Chapter 89
Cheng Yanjin never expected that in the end, he would have to bring up Yuan Chuyu, or someone close to him, in order to get a vague promise from Lin Langyi.
To drain a pond to catch all the fish, or to drink poison to quench one's thirst.
But it doesn't matter, he thought. When he discovered that Yuan Chuyu had come between them, his tacit approval had already determined his position in the relationship.
More worthy of celebration than the reason she came back is the fact that she came back.
Cheng Yanjin rallied his spirits and squeezed out all his work in the first three days. Eager to return home, he flew to G City and waited downstairs at the company around 3 p.m., wanting to pick up Lin Langyi and go to the airport together.
Lin Langyi didn't come down for a long time. If they didn't go to the airport soon, they would miss their reserved flight. Cheng Yanjin finally got out of the car and went to the front desk to ask. He learned that Lin Langyi had to go on a short business trip today.
She didn't tell him that the distance across the city, and the even more ethereal and unpredictable connection between them, as fragile as a spider's thread, nearly snapped his already precarious nerves.
Cheng Yanjin stood at the front desk in a daze for a while, then lowered his head and said, "Thank you."
He returned to the parking lot, but instead of leaving, he sat in the driver's seat, waiting for her like a frozen sculpture.
There have been countless such waits: the night he didn't come home, the time he was too afraid to go upstairs after returning from a business trip, and the countless nights he came and went after they were separated by distance, just to look up at the light on in her office.
It's okay, he's willing to wait many more times.
It wasn't until around 11 p.m. that Cheng Yanjin saw the company car bring him back.
As the car's headlights shone on him, his lifeless pupils finally stirred, as if he had finally come back to life.
He stared intently as the company shuttle bus parked, then blinked his eyes, which were dry and sore from being lost in thought for so long, pushed open the door, and walked towards the shuttle bus.
Lin Langyi got off the car, looking travel-worn, carrying her luggage. She paused for a moment when she saw Cheng Yanjin. The managers who had accompanied her on the business trip noticed her and teased, "Chairwoman Lin, is that your boyfriend?"
She snapped out of her reverie and, instead of continuing the conversation, earnestly introduced him: "The future successor of the Cheng family, haven't you read the company's shareholder register carefully? It's Cheng Yanjin."
Her evasiveness was subtle, like playing Tai Chi, and she spoke in a joking tone. After finishing, she told everyone to go home and rest early, and that they could take time off to make up for their business trip.
Which worker doesn't like going home early? Which worker is willing to stand at the company gate late at night chatting with the boss? Since Lin Langyi said so, it's natural to go along with it.
After everyone had left, she turned to him, showing no embarrassment at their reunion after a suspected breakup. Instead, she smiled slightly and asked, "Have you been waiting long?"
That's just too much!
It's almost like a real-world application of the abandoned cat effect.
Cheng Yanjin had spent so long alone in his empty room, experiencing the feeling of being neglected and abandoned for so long, and torturing himself every day and night by desperately reflecting on and reviewing his past actions. He had almost reached the point of utter despair. Today, when he came to pick her up but missed her, it was as if the last straw broke the camel's back. He had already accepted the outcome of being disappointed once again.
"No, no," he shook his head vigorously, suppressing the soreness rising in his nose, "I just arrived not long ago."
Lin Langyi opened her phone, swiped her finger across the screen, and turned it over to show him: "But the receptionist said you came to ask about my schedule before you left work in the evening?"
He couldn't think of a reply for a moment; the moment he saw her, his mind seemed to go blank.
"You should go back first. We won't be on the same flight." Lin Langyi glanced at his exposed forearm and noticed that he seemed to have lost a lot of weight. She paused slightly and tried to soften her tone. "There will be a lot of people at the funeral. If we go back together, all those rumors that started because we're in different places will be for nothing."
He remained silent, burying his head even deeper. Two drops of water quickly dripped from the concrete surface of the parking lot, like raindrops that slid down to his feet before the rain.
She paused.
I just want to break up with her, not that I want to make her cry...
