Chapter 80
Cheng Yanjin returned to the underground parking lot. Now he didn't even have a car. He could only stick his suitcase against the wall and lean against it, staring blankly into space.
He didn't go upstairs immediately because Yuan Chuyu had just said something irritating like "she just fell asleep."
But when facing outsiders, he can use rude words to curse them back. But when he closes the door and faces her, he acts like a coward who is trying to win her favor but is met with indifference, wondering if he should give her more time.
Cheng Yanjin stood downstairs in a daze for an unknown amount of time. Only when his legs, which had been in the same position for so long, began to go numb, and when the broken skin on his arm finally started to hurt, did he turn around and press the elevator button.
The 16th floor, less than a minute's elevator ride away, the closer he got, the more uncontrollably his breathing became disordered and his body trembled.
He stared intently at his reflection in the elevator door, his clothes disheveled, his hair messy, clearly indicating he had just been in a fight.
In a daze, he remembered that he had promised her he would never fight again.
But in those situations, it's better to let him die than to make him swallow his anger and be respectful and humble.
Who can remain rational in a situation of double betrayal?
He couldn't, and wouldn't, remain magnanimous and forgiving when it came to matters involving her.
Cheng Yanjin took several deep breaths, then let out a trembling sigh, trying his best to relax his facial expression.
After a good cry in Hemu, three days of being in a daze in another city, and today he vented his anger by taking action, finally doing so in front of her—
He decided to pretend he knew nothing about it.
Absolutely, absolutely not, can we let Lin Langyi find out that things have been exposed.
Cheng Yanjin straightened his clothes and hair in front of the elevator door, wiped away the bloodstains from the peeling skin and abrasions on the back of his hand with a tissue, and felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his nerve endings when he pressed the tissue against the wound.
He looked down at the wound on his hand, his heart aching with endless sorrow. He realized that he hadn't hesitated for a second when he made the decision to keep it a secret from Lin Langyi.
He was like one of those spineless wives who only blamed the flashy wildflowers outside, while ignoring the distraction of the woman beside him, and even hoping that she would change her mind.
After the matter was exposed, his first reaction was to figure out how to cover it up in a self-deceptive way.
He thought that as long as he pretended not to know, he and Lin Langyi could skip a fierce argument, and he could still go home freely after a long day of work and see her face.
He can continue this life with her by his side.
He didn't want to sever their last connection over something like this.
It's all those bastards' fault.
She did nothing wrong.
She was seduced.
Because of his dereliction of duty and carelessness in failing to take rigorous precautions.
This matter has had absolutely nothing to do with her from beginning to end.
Cheng Yanjin, pulling his suitcase, stood in front of the door, mentally preparing himself before reaching out to enter the password.
It would be best if she were still asleep, so he could adjust himself.
"You're back so early? Yuan—" Lin Langyi ran out of the bedroom in her slippers to greet her.
A joyful smile graced her face, her dimples were shallow, and her radiant smile, as beautiful as spring blossoms, was clearly reflected in his eyes.
Then, he saw her smile suddenly fade, all joy and anticipation gone. A moment of shock briefly appeared in her bright, clear eyes. Finally, she calmly put on a neat and standard smile again.
Unlike the bright, sparkling smile that appeared at the beginning, this was a formulaic, polite smile that appeared as a reflex in a moment of panic, like a pre-programmed computer message.
The subtle change in his expression, lasting less than two seconds, was etched perfectly into his eyes.
Cheng Yanjin stood still, staring at her.
The suitcase beside him was still swaying slightly. Before he could even steady himself, he felt a crack appear in the mask he had painstakingly put on to pretend that nothing had happened.
She doesn't love you.
I don't know whose voice entered my mind, floating and sinking, it seemed to be Yuan Chuyu, it seemed to be Bian Shu, and it seemed that he himself was saying those words to himself.
His eyelashes fluttered, and his whole body trembled uncontrollably.
For some reason, he even felt that Lin Langyi's feigned smile was exactly the same as Yuan Chuyu's.
He saw a vague connection between them, a kind of similarity that existed in the same space but was inseparable.
This ambiguous, lingering connection was more devastating than seeing the sleep marks on her face or her bright red lips.
It was as if an invisible, transparent barrier existed between him and her. Her tacit understanding with others, which aroused envy and resentment, became a sharp blade that could kill instantly, shattering all his pre-planned rehearsed reactions into dust.
Cheng Yanjin had no control over himself at all.
He desperately told himself to hold back, not to give himself away, but the words still escaped his throat:
"Only three days, Lin Langyi, I've only been gone for three days..."
