Chapter 186 Weakness, I will always love you.
When Saren heard that her leader had taken a child out for a horse ride and had rescued a deserter from an enemy country, she felt like she was about to faint.
She coaxed her two restless children to sleep and hurried to the chief's tent. When she reached the door, she saw the chief standing by the curtain like a straight, unyielding log.
Saren: "?"
She felt that the leader was acting a little strange today.
Without thinking too much, Saren hurriedly called out, "Chief!"
"I heard you brought someone back. Where is that person?" Perhaps afraid of being overheard, Saren lowered his voice. "Where did you arrange for them to be placed?"
As she got closer, she noticed that Helian Chuan's face was strangely red.
Helian Chuan released his arm from his chest, coughed twice, seemingly trying to cover something up: "...in my tent."
Saren said urgently, "Chief! Why did you save that person? We are currently at war with Dongxi, and you are already facing much criticism within the tribe. If this matter gets out and reaches the King's ears—"
“I know.” Helian Chuan straightened up and looked at her. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell anyone else about this. I only told Tanna, Batu, you, Meiduo, and Xiaoye. I didn’t encounter any other tribesmen when I brought people back.”
“I had Tana clean her body, change her clothes, and bandage her wounds. There are the king’s spies among the doctors in the camp, so I had Tana fetch you. You can take her pulse, so please check if she has any internal injuries.”
Seeing that Helian Chuan also understood, Saren's anger subsided somewhat.
Looking at the child in front of her, whom she had practically raised and cared for since childhood, she couldn't bear to get angry with him. She sighed and said, "I understand."
Saren lifted the curtain and went inside, and from a distance he saw a person lying quietly on a bed covered with a long plush carpet and a tiger skin.
She lit the candle in the oil lamp, carried it forward, but suddenly froze by the bed.
The man's jet-black hair cascaded down from the bedside like a waterfall, his thin chin protruding from the dark ink, his soft, jade-like skin gleaming white.
A few sparks rose from the charcoal brazier placed to the side. She rested her head on the exquisite and vibrant floral pattern, yet she resembled Chang'e, the moon goddess.
After Saren went inside, Helian Chuan stayed by the curtain.
When the tent flap was lifted again, Saren crawled out and said, "I have done a general examination. There is no damage to the internal organs, and the external injuries are all superficial. The bones and muscles have not been affected. The dehydration and hunger are quite severe. He will be fully recovered after a few days of rest."
Helian Chuan breathed a sigh of relief for some reason, "That's good then."
As soon as he opened his eyes, he found Saren looking at him with a hesitant expression.
"...Chief." Saren opened his mouth, "Why didn't you tell me that you rescued a woman?"
She was also a woman of unparalleled beauty, capable of captivating a nation.
"..." Helian Chuan's face started burning again. "I didn't know at first either."
Saren's eyes widened, and his gaze toward Helian Chuan grew increasingly strange: "You didn't know? But you said you had Tana clean her body. If you didn't know she was a woman, why would you specifically ask Tana to come over? You could have just had your confidant Batu do these things."
Helian Chuan: "......."
Saren: "So, what did you do to that person after you returned to camp to find out she was a woman?"
"I didn't do anything! I just... I just thought I couldn't just leave her on the ground, so I thought I'd take off her dirty clothes and put her on the bed. Who knew that when I took them off..." Helian Chuan broke down under Saren's staring gaze and growled, "I stopped immediately, I really didn't see anything!"
Dongxi and Di Rong shared the same custom: neither of them recruited female soldiers during their campaigns. Naturally, he assumed that the person he had rescued was a man. Furthermore, the strange man's hair and clothes were dirty and disheveled, making it impossible to discern his gender, which further misled him.
Who knew that would be...
Helian Chuan was so embarrassed that he turned his head to the side, revealing only half of his burning red ear.
Saren looked at him, a hint of a smile in his eyes.
It was rare to see Helian Chuan so embarrassed and angry. This young leader was usually so reliable and mature that people often forgot he was just an eighteen or nineteen-year-old boy.
“I’ve watched you grow up since you were a child, and I know you best. Of course I trust you,” Saren said. “You brought her back not out of simple kindness, but for some other purpose, right?”
The crimson on Helian Chuan's face faded somewhat.
Dongxi did not have the habit of recruiting female soldiers, but he went to inquire about the front-line battles today and got some new information.
I heard that after Gu Baifeng died, the general guarding the border of Dongxi was a woman surnamed He, and the deputy general Fu Yao, who fought his brother to a standstill in the western border of Dongxi, was also a young woman. This shows that the days of having no female soldiers in the army are long gone.
He examined the short knife the woman carried; the patterns on the hilt gave him new ideas about her identity.
"Chief, what are you thinking?"
Helian Chuan touched the tip of his nose: "It's nothing."
As the two were chatting, Tana arrived, carrying a basket of goat's milk and several flatbreads smeared with meat gravy. She nodded to Helian Chuan, lifted the curtain to go in, intending to put the food down and leave, but met a pair of sharp eyes.
Tana let out a soft cry and hurriedly crawled out, the commotion drawing the attention of the two people standing by the curtain.
Helian Chuan reacted immediately and pulled the curtain open.
A gust of wind swept in, and the sparks in the charcoal brazier suddenly burst into a cluster with a dull yet sharp sound.
Helian Chuan's movements were frozen.
The woman he rescued was kneeling on a rug made of tiger skin.
Her long, jet-black hair, as dark as the night sky over the grasslands, flowed down her fair cheeks. Her eyes, which looked over, were like two cold stars embedded in the long night, shining brightly and radiating a captivating brilliance.
She wore only a white cotton dress, her hair loose and her face plain, sitting in the dim light of the tent. Without elaborate hair ornaments or perfume, she silently watched him, her aura imposing, her demeanor dignified, and her nobility beyond words.
Tana's voice, still shaken, came from behind: "I thought she was still asleep, but she's already awake..."
"girl."
The first to break the silence was Saren, who took the basket from Tanna, walked over quickly, and placed the basket on the footstool.
Although she had just been scolding Helian Chuan for meddling, in public she revealed her concern and kindness, looking at the woman on the bed like a mother looking at her child: "Are you feeling alright? Is there anything bothering you?"
Wei Yihua looked at her, gently shook her head, propped herself up and got out of bed, and bowed to her.
Seeing this, Saren quickly reached out to help her up, but she couldn't stop Wei Yihua's actions. She could only hurriedly advise, "Miss! Miss, please get up, there's no need for this..."
Wei Yihua insisted on finishing the ceremony, then looked up at them earnestly and said, "Thank you for saving me."
A soft snort came from the doorway.
Helian Chuan looked over with a half-smile, his tone languid, but his eyes seemed to be aiming at prey: "Don't be in such a hurry to thank me, I didn't save you because I'm kind-hearted."
Upon hearing this, Saren glared at Helian Chuan.
Wei Yihua raised her eyes and looked back at Helian Chuan: "I understand."