"Look..." she said, bending each finger down one by one, "Now you have money, freedom, and—"
"Are you hungry?" He suddenly looked up, his red eyes flashing briefly. He didn't wipe or rub them, but just repeatedly brushed his thick, stiff eyelashes across his light-colored pupils, and whispered, "You always get hungry after eating airplane food, and the company shuttle doesn't have any food. It's already this late, how about I take you to get some late-night snacks?"
He raised both hands, which still bore burn marks, but he displayed them as if they were medals. He then spoke with the trepidation of a child who had just scored 80 points on a test and was eager to show the paper to a parent who hoped their child would succeed. He guessed at her expression and said, "Lin Langyi, I can cook now. Not just steaming and boiling, I can also fry and stir-fry."
Lin Langyi's gaze unconsciously lingered between his outstretched hands. The irregular scars left by the burns were like pieces of cloth of different colors sewn onto a rag doll. Because the most suitable colors were not matched, the reddish or brownish skin looked out of place, like the worst embroidery.
She opened her mouth, but didn't say anything immediately.
She had seen some old wounds on him. So long ago, the scars had faded into thin, light-colored stripes, like the scales of a fish moving as it breathes, reflecting a faint silvery-white light.
She remembered his previous dismissive attitude towards these injuries. He could recall which sporting competition he was injured in, some from fights, and others he said he couldn't remember.
But in any case, the fact that burn scars from being splashed with boiling oil appeared on his body was almost unheard of.
The long-distance relationship made him quickly learn to cook, but for her, it was like blocking and deleting a contact number. Because they hadn't seen each other for a long time, when she got off the bus and saw him waiting quietly, she didn't even notice whether her feelings had changed at that moment.
but.
“Go back,” she said.
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked stubbornly a second time.
Lin Langyi was indeed quite hungry, her stomach was empty. She wanted to squeeze out time to return to City A, so she had reduced her sleep these past few days. She didn't even eat the in-flight meal on the plane, sleeping from takeoff to landing, just to catch up on sleep.
but.
She was afraid that her stomach would rumble at this very moment, so she pretended not to know, pressing one hand to her stomach and shaking her head, "I'm not hungry. You should go back to City A as soon as possible. If I can't make it to the funeral, I'll apologize to Yuan Chuyu myself."
After she finished speaking, she turned and walked towards her parking space, ignoring the silent man behind her.
He didn't chase after her. As Lin Langyi drove home, she kept glancing at her rearview mirror. When she saw that there were really no other vehicles following behind, she couldn't help but chuckle. She felt that she had really lost her basic judgment because of his crying. This wasn't a movie. Cheng Yanjin was tied up with the company, and he had to go back eventually.
Back home, Lin Langyi didn't even unpack her luggage; she went straight to the refrigerator to see what food she had.
After opening the app, she remained silent for a few seconds, then closed it and took out her phone to order takeout.
At this hour, let's get some barbecue or fried skewers.
Before she had even finished ordering her food, Cheng Yanjin's video call suddenly popped up. Lin Langyi couldn't stop her fingers from frantically clicking on the grilled pork belly and immediately pressed the answer button.
The screen didn't light up after the call connected. It took Lin Langyi a long time to realize that the camera was pointing at a vast ocean, which looked as deep and dark as ink under the pale moonlight.
She could clearly hear the sound of waves crashing against the rocks, like muffled fireworks exploding.
"Cheng—!" She slammed the bottle of sparkling water she had just opened onto the table, her voice rising abruptly.
The camera pans across a view of many crushed aluminum cans, some standing and some lying down, spinning in the sea breeze.
This is clearly on a large rock.
Lin Langyi's temples throbbed, and she pulled the chair out, making a sharp screech on the floor.
Cheng Yanjin held the camera up to his face. His head rested on the uneven rocks, and his Adam's apple became more prominent when he tilted his head back. He held the phone very close to his face with his raised hand, and the close proximity made his light brown eyes bright and spirited. Drinking had not dulled the light in his eyes; on the contrary, it made him appear more attached and nostalgic under the thin moonlight.
Who goes to the beach in the middle of the night?!
If it wasn't to watch the sunrise, then—judging from the way he was shed tears just now, it didn't seem like he was watching the sunrise.
Could Cheng Yanjin be contemplating suicide by jumping into the sea?!
