Chapter 180 If you had seen my old self, you wouldn’t have advised me like this
Qi Guang's hands were shaking when he checked Baidu.
He must understand what stage Lu Cheng's application has reached now.
Is there any possibility of stopping him?
When Lu Cheng came back, he saw Qi Guang holding a cell phone in one hand and a stack of papers in the other, quickly checking something on his cell phone.
When he saw clearly what the stack of documents contained, he quickly walked up to Qi Guang.
Lu Cheng raised his hand and tried to take the document from Qi Guang.
But the moment Qi Guang looked up and looked at him, Lu Cheng hesitated.
Qi Guang's eyes were cold, a coldness that Lu Cheng had never seen before.
Mixed with loss and confusion.
Lu Cheng raised his arm, then dropped it weakly...
Qi Guang handed the document to Lu Cheng and said in a calm voice:
"It was wrong of me to peek into your privacy. I apologize."
Lu Cheng didn't expect that Qi Guang's first words would be to apologize to him.
Lu Cheng, who usually does everything with ease, now looks a little at a loss.
"But I want to hear what you mean by that."
Lu Cheng lowered his eyes and said after a while:
"That's what you see..."
Lu Cheng's life has always been controlled by his parents. He finally became "waste in their eyes", but suddenly no one is watching him or controlling him anymore.
He began to let himself go and tried a series of things he had never done before.
After trying it, he found it boring.
Yes, extremely, very, extremely boring!
He always hated others interfering in his affairs.
In life, you cannot make your own decisions.
But he can die.
God pushed him into a dark corner of life. He tried to resist and tried to make different choices.
But this time, God cut off the source of his troubles, and he was completely helpless.
Rather than living in pain like a walking corpse, he might as well make another choice!
"When did it happen?"
"After being an internet troll."
Qi Guang frowned and said:
"What?"
Lu Cheng heard Qi Guang's tone was quite calm, so he also deliberately put on a relaxed expression:
"Because I find being a troll pretty boring."
"After I couldn't fence anymore, I tried many things, but I found everything boring."
Qi Guang looked at Lu Cheng in disbelief, his expression seemed to say, are you fucking kidding me?
Qi Guang stood up in a flash, staring straight at Lu Cheng and said:
"So what's the point of you keep fucking trying? It's better than dying, right?"
Although there were swear words, the tone was still restrained.
"How many people want to live but can't? What about you?! You actually want to die?"
Lu Cheng suddenly felt his breathing stagnate. Facing Qi Guang's questioning, he found that he couldn't even say an explanation for a while.
Although Qi Guang's voice was not loud, Lu Cheng knew what emotion he was trying so hard to suppress.
Lu Cheng put one hand on Qi Guang's shoulder and said softly:
"Qi Guang, calm down..."
"Calm down? Am I not calm enough?"
"I finally found a close friend, but he turned out to be a coward who couldn't face reality. He wanted to die."
"We've met once, but there won't be another meeting. And considering this, you can still say something to calm me down?!"
"Lu Cheng, tell me, how the hell am I supposed to calm down?!"
The emotions that Qi Guang had suppressed for many years were finally released at this moment.
The people around him left one after another, and Qi Guang counseled himself over and over again.
Who can control life and death? We can only passively endure it again and again.
But instead of passively enduring it, you must also actively accept it with a smile!
But Lu Cheng was different. He chose to give up on his own initiative, which was undoubtedly a heavy blow to Qi Guang, who had already regarded him as a close friend.
Why can't I live a good life? Why?!
Lu Cheng lowered his eyes, he didn't dare to look into Qi Guang's eyes.
He always thought that this was his own business and others had no right to interfere.
But seeing Qi Guang like this, Lu Cheng actually felt a little...guilty.
Yes, it's guilt.
Seeing Lu Cheng's helpless and uncomfortable look, Qi Guang suddenly realized that his attitude was not very good, and his tone softened when he spoke again.
"Lu Cheng, I know you're under a lot of pressure. I admire you for fighting so hard, but why do you want to give up now?"