“As a tribal leader, you would never rescue someone from an enemy country without a reason, especially not during a war between two armies,” Wei Yihua said, observing Helian Chuan’s expression as he continued slowly, “but you still saved me and kept it a secret from everyone. This means that I might be of use to you.”
Helian Chuan had completely wiped the smile off his face, and his gaze toward Wei Yihua sharpened.
"Saren, you can go out first."
Saren stood up, looking at him with concern. Only after receiving a signal from Helian Chuan did she leave the tent, glancing back every few steps.
Only Helian Chuan and Wei Yihua remained in the tent.
"I never expected that someone I randomly rescued from the grasslands would be so clever." Helian Chuan took two steps closer, looking down at her. "I don't know how you came to that conclusion. Besides, why are you so sure I'm the leader?"
Wei Yihua did not back down despite his approaching aura, but instead looked up to meet his gaze.
Only when she got closer could she clearly see the face of the tall man in front of her.
Because of long-term exposure to wind and sand and scorching sun, his skin is a rare bronze color among the Dongxi people. Upon closer inspection, his facial features, which belong to the Di and Rong people, are also very obvious, with high brow bones and deep eye sockets.
Apart from that, the lower half of his face was exquisitely sculpted.
The appearance of the Di Rong people often has a rough and rugged feel, but he has deep-set eyebrows and eyes, as well as a finely sculpted nose and lips. With his perfectly narrow jaw, he looks incomparably handsome. When he smiles at people, he is lazy and nonchalant, and quite frivolous.
Thick, slightly wavy black hair was combed upwards along the temples and braided into six delicate braids on both sides, wrapped with dark silk ropes; the silver wolf head buckle on the leather belt around the waist shimmered in the firelight, extremely eye-catching.
Wei Yihua's gaze lingered on the two for a moment, then he lowered his eyes and coughed lightly twice.
“…I have no intention of offending you.” Wei Yihua’s voice was still a little hoarse. “However, the layout and furnishings of this tent, your clothing and attire, and even the expressions and manner of your conversation with those two women just now all reveal this.”
“When I was young, I read about the customs and culture of the northern border. The social status of the Di Rong people could be distinguished by the style of their braids and special accessories. The more braids a person had, the more noble their bloodline was. The Di Rong royal family and the leaders of various tribes usually had more than six braids and would wrap thin ropes made of silk or satin around their braids, while commoners had at most two braids and did not wear ropes.”
“The most important point,” Wei Yihua looked at his waist, “is that in the Di Rong civilization, the wolf is a symbolic animal. The leaders of the various Di Rong tribes all wear wolf king bone ornaments to symbolize their rule.”
Some of these details came from the teachings of her great-grandfather, a general who had fought against the Di Rong countless times, while others came from the secret military texts she studied before her expedition, which recorded the cultural customs of various Di Rong tribes.
Helian Chuan's eyes narrowed slightly.
Wei Yihua didn't stop; her gaze then swept over the large tent. The tent was spacious, with sturdy supporting beams. The furnishings weren't extremely luxurious, but the snow wolf pelts covering the floor were of excellent quality, completely skinned, and clearly very valuable. The furs and utensils piled in the corners were also not found in ordinary tents.
What confirmed her identity as the owner of the tent was a scimitar decorated with eagle feathers and jewels hanging on one side of the tent wall.
The wolf head emblem on the scabbard is the totem of the Ulolan tribe among the Di Rong people.
“After I woke up, I briefly observed the layout and furnishings of this tent. The utensils inside are not for ordinary people,” Wei Yihua said slowly. “As the leader, you placed me in your main tent, rather than in a prison or an ordinary camp. You even had people clean and bandage me and provide me with food. This is enough to show that you do not regard me as a prisoner of war to be disposed of at will, nor do you intend to offer me to your brother in exchange for war merits.”
At this point, Helian Chuan's gaze towards her had changed drastically, but Wei Yihua paused slightly, catching her breath.
She had just woken up, and without having eaten or drunk a drop of water, the dizziness and weakness brought on by hunger and thirst struck her again.
The words she had just spoken had exhausted Wei Yihua, but she knew that she had to seize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to present her value to him in order to win his special attention.
Even if it's just a slim chance of survival, she will do everything in her power to pursue it.
"If it wasn't for the sake of seeking credit, yet you risked your life to treat and hide a person from an enemy country... the only explanation is that I have another use for you. And it's a use that's inconvenient, and even something that can't be known to the Di Rong king who's on the front lines."
She raised her eyes, her cold, star-like gaze fixed on Helian Chuan: "The Wuluolan tribe is located in a remote area with barren grasslands. Although its leader, Helian Chuan, is of royal blood, his birth mother is a Dongxi person. In the current Di Rong royal court, which advocates a strong attack on Dongxi, the leader's position must be somewhat delicate, right? The reason you saved me must be contrary to the current majority opinion of the royal court."
Silence fell inside the tent, broken only by the occasional crackling of the charcoal fire.
The feigned laziness on Helian Chuan's face completely disappeared, replaced by a deep scrutiny.
He stared intently at the woman before him, who appeared frail but whose every word seemed to reveal the depths of human nature.
Helian Chuan spoke up: "It seems my prediction was wrong."
"You are definitely not an ordinary Dongxi soldier, nor can you be just a mid-level general." His gaze sharpened, becoming unstoppable. "Who exactly are you?"
Wei Yihua looked at him, her gaze unwavering, but her hands clenched tightly as they fell.
"You guessed it too, didn't you?" she said calmly. "When you discovered I was a woman, you had some idea of my identity."
"Furthermore, the short sword I always carry with me is missing. You took it, didn't you? You must have seen the carvings on it."
Just as she, as a member of the Dongxi royal family, had access to core intelligence about the Di Rong royal family, the Di Rong royal bloodline also had some understanding of the Dongxi royal family. For example, dragon and phoenix carvings could only appear on items belonging to the Dongxi emperor, empress, and their direct descendants.
Anyone who has inquired even slightly about the battles at the front would find it hard not to know that the Emperor's eldest daughter, Wei Yihua, was sent as a deputy general to fight alongside General Gu at Yanran Mountain.
"I am the missing Princess Dongxi, Wei Yihua."
The atmosphere inside the tent seemed to freeze at that moment.
His suspicions were confirmed, but Helian Chuan's expression became even more solemn.
Wei Yihua stared at him, not missing a single change in his expression. When Helian Chuan wasn't smiling, his eyes were dark and deep, making one feel uneasy.
His tone was inscrutable: "You've just revealed your identity like that. Aren't you afraid I'll change my mind, arrest you, and go to my brother, the king, to claim credit? Princess Dongxi's status is completely different from that of an ordinary soldier or general."
“You wouldn’t,” Wei Yihua said. “Chief Helian, you are a smart man. You must know that it’s easy to add flowers to brocade, but difficult to provide charcoal in the snow. Helian Da is currently very powerful and doesn’t need your contribution. Besides, he has always been prejudiced against you. You probably don’t like him either. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have kept me here.”