This isn't the first or second time this guy has done something that causes brainstem defects.
Lin Langyi calmed himself down and tried to suppress the chaotic thoughts in his mind... No matter what, he couldn't let anything happen to him.
She had intended to tie her hair up while waiting for dinner, but she casually tossed the hair tie on the table. She didn't even have time to grab the phone stand from the room, so she grabbed a tissue box from the table and used it as a makeshift stand. Then, suppressing her emotions, she asked in a low voice, "What are you doing?"
Cheng Yanjin was probably drunk; he didn't answer, but stared intently at the swaying ends of her hair in front of her on the screen. Suddenly, he smiled and said:
“Lin Langyi, I remember the first time you spent the night in my room, you also peeked half your head out from the edge of the bed and looked down at me sleeping on the floor like this… I keep thinking about the past lately, over and over again.”
He gestured in front of himself: "Back then, I felt that your long hair hanging down from the bedside was like Rapunzel in the Tower of Pisa, as if I could reach out and climb up the tower along your hair to get to you."
His expression held a forced lightness tinged with melancholy, as if he were watching a joyous funeral, the cheerful and lively music setting off a tragic conclusion.
Lin Langyi was in a state of turmoil. When she first discovered that Cheng Yanjin had tacitly approved of this strange three-way relationship, she thought that he, like her, was viewing this marriage with a rebellious and mischievous mindset. Therefore, the closer they got to being free, the more outrageous he became.
When faced with Meng Huilin, Xiang Shuo, and others, or with Feng Congning and Cheng Yangkang, the stubbornness of her escaping when pushed too far surged within her like fire. She was completely ruining a marriage alliance with a "what's the use" attitude.
Cheng Yanjin wants freedom, doesn't she want it too?
She didn't want to get married so early at all.
She thought maliciously that even though the marriage between the two families was as fragile as a piece of paper on the surface, it was she who had initially maintained it. At first, he didn't cooperate, and now she wasn't cooperating and wanted to tear up the paper. That was fair.
Looking back, a large part of the excessive things she did to Cheng Yanjin stemmed from his status as the party in the arranged marriage. Because of this status, she kept lowering his rating.
As for Yuan Chuyu, as a completely unexpected third party, she initially did not want to involve him. However, later, perhaps because he represented her Shangri-La during her rebellious phase, she went to find him despite the marriage contract and behind his best friend's back. This multiple identity gave her a mine-sweeping mentality, not knowing when everyone would explode together.
Original--
Yuan Chuyu's face flashed through her mind, and then her thoughts abruptly stopped.
Lin Langyi refocused her attention on the vast ocean on the screen in front of her.
From Cheng Yanjin's initial confrontational attitude to his later feigned indifference, and now to the tears he sheds when freedom is within his grasp, each change surprises her and emboldens her to become increasingly audacious.
She only cared about doing whatever she wanted, never considering what the two remaining people in this drama should do. She pretended not to see the subtle and overt tensions and undercurrents.
There was no coercion or pressure, so what does she need to explain? If they're unhappy or dissatisfied, they can simply leave on their own.
Just like this sudden, unexpected long-distance disconnection and cold violence, she laid this trap, waiting like a snare for the other party to fall into, or rather, forcing the other party to break down first and then break up.
Lin Langyi's mind was churning with all sorts of thoughts, but at this moment, calming people down was still the top priority.
She frowned, pondering how to approach the conversation—should she casually fabricate some clumsy anecdotes, or concoct some sensationalist fake news to change the mood?
Cheng Yanjin suddenly spoke up: "Lin Langyi, let me braid your hair."
He started the conversation, and Lin Langyi immediately abandoned her own efforts and followed up with, "You can braid braids too?"
She genuinely didn't know.
Did he not only improve his cooking skills during this time, but also learn how to braid hair?
“Hmm.” Cheng Yanjin touched her black hair on her cheek with reluctance through the screen. “After my mother was diagnosed with the disease, she knew that she would definitely lose her hair, so at that time she took me to a charity event to visit the children and participate in the Green Hair Project.”
The sudden mention of Qiao Wan immediately set off alarm bells in Lin Langyi's mind. Such a sad topic was really not suitable to be brought up on a rock surrounded by the sea in the middle of the night.