Every word was difficult and hesitant; he could barely swallow the tears welling up in his eyes.
He took a step toward her.
Her reaction was even more intense, as if she had seen a mad dog out of control. She took several steps back and finally, with a "bang," pressed her entire body against the bedroom door.
In her panic, she even stepped on and lost one of her slippers.
In an instant, he felt as if the world had collapsed.
A few hours ago, she stood on tiptoe and pressed herself against the door to kiss someone; now, she still leans tightly against the door, but there is nowhere left to retreat, and she regards it as a source of courage.
She seemed afraid of him.
What is she afraid of...? Is she afraid that he will lay a hand on her?
When this thought arose, he felt utterly defeated.
He walked past her, wanting to tell her that he, Cheng Yanjin, would never lay a hand on her, no matter who he had ever laid a hand on in his life; he wanted to say that even when she slapped him in front of her ex-lover without any explanation, he had never felt any desire to retaliate.
He wanted to say that even now, she brought her lover home, to their home, to their bed, to the place where he held so many hopes for their future, a place where every inch of wallpaper and every piece of furniture represented his painstaking effort and time, and trampled all his pride, dignity, and self-respect underfoot like garbage.
He never even considered having the slightest thought of violence against her.
He would never, ever lay a hand on her.
Cheng Yanjin strode towards her, trying his best to steady his shaky and collapsing spirit. He wanted to pretend nothing had happened and take her hand so that she wouldn't stand barefoot on the ground.
Autumn has arrived; it's no longer summer.
Like a coward, all he wanted to do was repair the cracked wallpaper between them and repaint the mottled white walls.
He just wanted to get back together with her.
He moved closer to her and saw her tilt her head back slightly and furrow her brow almost imperceptibly.
All the hands that wanted to reach out suddenly retracted, like snail antennae or mimosa leaves. He realized that the smell of smoke on him displeased her.
Just like how he was afraid that the smell of sweat on his body wouldn't please the girl he had a crush on after playing basketball in his student days, Cheng Yanjin finally made up for his missing adolescence in his twenties.
He was stunned, surprised that even when his emotions were at their peak, he could still notice her subtle movements immediately.
Barefoot, and hating the smell of smoke.
It turns out that when people fall blindly in love, the first lessons they learn are heartache and inferiority.
"I'm going to take a shower," he said hastily and headed straight for the bathroom.
After closing the door, Cheng Yanjin locked it and slid off the door panel as if all his strength had left him, finally burying his head between his knees in despair.
His phone kept buzzing with notification sounds, driving him to the brink of a nervous breakdown.
He glanced at the screen in a daze, his body stiff.
The sensitive recognition system unlocked immediately, and the entire page was filled with Yuan Chuyu's name.
Cheng Yanjin's temples throbbed; he had never seen Yuan Chuyu write such a lengthy treatise.
The first time I met Zhuzhu, she had just finished her arranged marriage with you.
She was wearing a green blouse and skirt, and had beautiful makeup on; she was the one who took me back to the club.
Cheng Yanjin's eyelids twitched slightly; he already knew what Yuan Chuyu was about to do.
It's nothing more than an arrogant and domineering mistress sending those ambiguous photos or statements about their intimate relationship, attempting to force him out and disrupt his mindset.
Cheng Yanjin knew perfectly well what was going on, but he was like a fool who knew it was a trap yet still stepped into it, being led astray by others to recall bits and pieces of his memories.
Yes, he remembered that Lin Langyi looked like a fairytale character who had escaped from the Wizard of Oz when she dressed up in front of the mirror.
I tried to avoid suspicion, but I have to say, this is the thing I regret most so far.
I should have resolutely cut off all possibilities between you and Lin Langyi from the very beginning.
The swimsuit was bought by me, the pearl shop was opened together, the bracelet was braided during our date, we shared the same noodles and dessert, and she turned to look at me amidst the confetti of metalwork—that's a moment I'll never forget.
"You said your relationship was open, and you introduced her to me, Cheng Yanjin. You said it yourself, so why are you going back on your word now?"
Cheng Yanjin suddenly flexed his arm muscles and grabbed the phone, his back slamming against the door with a dull thud.
You pushed her onto me, and tonight, when I went to the cemetery, she came with me.
We found a cat named Black Butterfly Shell. Do you know why?
Cheng Yanjin let out a hissing sound that abruptly stopped, as if someone had grabbed his neck.
His vision blurred, his fingers frantically swiped through the WeChat interface, and he shakily tapped on a live streaming app.
Black-lipped clam is a beautiful kitten.
That big fan.
