resentment
As soon as Shangguan Zeyu turned his back, Jiang Yan couldn't help but let out a big sigh of relief, and the teasing smile on Shangguan Zeyu's face became even brighter.
Shangguan Zeyu should be going to soak in the hot springs. Jiang Yan was bored and started walking around his bedroom.
Shangguan Zeyu's bedroom has a desk, which is where he often handles official business. However, it is said that he actually has a study in other places, but he rarely goes there.
Jiang Yan glanced warily at the spot where Shangguan Zeyu had disappeared, then tentatively sat down in the chair that looked like it was made of sandalwood, which was in front of the desk where Shangguan Zeyu usually sat.
The chair was hard and cold, but for some reason, Jiang Yan felt a warmth and softness when she sat on it.
Jiang Yan thoroughly enjoyed the sandalwood chair, then pretended to be Shangguan Zeyu, who was often on official business, before getting up and going to the window.
It seems that in Jiang Yan's memory, Shangguan Zeyu had never opened this window.
Jiang Yan couldn't help but wonder what was behind that window and why he never opened it. Of course, Jiang Yan also thought it was possible that she wasn't there when Shangguan Zeyu opened it.
Jiang Yan was genuinely curious, and also because she was extremely bored, she squinted and pressed her face against the window, peering out carefully. However, even with her eyes squinted as much as possible, she still couldn't make out any of the scenery outside.
She strained her eyes as wide as she could, but still saw nothing. So she decided to quietly open the window, peek out, and then quickly close it again.
Feeling guilty, Jiang Yan glanced nervously in the direction Shangguan Zeyu had left before secretly opening the window, then tiptoed and slowly pushed the window open.
Jiang Yan guessed that there must be a special view outside the window, otherwise Shangguan Zeyu wouldn't always keep it closed. However, when she nervously pushed the window open...
Well, that's certainly a unique sight!
The window faces a waterfall and a hot spring beneath it.
Shangguan Zeyu was facing away from her, intently taking a bath. His long, ink-black hair clung wetly to his left side, making his back appear even whiter and smoother. And his arms—she had once thought they must be the hard, muscular kind of rough man, but after that night, upon closer inspection today, they were actually delicate muscles. However, this did not diminish his immense strength or martial prowess in the slightest.
His waist was probably about the same thickness as hers. She could hardly believe that such a great general, who had fought on the battlefield and escaped death, would have a waist as slender as that woman's.
It's truly astonishing!
His buttocks, legs, and feet were all submerged in the water, so nothing could be seen. But based on what he felt that night, Jiang Yan guessed that his lower body must be as strong as his upper body, or even stronger. After all, that's what riding and kicking horses is all about!
His skin was so beautiful—smooth, delicate, and warm—completely different from hers, which was always so cold. As Jiang Yan thought about it, she suddenly imagined how warm and comfortable it would be to sleep holding him in the dead of winter.
Shangguan Zeyu was so engrossed in taking a bath that he didn't notice a pair of unusually passionate eyes behind him, constantly lingering on his body and displaying an infatuated expression.
He only noticed her when he picked up a fallen red maple leaf from the spring and threw it out.
He was taken aback at first, then burst into laughter, a very happy and radiant laugh.
Jiang Yan stared at Shangguan Zeyu with a smile, her mouth agape with joy, but her eyes were unfocused, making it clear that she was daydreaming, imagining some wonderful things.
Looking at her entranced expression, Shangguan Zeyu couldn't help but laugh so hard his shoulders shook.
Jiang Yan didn't notice that Shangguan Zeyu had discovered her peeping. It was only when she heard the sound of the door being pushed open behind her that she was startled and hurriedly closed the window.
Shangguan Zeyu saw her guilty and flustered expression and couldn't help but laugh.
Who else could come to Shangguan Zeyu's study? It couldn't be Zhang Qin who doesn't knock, so it could only be Xiao Yiqing who doesn't knock.
Xiao Yiqing appeared with an excessively distorted and ferocious face.
Jiang Yan knew that she was jealous and hateful, so she wasn't angry. Instead, she looked at her with a pitiful expression.
