Chapter 137 The Blade's Edge: Yue Yining's incurable disease.
Left Attendant.
It was Zuo Xulin, the younger brother of the Left Secretary and the Secretary of the Imperial Secretariat.
Almost instantly, the image of that day, with the dim sunlight streaming over the white jade steps of the palace, the palace gates appearing even more crimson, and Yue Yining and Zuo Xulin leaving side by side, their two figures gradually receding into the distance, flashed through his mind again.
Xie Qingyu paused for a moment before saying, "I've heard that Zuo Sheren is an upright and incorruptible man with very few close colleagues. You've only been in your new position for a short time, yet you're already dining out with him. It seems that Zuo Sheren greatly admires you."
If she hadn't noticed Xie Qingyu's odd behavior earlier because she was distracted watching the dishes being served, Yue Yining could now clearly hear the unusual nature in his words.
Yue Yining opened her mouth, wanting to explain clearly, but when she met those shimmering eyes, the words that were on the tip of her tongue were slowly swallowed back.
She lowered her head slightly, stirred the shrimp in the bowl with a silver spoon, and did not refute him: "Yes, Lord Zuo treats me very well."
The room fell silent for a moment.
Xie Qingyu repeated softly, "He treats you well?"
Yue Yining closed her eyes, steeled her heart, and continued, "Yes. When I first arrived at the Ministry of Personnel, the official duties assigned to me were all old cases that had been around for years, and I was often made things difficult by others. But strangely enough, there was always someone who would help me out. I only found out later that it was someone who had been helping me in secret all along."
"I really want to find an opportunity to thank him. He was the one who first suggested the invitation for tomorrow, but even if he hadn't brought it up, I would have already done so."
She explained fluently, and Xie Qingyu's eyes flickered with unreadable emotions as he watched her lips open and close. After she finished speaking, he spoke again, his voice as clear and gentle as ever: "Have you heard, Miss? The Left Grand Secretary intends to choose a wife for his younger brother. The news just spread a few days ago, and matchmakers in the capital have been practically wearing down the doorstep of the Left family."
“That’s great. Zuo Sheren is not young anymore, it’s time for him to settle down.” Yue Yining smiled. “Even you have heard that Zuo Sheren is of good character, so he must be a good person worthy of your trust.”
"The Zuo family has few relatives. If any girl marries him, she will have far fewer troubles than if she marries into a wealthy family. Even if her life is not perfect, it will certainly be happy and harmonious."
Yue Yining finished speaking in one breath, without looking up at Xie Qingyu's expression. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to bear it, but now that things had come to this point, she had to bear it no matter how reluctant she was, and she had to let go no matter how much she wanted to.
She wanted Xie Qingyu to give up on her as soon as possible, because she knew it was doomed to fail and she couldn't give him a response.
It would be better to let him misunderstand more deeply now. No matter how unyielding he is, if she hurts his pride, he will no longer be so devoted to her.
As Yue Yining thought this, Xie Qingyu indeed responded with a "yes" and then spoke much less.
The two had a quieter dinner than usual.
Before parting, Xie Qingyu wanted to escort her back to her residence, but Yue Yining quickly stopped him and waved her hand.
She said, "No need to trouble yourself. It's getting late. I'll just take the princess's carriage back. You won't need to bother me."
Xie Qingyu stood still, her clothes swaying slightly with her movements before coming to a complete stop.
He kept his eyes down, and even with the brightly lit night view behind him, he still appeared aloof and unique, like the cold wind of the night. When it blew against his face, it was not sharp and painful, but when it enveloped him, it gave him a chill that penetrated to the bone.
Yue Yining was taken aback by her own thoughts. When she looked up again, Xie Qingyu was smiling at her, her eyes as gentle as ever.
"It's cold outside, Miss, please go back to the manor quickly, don't catch a cold."
Yue Yining nodded. "You too."
The lingering sound of the evening drum fell on the earth, dissolving into the heavy shadows cast by the high gates and courtyards of wealthy families.
Xie Qingyu returned to the Frost-Spraying Courtyard. As she stepped through the gate, the hem of her robe brushed against the newly formed night dew in the courtyard, leaving only a barely perceptible trace of coolness.
Several blue-clad guards at the gate bowed and greeted him in a low voice, "Greetings, Young Master."
He simply nodded slightly, his voice devoid of any inflection, and said, "Mm."
Yin Yi followed him through the door. As they passed the guards, he could hear them whispering, "The young master seems to be in a good mood today. He usually doesn't respond to our greetings when he's upset."
Yin Yi paused, looking at Xie Qingyu's back as she approached the corridor not far away, a hint of hesitation creeping into his heart.
That's right.
But he just felt that ever since Xie Qingyu and Yue Yining came back from dinner, he had been acting a little strange.
"Young Master." The two maids guarding the main room bowed as he approached.
Xie Qingyu didn't stop walking and went straight into the room, only giving a casual order, "Prepare water, I want to take a bath and rest."
The maid standing on the left responded and was about to step back when her gaze suddenly met Xie Qingyu's hand hanging at his side.
Long, slender fingers with distinct knuckles rested on the back of the other hand, trembling at an extremely slight frequency. The knuckles were taut and pale, almost piercing the warm, moist skin.
Her heart skipped a beat, and the words she was about to say caught in her throat. Only the maid standing guard on her right seemed oblivious, replying as usual, "Yes."
Once the main door was closed, the maid on the right grabbed the hand of the maid on the left and hurried away, still scolding, "What's wrong with you? Were you out of your mind?"
"Dear sister, no, I just saw..."
The girl's whispers were scattered by the wind across the wooden corridor.
