Chapter 42 Tears are both weakness and armor.
postcard.
Jin Huan looked down and saw words written on it. She was stunned for a moment, hesitated for a while, and then bent down to pick up the postcard.
It was obvious that the postcard was also in Teacher Tan's handwriting. Although it was only a few lines long, Jin Huan glanced at it and saw what was written on it.
The preceding is a direct quote from a prose poem: "Life is fleeting, so let us not waste tea, soup, or good weather."
The following words appeared to be written carefully, with clear and distinct strokes, and gold lines drawn at the ends of the characters. It probably meant that she didn't want to let down the right person and was asking him what he thought... something like that.
It was a girl's very pure intention.
Jin Huan looked through it once, her gaze landing on the name at the very bottom of the postcard, which clearly read "Tan Xi".
If I'm not mistaken, this book should be a gift.
The date written on it was August 9th, Zhong Yan's birthday.
Birthday gift.
Jin Huan stared at it, and in that instant, she felt a bubbling sensation in her heart, a bittersweet feeling she had never experienced before, like being soaked in lemonade.
For some unknown reason, she felt unwell and panicked, as if someone was slowly tightening the rope around her heart. She tried desperately to call for help, but couldn't find the exit.
Jin Huan's mind went blank, and a lot of random thoughts entered her head.
This must be something from a long time ago.
It might take ten years, or it might take more than ten years.
Ten years ago, she was just a junior high school student, a very naive little child who knew nothing.
They are already quite old, pursuing postgraduate studies, and have a unique period of their lives.
Jin Huan had heard Teacher Tan mention her college days before, and from her few words, Jin Huan could piece together those scenes.
She then remembered that Teacher Tan had mentioned that she had an ex-boyfriend.
Jin Huan hadn't thought much about it. When Teacher Tan spoke, she just listened casually, sighed with regret, and then said nothing more.
And now she seems to be able to connect all of these things.
What Teacher Tan said applies to Zhong Yan as well. They have a good relationship now and are decent friends. They are both very respectable and kind people. Even if there was something between them in the past, they can still get along peacefully now.
Because she hadn't been a part of his past, no matter how well she knew him, she couldn't truly understand him. The nearly ten-year gap would always remain. They had known each other for ten years, which was much longer than she had known Zhong Yan.
She and Zhong Yan had known each other for less than a year, and even before they got married, they didn't know each other well. Even now, they were only more physically familiar with each other, and nothing more.
Zhong Yan rarely talks to her about the past, and they rarely have heart-to-heart talks.
The more I think about it, the more I believe it to be true; it's exactly how it is.
Jin Huan saw many images of them standing together. From the beginning, she felt that they were a good match. The gap between her and Teacher Tan made her feel increasingly tight, and even her eyes felt sore.
She took another deep breath, blinked in a daze, and with a "plop," a tear rolled down her cheek and landed on the postcard in her hand.
Jin Huan realized what was happening and quickly tried to wipe away the tears, but a wet mark was still left, causing the weathered writing to slowly bleed. She panicked and tried to wipe it with her sleeve, attempting to dry it completely.
She can't get other people's things dirty, especially important things like confessions of love and feelings.
Everything will be cherished and valued.
Jin Huan carefully checked that there were no heavy marks left on it, breathed a sigh of relief, then hurriedly put it back into the book, and then carefully put the book back in its original place.
That location.
She lowered her head and stared quietly at that spot.
Unable to hold back any longer, tears streamed down her face. She remembered that she hadn't cried in a long time; her occasional bouts of incontinence due to crying hadn't happened for a long time.
It's because she feels happy and at ease around Zhong Yan. Except for the time when Zhong Yan doubted "her feelings" and made her cry, the only other time she cried was when she sobbed and called out "daddy".
Now, because of these "past" times she had never touched, she felt an unprecedented sense of annihilation. Tears streamed uncontrollably from her aching eyes, one after another, until she was weeping uncontrollably.
Jin Huan blinked hard, but her vision remained blurry. She could only wipe her eyes with her sleeve, but it was no use. Her tear ducts were full of tears, and they kept flowing without her being able to wipe them away. So she had no choice but to give up and abandon her futile efforts.
The lines had completely tightened around her heart, making her want to cry out loud, but in such a place, she dared not cry out completely. She could only try her best to hold back and control her voice, one hand tightly gripping the web of her other hand.
It hurts so much, but she doesn't know where it hurts. She feels that it must hurt even in the gaps between her bones.
Jin Huan wanted to know why it hurt.
But she hasn't experienced it, so she has no way of knowing.
It was something she couldn't figure out on her own.
It's possible that she actually understands, but she's just deceiving herself and trying to create a false image for herself.
Fang Jinhuan is really useless.
You're going to cry over something so trivial?
Tears are both weakness and armor.
This is what her aunt told her.
But she was always so timid and sensitive. To Zhong Yan, this was a thing of the past and a trivial matter. Even asking her about it would seem like she was being unreasonable.
Sunlight shines on the tears on my cheeks, reflecting into my heart, filling it to the brim with tears.
Jin Huan buried his head in his hands.
.
