Chapter 6 Spring Night
"Actually, my dad and I have never had an argument. He has always been very gentle to me and has hardly ever scolded me."
Lin Yu was a little surprised to hear this. People who are addicted to drugs usually have mood swings. He had a preconceived notion that Chen Shan was a violent and eccentric person, and he also thought that Chen Wan must have been unable to stand him, so she reported him.
Chen Wan tilted his head, observing his expression, and whispered, "My dad used to be a good man, with a kind and honest personality."
"Then how did he get involved in drugs?" Lin Yu was puzzled.
"After my mother passed away, he started to indulge in the nightlife of bars and then got involved in drugs."
Lin Yu was stunned. Indeed, many people take drugs in order to escape pain.
He said with some regret, "It's a pity for your father."
"Do you believe this reason?" Chen Wan looked at him, her face expressionless. Her voice was flat as she looked away and continued, "That's how he explained it to me, but I don't believe a word of it. When my mother was alive, he only cared about work and rarely came home."
Lin Yu was silent and listened to her continue.
"You didn't care when you were alive, but after you died, you suddenly felt so deeply in love that you had to use drugs to relieve the pain. Do you think it's possible?"
Lin Yu began to understand Chen Wan's meaning. She hated the saying that she was addicted to love. It was using her mother's death as a shield to commit crimes.
It is also a blasphemy against love.
"This is my dad's third time in jail. The first time, he turned himself in. He told me he would quit drugs and get our family back on track. I believed him. But less than six months after he was released, he relapsed."
Chen Wan lowered his eyes and watched the lights reflected in the lake being shattered by the wind.
"I still can't forget him kneeling in front of me, begging me to find a friend to get him some magic drug. They call heroin the magic drug. It makes you happier than a god." Chen Wan said this with a mocking smile. "Without drugs, he felt like he was struggling in hell. With drugs, he was as happy as if he were in heaven."
Lin Yu had also seen drug addicts while handling cases. Their ferocious appearance would terrify anyone who saw it.
But Chen Wan just said it lightly because she was used to it.
"It was a neighbor who reported the case. He went to a drug rehabilitation center for compulsory rehabilitation. He said he would reform himself and asked me to wait for him to come back. I have no one to rely on, so I can only trust him."
Lin Yu sighed, held her wrist, and said soothingly, "Just stop thinking about it, okay?"
Chen Wan's hands were very cold and trembling slightly.
Dependence on each other, the lips and teeth are cold, is actually a more helpless situation than being alone.
People become brave because of ties, but they also become indecisive because of ties.
She was actually afraid, but she had no choice because her father was the only one she could rely on.
"You said you admired me, but you admired my selfishness? I sent him to rehab not because I was law-abiding, nor was it for the greater good. I just wanted to escape. Every time I saw him addicted to drugs, I felt terrified, like seeing a rotting swamp. I was afraid that one day I would be swallowed up by it, I was afraid that I would become a quagmire, and I was afraid that he would drag me down with him. So I reported him to the police, just to keep myself alive. I was really selfish, and it was not good at all."
After Chen Wan finished speaking, she still cried.
Her hands were cold, but her tears were hot.
Lin Yu felt that fog had formed in his heart, floating around and turning into rain.
He hugged Chen Wan gently, as tenderly as if he was hugging a faint moon, and watched the swaying tree shadows and dim lights in the lake.
After Chen Wan realized what was happening, she finished crying and apologized to Lin Yu.
Lin Yu retracted his hand, "You didn't do anything wrong, why are you apologizing to me?"
"I'm apologizing for being mean to you that day. I had a bad attitude back then," Chen Wan explained. "It was before the Lunar New Year when I told you I didn't want you to be nice to me."
Lin Yu was slow to recall that snowy night and grumbled, "I didn't ask about the situation that day. Besides, I'm a very talkative person. Is this a common problem among older people?"
He deliberately described himself as a nagging and unpleasant elder in order to relieve Chen Wan's psychological burden.
Chen Wan looked at him and said word by word, "I don't think you're nagging. I think you're very good, especially very good."
Lin Yu was stunned, looked at Chen Wan, and after a moment of silence, he smiled.
"Your vocabulary for compliments is so limited."
Chen Wan was indeed not good at speaking, and after hearing what he said, he lowered his eyes in embarrassment.
Lin Yu was praised by her, and his heart seemed to melt into a pool of moonlight, indescribably gentle.
He thought for a moment and said, "You just said you were selfish. I don't think that's right. Human nature is to seek benefits and avoid harm. You are just trying to have a better life. This is your choice and your right. It's not selfish, it's proof that you want to get better. It's just human nature."
After Lin Yu finished speaking, he weighed his words in his mind, trying to be more tactful and not sound like a simple sermon.
He rested one hand on his knee and supported his forehead with the other, trying to sort out something to say from the myriad of thoughts.
Lin Yu pondered for a few minutes, then his gaze fell on a nearby locust tree. After a long moment, he pointed at the tree and said to Chen Wan, "Look at this tree. Isn't the side facing the water more lush and leafy?"
Chen Wan looked in the direction of his finger. The dim light fell on the locust tree. He could not see the lush branches and leaves, but he could see the loneliness of the spring night.
But she still nodded in agreement: "You're right."
Lin Yu continued to persuade him, "Do you know why?"
Chen Wan shook his head, looking ignorant and curious.
Lin Yu felt that he had found the right direction. He persuaded the other party with his emotions and reason, saying, "Because the living environment on the water side is better, it will grow more lushly when exposed to wind, sun and rain."
Chen Wan cooperated and pretended to have suddenly realized something, waiting for his follow-up.
"This shows that the best-growing flowers must be those that face the light. If you want to become better, you must move towards the light yourself."
Lin Yu felt that what he said made a lot of sense, was easy to understand, and had solid evidence.
He thought to himself that girls all like flowers, and Chen Wan should be able to fully understand this metaphor.
Then he glanced at the locust tree again and said seriously, "I bet you that when it blooms, the side facing the water will definitely be the most beautiful."
Chen Wan smiled and nodded.
Her smile is like the moon reflected in the Suzhou River, gentle and pure.
Lin Yu also smiled, then patted his knees and stood up, beckoning her, "Come on, kid, it's time to go home and sleep."
He said that child casually, but Chen Wan heard it and treasured it in his heart.
She likes the word "child" very much. It is like a soft marshmallow that melts in her heart and is sweet.
It reminded her of when she was in kindergarten, the teacher asked the children to be good and wait for someone to pick them up.
Chen Wan felt that being a child was great because he knew someone would come to pick him up and take him home.
This is a very reassuring thing.
I have been wandering alone in the darkness for too long, like a rootless duckweed.
But now there is someone who calls her little friend, looks after her, protects her, and takes her home.
very nice.
Seeing that her mood had improved a little, Lin Yu breathed a sigh of relief.
In fact, he understood Chen Wan's situation very well and tolerated her sensitive self-esteem.
Her childhood was filled with panic and helplessness. She lived alone in the shadow of her mother's death and her father's misguided path.
His temperament became more restrained and introverted, and his heart became more closed.
In order to protect themselves, they reject the outside world and hide themselves in their shells.
Afraid of being hurt, and even more afraid of hurting others.
What a weird yet kind kid.
References when writing
Thoughts: I am a rubbish writer, and I will no longer be the one who updates 10,000 words a day. But to be honest, it’s because I care about this work very much, and I really want to write about the relationship between the two of them, a true redemption.
Lin Yu is also someone I like very much, he is so good that there is nothing I can say about him.
I just want to write about the love that I want to write about in my heart to the best of my ability.
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