"As the daughter of the Eastern Xi Emperor, I can give you a promise that far exceeds military achievements, a promise that is sincere and substantial enough—a future where we can rival the Di Rong King, or even replace him."
Facing Helian Chuan's intense gaze, Wei Yihua's palms sweated, but she forced herself to remain calm and continued, "I am currently vying with my brothers for the position of crown prince. If I successfully return to the capital with military power, the throne will be mine."
"If you are willing to spare my life, I swear that after I ascend the throne, I will provide you with the provisions and troops you need to compete with Helianda, and I will also do my best to promote a truce between the Di Rong tribes and Dongxi and facilitate trade between them."
“I can see that you are a responsible and benevolent monarch. The continuous war between the two countries is painful for the people of Dongxi, and it is also painful for the ordinary people of the Di and Rong tribes. Peaceful exchanges are far more likely to allow the people to live in peace and happiness than plunder and war. I believe you think so too.”
Wei Yihua was also gambling.
After she woke up, she first observed her surroundings and then, by chance, overheard a conversation between Helian Chuan and Saren.
The main tent used by the leader was not very large, and the furnishings were practical and not extravagant. There were not many decorative gold and silver objects. Helian Chuan himself, who was in a high position, was also very low-key in his clothing and accessories, which showed that he was not interested in profit.
The two maids who had just entered and made eye contact with her were neatly dressed and had rosy complexions. Their eyes showed no fear or apprehension towards Helian Chuan, but rather genuine respect and trust. This showed that Helian Chuan treated her servants kindly, and in addition to her skill and ability, she also won people over with virtue.
Although these observations were insufficient for her to fully understand the true character of Chief Helian, given her current situation, she had little opportunity to learn more about him. She had to make a decision based on the limited information available to her—either be led by fate and await judgment, or take a gamble.
Wei Yihua chose the latter.
Some of what she said was deliberately exaggerated, but she had no choice and could only hope that this Chief Helian would be a little foolish and believe her this once.
After a brief silence, Helian Chuan suddenly laughed.
Wei Yihua was stunned for a moment, then unexpectedly met his smiling dark eyes.
He gestured to the bed behind her, his tone much gentler: "You're weak, you don't need to keep standing. Sit down."
Wei Yihua paused for a moment, then subconsciously replied, "Okay."
He figured it out.
When Wei Yihua sat down, she squeezed her palms; her fingertips were covered in a thin layer of water droplets.
Helian Chuan dragged over a footstool and sat down, poured two bowls of goat milk, and handed one of them to Wei Yihua: "Here, drink this."
Wei Yihua hesitated before taking it, but Helian Chuan saw her movements clearly and raised an eyebrow, saying, "Afraid I've poisoned you?"
“No, no,” Wei Yihua said reflexively, “I just… I just don’t understand.”
"I've said everything I can. What's your answer?"
Helian Chuan didn't respond immediately. He picked up the bowl, and a piece of white porcelain rose up where their eyes met, like half of the daylight, obscuring half of each other's faces from their view.
But Helian Chuan's eyes looked beyond the rim of the bowl, staring intently at her from beginning to end, like a cheetah poised to pounce.
“You’re quite right.” He put down his bowl and looked at her with a half-smile. “As you say, I’m not completely ignorant of you. I’ve heard of your three older brothers, but I’ve never heard of you.”
"I am quite surprised to see you today. What surprises me is that among Dongxi's group of incompetent princes, there is someone like you."
Helian Chuan had heard of the renowned reputation of the deceased Crown Prince of Dongxi, and was also aware of the mediocrity of the Third Prince and the incompetence of the Fourth Prince.
Before today, he thought his elder brother Helian Da was extremely foolish and short-sighted. He believed that if they attacked Dongxi ten years later, everything would be much simpler and easier.
He doesn't think that way anymore.
After their confrontation, he had come to genuinely admire the princess named Wei Yihua before him, appreciating her courage and wisdom.
All that contemplation, astonishment, and shock transformed into a lingering regret, subtly entwining his heart.
He actually felt a sense of admiration for a hero when he looked at a woman he had only known for less than a day. If they were not from opposing tribes, and if there were no huge gaps in their social status and reality, perhaps they would have been highly compatible allies and partners with the same goals.
His gaze seemed to pierce through the tent walls, looking towards another battlefield at the edge of the grassland.
“My elder brother is a monarch of great talent and ambition. He covets the rich resources of Dongxi and is determined to restore the glory of his ancestors, planting the wolf banners of the Di and Rong tribes all over the fertile land south of Yanran Mountain. His idea is also the idea of many Di and Rong people, because the Di and Rong are so civilized and warlike, fond of conquest and war. They believe that only through constant plunder and violence can they obtain wealth and enable their people to live a better life,” Helian Chuan said. “But I don’t think so.”
His mother came from Dongxi, the great dynasty that was regarded as the goal by generations of Di and Rong people.
His mother's bloodline caused him to suffer various forms of exclusion and contempt within his tribe, but it was also his mother who brought him the knowledge and vision of another civilization, allowing him to transcend the limitations of his own situation and examine the backwardness and predicament of the Di-Rong civilization.
“My birth mother was from Dongxi.” Helian Chuan’s eyes softened for a moment when he mentioned his mother. “When I was very young, she told me about her hometown, how strong and prosperous the cities of Dongxi were, how the fields were crisscrossed, and how the people lived and multiplied in their fixed homes. It was a life completely different from ours, which was spent on horseback, chasing water and grass, and often having to plunder for survival.”
His mother taught him that wealth and stability are not only attainable through swords and death.
"The Ulolan tribe under my rule has barren grasslands and is far from the royal court. Because of this, I have come to realize more deeply that by relying solely on traditional nomadic herding and occasional raids, my people can never truly escape a fate of being at the mercy of the weather and living hand to mouth."
A snowstorm or a drought could plunge his tribe into an irrecoverable predicament.
The constant wars would take away the strongest men in the tribe, leaving orphans and widows to struggle to survive. The scarcity of medicinal herbs meant that any disease or wound could easily take lives.
His elder brother dreamed of conquering Dongxi, but Dongxi had a vast territory, a large population, and a profound civilization. Even if he were lucky enough to seize a few cities or even large tracts of land through military force, what then?
Di Rong excelled at grassland warfare and cavalry charges. His stubborn and self-willed elder brother was at most brave and skilled in battle, but he did not know how to govern a city, develop livelihoods, or how to integrate the millions of Dongxi people with their diverse customs.
How long can killing and suppression last?
The final outcome is likely not that the Di Rong will devour the Dong Xi, but rather that the Di Rong will be gradually assimilated and dragged down by the Dong Xi's massive size and culture, or even experience internal divisions and rebellions first, ultimately leading to their collapse.
Ultimately, it was the ordinary Di Rong people, generation after generation, who paid the price.
