White dew turns to frost
By the time the White Dew solar term arrives, the heat hasn't completely subsided, but a noticeable coolness has settled in the mornings and evenings. In the morning, tiny, glittering dewdrops often condense on the leaves of plants. As the sun rises, they evaporate without a trace. The sky becomes higher, the clouds thinner, and the air becomes a little drier and clearer.
Ye Shu noticed these subtle changes. When he woke up in the morning, he would lie still for a moment longer than usual in the summer, feeling the refreshing rush of the cool air outside the quilt against his skin. He still drank hot tea, but he seemed to hold the cup longer, his fingertips more eager for the gentle warmth.
When Chen Xu arrived, he was wearing a light jacket. He seemed to have less time to himself lately. The impatience of deadlines had faded, replaced by a kind of... hesitant, sullen expression. He no longer barked as soon as he entered the room. Sometimes he would just slump silently on the sofa, staring blankly at the ceiling, or scrolling aimlessly on his phone, his eyes unfocused.
When Ye Shu made tea, he would place an extra cup beside him. Sometimes Chen Xu would take a sip, and sometimes he would let the tea slowly cool until Ye Shu silently took it away and refilled it with hot water.
That evening, the setting sun dyed the sky a soft orange-pink, and the light filtered through the windows, painting the room with a warm hue. Chen Xu returned, carrying a bag of sugar-roasted chestnuts, warm and emitting a sweet aroma of caramel and nuts.
"I saw it on the street and bought it because it smelled good." He put the bag on the table, peeled one and put it in his mouth, mumbling, "Hmm, it's quite sweet."
Ye Shu looked at the dark brown, shiny chestnuts in the oil-paper bag and did not touch anything.
Chen Xu peeled several and ate them with gusto. Seeing that Ye Shu didn't move, he pushed the bag and said, "Try it. It tastes better when it's hot."
Ye Shu then reached out and picked up a chestnut. The shell was hard, with a rough, roasted texture. He tried pinching it with his fingernails, but it didn't budge.
Chen Xu looked at his clumsy appearance and chuckled. "Oh, that's not how you peel it!" He picked up a chestnut and squeezed its flat base with his fingers. The shell cracked open, and then he easily broke it open, pulling out the whole, golden chestnut flesh. "You have to be more skillful. See, like this."
He handed the peeled chestnut meat to Ye Shu.
Ye Shu took it and put it in his mouth. The soft, sweet taste melted on his tongue, with the aroma of charcoal fire, it was a very down-to-earth and simple autumn taste.
"How is it?" Chen Xu asked expectantly.
"Sweet." Ye Shu gave his usual evaluation, but his tone seemed a little softer than usual.
Chen Xu smiled with satisfaction and continued to shell chestnuts. Soon, a small pile of chestnut shells piled up in front of him. He ate intently, occasionally sighing with satisfaction. The sweet aroma of the sugar-roasted chestnuts seemed to temporarily dispel the dullness.
Ye Shu watched him eat, occasionally picking up a piece and peeling it slowly and laboriously. His movements were still slow and methodical, with the seriousness of a researcher.
After finishing his chestnuts, Chen Xu licked his fingers contentedly. He looked out the window at the sinking sun and the lights starting to light up. The smile on his face slowly faded, and the melancholy returned like a tide.
He was silent for a while, then suddenly said without thinking, "Ye Shu, I seem... a little confused."
Ye Shu was carefully sweeping chestnut shells into the trash can. He did not stop when he heard the words, but just turned his head very slightly to show that he was listening.
"It's just... I suddenly don't know what to do next." Chen Xu's voice was a little low, with a rare hint of confusion. "The project is finished, and there's nothing new for a while. Going to work and coming home every day, eating and sleeping, it seems... boring." He scratched his head. "Other people seem to have clear goals: promotions and salary increases, buying a house and a car, getting married and having children... the path is clear. But sometimes when I look at it, I feel... it's quite boring."
He paused, as if gathering his thoughts, or perhaps mustering the courage to voice a deeper unease. "I even...even feel that even if I get those, it's just like that? And then what? Will it be the same cycle again? Then why am I so busy now?"
After he finished speaking, he let out a long sigh as if he had unloaded a heavy burden, then looked at Ye Shu a little embarrassedly, waiting for his reaction, perhaps a sharp comment, or perhaps a deeper "venomous tongue".