[The time you blacked out, I was the one who taught Chi Shu a lesson. If you hadn't woken up, the events at Laoshan Temple might have happened sooner.]
Memories are like the scent of an out-of-season sweater, stored in a box until the same season of the following year. When you take it out, the lingering fragrance can instantly transport you back to the mood of the past.
Regarding the matter at Laoshan Temple, he secretly went out of Laoshan Temple...
Cheng Yanjin gripped his phone tightly, his broad hand covering most of the screen. Like an ostrich that foresaw danger, he could only laughably and futilely bury his face in the sand.
He didn't want to see what had been posted; it was as if there was a huge black hole in front of him, and he had prematurely abused his intuition to guess the consequences.
She's drunk, in your room, in your bed.
With a thud, Cheng Yanjin suddenly stood up, his shoulder blade slamming against the doorknob. His back was both painful and numb. He was breathing rapidly, his face was pale, one hand was on his neck and he was breathing heavily. With the other hand, he braced himself against the wall and stumbled into the bathroom.
It was pouring rain on the mountain, but we stayed together. The house you want to know about is across the street, on the 17th floor; that's where she took care of me when I was sick.
[After I returned from donating blood, she bought me some hemostatic dressings.]
Cheng Yanjin leaned back on the edge of the bathtub, a piece of furniture he had finalized three or four times before ordering it.
He felt that Lin Langyi was also a lustrous pearl. Since she loved water so much, there should be a large round bathtub in the house to nurture this pearl.
She really liked the bathtub that could accommodate three or four people, and therefore it was one of his proudest creations in the whole house.
Cheng Yanjin reached out and turned on the faucet. The water flowed slowly into the pool. He remembered that when he was choosing a dressing table, he had also been looking back and forth and deliberating repeatedly.
At that time, he even resented her for not caring at all.
But now that I think about it, perhaps she never really cared from the beginning.
[The night she didn't go home before you took her to Hemu, she stayed with me.]
I found her, but you didn't.
With a "plop," Cheng Yanjin loosened his grip, letting the phone slip from his hand and fall into the water.
The world fell silent; apart from the gurgling of water, no other sound could be heard.
He sat quietly by the bathtub, pressed his palm to his forehead, and, using the sound of the water to mask his sobs, began to weep silently.
As the water level gradually rose, Cheng Yanjin felt as if a thousand-pound stone was pressing on his chest, his heart compressed into a thin sheet. In a daze, he remembered his family saying that when he was a child, he fell into the water and Lin Langyi had saved him.
With a splash, he fell backward into the bathtub.
A large amount of water poured into his mouth and nose, and he felt like he must be going crazy. The water flowed down his throat and into his stomach, and he could actually detect a faint scent of her shower gel in it.
How come she's everywhere in the world?
It was that sweet floral and fruity scent that reminded him of the breath she exhaled when she was drunk, like a beautiful and heavy sunset painted with countless colors.
He sank to the bottom of the pool, opened his eyes, and looked at the lights above, which were like a full moon, their edges blurred and expanded by the water.
He has no memory of falling into the water as a child; he can only piece together a corner of his memory from his parents' stories.
But now, the feeling of suffocation crept up his body inch by inch, as if a needle was being inserted into his skull to drain his blood. He could feel the water pressure rolling from his lungs over his throat, then to his mouth and nose, and finally up to his temples.
The moon on the water is so round, will she jump down to save him?
This time, he certainly won't forget.
Cheng Yanjin kept his eyes open, the water on his face rippling as the newly poured water flowed in layers. Suddenly, he heard hurried footsteps outside and immediately remembered the night of the skateboarding preliminary competition. The torrential rain had also created countless ripples on the ground, and there were also such hurried footsteps, like shooting stars, piercing through the rain and approaching him step by step.
There was a sound of crying in the water—no, there was no sound of crying in the water.
He sat up abruptly from the bottom of the pool, his trachea aching as he gasped for breath, as if his throat were being ripped apart by a knife, and a salty, unbearable taste of blood emanating from his mouth whether he swallowed or breathed.
Those fragmented memories always use seemingly unrelated realities as a key to unlock them, unexpectedly taking people back in time to the past, emphasizing once again that he, the world, and she at the center of the world have forged an inseparable connection.
He could not bear to be separated from her.
All the joy and pain, and the current terrible trauma, wrapped around her as the core, formed a huge cocoon that trapped him.
He didn't want to come out.
He tried to portray her as a heinous villain, using tears to convince himself that he could escape and turn back from the brink of death, frantically persuading himself that losing her was an acceptable price to pay, and that the pain would certainly not be more intense than his current feeling of being on the verge of death.
