning Fei had no idea what he wanted to say. So he wants to say it himself. Does that mean he wants to face this matter?
Duan Yunhong pondered in his heart, but his face was not at all dragging. He immediately asked: "Then how do you feel about the death of Duke Bartley?"
"...I don't feel anything." Ning Fei paused and added, "I'm not trying to fool you. I thought I should have some reaction, but in fact, I don't have a clear idea. I don't understand whether I haven't reacted yet, don't have any real feelings, or I really don't care."
Duan Yunhong was about to say, "Then you probably really don't care," but Ning Fei tapped his chest again and said, "But, this place always feels empty."
Duan Yunhong's gaze followed his fingertips and then turned back.
"So I think I should still have some ideas." Ning Fei took the wine glass back from him and poured another half glass. "That's good. I thought I was numb a long time ago, but it turns out I'm not completely numb."
Duan Yunhong thought that he was trying to use my question to sort out his emotions.
If he could sort out his emotions towards Bartley, could he... take the first step?
So Duan Yunhong simply asked decisively: "Do you hate him?"
"...What a superficial question." Ning Fei raised his eyebrows slightly and said mockingly, "I thought a cultured person like you wouldn't be so superficial."
"It doesn't hurt to be superficial occasionally." Duan Yunhong said, "I see you can't give a long answer now, why not just keep it simple, 'yes' or 'no'?"
"If I can only choose one of the two, then I choose 'no'. When I was still in this world, I might have chosen 'yes', but now it's 'no'." Ning Fei took two more sips, "Do you believe it?"
"Yes." Duan Yunhong felt that this answer was expected. "With your ability, if you have always hated him, you should have come back and killed him long ago."
"What you said is exactly what I have been thinking all along. Or rather, what I thought was my 'thought'." Ning Fei lowered his eyes and smiled, "But now that I think about it, I suddenly can't figure out whether this is my true thought, or whether I want to be this kind of person - someone who doesn't take the past seriously, who can laugh at everything, and therefore doesn't hate.
"Especially, he and I are no longer on the same level. He is just a small NPC in a small world, and he doesn't even know me anymore. It sounds a bit ridiculous for me to argue with him, doesn't it?"
Duan Yunhong looked into his eyes and said, "Do you have to think so complicatedly whether you hate him or not? Why, do you want the Administration to maintain a pretentious persona? Or do you not allow you to have your own emotions?"
"It's my own bad habit." Ning Fei finished the wine in the glass again and said self-deprecatingly, "Look at how Miyal has been raised. I like to show off, isn't that normal?"
Duan Yunhong said: "You are used to using this method to protect yourself."
Well, he might have some bad temper learned from Yu Zhou, but Duan Yunhong wisely did not mention this.
"Protect? Maybe." Ning Fei asked back, "Have you ever hated anyone? Let me take a look."
“Is this still a reference?”
"You seem to be very arrogant, and no one can match your hatred." Ning Fei responded, "If you have hated someone before, I might be able to balance it out."
"I hated him." Duan Yunhong replied simply, "Kill him."
Ning Fei blinked slowly: "Oh, it's you. Normally, if there's a grudge, I'll chase after it and take revenge immediately."
After all, Ning Fei had experienced it himself.
"That wasn't the case at that time." Duan Yunhong replied, "Some people said that if they killed me too quickly, they would lose motivation. I thought so, so I kept me for a while."
Ning Fei gave him a thumbs up.
After thinking about it, he simply poured more wine and handed the glass over.
Duan Yunhong took the wine glass: "How is it? What enlightenment did it give you?"
"There is no enlightenment. I am not smart enough. I have wasted Mr. Duan's guidance." Ning Fei propped up his chin and looked at the starry sky. "The Duke was so perverted before. He used a horse whip, a dagger, and the broken vase fragments that I accidentally broke... I was indeed so painful that I thought about stabbing him, or stabbing the Pope, and dying together. But then again, didn't I 'choose' the Duke myself? I hate him, but in fact I am hating myself. I don't want to hate myself."
Duan Yunhong secretly breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the last sentence.
He was afraid that Ning Fei would become filled with self-loathing after returning here. Now it seems that at least Ning Fei doesn’t want to let himself indulge in it, that’s good.
As long as Ning Fei is unwilling to get involved, Duan Yunhong will definitely find a way to pull him out.
"You didn't 'choose' him, it was the church that threw you into the heap of demons and monsters. You just had to cling to one, otherwise you would be 'drowned' and eaten up." Duan Yunhong finished the red wine in the glass and corrected, "In fact, it's not just the church, it's this country, this world is completely corrupt. If I were in your position, I would probably find an opportunity to destroy the palace and the church."
Ning Fei actually smiled and tilted her head to look at him: "Oh, that sounds kind of cool."
Duan Yunhong said: "You can order now."
"No. Just let it keep falling, falling, and falling—" Ning Fei said sarcastically, raising his hand, feeling the night wind blowing through his fingers, "Why should I just burn it? Ending it so cleanly is also a kind of pleasure, why?"