"Therefore, I do not agree with your expansion that exhausts the nation's resources and disregards the consequences. My governing philosophy and thoughts are different from yours. It is not about short-term plunder and illusory conquest, but about a long-term way that can enable my tribe, and perhaps more Di and Rong people in the future, to live a stable and prosperous life."
He said, “We should maintain peaceful relations with Dongxi, exchange goods and learn from your craftsmen, and use our cattle, sheep and horses to exchange for grain, cloth, medicine and ironware, so that the border will no longer be a bloodbath, but a passage for caravans to pass through… This is the path that I believe is truly hopeful.”
The flames in the charcoal brazier had been extinguished by ashes at some point, and their intensity had diminished. An overwhelming silence, like a long-falling snow, buried the two people inside the tent.
Looking at Helian Chuan, who was an arm's length away, Wei Yihua couldn't help but reply, "That's what I think too."
It's unbelievable. She actually empathized with the leader of an enemy country and even genuinely supported him.
The feeling is like... falling down in a vast snowfield, but when you get up, you find a piece of bright and lustrous white jade in the snow.
In the boundless, unyielding predicament, the first drop of rain falling upon it foreshadows the inevitable end.
The crackling of the charcoal fire completely died down. But Wei Yihua seemed to hear another rapid and powerful sound, leaping and pounding intensely in the chests of the two men who were so close together.
Helian Chuan looked at her and suddenly smiled, his smile as bright as the stars.
“Princess, I accept your terms,” he said with a smile. “But you have to give me a token, otherwise what if you become emperor and then turn your back on me? Wouldn’t I have helped you for nothing?”
"......good."
The promise made was like warm ripples, melting away all the snow buried between the two.
...
Four days later, Wei Yihua, who had fully recovered, and Helian Chuan rode two horses and left Wuluolan's camp, heading towards the Dongxi border.
Cattle and sheep gathered in the distance, forming patches of white dots, while mountains surged behind them, and rolling meadows stirred their youthful and vibrant hearts.
The entire field was like a green gem, with the mountains, forests and vegetation becoming shimmering reflections within it. The blazing sun relentlessly chased the figures of the two, and the breath of heaven and earth became the ceaseless wind in their ears, passing through the gaps between their outstretched arms.
The journey was long and arduous. When they were hungry, they would eat a bite of dry rations, and when they were tired, they would sleep wherever they were. One of them would keep watch at night, while the other would sleep fully clothed. When they woke up, they would continue on their way.
After a ten-day trek, Wei Yihua finally caught a glimpse of the border city wall in the distance, like a long, thin black shadow lying on the horizon.
But before she could feel any excitement, everything suddenly went quiet.
Suddenly, red clouds rose in the distance, like late-blooming flowers on the border wall. The orange light contained within the red clouds burst open, tearing apart the things it enveloped. The polar day shattered in an instant, and billowing black smoke rose from it.
Then, a deafening roar, like thunder, reverberated through the air.
Wei Yihua was first stunned and bewildered, then her eyes suddenly burst forth with an unparalleled brilliance!
"It worked...it worked...it was Jiang Chiyin who made the bomb...! They really succeeded!" Wei Yihua was overwhelmed with disbelief and joy. She murmured, her voice growing louder and louder, almost shouting, "We succeeded!!"
Helian Chuan looked at her. Wei Yihua was still galloping on her horse, her hands tightly gripping the reins. Her cheeks, exposed to the wind and sunlight, were slightly flushed with intense joy. Her eyes were bright and sparkling, so dazzling that it was hard to look directly at her.
He couldn't help but tighten his grip on the reins.
A spring breeze caressed my face, horses' hooves splashed, and the sunlight poured down, illuminating everything clearly.
Helian Chuan gradually heard the light yet rapid heartbeat in his chest, like the beat of a drum.
As they drew closer to the border, Helian Chuan slowed down first, and Wei Yihua also sensed this, subsequently slowing his horse's pace.
The horses shifted from galloping to strolling, and the two were finally able to look at each other.
"...I'll leave you here." Helian Chuan gave her a deep look. "You can go now."
Wei Yihua tightened his grip on the reins and replied in a deep voice, "Yes."
"Thank you for helping me." Her eyes reflected the clouds and sky above the grassland, and also him completely. She looked at him with a solemn posture and a sincere and earnest tone, "Chief Helian. I, Wei Yihua, will definitely not let you down."
She was clearly thanking him earnestly, but the handsome yet wild man in front of her suddenly laughed, his eyebrows and eyes relaxed, and he laughed heartily.
“Of course.” His voice lowered, carrying a vague tenderness. “Little princess, we will definitely meet again.”
......
Seven days have passed since Yue Yining woke up and saw Xie Qingyu by her bedside.
He never came to see her again.
Because he had witnessed her deception, witnessed her breaking her promise to him. When Yue Yining awoke, his eyelashes were still wet with tears, but he uttered not a single question or accusation, not even a trace of anger. He simply cared for her in silence, and then left the Yue residence with his entourage.
It wasn't until the first night after he left that Yue Yining belatedly realized that this was Xie Qingyu's way of throwing a tantrum.
He didn't want to hurt her with cold words and disappointment, but he also couldn't easily forgive her.
Because her life and safety were his bottom line.
If she were the one who crossed this line, Xie Qingyu would be no exception.
Having grown accustomed to having someone lying next to her, accustomed to his warmth on her hands and feet, accustomed to that familiar, reassuring, and close embrace, Yue Yining felt somewhat out of place for a while.
Compared to the time Xie Qingyu spent with her, she spent far more time alone. But perhaps, humans are just creatures who crave tenderness and are easily vulnerable.
She had to admit her disappointment, even though she knew it shouldn't be, but she had to be honest with herself in order to pretend nothing was wrong in front of others.
The political situation continues its unstoppable slide into the abyss, and day by day, hope grows ever more elusive.
Ye Miheng came to see Yue Yining on the eighth day. Yue Yining didn't know why he had come, and she secretly guessed his purpose, but she dismissed all of them one by one when she saw his imposing figure entering the room.
Yue Yining was taken aback by his anger: "Ye Miheng, what are you doing—"
Before Ye Miheng even reached her, he yelled at her, "Yue Yining! Tell me clearly, are you about to die or not?!"
The birds outside the window were startled and flew away from the branches.
Yue Yining looked at Ye Miheng in surprise.
He had clearly rushed over; his clothes were slightly disheveled, and he looked travel-worn. Yet, the way he stood before her, glaring angrily, exuded an air of authority. Moreover, having her secret exposed, she was already feeling guilty and dared not look him in the eye.
Yue Yining turned her head away, her gaze shifting: "...How did you know that?"
"So it's true?" Ye Miheng's voice trembled slightly. "What your master said is all true? You used tortoise shells at the age of fourteen to predict the fate of a nation's destruction, and Heaven said you were the only hope to save the world, so you went down the mountain to become an official in the court, and if you lost, the price would be your life—is all true?!"
Yue Yining turned her face and looked at him with utmost seriousness, saying, "That's not how it's calculated. If a change of dynasty really occurs in ten years, and chaos reigns, many people will die, and I probably won't be able to save my life either."