Zhong Yan went out temporarily. Since Jin Huan was sleeping, he didn't disturb her. He thought he would be back in about an hour, but he was delayed and didn't return until 4 p.m.
Jin Huan should have woken up by now. She's been really into swimming lately, wanting to swim every morning and even after her afternoon nap. I was thinking of her at the pool, so I went straight to find her.
But they found that the person was not there.
It can't be that he/she hasn't woken up yet.
Zhong Yan walked into the room, and as soon as he entered the door, he saw Jin Huan watering the flowers in the living room.
The flowers in the living room were bought by Jin Huan when she came to the villa. The two pots she had bought at home before had bloomed, and she had developed a little interest in growing flowers. She happened to see this purple Phalaenopsis orchid at the flower shop before she came, and she thought it looked beautiful, so she simply bought it and brought it with her.
She remembers to water it every day.
The flower is still growing very well.
Zhong Yan walked right up to her before Jin Huan slowly looked up. She looked at him, her movements a little slow. She put down the small water bottle in her hand, paused for a while, and then said softly, "You're back."
Her voice was very soft and obedient.
She lowered her head again and continued watering. She took great care of this flower, avoiding the center of the leaves and the flowers when watering, and making sure the soil was thoroughly soaked. Even the water she used for watering was specially boiled and cooled.
Zhong Yan sat down on the sofa behind her.
He quietly watched her back, half-squatting there, head slightly lowered, neck bent, his fingers touching the petals very lightly and carefully. Only after confirming that all the petals had been watered did he put down the watering can in his hand.
"I just went back to the old house to confirm some wedding details," Zhong Yan said calmly. "So far, everything is going smoothly."
After he finished speaking, Jin Huan waited a few seconds before responding belatedly, "Oh."
"I hope everything goes smoothly."
Zhong Yan's gaze fell on her fingers as she fiddled with the flowers. Even though there was nothing much to do with that pot of flowers, she kept looking at it, over and over again, with her head always down.
Zhong Yan's gaze darkened slightly. He leaned forward a little, placed his hands on his lap, and said, "Are you free next Saturday? Let's go try on wedding dresses."
I hadn't talked to Jinhuan about this before. Regarding wedding dresses and suits, she only mentioned that she wanted to go to a church for her wedding and that it would just be the two of them. She didn't seem to have mentioned anything else.
Jin Huan isn't the type of person who really likes fantasy or fairy tales, and she's never had any specific requirements for her wedding.
After all, before meeting Zhong Yan, she never thought she would get married so early.
Many things were new to her; she hadn't thought about them or made any demands. It seemed like... whatever Zhong Yan said was fine with her.
A child who is very easy to raise.
“Wedding dress…” Jin Huan pondered the word, then nodded, “Okay.”
The sound was like a handful of water mixed with grains, not very clear.
Zhong Yan's tone became very gentle, so gentle that it was as if he was patiently coaxing someone. He asked, "What style do you like? So I can have someone prepare it in advance."
"Anything is fine with me." Jin Huan tilted her head, thought for a moment, and said, "Anything is good."
"You don't really like weddings or similar occasions?" Zhong Yan pondered her thoughts, trying to understand her perspective. Based on her understanding of Jin Huan's personality, Jin Huan preferred quiet and private settings. She would feel uncomfortable in a large group like at a wedding, especially since his family background meant his weddings weren't entirely innocent; everyone, including him, had ulterior motives.
Jin Huan shook her head and denied it: "No."
Zhong Yan lowered his gaze slightly, his breath slowly sinking as his eyes lingered on her fingers. Her fingers were slender, with weaker bones and softer texture compared to his.
Zhong Yan didn't ask, so Jin Huan remained silent.
Realizing that what she was doing was wrong, Jin Huan took a deep breath, moved the potted plant to the center, and then stood up.
"I'm not feeling well and would like to go back to my room to rest."
Jin Huan's voice was devoid of emotion. She lowered her head, her gaze shifting downwards as if searching for something, but finding nothing, she turned to go upstairs.
She had just woken up from a nap at noon, and now she was saying she needed to rest. Zhong Yan looked up, his gaze following her, and called out to her, "Jin Huan."
Jin Huan responded and stopped walking.
"Give me your hand," Zhong Yan said in a deep voice.
Jin Huan didn't quite understand, but she still stretched out her hand in front of him.
The moment her fingers touched the air, Zhong Yan grasped them. He held her fingers in his palm, and as he pulled them down, he felt that her fingers were cool, even a little icy at the fingertips, and pale without a trace of blood.
He circled her finger with his fingertip just below her finger bone, then grasped her hand and gently pressed her with his fingertip.
Zhong Yan held her hand for a while without moving, and Jin Huan didn't speak either. The atmosphere in the space was strangely quiet. Jin Huan blinked, feeling her hand stiffen. She wanted to pull it back, but Zhong Yan looked up at her.
When their eyes met, Jin Huan's heart skipped a beat.
Zhong Yan's gaze was soft, so soft that it made one want to cry again. His voice was gentle as he softly said, "Xiao Bao, do you think Daddy wouldn't know if you cried?"
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