59 Daybreak
"Miao Yue may not be a good partner."
Yang Xiao felt inexplicably irritated as she read this incoherent sentence. This was, in fact, all Zhou Qi had been typing. He was truly adept at using a single word to overcome all her attempts. So, in his heart, she was still the same.
Is she still that simple, weak person who needs protection?
Her hands, hanging at her sides, unconsciously clenched. There was no one outside the window; everyone, locked in their own world by the pandemic, lived a lonely, repetitive, bleak life. Yet she still longed for her heart to sprout vines, growing toward a place filled with sunshine and fresh air.
The phone lit up again, accompanied by a slight vibration.
Zhou Qi sent a compressed file. "This is the financial data I've collected over the years. Everyone has their own expertise, so I need Mr. Yang to take a look at it." Yang Xiao suddenly felt like she was in a shadow play, and the person pulling the strings was Zhou Qi. He always pulled the string behind her neck, making her rise and fall.
"I thought you wouldn't confess anything to me anymore." After typing, Yang Xiao pressed send. She was eager to know what motivated Zhou Qi to change his mind, what he was thinking, and his deeper definition of their relationship.
"We're allies. I can't possibly not call you when we're fighting." Zhou Qi seemed to be able to see the changing expressions on Yang Xiao's face through the screen, so he continued, "But this is Zhou Qi's battlefield after all. Yang Xiao, just be your military advisor."
"Okay, I'll take a look at the document later. You need to be careful and take precautions over there."
Zhou Qi didn't reply. His phone tumbled onto the soft bed. He lay there powerless, his eyes tightly shut. It was so cold. Was the window open? Why was the room so quiet, without even a sound of wind? His eyelids felt like they weighed a thousand pounds, and his head felt dizzy. It seemed he needed a good rest. Sweat soaked his back, making it feel cold. He woke from a very light sleep, his lips so dry that he couldn't even make the slightest facial movement. It hurt.
Then he realized that he probably had a fever.
As if realizing something, Zhou Qi sat up, limply turning on his computer. He mechanically dragged the files from the USB drive one by one, placed them in the email attachment, and set a timer to send them. If, he meant if, he couldn't go back, then these things should see the light of day.
After this operation, he suddenly felt relieved.
At the time, Fang Qiu asked him why he was so anxious to be among the first group to go to Wuhan. He felt guilty and uneasy.
Ultimately, he was still trading those filthy things for his own gain, instead of letting light shine into these rotting corners. He felt unworthy of his white coat and his patients. They knew they couldn't tamper with medical care, so they chose to, like ants, gradually nibble away at the resources that should have been used for hospital administration and logistics. He saw it all, yet he brooded.
He should have exposed it long ago, but he had a selfish motive. He wanted to keep Zhou Daye, the man who had changed his life's destiny and trajectory.
Around the time Zhou Daye died, Zhou Qi was plagued by nightmares. He dreamed of a green-faced, fanged god, telling him, "Zhou Qi, you can't keep your father. All the dirty things you've done will sooner or later exact revenge on him." He woke again and again, his pillow soaked. Then came the long wait for dawn.
The morning light spread through the gaps in the curtains, and the sky was about to brighten. But why did he still not see the grayness of his fingers in his eyes?
He lay back down and announced in the group chat that he was experiencing initial symptoms. His emotions suddenly became complicated. He shouldn't have been the first to collapse. He had come here with a heart of atonement, but now he had to leave early. Zhou Qi sighed and touched his forehead with the back of his hand. It was burning hot. What if...
There is still no result regarding Dad’s matter.
Yang Xiao, how heartbroken she would be. Ten years from now, twenty years from now, would she forget him? Thinking of this, he suddenly started coughing, his throat feeling like countless blades were slicing through him, his chest ringing with coughing. There was nothing he could do, even if he was unwilling to give up.
So he closed his eyes resignedly, then opened them again, got out of bed and took out the letter paper that was tucked away on the side of his backpack.
Zhou Qi took up his pen and began writing, facing the bright light outside. The wind squeezed in from the open windowpane, trying to carry away the stationery on his desk. After a moment's deliberation, it rolled up the half-written page and playfully twirled it around the lamp, making a rustling sound. Zhou Qi raised his hand to suppress it, and the wind blew through his hand, dispelling some of the sweat from his palm.
I wrote the beginning of that half page many times.
He didn't know how to address Yang Xiao: dear, lovely, or respected Yang Xiao? So, after scribbling and correcting his words, he copied them again. When he finished, he couldn't help but laugh. He was like a primary school student in an essay competition, clumsy and trying to get the highest score Yang Xiao wanted.
Let me write a few more pages, because my longing for you is too long.
Slowly, the letters piled up one on top of the other, and the sky changed color, resembling the blue-black ink of Hero brand ink. He turned on the light, and the warm yellow light fell on the paper, reflecting a bit of his own shadow. Why was the letter full of endless sour words? Zhou Qi shook his head subconsciously. Sure enough, what was written on the paper and what came out of his mouth were two different feelings.