He finally revealed a corner of his emotions.
"Then do you think that I gave Bartley too much of a chance by killing him?" Duan Yunhong asked, "And I was the one who chose him and killed him. Does this make you feel anything special?"
"What do you mean by 'special feeling'?" Ning Fei blinked softly, "If his death causes a deduction in luck, how would you feel if the biggest part of it were to be yours?"
"You know that's not what I'm asking." Duan Yunhong placed the cup on the roof, supported his body, and leaned towards Ning Fei, "I thought I was at least a little special in your heart."
Ning Fei: “…”
Duan Yunhong: "Are you happy or unhappy that I'm the one who killed the first person you chose and the first person who hurt you?"
"...Another choice between the two?" Ning Fei looked into his eyes, "But I am neither happy nor unhappy."
"Are you sure?" Duan Yunhong said, "I said I wanted to write about Duke Bartley, and you didn't object. His name was erased, but I still insisted on killing him, which violated the rules you set before, and you didn't object. I shot the first two arrows to scare him, and if the third arrow hadn't been blessed by your wind magic, it might have killed a Seris. At any stage, if you were a little bit unwilling for me to kill him, you would definitely speak up. Especially when I violated your 'rules of the game', you didn't even give me a half-joking reminder. This shows that in fact, you are looking forward to seeing my actions in your heart, but you yourself don't realize it."
"Is it possible that you are thinking too much?" Ning Fei sneered, "Don't think you know me very well, I don't even know myself. Maybe I just want to show off, so after I promised you 'you can do whatever you want', I insisted on this decision and didn't change it?"
"Then I'll go kill another 'ex' of yours."
"……ah?"
Duan Yunhong poured the last of the wine in the bottle into the glass and handed it to Ning Fei: "Anyway, you said that you have more than one life in this world. Then make a list of names and I will go kill them. After killing enough, there will always be a time when you can tell whether you are happy or not. Maybe one day when you think back on it, you will feel pretty good."
Ning Fei didn't take the cup, but just raised an eyebrow: "What you want is a 'list of exes', not a 'list of enemies'. Who is happier, me or you?"
"You know why I only want the 'Ex List'. If you want, you can also write me the 'Enemies List'. It is the duty of a follower to share your worries." Duan Yunhong still held the cup, "Maybe you don't feel empty in your heart, but you have removed a piece of old disease. I have experience. Occasionally, when I think about it, it feels like a stone has fallen from my heart, and I feel, 'At least this thing that once troubled me has been solved.'"
"You think I can't cut off my relationship with this piece of mud?" Ning Fei still didn't raise his hand, just stared at him, "...I can't even refute you. After all, this is a place that can't make me feel happy, and I actually took the initiative to come back to see and experience it during my vacation. I'm really eager to be tortured."
"Don't get stuck in it. You said you didn't want to hate yourself." Duan Yunhong insisted on pushing the glass in front of him. "If you can't help but think about it over and over again, then I will update these memories with some plots - for example, I killed all those idiots."
"Pfft..." Ning Fei inexplicably found Duan Yunhong's words a bit funny, so he really laughed. The reason I came back this time was to watch the cruel story over and over again so that I wouldn't fall into the sweet trap easily. Now, it is Duan Yunhong who pulls me back and stops me from indulging in the cruel memories.
——This is really putting the cart before the horse, turning the tables on Tian Gang…
Ning Fei laughed enough, turned her head and looked at Duan Yunhong and said, "What a pretentious statement, Mr. Duan."
Duan Yunhong said: "Aren't you trying to show off by coming up to the roof?"
Ning Fei added: "My second boyfriend should be dying soon."
Duan Yunhong replied: "Then we must act quickly and kill him before he dies."
"Duan Yunhong." Ning Fei suddenly pointed to the sky and said, "It's almost dawn."
Duan Yunhong was distracted by this sudden topic and looked up: "Indeed... huh?"
Ning Fei took the wine glass from his hand, raised his head, and drank it all in one gulp.
Duan Yunhong just watched his actions silently.
After drinking, Ning Fei smashed the only remaining cup and the wine bottle. Then, he climbed onto Duan Yunhong and sat in the man's arms face to face.
"You want to find the excitement of committing a crime against your superiors, is that true, Lord Earl?" Ning Fei hugged Duan Yunhong's neck. The heat from the alcohol offset the coolness of the night breeze, infecting the two of them. "Do you want to try something more awkward and exciting?"
"...Now?" Faced with this sudden intimacy, Duan Yunhong's first reaction was to hug his waist tightly, steadying the two of them, and then glanced at the sloping roof and the increasingly dark ground, "...Okay."
"Pfft, what are you thinking about? You don't think I want to hold you here and test your sense of balance!" Ning Fei laughed and leaned on his shoulder, "Let's try again after we watch the sunrise?"
"Well, okay."
"And…I do want to grab something."
"Yeah, okay."
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