Chapter 243 Self-Injury
Mo Xiashuo's home is in the city, on the eighth floor, and there is a bay window in the bedroom.
Qiu Tingxu often liked to sit on the bay window, hugging his knees and looking down at the people coming and going.
The whole world is lively and safe, without any sense of crisis.
People on the street were either walking in a hurry or laughing and talking, but none of them were people he knew.
Mo Xiashuo had already delayed a lot of his studies because of him, and now he has returned to normal classes and cannot stay by his side all the time.
I have a lot on my mind, but I don't know who to talk to, and it's no use talking to them.
I don’t know what to do.
Qiu Tingxu sat on the bay window again, watching the sun rise in the east and set in the west. The clouds in the sky were crimson, without the inky dark clouds that he had long been accustomed to.
He suddenly remembered a question his Mediterranean philosophy teacher once asked him.
If taking a step forward means death and taking a step back also means death, what would you do?
How could he answer that at that time?
It seems like I should walk to the side. There are so many roads, why can I only choose to go forward or backward?
But teacher, now he really doesn’t know where the bypass is.
He pinched his arm unconsciously, as if he felt no pain at all, and inadvertently touched his smooth wrist.
I always feel like something is missing.
There are no scars, no scars that match Xu Yansheng's.
After staring blankly for a long time, he smiled bitterly and touched his wrist. His eyes could not hold back the tears that suddenly welled up in his eyes. They slid down his cheeks and fell on the wrist that was raised in front of him.
"How funny, Xu Yansheng. I told you that you were a love-brained person. Who knew that I would be so hurt after leaving you?"
"I'm in so much pain, how much pain should you be in..."
"The scars are gone, we can no longer be a couple..."
"...No, no, we are destined to be a couple. Don't worry, I will definitely find a way to come and find you."
He wiped away his tears, patted his cheeks, and went outside to get the takeaway that Mo Xiashuo had ordered for him.
It was already cold. Mo Xiashuo had reminded him of this for a long time, but he had no desire to eat and just ignored it.
But what can I do if I don’t eat it? Can you find a solution if you starve to death?
He knew he was facing reality negatively, but sometimes people really can't control their own behavior.
He seemed to have finally experienced what Xu Yansheng had felt before. He didn't want to talk or communicate. He could only immerse himself in his own world, gradually sinking and dying.
Qiu Tingxu ate the cold food mechanically. It didn't matter. He had lost his taste for it anyway. What difference did it make whether it was hot or cold?
After dinner, I went to take a shower like a ghost. As I was taking a shower, I didn’t know what I was thinking.
I put on my pajamas, all wet, and lay on the bed, hugging myself and starting to shiver.
It feels like it's cold, but also like it's something else.
I'm covered with a blanket, so why is it so cold?
Is it just because of the lack of an embrace?
But he couldn't find her. He couldn't find the person who wanted to hug him.
He suffered from insomnia until dawn, and when he finally fell into a drowsy sleep, he dreamed of Xu Yansheng.
Xu Yansheng in the dream was so fierce. He pinched his neck and asked him who he was.
In the dream, my face turned red because I couldn’t breathe.
Qiu Tingxu wanted to speak, but he couldn't say anything. The scene changed, and he saw Xu Yansheng's beautiful eyes were very red, covered with red bloodshot, looking scary and pitiful.
Seeing that Xu Yansheng's arm, which had finally calmed down, had new scratches and scars, the scars were clearly on Xu Yansheng's body, but Qiu Tingxu felt as if they had stabbed his eyes and dared not look at them anymore.
——Xu Yansheng! Xu Yansheng! Why are you hurting yourself again?
He wanted to shout, but he opened his eyes unexpectedly and saw the sun gradually rising outside the curtains that he had forgotten to close before going to bed.
A bit dazzling.
Qiu Tingxu closed his eyes as if he was not used to it, and his right hand unconsciously rubbed his left wrist.
Something is missing, something is really missing.
Like a wandering soul, he found a fruit knife, put the blade against his left wrist, and like a dumb puppet, he cut a mark expressionlessly.
The blood was so dense that it burned his eyes. In a trance, he seemed to see the marks on Xu Yansheng's arm again.
Qiu Tingxu was dazed for a while and finally came to his senses.
He threw away the fruit knife in fear, unplugged the charging cable from the power strip, and skillfully tied a knot around his upper arm.
He also found the first aid kit in Mo Xiashuo's house and bandaged his wound.
But after bandaging it, he began to think again, the reason why he was so familiar with this process was not because he had fought too much in the past. Who the hell always hurts their wrist in a fight?
It was obvious that he had helped Xu Yansheng treat his wounds too many times, and this set of procedures had been ingrained in him.
Xu Yansheng, Xu Yansheng, no matter what I do, I think of Xu Yansheng.
It’s all Xu Yansheng’s fault for being love-brained and insisting on clinging to him.
Now, both of us are in two different worlds and neither of us can forget the other.
You can just suffer as much as you want!
It's funny. If I were to travel back in time in this state, I wouldn't be able to save Xu Yansheng, let alone save myself.
So why? Why did he become like this?
Qiu Tingxu thought about it for a long time and attributed the reason to the devil's love.
Damn love, it's really killing me.
Isn't this something that only happens when one is in love? Why should a rational man like him be tortured like this?
Not to mention that he didn't understand, even Mo Xiashuo who came back to see him didn't understand either.
He frowned when he saw the well-packaged takeout at the door.
As soon as I opened the door to the living room, I smelled blood and my heart skipped a beat.
When I came in and saw the first aid kit on the coffee table, my heart skipped a beat again.
What the fuck happened? Did someone break into the house and rob it?
The person who came in hurriedly to look for Qiu Tingxu, fortunately, when he opened the bedroom door, he saw Qiu Tingxu sitting on the bay window with his legs crossed, looking at the sky.
Mo Xiashuo had just breathed a sigh of relief when his eyes flashed and he saw Qiu Tingxu's sloppily wrapped wrist.
"!!!"
"Fuck! Qiu Tingxu, what's wrong with your wrist?"
This was definitely not a home invasion, this was a fucking suicide attempt.
"You did it yourself, didn't you?"
Mo Xia Shuo was very angry. He unilaterally regarded his roommate as his brother of the opposite sex.
After escaping death several times, I can finally live a peaceful life, but I can't bear the thought of hurting myself.
He had not personally experienced what Qiu Tingxu had gone through, and could not understand why such a short period of time was enough to leave such a heavy mark in Qiu Tingxu's heart.
I'm just worried and angry at the same time.
I was worried that Qiu Tingxu would really be depressed and angry that he didn't cherish me.
Qiu Tingxu turned his head to look at him, revealing an illusory smile, "I'm sorry, I couldn't control myself, is it ugly?"
Mo Xiashuo was almost going crazy and walked back and forth several times.
"I'm sorry? Why are you saying sorry to me? The only one you're sorry to is yourself!"
"Qiu Tingxu, do you still remember what you looked like before?"
"You have to understand that only your former self, the cheerful and gentle one who loves the world and yourself and is full of life, can save someone like Xu Yansheng."
"What are you doing now? Are you working on the next Xu Yansheng?"
"Will there be another Qiu Tingxu to save you?"
"No! I tell you, no!"
"You have to save each other, you know that? Xu Yansheng is still over there, waiting for you to give him a confident and powerful Qiu Tingxu..."
So, you must cheer up.
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