Cheng Yanjin said, "I grew my hair out. Back then, I didn't have a buzz cut; it was shoulder-length. I was always going against that bald headmaster. Later, I wanted it to grow faster, so I braided it every day. My mom saw that I braided it too tightly and it looked ugly, so she taught me how to braid my hair."
Lin Langyi was taken aback: "When you were a teenager, you had long hair. Didn't the boys around you laugh at you?"
"Who dares to laugh at me?" He waved his fist at the camera with little intimidation. "I'm a fierce fighter, and nobody dares to mess with me."
“At that time, I was quite glad that I had never dyed my hair, otherwise I really wouldn’t have been able to participate in the Green Hair Project…” He smiled at the camera, his teeth were white, but the corners of his eyes drooped down. “It was also because my mother wouldn’t let me dye my hair. I don’t listen to anyone else, but I listen to my mother a little. I’ve said before, why does my mother only care about me dyeing my hair and not about me growing it long… It turns out that my mother already knew that she was sick.”
Lin Langyi had completely lowered her arms, sat in the chair, and quietly looked at him with her eyes downcast.
Cheng Yanjin continued recounting the past, using the same joking tone he had used earlier, as if he were talking about a trivial matter like accidentally spilling wine at a dinner table.
"Back then, I really went to great lengths to grow my hair long. You've seen those health ads online that are just for fooling the elderly, right? Back then, I ate black sesame seeds, walnuts, and almonds all the time. Milk, eggs, fish, and meat were my daily meals. After eating, I would go to exercise. My mom would sit in the audience and watch me practice the moves over and over again. Oh right, I also ate flaxseed. I really felt disgusted by it, but I would rinse it with water, tilt my head back, and gulp it down."
"Back then, the old man said that I was extremely picky about food when I was little. Forcing me to eat food I didn't like was like poisoning me. But I was able to put up with it later, haha."
The phone shook, and it looked as if his head was swaying from side to side. The image was blurry, so much so that when he turned his head and rubbed his cheek against his shoulder, she couldn't tell if it was a tear.
“I also find it strange. When I was little, no matter how much people forced me, I wouldn’t eat those things…” Cheng Yanjin swallowed and took a short breath. “Later, I really regretted it. I should have, I should have eaten properly a long time ago.”
His eyelashes trembled, and later he blinked frequently and briefly, avoiding the camera as he said, "In that case, the braid that was cut off back then might have been a little longer, and my mom might have been able to see me donating my hair."
"My hair wasn't long enough when my mom passed away."
“I braid and tie my hair every day. I read that people say that tying your hair in braids often will make it grow faster, so I tie it up in the air when I sleep and just sleep like that.”
"Cheng Yanjin." Lin Langyi suddenly interrupted him. Her heartbeat was blurry and heavy. She still didn't want him to recall these things under these circumstances.
That's too dangerous.
But he was even more stubborn and continued, "I've thought about it, and in my whole life, I've always realized things when it's too late and started frantically trying to salvage them. I missed it once, and I thought there wouldn't be a second time."
His expression was blank as he stared at her bright screen on his phone, the camera shaky and the shadows flickering, like a lonely planet in the universe.
"You are like a disease that was suddenly diagnosed, catching me off guard. When I discovered you, it was like a nail stuck in my brain. I couldn't do anything about it, but thinking of you sometimes hurts. It keeps reminding me of your existence."
Lin Langyi never expected to hear such words from him one day.
But she still wouldn't budge: "Then pull the nail out. Nobody needs a nail. It's just an accident, something that happens when you fall or get hit in a way you didn't want, that gets into your brain."
Cheng Yanjin's eyes were like a stone that had fallen into the deep sea. He mechanically reached into his coat, pulled out a pack of cigarettes, tilted it and shook out two, lowered his head and bit one, pressed the other with his index finger, twisted his wrist and put it back, then threw the cigarette pack aside.
This was the first time she had seen him smoke. Lin Langyi frowned, looking at his obviously practiced posture, and remembered the time he came back from a business trip covered in the smell of smoke... He must have learned to smoke back then.
But he didn't smoke when she was in City A, but now he's started carrying a cigarette pack with him.
