Chapter 18 Heart Waves
"Speaking of people you like, little sister Chen Wan, did you have a premature love affair in high school? There must be a lot of boys in your school who like you, right?" Zhang Mo suddenly interrupted.
Chen Wan paused his hand gesturing in the air, frowned, and slowly shook his head, "No, no one in our school likes me."
His tone was aggrieved, like a kid in kindergarten who didn't get a big red flower.
"Why, you're pretty, you should be very popular."
Zhang Mo had seen many young and beautiful girls in the entertainment industry, but when he saw Chen Wan for the first time, he felt that this girl was a little special. Her eyes were very clear, which reminded people of the vast white snow.
When interacting with others, he is like a cat, being close yet distant while keeping room to leave at any time.
Chen Wan thought seriously for a moment, then shook his head. "No one really dares to like me because of my dad's drug addiction. Many people say our family is rotten to the core. No one wants to interact with me, let alone boys."
Her tone was understated, and it seemed more like a confession from her innermost heart than a retelling of outside opinions.
Chen Shan's drug abuse will always be an indelible shadow in Chen Wan's panic and helpless youth, suppressing her joy, anger, sorrow and happiness like a shadow.
It was like a thorn deeply stuck in her heart. The more she struggled, the deeper the wound became. So she slowly chose to compromise and let others criticize her.
Zhang Mo didn't know her family situation was so complicated. After hearing this, he was stunned. He turned to look at Lin Yu and asked with his mouth, "What should I do?"
Lin Yu pressed his brows helplessly. Zhang Mo liked to ask people gossip when he was drunk, but he never thought that he would ask such a heavy topic.
Chen Wan usually avoided talking about family matters, but he must have been drunk and spoke so frankly about it.
"That's why no one will like me." Chen Wan lowered his eyes and spoke very softly and slowly, like talking in a dream.
"Who said that? Why doesn't anyone like you?" Zhang Mo decided to make amends. He pointed at Lin Yu and said, "Your brother really likes you. He always praises you to us, saying that you are gentle and cute, a good cook, and have a great personality. He also said that you never stop peeling fruit. You are amazing!"
His awkward conversation and forced flattery actually made Chen Wan laugh.
She looked at Lin Yu, her eyes clear and bright, like a lake filled with moonlight.
"Really?" she asked.
Lin Yu met her moist and clear eyes, and suddenly he didn't know where to start talking because of the myriad things he was thinking about.
He suddenly felt a sense of hesitation in his heart, as if he was looking at the moon in a pond, afraid that if he got too close, the faint light would be blocked.
Regarding her question "Is it true?", Lin Yu didn't know from which angle to interpret it.
Was she asking if he liked her, or was she asking about something else?
He didn't want to think about it any further.
After waiting for a while, Chen Wan didn't hear any reply. She looked away knowingly and looked at the heavy rain outside the window.
Being good at observing people's expressions and having knowledge and interests has always been her way of dealing with people.
For some questions, having no answer is the final answer.
Amid the continuous and noisy sound of rain, she became a little more sober and began to sort out her chaotic and confused thoughts.
When she heard Zhang Mo say that Lin Yu liked her, her heart felt like a tide was surging.
Those emotions that were on the verge of being expressed but dared not to be expressed suddenly got out of control, quietly and silently causing huge waves.
I desperately want a positive answer to calm my surging emotions.
But no.
Lin Yu responded to her with silence.
Then the sea returned to peace again.
Layer upon layer of skylight slowly seeped in and was finally swallowed up by silence.
Chen Wan felt like he had fallen into an endless deep sea, watching the faint lights shatter into pieces in the surging undercurrent like a dream.
It's so sad that her light and her dreams have been swallowed up.
No one would like her.
"Don't cry, why are you crying suddenly?"
Zhang Mo was startled when he saw Chen Wan suddenly sobbing. He panicked and tried to comfort her, "How about this, let's play a game. It will make us happier. How about playing Truth or Dare?"
Lin Yu looked at Chen Wan covering her eyes with the back of her hand. Even her crying was silent.