"What kind of expression is that?" Xiao Yiqing was arrogant, unable to stop her sneer. "Are you pitying me? Do you even have the right to?"
Indeed, she is Xiao Yiqing, not just anyone. No matter how bumpy her future may be or how much fate may play tricks on her, she will still be proud and unyielding.
"Why don't you speak? Will you avoid the pain that's coming if you don't speak?" Xiao Yiqing looked at Jiang Yan with disdain.
Jiang Yan is no longer the person she once was. She has experienced so many ups and downs and has seen through many things. She is no longer fixated on right and wrong.
"Say what you have to say."
Xiao Yiqing couldn't help but laugh out loud. She might have thought she was laughing heartily and open-mindedly, but in reality, her face was full of heartache and her eyes were full of unbearable grief.
Jiang Yan is unwilling to accept or have love because she is afraid that one day, like all women like Xiao Yiqing, she will be immersed in the illusory and ever-changing vortex of love, unable to recognize herself and lose herself.
"Do you think he loves you? Do you think he can't live without you? Do you think you're special? Don't be silly! He only ever loves himself! Everything he does is for himself, without exception!!!" Xiao Yiqing's eyes were tired and lifeless, filled with resentment and unwillingness.
"You saw it too, so many women, Shen Qianqian, Wang Qianqian, Wu Lanyu, and those unknown women, which one of them had a good ending? Which one wasn't used and then discarded like trash by him? Do you want to follow in their footsteps?" Xiao Yiqing finished speaking with a half-smile and a half-crying tone, then suddenly glared at Jiang Yan with a fierce look.
Jiang Yan felt as if he had seen a dying, resentful beast struggling for its life. His heart skipped a beat, and a look of panic flashed across his face.
Why won't you let yourself off the hook?
Xiao Yiqing felt as if her deepest wound had been struck; her eyes instantly turned red, and she sneered, saying, "How do you know that what I'm doing isn't letting myself off the hook?" Then, glaring at Jiang Yan with resentful eyes, she cried out, "Why? Why did you come back after you left? If you had disappeared, if you had completely disappeared, the Prince would have fallen in love with me, and I wouldn't be suffering so much! It's all your fault!! Why did you come back!!!?"
The heart-wrenching screams were like the last struggles of a dying wild beast—meaningless and pathetic.
Jiang Yan genuinely felt sorry for her and said, "What's the point? What's the point of wasting your life by staying with someone who doesn't love you? In this vast world, aren't there other people you love?"
Xiao Yiqing wept silently.
She seemed to be saying to herself, and also to Jiang Yan: "You don't understand! You don't understand my heart, my love, and you certainly don't understand the bond between him and me! I love no one but him!!!"
Jiang Yan hadn't expected, or perhaps couldn't agree with, her stubborn insistence, and asked again, "Don't you love yourself? You don't even love yourself? How can you love someone who has no feelings for you?"
Xiao Yiqing suddenly stared at her with bloodshot eyes and said, "He loves me! Otherwise, he wouldn't be so forgiving towards me! He knows what I did, but he still chose to forgive me and let me return to the Prince's Mansion!! You don't understand at all!!!" By the end, she was in a state of frenzy.
Jiang Yan felt both pathetic and heartbroken. She was clearly consumed by her own obsession.
Xiao Yiqing suddenly calmed down, then pounced on Jiang Yan like a wolf, grabbing Jiang Yan's neck tightly with both hands. She glared at Jiang Yan hatefully and shouted angrily, "Go to hell! If you die, no one will fight me for him anymore! Go to hell! Go to hell!!"
Jiang Yan was terrified by her ferocious and crazed side. By the time she came to her senses, she was completely under her control and couldn't move at all, let alone try to break free from her hands that were tightly gripping her neck.
Xiao Yiqing's hands were still exerting force, and Jiang Yan felt like her eyes were about to explode. Her heart ached terribly, and she felt so suffocated.
While wiping his wet hair, Shangguan Zeyu was thinking about how to tease Jiang Yan. When he looked up and saw this scene, he was so frightened that he cried out "Ruyi!" and hurriedly ran over.
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