But she simply walked past the door, making a few footsteps.
With that slightest footstep, he was like a soldier who had executed a command switch, abandoning all other matters to face her, his highest priority.
He has never made a judgment and choice as clearly as he has at this moment.
Cheng Yanjin retrieved his phone, carelessly tossed it onto the sink, turned and went into the shower, squeezing out shower gel to wash away the smell of smoke from his body.
He must have taken a very, very long time to shower. When he opened the bathroom door, the thick steam dissipated, and he saw her sitting solemnly on the sofa.
“I have something to tell you,” she said.
“I also have something to say to you,” he said, feeling relieved that he had preemptively interrupted her to say those heart-wrenching words.
His intuition was always good; in fact, he could already tell what she wanted to say from the expression on her face, whether she wanted to go out to eat, wanted to take a detour while riding in his car, or now, she wanted to confront him.
There was absolutely no way he would let her say that.
Cheng Yanjin finished his preamble in fits and starts. He was utterly useless. The water that had flowed into his body seemed to only leave an outlet in his eyes. He wept in front of her like a useless piece of trash.
He clearly didn't want to; he wanted to communicate with her in a relaxed and fun atmosphere, and he didn't want to see her with such a hesitant expression.
He said, "Lin Langyi, let's get married, okay?"
Being rejected was to be expected, but he still held his breath as if waiting for the guillotine hanging over his neck.
What she said was far more cruel than he had imagined.
She asked, "Then what you said before about an open relationship, does that still count?"
Cheng Yanjin's expression went blank for a moment. In fact, he could no longer feel whether he was crying or not. His eyes hurt a lot, as if his irises were also wrinkled from being soaked in water, and the surrounding area was taut and painful.
But he thought carefully about every word. He felt as if he had become a mermaid who exchanged his voice for legs, and he could endure the excruciating pain in order to reach the shore.
He said, "It counts."
The air seemed to freeze for a moment.
He saw her eyes widen slightly in surprise.
The same phrase, "open relationship," was initially used to prevent her from controlling him, but now it's used to prove that he won't control her.
His state of mind had changed drastically, but the only thing that remained unchanged was his unwavering resolve when he uttered those words.
Cheng Yanjin said slowly, word by word, "Lin Langyi, I know what freedom feels like. Do you still remember the feeling of sliding down a snow-capped mountain?"
“Some people will say it’s too dangerous, some will say you shouldn’t do this sport, and some will be overly controlling and possessive, but once you’ve experienced the feeling of rushing down a cliff, you’ll never go back to the boring and tedious daily life on flat ground.”
"I won't stop you." He finally turned his gaze to her, knowing perfectly well how he would step on her head and get ahead of her this time.
Why did Yuan Chuyu suddenly start sending him those messages like a madman?
He didn't look well either.
Regardless of the circumstances, the status of her current fiancé is a treasure that others yearn for but cannot obtain. Whether Lin Langyi loves him or not, it does not affect his love for her.
If one year isn't enough, try three; if three years isn't enough, try five; and if all else fails, he still has a long life ahead of him.
No matter how many wildflowers come and go, as long as she still goes home to sleep at night, what does it matter?
How could they possibly outlast him?
He couldn't help but revolve around her, as long as he still had the chance, as long as he could grasp at a straw like a drowning man.
Since Yuan Chuyu was so determined to pursue Lin Langyi so relentlessly, why should he have to start with his rival in love to make the other party back down?
The petty squabbles between love rivals only result in physical wounds, but nothing is more devastating than being stabbed in the back by your lover.
He only needed to make Lin Langyi not choose Yuan Chuyu, or just treat Yuan Chuyu as a pastime.
He needed to make Lin Langyi realize that if she chose Yuan Chuyu, she might only have one man by her side, but if she chose him, he could turn a blind eye.
Lin Langyi seemed stunned. She stared at him for a long time. Cheng Yanjin tried not to make things too clear. Of course, he was still completely unaware of the private affair between Yuan Chuyu and her.
After discovering this, he regretted for a single second that he insisted on uncovering the truth.
Now, he has to pretend he knows nothing and act as a third party to help conceal the truth, thus maintaining his relationship with Lin Langyi.
Only in this way could he possibly stay at the table.
"How about going to the club tonight?" He took out his phone and checked his messages. "But I'm not very familiar with it. I don't go to bars much. I heard they only dance there? You can invite your friends to come and sit down. They're all young idols who haven't debuted yet."
He chuckled, turned his head, and waved his phone at her: "Tonight, Mr. Cheng is paying for the whole place."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