"This is nothing. Heaven only showed me one of the possible outcomes I could face, which is almost a mercy. Looking back now, it might have been trying to discourage me."
"...So it's all true." Ye Miheng couldn't hear anything else; his mind was filled with what Qiu Wuzhu had told him. He murmured, "If Wei Jing ascends the throne, you'll likely die, right?"
Yue Yining paused for a moment, then nodded.
“…The factors involved are very complex, and I can’t explain them all in a short time,” she said slowly. “All I know is that this is the most crucial turning point in our destiny.”
"Once it comes true, even if I can foresee a hundred ways I will die, the Heavenly Dao will still devise a hundred and one."
She vaguely sensed the shadow of Heaven's will closing in on her. The Xie and Wang families were no longer a threat, and the situation in her previous life where Wei Jing was coerced by powerful families and accidentally caused her death no longer existed, but this feeling of unease never left her.
Yue Yining gradually understood the message that Heaven wanted to convey to her amidst the ever-present shadows: even if the Xie and Wang families were destroyed, as long as she could not prevent Wei Jing from succeeding to the throne and could not prolong the life of the Dongxi Dynasty, she would still face death this time, in a way that no one could imagine or stop.
This was her fate.
Her true enemies were never the incompetent emperor, the greedy ministers, the cunning and ruthless fourth prince, or even her master who became the imperial advisor and was constantly at odds with her.
Rather, it is the Way of Heaven itself.
She clearly saw the beginnings of destiny, and her heartbeat calmed down.
If there's no way out, then face the challenge head-on. Besides, she had long anticipated this day would come.
Ye Miheng, standing before her, was unable to accept the cruel tricks of fate as readily as she did.
He was trembling all over, and then he suddenly said, "I don't want to be Wei Jing's strategist anymore."
Yue Yining was stunned. She looked at him and met his sorrowful eyes.
Ye Miheng lowered his head as if deflated, feeling dejected and regretful: "I didn't know... If I had known you would die, I would never have helped him! Even if he was destined to be emperor, I would never have helped him!"
"...If you die, am I also considered an accomplice?"
"Don't think like that." Yue Yining stood up, walked around the table to stand in front of him, and looked him straight in the eyes. "You did nothing wrong. Even if I die in the future, it will definitely not be because of you."
"Stop talking!" Ye Miheng clenched his fists, his Adam's apple bobbing, his voice suddenly becoming low and hoarse. "I don't want... I don't want to hear you say that word again! All that talk about death, I don't want to hear you associated with that word again..."
Yue Yining said helplessly, "Fine, then I won't say anything more."
"...So Qiu Wuzhu entered the capital as an official, became the Imperial Preceptor, and was at odds with you at every turn, all to hinder you," Ye Miheng said in a low voice. "She didn't want you to die, did she?"
When the topic of her master came up, Yue Yining fell into a long silence.
"I suppose so." Yue Yining sighed softly, her eyes filled with a complex mix of emotions. "She did it not just for me."
Qiu Wuzhu and Wei Tianxuan had a deep-seated hatred between them.
Her master only loved three people in her life, but the deaths of the first two were indirectly caused by Wei Tianxuan. The third person, her disciple whom she raised, is also about to die because of trying to save the dynasty ruled by Wei Tianxuan.
This is why, even now, she still can't bear to say a harsh word to her master. Sometimes, Yue Yining can understand Qiu Wuzhu's feelings and comprehend the heavy resentment that has accumulated in her heart like mud.
While she could understand it, she couldn't stand by and watch Qiu Wuzhu destroy the dynasty.
The common people are so innocent, suffering all kinds of misfortunes in life, and then dying in obscurity, becoming the emperor's burial offerings.
Ye Miheng's eyes gradually reddened as he looked at her. "But why?"
"Why did you make up your mind? You knew the price might be sacrificing your own life, so why did you still do it?"
“I already said it wasn’t a sacrifice.” Yue Yining’s helplessness deepened. “Don’t say that.”
But she didn't continue to argue; instead, she remained silent for a moment.
"...Do you really want to hear it?" Yue Yining smiled again, but this time the smile seemed different from the last one. It was light and indifferent, like a cloud as thin as a cicada's wing. "That's perfect. I don't think I've ever told anyone the original reason. Even my master doesn't know. You're really lucky."
In the very beginning?
On the misty mountaintop, the deep, resonant sound of a bronze bell swept through the bamboo forest and pine sea, touching the very core of one's heart.
When she was fourteen, she took the first divination result she had made to her master, which eventually turned into a fierce argument.
"What exactly does Master mean?" Yue Yining looked at her incredulously. "Do nothing? Why? At least we can go to the capital to meet the Emperor and let the court know about this. If we pool our wisdom, we might be able to come up with a solution! But if we do nothing, isn't that just sitting here waiting to die?"
"Yue Yining, you are too naive," Qiu Wuzhu said coldly. "Do you think that Heaven punishes the world without reason? Heaven gives birth to all things, and all things have an end. This is Heaven's prediction, not punishment. This dynasty's fate is sealed. Do you think it is possible to forcibly reverse the nation's impending decline based on just a prophecy? It's simply wishful thinking."
"Do you think Heaven will let you take advantage of this loophole? You can try going to the capital to meet the Emperor and see if the Emperor and his ministers will believe what you say, or if they will be furious, accuse you of spreading alarmist rumors, cursing the royal family, and have you beaten to death on the spot?"
Yue Yining felt a chill run through her body. She gritted her teeth, and a panicked voice escaped her throat: "But...but...if Dongxi really does perish as the divination says, what will happen to the people of the world? If chaos comes, how many innocent people will be displaced and die tragically?"
Qiu Wuzhu's eyes were half-closed, and his voice was indifferent: "What does that have to do with you and me?"
Yue Yining stood frozen in place, looking at Qiu Wuzhu as if she were a complete stranger. It was as if, at this moment, she suddenly no longer recognized her master of six years.
An insurmountable chasm was thus drawn.
She had a big argument with her master and was so angry that she ran down the mountain that very night.
This was the first time she had left the temple and gone down the mountain without permission. Before she left, several young monks in the temple heard the commotion and went to dissuade her, but Qiu Wuzhu coldly said from inside the hall, "Let her go."
"If you're so capable, then never come back."
A trail of footprints was left on the muddy mountain path. Yue Yining held back her tears and ran all the way into the city. She passed through the bustling streets and alleys, leaned against an inconspicuous wall, panting heavily, her legs weak.
In an instant, an indescribable bitterness and sorrow welled up in my throat, and my eyes also became hot.
Fourteen-year-old Yue Yining squatted in the corner of the alley. The moment her tears fell, it was as if she had returned to the age of four.
Alone and heartbroken, she huddled in a corner where no one could see her, weeping bitterly because she had stolen a persimmon that didn't belong to her.