"I've seen the eyes of people before they die. They're cloudy and lifeless, but without exception, they all show reluctance!"
"Those people had no choice, but what about you? Everything is obviously getting better!! Why did you give up?!"
"Were all your previous statements about the beauty of the grasslands and their healing properties false? Were they all just random remarks?!"
When Lu Cheng heard this, he finally raised his head, his eyes reddened as he said:
"Qi Guang, you are not me, you can't understand."
Frankly speaking, there is no such thing as "empathy" in this world. Even if Qi Guang feels sorry for Lu Cheng, he has no way of experiencing the pain that Lu Cheng has experienced.
But Qi Guang couldn't think of these at the moment. He only knew that Lu Cheng's return this time was like a kite with a broken string, and he might never see him again.
"Hearing your previous stories, which sounded so casual and relaxed, I thought you had gotten over it. I thought you would be fine even if you gave up fencing."
Lu Cheng smiled bleakly, his tone self-deprecating:
"Yeah, I'm just living a good life, so I went to the grassland to meet a stranger in the middle of the night."
Qi Guang was stunned.
"Do you think letting go means letting go?" Lu Cheng shook his head and said with a smile:
"This is my last escape."
Qi Guang thought he was a man of good words, but at this moment, he finally saw clearly that what was written in Lu Cheng's eyes was not world-weariness, but giving up.
It was a giving up that could not be reversed no matter how many words, how angry, or how much he pleaded.
“Why? Why!!”
At this moment, words are so pale that I can only ask the three palest words in the world.
"Qi Guang, if you had seen my old self, you wouldn't have advised me like this."
Lu Cheng put the documents into his schoolbag and locked it up along with Qi Guang's little bit of hope.
"This is my choice. I think even if not now, maybe you will understand in the future."
Lu Cheng's last words were spoken rationally and coldly.
It brought Qi Guang back to reality completely.
Once Lu Cheng makes up his mind, who can persuade him?
"Yeah, I'm an idiot. That's your business. Will you listen to my advice? Haha. I'm such an idiot."
"Qi Guang, don't say that."
"What else can I say? I'm sorry, am I nosy?!"
"Brother, go ahead and die. I respect your decision because we are good friends who have known each other for a long time!! I am a stranger you have no choice but to choose!! This is not your second home, but just a temporary escape when you, Lu Cheng, are desperate!!"
Lu Cheng stretched out his hand, but he didn't know where to put it. He wanted to comfort Qi Guang, but found that he was the one who needed comfort the most.
He was reluctant to let go, but he didn't know if he would become a useless person faster under the long-term wear and tear of time...
"Maybe you think that although the disease has forced me to give up my beloved fencing, my life has not reached that point yet. At least I am still alive."
"But I've lost control of my future life because I never know when my body will completely lose control. I might get better, or I might become paralyzed. Rather than facing the fear of the unknown, I'd rather die."
"Qi Guang, just imagine, one morning, I found myself slurring my words, my mouth twisting, and paralyzed in bed. Even my cries for help were awful. Thinking about living like this with my parents and brother, I really couldn't accept it..."
Every word Lu Cheng said weighed heavily on Qi Guangxin, and he felt his limbs were terribly cold.
Qi Guang was in an extremely complicated mood, and Lu Cheng's calm narration made his nose sore.
He wanted to refute, but found that no words could drown out Lu Cheng's heartfelt outpouring of pain.
But he didn't want Lu Cheng to leave like this without even a proper goodbye.
No!
Even if he said goodbye, Lu Cheng couldn't just leave like that.
"I'm sorry, I got excited."
There is still room for a turning point. They still have to go to Mingsang and they can still get along for a while.
Can Qi Guang still persuade him to change his mind?
Lu Cheng shook his head and said:
"I'm sorry. I should have talked to you about this earlier. It made you feel uncomfortable."
Qi Guang exhaled slowly and said softly:
"To be rational, you don't need to apologize to me. That's your choice and your freedom. I shouldn't interfere."
"But I have already lost a brother..."
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