He didn't understand her sudden sadness, just as he didn't understand why his heart ached when she cried.
Or maybe he actually knew everything, but he just didn't want to cross that line, cross the eight-year difference in his life with Chen Wan, and cross Chen Wan's defenses.
Lin Yu thought that there should be no love between him and Chen Wan, as this would make his previous good intentions appear to have ulterior motives, and that simple tenderness would no longer be pure.
He should stand in front of Chen Wan to protect her from the wind and rain, and he should also stay behind her and watch her walk towards the bright moon.
The only thing he shouldn't do is stay by her side and take advantage of her dependence on him to satisfy his inappropriate private affair.
"Let's play Truth or Dare!" Zhang Mo smiled awkwardly, trying to smooth things over.
"Truth or Dare, but telling the truth is a big dare in itself. I will lose no matter what." Chen Wan shook his head, suddenly raised the bottle, and gulped down another big gulp.
Lin Yu didn't stop her, but stretched out his hands to keep a distance from her that was within reach but not too close.
Chen Wan put down the bottle, wiped his chin, stood up unsteadily and said, "I want to go home, I want to go home..."
Lin Yu quickly supported her and said, "I'll take you there."
"No." Chen Wan waved his hand, "Don't be so nice to me..."
If you don't like me, don't be so nice to me.
After drinking most of the bottle of ice-cold liquor, she felt a sudden sense of heat and coolness in her chest, and every cell was struggling and clamoring, alternating between hot and cold.
And she was like a drowning person, falling into her own unrequited love without knowing the depth.
"You'll fall if you keep doing this." Lin Yu reached out to her helplessly, trying to steady her.
Chen Wan's eyes were blurry. Lin Yu, who was nearby, seemed to be standing in a space surrounded by mirrors, with him everywhere.
She waved her hands, trying to dispel the hazy shadows.
"Don't follow me, don't get close to me, you're always hanging around in front of me, it's annoying!" She muttered and shook off Lin Yu's hand.
But before she could finish her words, her steps seemed to be on a drifting cloud. She swayed twice, stumbled, and was caught by Lin Yu.
"Childish." Chen Wan vaguely heard him say this, and then his body lightened.
Lin Yu's arms carefully supported Chen Wan's back, his wrists resting on her slender knees, holding her up steadily.
Chen Wan was stunned for a moment, his hands still maintaining the posture of finding balance, looking fierce and aggressive, like a cat with its fur standing on end.
Lin Yu looked down at her and said softly, "Hold me tight, don't fall."
Chen Wan stared at him blankly, "Ah, hug you?"
Seeing her misty eyes, Lin Yu sighed softly, tilted his neck, and said, "Hold my neck, otherwise you will fall to the ground easily."
"Oh, okay." Chen Wan dazedly put her arms around his neck and put her head obediently on his shoulder.
Her cheeks were slightly cool, rubbing against Lin Yu's red and hot earlobes.
Lin Yu's Adam's apple moved slightly, his breathing stagnated, he closed his eyes, and calmed his momentarily wavering mood.
"Am I heavy?" She suddenly spoke, blinking and looking at Lin Yu with a serious expression.
Lin Yu carried her towards the entrance. He found it a little funny to hear Chen Wan still consider her weight even though she was so drunk. "It's not heavy."
After hearing this, Chen Wan buried his head and laughed, his furry hair rubbing against Lin Yu's ear.
Lin Yu felt a little itchy, so he turned his head and looked down at her. Chen Wan's beautiful eyebrows were just within reach.
Her hair was loose, like black seaweed, which made her face look extremely pale, like pearls soaked in clear water.
Chen Wan closed her eyes slightly, and the light cast a thin shadow on her long and thick eyelashes.
Like a feather, light and floating, trembling with her laughter.
It also left a flickering shadow in his heart.
Lin Yu turned his gaze away calmly, and was actually a little afraid to look at her again.
He felt strange and puzzled deep down in his heart. Chen Wan in his arms was as light as a skinny kitten, but it made his heart heavy.