She knew Qiu Wuzhu was right, because they were the revered Celestial Masters. Since ancient times, regardless of the changes of monarchs and dynasties, the status of Yingtianmen as the state religion had never been shaken. Even in times of chaos, they could still live peacefully in their corner.
But why can't she be as at ease as her master?
Yue Yining sniffled, feeling both upset by her master's cold words and resolute attitude and regretting her impulsiveness in running down the mountain because of a fight with her master.
And there was an overwhelming sense of bewilderment.
She vaguely understood that she and her master were ultimately different people.
The difference is that Qiu Wuzhu grew up in the temple and never knew the hardships and coldness of the world, while Yue Yining was born in the common people, was an orphan, suffered the bitterness of losing her father at an early age and having no relatives, and also experienced the pain of war, chaos and displacement. She could not abandon her previous life and could not ignore her past.
Those born into insignificance cannot pretend not to know the suffering of all living beings.
But when she was alone, she couldn't rebuke Qiu Wuzhu for her mistakes as she had when she stood before her. She couldn't help but question herself: What else? Do you really think you can do it? Heaven says you are the savior of the world, but look at yourself. Even if you travel thousands of miles to the court and meet the emperor, what can you say or do? Master is absolutely right. As you are now, you know nothing, know nothing, can do nothing, and can't change anything.
Even if Master is wrong, do you dare to prove yourself right? Anyone can talk the talk, but when it comes to actually doing it, can you truly be selfless, risk your life, and go through fire and water for the sake of the world? Can you say you won't regret it, won't be afraid, and won't back down halfway? Are you such a great person, Yue Yining?
You've finally achieved the life you have now, and your wishes haven't even had a chance to come true yet. Are you going to destroy it all with your own hands? Aren't you the one who's most afraid of death?
For the sake of this world that has never treated you kindly, are you going to hurt the only person who has been unconditionally good to you?
Is it really worth it?
Yue Yining closed her eyes, unable to help but weakly refute the harsh voice in her heart: "But...but Master also spoke harshly to me...If she was worried about my safety, why didn't she just say that she was afraid of losing me?"
"Why did she scold me and tell me never to go back? Doesn't she know how much I care about her? Doesn't she know that saying these things will hurt me?"
"Besides, she might be serious. She might already be disappointed in me and never want to talk to me again..."
The more she thought about it, the sadder she became. Sadness overwhelmed her like a tide and streamed down her face like raindrops.
As tears streamed down her face, a slender, pale arm suddenly reached out and tightly gripped the hem of her dress.
Yue Yining raised her head, tears falling, her blurred vision suddenly clearing.
She squatted not far from the alley entrance, where a beam of light, scattered in a zigzag pattern, shone through the gap.
A three- or four-year-old child, dressed in nice clothes and wrapped up like a little dumpling, was staring blankly at her, his two big, black grape-like eyes unmoving, and he opened his mouth and spat a bubble at her.
Yue Yining stared blankly at her, not understanding where she had come from.
The little dumpling babbled for a while, its words unclear, "Sister...sister...older sister..."
"No...don't cry..."
Before Yue Yining could speak, the sunlight streaming in from the end of the alley was blocked by a figure rushing over.
The person who came was a girl of about fourteen or fifteen years old, with a tender face like a green onion root, and her eyes were full of anxiety: "Lanlan!"
"How could you run around like that!" The girl rushed over, hugged the little dumpling tightly, and scolded her playfully, still shaken, "Were you trying to scare your sister to death?"
Yue Yining leaned against the corner of the wall, at a loss. Just then, the little dumpling reached out from the girl's arms, swaying, but once again firmly grabbed the hem of Yue Yining's clothes.
The little dumpling finally spoke fluently this time. She looked intently into Yue Yining's eyes and said clearly, "Sister, don't cry."
Both girls were stunned.
The girl looked at Yue Yining, her gaze lingering for a moment on Yue's moist, slightly red eyes, before suddenly asking, "Are you alright?"
Yue Yining paused for a moment, then said, "N-nothing..."
"Don't be nervous." The girl smiled at her. "I saw you squatting down, so I just wanted to ask if you were feeling unwell."
"Are you hungry? Come on, I'll treat you to a pastry. After all, Lanlan seems to like you a lot, so it's kind of a coincidence."
Yue Yining followed behind the girl and stepped back into the bustling street, where the sunlight generously shone down on them.
"Her name is Lanlan?"
"Yes, the orchid of the orchid grass and the orchid of the cymbidium."
Is she your biological sister?
"No. She's my brother and sister-in-law's child." The girl smiled sweetly, her hand gently stroking her belly, her eyes softening. "However, I'll be having my own child soon too."
"Boss, two pastries, please!"
The shop owner seemed to know the girl, exchanging a few pleasantries with her and even giving Lanlan a small piece of white rice cake.
Yue Yining held the scalding hot pastry in her hand and smiled as she watched the girl teasing Lanlan with rice cakes.
"It seems you're quite familiar with the owner of this shop."
The aroma of pork and flour filled the white mist. The girl turned her head to look at her, her eyes sparkling with a smile: "Yes, you figured it out?"
“They run a husband-and-wife business. My parents and family are regular customers. I grew up eating their pastries. Oh, I almost forgot, they only started selling pastries eight years ago. Before that, they sold persimmon cakes.”
Yue Yining was stunned; the half-eaten pastry was still steaming hot.
The girl didn't notice her unusual behavior and continued talking about the past, her eyes revealing a hint of nostalgia for the old days. "I ate their persimmon cakes when I was a child, around four or five years old. I can't remember the taste or anything, and I've almost forgotten all my memories of that time."
"But there's one thing I remember very clearly."
"When I was four and a half years old, not long after the Mid-Autumn Festival, my older sister took me out to buy persimmon cakes. But before I could even take a bite, a little beggar suddenly appeared and snatched them away!" The girl chuckled, her eyes narrowing, as if recounting an embarrassing childhood incident. "My older sister said that I was so scared that I stood there frozen, unable to even cry. I was so pathetic!"
Yue Yining stood stiffly, her fingers trembling slightly as she held the pastry.
"...And then what happened?" The voice suddenly became hoarse. "That little beggar, did you ever see her again?"
No, that's not what she wanted to ask at all.
That's not what she wanted to ask.
Have you ever hated her? Hated the thief who stole your persimmon cake? Did you despise this shameless thief and hate her from the bottom of your heart?
"No, Luoshui is too big, I haven't met her again." The girl said, sunlight shining through the rising white mist and falling into her eyes, which held a faint smile. "Actually, I really want to see her again."
Yue Yining's lips trembled; she looked like a prisoner bound to the gallows awaiting execution.
She said in a hoarse voice, "...Why?"
"I wish I could see her again," the girl said. "If I could see her again, I think I would buy her another dried persimmon."
Yue Yining's mind went blank, and she froze in shock.
"What?"
“My mother said that if such a young child is stealing food on the street, it means she is a homeless orphan and has probably been hungry for a long time. If she can fill her stomach by taking my persimmon cake, then I will give it to her,” the girl said. “That’s what I think too. I guess if she had a choice, she wouldn’t want to steal food from other people. She had no choice, so I don’t blame her.”