But Ye Shu just listened quietly. He poured out the last of the chestnut shells, washed his hands, and dried them with a cloth. Then he walked to the window and looked outside.
The sky was getting darker, the outlines of the buildings in the distance were blurred, and the lights were becoming more dense and brighter.
"Dew," Ye Shu suddenly said, his voice as calm as usual, "condenses in the morning and dries up at sunrise. No one asks why."
Chen Xu was stunned for a moment, not understanding how this had anything to do with his confusion.
"Leaves turn yellow in autumn and fall. They grow green in spring. No one asks why." Ye Shu continued, his gaze still fixed on the dark night outside the window. "The river flows eastward, day and night. No one asks why."
He turned and looked at Chen Xu. The light from the window formed a halo behind him, making his face a little blurry. Only his light-colored eyes remained clear, calmly reflecting Chen Xu's confused face.
"That's all they are," Ye Shu said. "Exist, change, disappear, and then exist again. That's all."
He walked towards Chen Xu and sat down across from the coffee table again, his eyes fixed on the dark brown, cold chestnut shells.
"Your confusion," he gently tapped the remaining shells, "lies in your constant desire to find an answer to the 'why' of 'existence' itself."
Chen Xu was stunned and stared at him blankly.
"Getting a promotion and a raise, buying a house and a car are processes, not goals. Getting married and having children are experiences, not the end." Ye Shu's voice was low, but like a small hammer, it gently struck at Chen Xi's entrenched understanding. "You get it, you experience it, and then what? Then it's a new process, a new experience. Until the end."
"Then... what's the meaning?" Chen Xu struggled to ask, his voice dry.
"Meaning," Ye Shu's lips seemed to move ever so slightly, like an illusory ripple. "It's the glittering moment of dew before it evaporates in the sun. It's the arc of a falling leaf. It's the power of a rushing river. It's..." His eyes swept over the chestnut shells. "It's the sweet fragrance and warmth of these sugar-roasted chestnuts, fresh from the pan."
He raised his eyes and looked directly at Chen Xu: "It's not in some distant, future destination. It's right here, right now, in the air you breathe, in the confusion you feel, in the taste of the chestnut you just ate."
The room was completely silent, with only the eternal, low breathing of the city outside the window.
Chen Xu's heart felt like it had been gently bumped by something. It didn't hurt, but it jarred him slightly. The things he had been chasing, anxious about, and confused about suddenly became light and weightless in the face of Ye Shu's words.
Yes, the dew existed, even if briefly, and that moment of brilliance was all it had. The leaf grew and fell, and that arc was its shape. Wasn't his current bewilderment and confusion itself proof that he was alive and thinking?
Trying to attribute a grand and distant meaning to everything may itself be a futile form of self-torture.
Existence itself, experience itself, is the meaning.
He lowered his head, looking at his fingers, still stained with sugar, and then at the pile of cold chestnut shells. The soft, sweet taste from just now seemed to still linger on his tongue.
A strange calm, like an evening breeze, slowly blew away the fog in his heart. The confusion did not completely disappear, but it was no longer a heavy mountain, but a mist that he could live with.
"I seem to... understand a little bit." He said softly, as if talking to himself.
Ye Shu said nothing more. He picked up the now-cold teacup and slowly poured the remaining tea into the soil of the pot of green radish on the windowsill. The water seeped in silently.
Chen Xu also calmed down, no longer anxious, no longer trying to find an answer. He simply imitated Ye Shu, watching the increasing number of lights outside the window, feeling the cool air of this autumn night, and savoring the sweet aroma of chestnuts lingering in his mouth.
White dew turns to frost and the weather turns cooler.
But some frozen things seemed to melt silently.
When Chen Xu left, he didn't discuss those grand conversations about the future and meaning. He simply pointed to the few cold chestnuts left on the table and said, "I'll save these for you to eat tomorrow. They're cold, but they still taste good."
Ye Shu nodded slightly.
The door closed gently.
Silence returned to the apartment. Ye Shu walked to the table and picked up a cold chestnut. The shell had become somewhat hard.
He walked to the window and watched Chen Xu's figure blend into the crowd on the street downstairs.
Then, he lowered his head and began to peel the cold chestnut carefully and patiently. His movements were still slow, but with an unprecedented concentration and peace.
Outside the window, the autumn night is deep.
And existence itself, without the need for answers, is enough.
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