Chen Wan felt safe and secure in his embrace, as if she had boarded a boat that allowed her to no longer drift aimlessly.
Although I know that he continues to treat me gently only out of kindness and enthusiasm, it is still good this way.
She had no bargaining chips and no price, so she was not worthy of expressing her feelings to Lin Yu openly.
After living in darkness for too long, how can I let go easily when I see a ray of light?
And because there isn't much beauty in life, she would feel satisfied with just a little bit of it.
The two of them maintained an ambiguous silence, each with their own thoughts.
The two houses were right next to each other, only a few steps away. Lin Yu carried Chen Wan to her door. He looked down at her and asked, "Did you bring the key?"
Chen Wan nodded, then asked Lin Yu to put him down and tried to open the door.
Lin Yu put Chen Wan down as he was told, then held her shoulders so that she could stand steadily.
He took the key, opened the door, picked up Chen Wan again, and walked towards the bedroom with ease.
Perhaps it was because of the alcohol, Chen Wan felt that Lin Yu in front of her was becoming more and more blurry. Because of this unreality, she felt uneasy for no reason in her heart, so she hugged Lin Yu's neck tightly.
Lin Yu was startled by Chen Wan's sudden intimate behavior. After a moment of shock, he pretended to be calm and looked away from her.
There were no lights on in the room, so vision was limited, so other senses became extra sensitive.
Lin Yu could feel Chen Wanqing's light, warm breath floating around his ears like feathers.
The sounds of heartbeats mixed together, mixed with the continuous and scattered sounds of rain, losing their order.
The sound of a vehicle horn came from the distance, and then a beam of bright white light gradually approached. The interweaving of light and shadow made Lin Yu dazed.
Chen Wan looked up at him, his gaze wandering from his slightly moving Adam's apple to his well-defined jaw, outlining his sharp facial features. Going up further, he saw his tightly pursed thin lips, his straight nose, his deep eyes, and his slightly raised brows.
Lin Yu had beautiful eyes, with thin, wide eyelids and slightly droopy eyes at the ends, which concealed his sharp gaze without making a sound.
When she is not smiling, the corners of her eyes are straight and long, showing a bit of laziness and indifference. When she smiles, very shallow wrinkles appear at the corners of her eyes, like ripples on a calm sea.
Gentleness and uprightness, as well as sharpness and indifference, all coexist with him.
Chen Wan looked at him carefully and meticulously, as if he wanted to engrave Lin Yu in his mind.
Lin Yu suddenly lowered his eyes and looked at her, and Chen Wan decisively closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep.
Then she heard a very light laugh, and then Lin Yu put her on the bed.
"Go to bed early," he said.
Chen Wan continued to pretend to be asleep and heard his footsteps getting farther and farther away. They paused at the entrance and stopped.
Lin Yu sighed and leaned against the wall to organize his thoughts. He had to admit that he was a little exhausted today.
The rain was getting heavier, and the dull thunder was coming one after another. This night was particularly noisy and yet particularly silent.
Lin Yu remembered the night when Chen Wan talked to him about the pomegranate tree. She said the thunder was too loud and she couldn't sleep.
Although he didn't know whether it was true or not, Lin Yu used this as an excuse to comfort himself, "She's drunk and afraid of thunder. I'm staying here to take care of her. It's not an overstep."
He walked to the sofa in the dark and lay down comfortably, but he was not sleepy at all. He looked at the raindrops falling outside the balcony bored.
There was a glass door between the living room and the balcony, and a row of green plants was placed under the door. He could see clearly in the dim light from the street lamp outside that they were several jasmine plants.
No wonder he always felt that Chen Wan had a very light fragrance on her body, it turned out to be jasmine.
In the dim light and shadow, the tiny white jasmine flowers are like pearls, densely dotted among the dark green branches and leaves.
One, two, three... I couldn't remember which one I counted, and Lin Yu fell asleep with the sound of the dripping rain as his pillow.
Chen Wan, who was separated from him by a door, fell into a dark old dream.
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