"However, I still hope that when I meet her again, she will no longer be a homeless orphan." The girl smiled, her eyes crinkling to reveal a few white teeth. "I hope that she no longer needs that persimmon."
"Look at me, I've been rambling on and on. Just think of it as me being long-winded. Don't take offense."
Yue Yining pressed her lips tightly together, afraid that if she opened them, she would be unable to control her sobs.
It turns out she never needed to atone for the mistakes she made in the past.
She has already been forgiven.
The sun sets behind the western mountains, and the sky is filled with colorful clouds.
Yue Yining walked alone in the mountains and forests, climbing the steps one by one, until she returned to Zijin Temple.
She didn't know how many steps she had climbed with her head down, but when she looked up and glanced into the distance, she suddenly froze.
Qiu Wuzhu, dressed in a mica-colored long robe, stood under a stone pillar at the mountain gate, with dark blue mountains and forests behind him, rustling in the night wind.
The sun was almost completely setting, and the dim sky shrouded the earth. She couldn't see her master's expression, only a slender, thin figure standing straight, motionless in the shimmering sunset.
It was as if she had been standing there for a very, very long time.
After walking all day and climbing a long stone staircase, Yue Yining's legs were already a little sore, but at this moment, she felt her eyes and nose were even more sore.
She slowly climbed up, and across the last few steps, she met Qiu Wuzhu's gaze.
Upon seeing her, Qiu Wuzhu's expression remained indifferent and cold, revealing neither joy nor anger. He simply said, "So you know you're back?"
"After running wild all day, with nowhere to go, are you trying to sneak back up the mountain with your tail between your legs—"
Qiu Wuzhu's words were abruptly cut off before he could finish.
Yue Yining rushed over the remaining steps, ran over, and fell headfirst into her master's arms.
Caught off guard, Qiu Wuzhu was suddenly embraced around the waist, her slender arms tightly encircling her, her fluffy, round head buried against her chest. She was completely stunned by this unexpected attack, only slowly relaxing after a long while.
She slowly raised her arm, seemingly wanting to touch the back of Yue Yining's head, but then lowered it, and finally just gently put her arm around Yue Yining's shoulder.
"Why are you hugging me?" Qiu Wuzhu said calmly. "Didn't you say you were leaving and would never come back?"
Yue Yining said in a muffled voice, "I'm sorry, Master."
"It was my fault, please don't be angry with me."
After a while, Qiu Wuzhu pressed her palm against the back of her head. Qiu Wuzhu's body temperature was different from her usual cold personality; it was very warm and hot. As Qiu Wuzhu stroked her head, Yue Yining suddenly felt like crying, and tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision.
I'm sorry, Master.
Before today, I never dreamed that I would one day willingly leave you.
Yue Yining pressed her cheek against Qiu Wuzhu's clothes, hot tears soaking her temples. This time, the tears were no longer from sadness, guilt, or confusion.
Let's postpone it for another year.
Let her stay with her master for another year.
She could never repay this kindness, but how she wished that the separation and rift could be delayed.
For the first time, she unearthed her deeply buried past and showed it to others.
As dusk fell, Yue Yining saw Ye Miheng off at the gate of the mansion and instructed the maid to prepare a carriage for the Xie residence.
Sitting in the car, Yue Yining recalled this distant period of time, which felt like a dream that had passed away years ago.
She was led by the guards of the Xie family to the gate of Xie Qingyu's Frost-Spraying Courtyard, where Yin Yi was waiting for her under the bamboo tree.
Yue Yining gestured to Nonghe that she didn't need to follow anymore, and stepped forward to ask, "Is your eldest son inside?"
Yin Yi hesitated for a moment, then lowered his eyes and replied, "Yes."
"He already knows you're here and is waiting inside the main house."
Yue Yining pushed open the carved wooden door by herself.
There were no lights or candles inside, only the lingering twilight from the horizon casting dim, hazy shadows through the window paper. The scent of medicine mixed with the cold sandalwood lingered in the air, and the darkness lurking in the corners was oppressive, making it hard to breathe.
Her gaze swept across the dimly lit front hall and settled on the brocade screen.
Xie Qingyu stood quietly in the center, her figure slender and upright, like an evergreen pine or cypress. Her black hair covered her pale chin, like a black veil covering cold jade, yet it was tinged with a sickly red under the twilight.
Hearing the noise from the door, he turned around and looked over, and his face, which had been hidden in the shadows and was not clearly visible, became clear.
His eyes, clear and bright, shimmered with the same gentle warmth as before, as he gazed at her.
Xie Qingyu's voice was low and hoarse: "Miss, you've arrived."
Yue Yining's heart tightened, and she blurted out an apology, instinctively walking towards him.
"I'm sorry. Please don't be angry, it's me—"
However, she suddenly stopped in her tracks.
Xie Qingyu's robes were still swaying slightly, and Yue Yining finally saw clearly the silver knife, about an inch long, held in his right hand. The blade was still gleaming coldly.
Her voice trembled slightly, almost imperceptibly: "...Xie Qingyu, what are you doing?"
The person whose name she called did not answer immediately.
Xie Qingyu looked up at her; those eyes, which were always so gentle and warm, were now so still that they made one's heart race.
A deep and ominous premonition, like cold vines, instantly tightened around her heart.
"What do you want to do?" Yue Yining's voice rose slightly uncontrollably, trembling more noticeably, betraying her panic despite her forced composure. "Don't be impulsive!"
Xie Qingyu remained silent, raising the silver knife and pressing the cold blade against the wrist of her other hand.
His gaze remained fixed on her, and a strange, tender ripple spread across his eyes, beneath which a silent tide of emotion welled up.
“Miss,” he said in a low voice, yet his words stirred ripples in her heart like a pebble thrown into a still lake, “I dream of you every night these days.”
"But they were all nightmares. Because in the dreams, you died."
Yue Yining's ears rang, his gaze fixed on the hand holding the knife. As Xie Qingyu moved, the wide sleeve covering his wrist slid up a bit.
In the last glimmer of light from the window, she could see the several dark red scabs crisscrossing on her pale wrist, like broken lines suddenly appearing on flawless white jade, shocking and jarring.
A chill instantly shot up her spine from the soles of her feet, and she felt as if all the blood in her body had frozen.
Yue Yining opened her mouth, but no sound came out; only her pupils contracted violently.
Xie Qingyu stared at her suddenly pale face, her eyes filled with undisguised shock and pain.
"Miss," Xie Qingyu said softly, "are you heartbroken for me?"
"Xie Qingyu, can you put the knife down first?" Yue Yining looked at the silver knife hanging on his wrist, so sharp it seemed it would slice through his thin skin at any moment. His heart pounded with every slight movement of the blade's tip. "Put it down first..."
She unconsciously took a step forward, but the knife tip suddenly fell and cut her wrist.
The blood gushed out, a stark contrast to the original.