With no shelter, the wind howled in. Cheng Yanjin tilted his head to shield himself from the wind, then lit a cigarette.
The lighter was also tossed aside, and the dark red glow of the cigarette butt only lasted for a moment before fading away, and even the wisps of smoke were scattered by the wind.
He took only one puff, then put his hand down, letting the cigarette burn slowly between his fingers.
He said, "But Lin Langyi, if you pull the nail out of her head, she'll die, won't she?"
"Cheng Yanjin." Lin Langyi paused for two seconds before speaking, "Even when Aunt Qiao Wan was sick, she still took you to Thorn Park and to charity organizations. She had high hopes for you and wanted to leave you with a lot of love. No matter what, you must do the right thing. People live for themselves. You can't give up your destination just because other passengers get off midway."
"Who am I doing the right thing for?" He slowly shook his head, his face blank. "Who am I sharing it with? Whose smile do I want to see? Whose praise do I want to receive? What's the point of me reaching my destination?"
"you--"
"Lin Langyi, everyone needs something to look forward to. I used to think I had no one left that I wanted to cherish and hold onto, but..."
“When my mother passed away, I was still bottling flaxseed. I didn’t add enough water, and most of the flaxseeds in the jar accidentally spilled in. It was awful, impossible to chew, all those little grains, slippery and sticky, and it caused bloating and stomach pain.” He spoke at this point, his breathing becoming labored, his chest heaving, his emotions surging like waves. He could no longer hold back. “I drank that cup of flaxseed for a long time. I felt so disgusted that I never wanted to see that stuff again. It was in my stomach, it was in my body, and I felt like I would never be able to digest it for the rest of my life.”
"It really tastes awful..." His eyes were red, and tears streamed down his face as if he had given up resisting. "Lin Langyi, I don't want to eat it again, please, it really tastes awful."
“I don’t care, really,” his body felt like it was wrapped in tape, unable to move, but his grip on the phone tightened, as if he wanted to reach her through the screen the next second. “At first I wanted to find out the truth, but when I actually found out, I regretted it every single day.”
The belated confession and argument, all the effort to swallow the bitter pill for so long, were finally brought up again because of her resolute decision to cut ties.
He finally made himself clear, and on an unnamed rock by the shore, tears streaming down his face, he said:
"I regret letting the wolf into the house, I regret all the awful things I did before, and I regret realizing my feelings for you so late. Even before I had unknowingly put you in my heart, you were different to me a long time ago."
"It's my fault, it's all my fault, I..." He was breathless and started coughing violently in his emotional state, each cough more painful than the last.
Lin Langyi was speechless.
"My biggest regret is..." He managed to catch his breath, his throat choked, and his hand holding the cigarette helplessly shielded his face. The lit cigarette touched his cheek, and the flame suddenly brightened for a moment as if in a final burst of light. Gray smoke billowed out, and a blister immediately appeared near his chin.
Her voice suddenly rose: "Hey! Cheng Yanjin, your cigarette!"
He was completely unaware and said blankly, "What I regret most is not hiding my emotions. I should have pretended not to know and shouldn't have broken down like that. If I had been more mature and helped you cover things up, would you still have stayed by my side?"
The shock of actually hearing those words from his mouth was completely different from the feeling of vaguely realizing it.
She found it hard to believe that the spirited and unruly Cheng Yanjin would say such a thing.
If six months ago, someone had told him that he would accept his fiancée's infidelity and even help her cover it up, desperately trying to keep the relationship a secret and continue this self-deceiving, pretentious peaceful life.
She couldn't even imagine how Cheng Yanjin would beat up the person who said those ridiculous things.
Lin Langyi asked, "I've always wanted to ask you, why did you pretend you didn't know? Was there any point?"
“Yes,” he said, “because I know you wouldn’t choose me if we were on equal footing.”
“The only thing I have more than him is our marriage contract. I can’t live without it, and I have to protect it. So I should pretend I don’t know anything… It’s my fault for not doing things right, which is why things have turned out this way and there’s no going back.”
“Very well, Cheng Yanjin, now that we’ve laid everything out, listen carefully,” Lin Langyi sat up straight, opened her shoulders, and poured out everything she wanted to say.