These words, I'm afraid, will never escape his lips in my lifetime. They're so flowery and irritating to the ears. Fortunately, they were just words, so Yang Xiao's teeth didn't fall out. When should I tell her about my suspected infection? I'll have to wait a little longer. What if it's just a minor cold? I don't want to worry her for nothing.
By the time he closed the pen cap again, it was already so dark that there was no difference between opening his eyes and closing them.
Yang Xiao hadn't heard from Zhou Qi, and she tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. Unable to stop her wild thoughts, she watched the news reports of frontline medical workers infected with the virus—how could every one of them resemble Zhou Qi? She even set her phone to ring mode, just to be sure to know if Zhou Qi was okay.
The next morning, I finally heard the notification sound, short and quick.
She got up and called Zhou Qi without hesitation, regardless of anything. Yang Xiao considered that, given the current situation, calling Zhou Qi rashly might disrupt his work or rest. But she just wanted to know if he was okay. This thought intensified, becoming so intense that it completely overwhelmed her rationality.
As soon as the call was connected, Yang Xiao's string of words came out like firecrackers, "Zhou Qi, are you okay? Why didn't you tell me you were going to Wuhan? Do you know how worried I was about you when you didn't reply? We... at least we're still family." As she spoke, before she heard Zhou Qi's reply, her voice began to tremble with nervousness and worry.
"Cough, cough, cough--" Zhou Qi felt his throat was about to split. Just as he was about to open his mouth, the air rushed into his throat through his mouth, and he coughed for a while.
Yang Xiao was about to cry, "Zhou Qi, you..."
"It's okay. I'm just too tired and have a cold. Don't worry." Zhou Qi took a deep breath, coughed lightly, and then spoke to comfort her. His voice was more hoarse than ever before, as if it had been repeatedly rubbed on sandpaper. As soon as he said this, the sound of his voice changed so much that he startled himself. He changed his tone and said lightly, "You can open the windows at home to ventilate and listen to the birds singing in the morning."
"Listen."
Zhou Qi raised his phone to the window, and Yang Xiao heard a faint bird song. "That's beautiful."
It was the sound of sparrows and turtledoves, chirping and cooing.
"Yeah, you sang pretty well, didn't you? Ahem." Zhou Qi's limbs were so sore that he couldn't muster any extra strength. He simply leaned against the cold wall and used the force to move his phone closer to the window. "Don't worry, don't be afraid, everything will be fine."
"Have some hot water and stop talking." Zhou Qi changed the subject so quickly that Yang Xiao felt uneasy. "Listen to my good news. The patient is in a good mood and will definitely get better soon."
"Yeah." Zhou Qi tried hard to squeeze out a response from his throat.
"Zhi Miao has been selected by 23 hospitals!" Yang Xiao's voice rose as she mentioned Zhi Miao. The pride and sense of accomplishment spread through the phone to Zhou Qi's ears, and he couldn't help but feel happy for her.
"That's amazing." Zhou Qi's voice became more and more hoarse, and he could hardly utter the word "harm".
"So, Zhou Qi, please come back from Wuhan safely." Yang Xiao heard his voice become hoarse, and her heart felt like it was being pulled up and hanging in the air. "The military advisor already has enough financial resources to help you win this battle. After you win, don't you want to come to Beijing to spend the autumn? We'll have plenty of time to hang out in the alleys and step on the fallen yellow leaves."
"Okay." Zhou Qi unconsciously raised the corners of his mouth. In his drowsy and chaotic mind, he could clearly picture them walking together under the fallen leaves, her jumping and skipping, her ponytail flying. A long coughing fit ruthlessly interrupted his imagination, and he had no choice but to hang up the phone in a hurry.
Outside the window, sparrows were still singing on the treetops, but Yang Xiao no longer had the heart to listen. If, if anything happened to Zhou Qi, what would she do?
"I always wonder, why? I've lost my life, will anyone really care about my love?"
Yang Xiao suddenly remembered what she had said to Zhou Qi. However, she was still a coward, and she couldn't even imagine such a result. But a sharp voice emerged in her heart, shouting, "I have to live well."
Only by living well can you witness the changing of seasons and the passing of time.
She took a deep breath, washed her face, sat at the computer desk, and started a new day's work.
The human world has been forced to press the pause button, but at least outside there are still birds singing and flowers blooming. So, spring will eventually come.
Before spring arrives, she has to knit warm sweaters for herself and Zhi Miao to protect them from the harsh winter winds and snow. This is Yang Xiao's responsibility, just like Zhou Qi's responsibility on the front lines. They each have their own burdens to shoulder.
After that, it’s just waiting.
Waiting for spring to come and flowers to bloom.
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