Yue Yining's mind went blank, and then a loud bang was heard.
"Why..." Yue Yining looked at him, her voice trembling, "Why, why do you have to hurt yourself?"
Xie Qingyu sheathed his knife, letting the dark red blood drip from the wound, his face calm and serene, as if he had not just cut his own hand.
He said softly, "I cut myself. Even so, will you feel heartache, Miss?"
"How could I not? Tell me, how could I not?"
"That's good."
Xie Qingyu smiled, looking at her tenderly, but his eyes were veiled with a thin mist, as if filled with sorrow. He spoke in a murmur but calm tone, "That day, when I saw you lying in bed, when I saw those three tortoise shells... my heart ached just as much."
Yue Yining stood there blankly.
She almost rushed forward to question him about whether he was retaliating against her, but a persistent, subtle tremor within her heart caused a corner of the long-standing fortress to crumble, and broken patterns sprouted like flower branches, spreading across the entire seemingly indestructible wall.
Fog rose before my eyes, and finally, a clear "ding" sound reached my ears.
Xie Qingyu threw away the knife he was holding tightly, crossed the boundary between the two of them, and grabbed her hand.
Yue Yining refused to look up at him. She kept her head down, her shoulders heaving with her rapid breathing, and choked out, "Why...?"
"What is it that you are crying for, Miss?" Xie Qingyu held her hand tightly with one hand and wiped away the tears that were about to fall with the other, and said softly, "If you have thought it through and are willing to sacrifice your life, why are you still crying and feeling sad? Miss clearly said that if it is your decision, you will never regret it."
"Because I'm not that great! I'm just an ordinary person. I'm afraid of death, afraid of pain, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of the people I care about being sad for me. Because I've known for a long time that I might die, I've been especially afraid of people liking me and being nice to me for the past few years, because I know I might let them down. I didn't even dare to tell them that I might die. I was afraid they wouldn't understand me, that they would see me cry, that they would shed tears for me..." Yue Yining cried, tears streaming down her face. "Please don't do this, okay? I really, it took me so long to finally make up my mind to die, why does everyone have to try to sway me?"
"I'm scared too. I'm so scared that I keep retreating in my heart, forcing myself to face it, because I've already come this far. If I give up halfway, if I run away and slack off, if I only care about myself, then who would I be letting down?"
“Congyi, Liude, and Yuebai, their careers were ruined because of my willful and reckless actions. Yihua went to war on the border, and her fate is still unknown. It's all because I chose her, I supported her becoming the crown prince, the chosen one, and I pushed her onto this path. If she really is dead, then I'm the one who killed her.” Yue Yining's voice trembled uncontrollably, and she cried, “How... how could I kill her?”
She didn't want to hurt him, but who could tell her what to do? What could she do?
This road is too difficult, too hopeless. I can't go on without repeatedly deceiving myself, blinding myself, and numbing myself.
She had already fooled herself.
But the person in front of her insisted on forcing her to wake up and confront her pain and unbearable suffering.
Xie Qingyu's eyes shone with tenderness as he softly asked, "Then why did you still accept me, Miss, and agree to let me stay by your side?"
"Because I'm a terrible person. I know I'll die soon, but I still crave your tenderness and embrace. I want you to be with me. Even if you'll break down the day you lose me, I don't want to let you go for your own good. I'm so selfish. I despise myself. I can't hold on much longer. Only when you're with me do I feel a little better..."
Before Yue Yining could finish speaking, Xie Qingyu suddenly pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.
Her tear-streaked chin pressed against his slender collarbone, enveloped by the familiar yet delicate scent of bamboo leaves.
Yue Yining felt a growing soreness in her nose, and tears welled up uncontrollably, suddenly overflowing from her eyes.
"I've never blamed you," Xie Qingyu's gentle voice rang in her ear. "It's okay, just cry it out."
Yue Yining closed her eyes tightly.
She thought she had messed everything up, become repulsive, and felt even more disappointed and ashamed of herself.
But the moment those tears left her eyes and fell straight to the ground, the instant the salty, bitter drops flowed from her body, she felt a sense of relief.
It was as if the water that had once submerged her head had been stripped away from her head to toe in that instant, turning into drifting clouds in the sky, carried away by the wind, and drifting further and further away from her.
From being inseparable to having no connection whatsoever.
Yue Yining was still sobbing and panting, but she felt as light as a feather, her restless emotions calmed down, and she felt a sense of relief from the bottom of her heart.
The heavy pain that had been weighing on her vanished.
Throughout, Xie Qingyu only lightly kissed her forehead, the corners of her eyes, and then the tip of her nose, kissing away the tears that kept rolling down her face.
Faced with her first display of vulnerability and bitterness, and the fragile tenderness buried deep in her heart, he offered her the purest and most innocent comfort and solace. He tightened his arms around her, embedding her perfectly into his embrace. The warmth gradually turned scalding, burning her heart.
"It's alright," Xie Qingyu said softly, pressing her forehead against hers. "I will always love you."
"Even if you choose to live a life of solitude and refuse to sacrifice for the world, even if everyone accuses you of being selfish, I will always love you. No matter who you are or what mission you carry, I only know that you are Yue Yining."
"As long as you need me, I will stay with you." Xie Qingyu said softly, but there was a hint of determination in her gentle voice, as if she had already made a decision in her heart. "I will not let you die."
-----------------------
The author's note: Yu Yu's last sentence means that he has already decided to die in Ning Ning's place.
But I'm a romance novel author, so neither of them will be in any trouble, don't worry! [Sprinkling flowers]
In fact, most of the criticisms of the female lead's character development so far have come from the free chapters. Many comments say that the female lead's personality is not distinct enough, not courageous enough, and seems hesitant, ambiguous, and indecisive.
But this is my leading lady.
Great people are not born great. A great person is simply an ordinary person who makes extraordinary choices over and over again.
I think that readers who read further will understand the heroine's achievements and greatness, so I only need to portray the ordinary side of her.
I love my female lead so much. It's easy to create a perfect, flawless goddess, but I feel that's far from enough.
I want to peel back her disguise, to open her up along the cracks in her perfect facade, to dig deep inside her. I want to expose her vulnerability, I want to reveal her soft spots. Only by understanding how heart-wrenchingly and painfully she struggled will we understand the profound meaning behind her choices and sacrifices.
I want to make it real.
ps:
Yes, that's right. Helian Chuan is the princess's love interest, but this pairing will no longer exist in the main story (the main story is about to end).
Actually, I wasn't planning on pairing the princess with someone, but writing this suddenly makes me think they're actually quite a good match...
Several years after Yi Hua came to power, He Lian Chuan also unified the various Di and Rong tribes. The two monarchs guided the establishment of harmonious exchanges between their countries, eliminating war and hostility. Because of past promises and memories, they were drawn together by their similar souls and slowly came together... How could this not be considered a love between equals? [Pity]
This chapter has been written for so long! The author is kneeling down in apology and will be giving out 30 RMB red envelopes in the comments section.
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