Leaving Home
He waited and waited, and he didn't know how much time had passed—perhaps enough for dynasties to rise and fall in the mortal realm, but in Bandle City, it might only be the time it takes to doze off a few times or attend a few crazy tea parties—when Kled felt that his irritable heart was about to stop beating and die of old age from this endless wait, Teemo's familiar little figure finally appeared on the horizon.
Most importantly, he was holding a rope, the other end of which was tied to... well, a juvenile lizard that looked bruised and battered, dejected, and several sizes larger than Skaarl. The little guy seemed to have just been beaten up, and was limping on one leg.
Timo laboriously dragged the reluctant baby dragon lizard in front of Alice and Kled, dusting off his hands: "I got a Skaarl kin! Top quality! You ride it and come with Kled! Problem solved!"
Kree stared at the trembling baby lizard, then looked up at Timo, his single eye filled with disbelief. He roared, "You call this your own kind?! Are your eyes in the air, scout?!"
Teemo leaned closer to examine the dragon lizard more closely, then turned back to Kled and said matter-of-factly, "What's wrong? Isn't this a dragon lizard? I specifically went around to the animal pen behind the Noxian military camp and looked at the sign; it said 'Dragon Lizard House'! I took a huge risk to release all the poor little guys locked up inside! This one was the fastest, and it took me a lot of effort to catch up with it and bring it back! You should thank me!"
Kree was so angry he almost jumped up from the ground. He brandished his lance, spitting as he shouted, "Is there any possibility that you mushroom-brained idiot! My good girl Skaar isn't a fucking dragon lizard! She's a dragon lizard that can make you shit your ass?!"
Timo frowned, then retorted with a "you're being completely unreasonable" look, "A lizard, a lizard, it's just a thing!"
Kree grabbed his lance and pointed it at the juvenile lizard, the lance almost poking its leg: "These two, one crawls on all fours, the other walks on two legs, they're not even the same species, how dare you call them the same thing?!"
Teemo was even more self-righteous: "As they grow, they might evolve and stand up on two legs! Don't you Noxians have a slogan that's been shouted all over the place? Something like, 'Come down, Noxus will make you stand up!!!'" He tried to use Noxus's slogan to prove his logic.
These words ignited Kree's fury, and he roared deafeningly, "I'm on your side!!!"
Before the words were even finished, the two were already fighting on the spot! Kled's furious attacks were like a storm, his lance slashing with tremendous force, while he cursed and swore at the swift scout's direct Yordle relatives. His vocabulary was incredibly rich and distinctly Noxian, a double attack of physical and mental ferocity. The foul language made Teemo, an old immortal elder present, frown—Yordles are said to live as long as heaven and earth, and as long as they don't act recklessly, they basically only age and never die...
The fight ended with Kled taking a blinding blow to the forehead. After blowing the dart, Teemo saw Kled covering his eyes and spinning around aimlessly. Then, with a "whoosh," he disappeared into a patch of glowing grass, leaving behind only an echoing voice: "Take it or leave it! I've got you the mount, so get on and get lost!" The grass swayed slightly before falling silent.
Kled felt a sudden darkness engulf him, his head buzzing. It took him a while for his vision to gradually return. With nowhere to vent his rage, he could only stomp his feet on the spot, using every filthy word he had ever learned to indiscriminately curse the direction where Teemo had disappeared and the surrounding onlookers, spitting everywhere.
His shrewish, street-fighting manner drew disgusted looks and long "Eek!" from the curious Yordle residents around him, who quickly dispersed. The Yordle parents with their young hurriedly covered their children's ears, fearing that Kled's inappropriate and vulgar language would corrupt their innocent minds. As they dispersed, they shook their heads and sighed, "What a tragedy... please don't learn from him..."
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On the edge of Bandle City, near a clearing in a grove of rats.
Timo: "When are you leaving?"
Kree turned his head, spitting almost onto Teemo's face: "Leave? Of course I want to leave right now! But why the hell do I have to take this... this 'dizzy and confused' woman with me to the Material Realm?! She's the trouble you picked up, not my pack animal!" He slapped Skaarl's neck hard, and Skaarl grumbled in dissatisfaction.
Timo said calmly, "She's been in Bandle City for too long; it's time for her to leave."