The door closed silently behind Xie Qingyu, shutting out the cold wind and the light.
Its seemingly perfect gentle appearance, like melting ice, cracks and peels away silently.
Xie Qingyu leaned against the cold, heavy rosewood door, her hands trembling as she gripped the inside of her left elbow tightly, as if all the strength that had sustained her throughout the journey had been instantly drained away.
In the darkness, he tilted his head back slightly, his forehead reflecting a glistening sheen of sweat, his jaw clenched, and his Adam's apple bobbing up and down with difficulty for a moment.
The thought of Zuo Xulin sitting opposite Yue Yining tomorrow night, just like he was today, laughing, talking, and gazing at her, made Xie Qingyu feel a burning pain in his eyes, as if someone were gouging out his eyeballs.
The hand that gouged out his eyeballs, the abnormally pounding heart, the withered and powerless empty shell.
He knew he was sick.
Yue Yining was his incurable disease.
Now that things have come to this, he has no right to stop her, no right to seduce her, and no face to flaunt his pitiful state in front of her. He must stay put, even though he can feel that every second she doesn't look at him, he is rotting faster, irreversibly becoming beyond redemption.
At first, he felt disgusted by his inexplicable emotions, and subconsciously felt confused, questioning, rejecting and running away from them. Later, when he had to face them, it was too late. They expanded too quickly, growing wildly and overwhelmingly, sweeping across the land and occupying all the soil.
From then on, this soil could only produce a flower called "Yue Yining".
He was such a self-aware person, never repenting and loving her indiscriminately, perhaps because he knew nothing and had nothing else besides her.
He was gentle and refined, with a handsome and dignified appearance; he was also despicable and ruthless, with a heart of a snake and a scorpion.
What else could he do to make Yue Yining look at him with that same gentle gaze again? If he couldn't do anything, what could he do to make himself feel better?
Xie Qingyu stood there in the room until Yin Yi knocked on the door and said through the door panel, "Young Master, the water is ready."
Xie Qingyu gradually came to her senses, "...Okay."
Tick-tock.
A bathtub and hot water had been prepared in the side room, and the steam rose gently and lingered in the air. Xie Qingyu walked around the screen, and he took off his outer garments one by one. The gold-embroidered brocade robe fell to the ground, and with each step, it bloomed with brilliant and exquisite flowers. He gradually became naked, with only a thin undergarment left.
He untied it. The flickering oil lamp by the window illuminated the gauze wrapped around his left arm and the specks of crimson blood on it.
Xie Qingyu lowered her eyes, and the gauze was loosened layer by layer, revealing a scab that had just formed inside, which was a full finger long.
It was clear that he had torn it open a bit while pressing his elbow inside the house. The fresh blood that had just flowed from the wound had just congealed and was incredibly vibrant, lying across his flawless, white skin like a beautifully carved piece of blood coral.
Xie Qingyu's expression was inexplicably focused, as if she was looking at it, or as if she was staring at it in a daze.
He lied.
Previously, in order to distract himself and vent his frustration, he wrote Yue Yining's name a thousand times. Later, he wrote it more and more frequently. Yin Yi had been secretly helping him deal with it, but gradually, this method was no longer effective. That's why he almost lost control when he followed her into the White Plum Forest during the banquet.
When Xie Qingyu wrote that letter in blood, she was already in a very bad state, like a demon on the verge of being exposed. She could barely maintain a human form during the day, but at night she would become restless and anxious.
He had pricked his finger, but no matter how much he squeezed, the blood dripped too slowly. He gradually became impatient and looked around haphazardly. He noticed a knife on the table used to cut paper rolls. He reached out and grabbed it. His last shred of reason prevented him from pointing the blade at his exposed skin. Instead, he rolled up his sleeves and put them on his elbows.
With a single slash, the skin was torn open, and the ink he desired flowed out, enough for him instantly, easing his anxiety in a flash.
Later, Xie Qingyu hastily stopped the bleeding and, before the blood had congealed, finished writing the blood letter before calling Yin Yi to bring people in to bandage her.
As he gazed at the congealed wound, he recalled the almost enchanting feeling of ease he had experienced back then.
It doesn't hurt at all.
After making the cut and watching the blood flow out, he felt only relief, as if all the stagnant, sticky, painful, and endless things were flowing out of his body with the blood. It didn't hurt at all; he even wanted to make another cut.
Before even entering the bathtub, and with nothing sharp around, he took a sharpened silver hairpin from his hair and slashed it near the newly formed scab.
The skin was torn open, and blood gushed out immediately.
Tap, tap, tap.
Apart from the crackling of the candlelight, the only sound in the bathroom was the rhythmic, viscous dripping of blood onto the water.
The candlelight struggled against the moisture, the light and shadows distorted and flickered wildly on the wall, and the dripping blood, like endless rain, shattered the calm surface of the water, turning the clear, transparent water murky with vibrant red.
Xie Qingyu ignored him, took off his last inner garment, and let his black hair fall down his shoulders, sliding down his slender back. He entered the water, leaned against the tub wall and closed his eyelashes slightly. The stinging pain from the water on his wounds did not make him frown, but instead his expression relaxed.
The water was stirred, producing a clear sound like shattered jade, finally giving the restless and anxious heart a moment of respite and solace.
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Author's note: Take it one step at a time [clasped hands], things will get sweet once we're together, don't panic. There will still be some angst, it's just part of the process.
Yu Yu got a taste of the benefits from this and started frequently stabbing himself to maintain emotional stability, but he wouldn't use it to gain sympathy; Ning Ning would have to discover that herself.
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