"I absolutely, absolutely will not accept this engagement."
He looked over with red eyes.
Lin Langyi said, "Its existence constantly reminds me of my failures and how difficult it is to refuse something when I have no voice."
“I could have refused from the beginning. I could have either run away from home or watched Ying Shan Lake rot in my hands. But that’s not resistance, that’s self-destruction. My brother would be making great strides while I’m left to suffer in the corner.”
“You are all like me. You, Zhuang Lan, Yuan Chuyu, before you have something in your own hands, anyone can come and trample on you.”
"I can tell whether to temporarily accept an arranged marriage and gamble on the future, or to shout and protest when I am powerless and then lose even more of my own chips."
“From the moment the engagement was made, I wanted to redeem my freedom. As you said at the beginning, I only have a two-year limit. Whether there is someone else or not, I am going to leave.”
She said, "When I have a choice, the first thing I do is to remove this countdown that's been weighing on my head, and no one can stop me."
"Who I'm with should be entirely my decision, not some bullshit arrangement. By breaking up with you, I'm distancing myself from this arranged marriage. So, do you understand what I mean now?"
The cigarette burned to its last bit, leaving a slight burn at his fingertips. Cheng Yanjin gently twitched his wrist and silently stubbed out the cigarette with his fingers.
As the last wisp of smoke dissipated, his hand was completely lowered and removed from the camera's view, so that it was impossible to see whether burn scars had also appeared on his fingertips.
“So long-distance relationships are a good reason.” He seemed to have been drawn out of his breath, his voice very soft.
"It's good for both of us, a great excuse." Lin Langyi leaned back in her chair. "Remember to stick to the same story."
There was a long silence, so long that there was no sound on or off the screen except for the ebb and flow of the tide.
“I understand,” he said. “I know what to do.”
He said, "Don't worry, leave it to me."
The video call went very smoothly for Lin Langyi. After she finished speaking, she remembered that Cheng Yanjin was still on the reef.
“Then you should go back,” she repeated.
"I'll bring you some late-night snacks and then I'll leave." He turned his head to his shoulder, wiped away his tears haphazardly, and even after everything was made clear, he was still thinking of bringing her food.
Did he understand?!
Lin Langyi initially wanted to refuse, but then she thought, isn't this a good opportunity to get people off that dark, gloomy rock?
Cheng Yanjin stood up abruptly, and the phone camera suddenly zoomed out, making people dizzy.
Lin Langyi frowned as she looked down at the even more precipitous rocks and surging waves from the perspective of the shot taken from above.
He collected all the empty wine cans and took them away.
The camera suddenly shifts back to the beach, where rows of brightly lit lights hang in the distance. Beach umbrellas resemble mushrooms growing on the seashore, each with a bustling crowd beneath it. Candles glow brightly on the tables, revealing what appear to be barbecue stalls.
Lin Langyi finally recognized where she was.
The busiest seaside night market at this time of day is filled with people enjoying beer and barbecue.
"I ordered a lot of kebabs for you. I read the reviews, and this place has the best charcoal-grilled pork belly." Cheng Yanjin's face was not visible on camera, but his voice came through the screen. "Their business is so good that there's always a queue. It's probably almost done now, so I'll go and bring it over for you."
"Wait a minute." Lin Langyi said with a long face and no expression, "What are you doing at the beach so late at night?"
"I'll buy you a late-night snack."
"So you're drinking on the rocks?"
He paused for a moment before his voice came through, then choked up again: "I'm so sad, Lin Langyi. They're all in pairs, and I'm all alone... I can't stop thinking about you, so I came here all by myself."
Heaven knows he was such a crybaby; after only a couple of sentences, he started sniffling again: "I only dared to call you after I'd been drinking..."
Lin Langyi's mind was filled with the words "jump into the sea," and she finally put a big X on it.
"roll."
She was concise and to the point.
"What?" A head, ruffled by the sea breeze, popped out again. He moved closer to the beach, and the light from not far away finally made his face slowly appear on the screen, his eyes red and swollen from crying.
Lin Langyi stood up and moved out of the frame, the chair being pulled out with a dull thud once more.
"Go back."
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