Kree scoffed, a sarcastic expression on his face: "Ha! Didn't you say she had some damn Yordle magical essence inside her? Did you even find out where she got it before letting her go? What if she gets starving on the way and tries to steal my essence and eat me raw like a carrot?!" He made an exaggerated chewing motion.
Timo shook his head helplessly: "Heimerdinger has already finished his research. Her original energy characteristics are very peaceful, more like a voluntary transfer or gift, and it is speculated that she fused with it when she was very young."
He gestured towards Alice, who was happily watching the little yodels chasing colorful bubbles. "According to Heimerdinger's deduction, she likely suffered a magical overload and fainted as a child due to prolonged contact with the ground because of her 'earth affinity' property. Vomit blocked her airway, causing irreversible damage to her brain from lack of oxygen... That's why she acts like a child now."
Kled was incredibly annoyed: "So what the hell does this have to do with me taking her to the material realm?! I'm a Noxian warrior, not a babysitter! I don't want to deal with this kind of trouble where she might faint after taking just a couple of steps!"
Teemo: "What I mean is, she's not going to eat you! Your worries are completely unnecessary! She probably doesn't have anything on her mind except playing and eating!"
Kree flew into a rage: "If Heimerdinger knows so much, why don't you let him take this little wench back to his Piltover lab! I have to go back to the Immortal Fortress to report! I don't have time to play house with you guys!"
Teemo shrugged: "You have to take it whether you want to or not. Who told Heimerdinger to rush back after finishing his research, and who told you to just happen to be here? That's fate, Kled."
Kled: "@#！￥#……#*￥*￥！#￥% (A string of extremely obscene and creative Noxian curses, involving Teemo's ancestors and various impossible physiological structures)"
After waiting for Kled to finish his tirade, Timo slowly pulled out a small, corked bottle from behind his back, emitting an eerie purple glow. "Oh, right. This is some liquor I recently brewed using 'psychedelic screaming mushrooms' from the depths of the Ghost Forest. It's potent enough that one sip will make you see your nemesis tap dancing. You've been loitering around my house for days, your eyes practically glued to my wine cellar... Here, get lost." He tossed the bottle to Kled.
Kree hurriedly caught the bottle, a greedy glint in his single eye. He shoved the bottle into his pocket, but his tone remained defiant: "Pah! You think you can bribe Master Kree with a bottle of cheap liquor?!...Wait, why are you in such a hurry to get rid of this little wench? What are you afraid of?"
He narrowed his one eye, a suspicious look on his face: "How about I take pity on you and finish her off with one stab? I promise it'll be clean and quick, like I never saw her!" He made a throat-slitting gesture.
Teemo took a deep breath, pointed at the group of little Yordles, and said in a desperate voice, "Look! Look at their latest popular game!"
Kled looked in the direction Teemo pointed. There sat a little Yordle in Iris's lap, his head nestled between her overly full breasts, his expression one of blissful ecstasy, as if his soul were being gently drawn from the top of his head by a soft force. Beside him, another little Yordle was holding a dandelion clock, keeping time.
When the time was up, the one that was keeping time immediately pushed the one in front of it aside and eagerly sat in Alice's lap, its face instantly displaying the same blissful expression. Alice herself, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious to anything amiss, simply happily cuddling the various "plush dolls" she had been holding, finding each one soft and warm.
"Moreover, her 'earth affinity' has healing, relaxing, and calming effects, and can slowly heal both new and old injuries. Although it is very weak, it takes effect as long as it is applied to her body!"
Teemo was heartbroken and nearly went berserk: "They call this 'soul extraction'! If this continues, the next generation of Bandle City will be ruined!!! All they think about is lining up to lie on 'breast pillows' all day long, what future do they have?! For the future of the Yordles, you must take her away! You must! Immediately! Right now!"
Kree's one eye widened as he watched the group of young yordles lining up, engrossed in the chest pillow. His mouth opened and then closed. His expression was extremely complex, a mixture of shock, disdain, and a barely perceptible hint of...envy?
Finally, he resignedly spat, clutching the mushroom wine in his arms even tighter, turned Skaar towards Alice, and yelled irritably, "Hey! You dizzy little bitch! Stop playing your 'soul extraction game'! Get over here right now! We're leaving! Damn it... what's going on?!"
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