Going out
Zhu Zhenggang had only been in his hometown for three years when he had urgent work to do.
On the fourth day of the Lunar New Year, the family returned to Yuecheng.
The father continued to go out and work, and was nowhere to be seen; the college student stayed at home for a few days, which was enough to extinguish the mother's longing, and Liu Lu resumed her daily nagging pattern, and the family affection "vanished".
Zhu Shiyi was very perceptive and volunteered to wash the dishes to maintain the precarious family relationship.
After washing the dishes, Zhu Shiyi lay on the bed and habitually opened WeChat.
Her only pinned post still contains no information.
Pan Yue hadn't contacted her proactively for a long time. He was still the same; he would reply to whatever she sent, very polite, and impeccable.
After New Year's Eve, Pan Yue and she never video chatted again; he said he was very busy during the Spring Festival.
There was no response to the couple request in the game. Zhu Shiyi had hinted twice to let Pan Yue download the game, and he promised to download it as soon as he was done with his work, but there was still no response.
Time and again, Zhu Shiyi slowly hesitated, a hint of doubt creeping into the corner of his trust.
The suspicion is that Pan Yue logged into the game, felt awkward seeing the couple's request, and therefore ignored her.
Zhu Shiyi opened the game countless times but never received a notification that the couple's account had been successfully linked. She didn't know if Pan Yue had rejected the request or simply hadn't seen it; after all, if he had rejected it, she, as the applicant, wouldn't have received any notification either.
......
But Zhu Shiyi still wanted to believe.
She felt that Pan Yue liked her.
Otherwise, why would you hold hands with her, hug her, eat Western food, and go out with her?
Zhu Shiyi comforted herself, thinking that adults were indeed very busy during the New Year. They had to cook, wash dishes, exchange greetings, and greet guests, unlike children like her who only had to reach out to receive red envelopes and say "Happy New Year."
Nothing happened between them, and there was no reason for Pan Yue's attitude to change drastically. She was probably overthinking it. Maybe he'll respond to her after the New Year when he's less busy?
......
It's a tangled mess, impossible to unravel.
When people are feeling irritable, they often try to mask their frustration with food.
"Little Pig!" Zhu Shiyi shouted.
Zhu Shijie exclaimed "Grandma!" and trotted into the room, asking, "What's wrong, sister?"
"Go," Zhu Shiyi commanded like a queen, leisurely swinging her legs, "pour me a glass of water, wash a bunch of grapes, and get me a bag of shrimp chips."
Zhu Shijie looked dejected and a little unhappy: "Oh."
He slunk away, turning back before leaving to haggle: "Can I just take the shrimp chips, sister?"
Zhu Shiyi smiled and said the most heartless words in the gentlest voice: "No, you can't."
The younger brother looked gloomy.
Queen Zhu Shiyi waved her hand: "Here's two yuan for you."
The younger brother's eyes lit up instantly: "Great!"
Zhu Shijie happily opened the kitchen door, and Zhu Shiyi chuckled.
It's better to be a child; you don't have to think about anything, and two dollars can make you incredibly happy.
My phone was playing a TV series when I heard footsteps approaching.
......
Zhu Shiyi subconsciously looked up and met a pair of slightly cloudy eyes.
As expected, Liu Lu carried grapes into the house, followed by Zhu Shijie who brought tea and water.
"...Thank you, Mom." Zhu Shiyi put away her phone, feeling inexplicably guilty.
She was lying in bed playing on her phone when her mother washed grapes and brought them to her lips... The scene was too eerie for her to bear.
"You'll just have your brother serve you." Liu Lu walked into the room and put down the fruit plate, her tone not very friendly.
Zhu Shiyi pursed her lips, completely unconcerned: "I was doing it for his own good. He's a child, he needs to exercise more to grow taller."
"You know you should be looking out for your brother," Liu Lu said, leaning against the table, rattling off a string of words. "Look at you, on vacation at home, you don't set a good example for your brother at all. You just lie around playing on your phone all day, not doing anything productive..."
Her ears automatically filtered out the information. Zhu Shiyi was already used to these lines; she was all too familiar with them. Liu Lu had been talking about these things all summer.
Zhu Shiyi gave a perfunctory "uh-huh," leaving Liu Lu to deal with the situation alone.
"..." Liu Lu was visibly displeased. She crossed her arms and said in a harsh tone, "You said you wanted to take the postgraduate entrance exam? What postgraduate student just lies around doing nothing like you? If you ask me, you shouldn't take it. After graduation, find a proper job at a big company, don't end up like your dad in that unstable industry..."
Zhu Shiyi sighed silently.
It really is about the postgraduate entrance exam.
Ever since Liu Lu learned about this, she has never stopped trying to stop her daughter from taking the postgraduate entrance exam, whether it was at the dinner table, in the room, or anywhere the two of them could be together.
Zhu Shiyi lay back, buried himself under the covers, and remained silent.
......
At dinner, Liu Lu still hadn't given up. She kept asking her to tutor her younger brother with his homework and to take the teacher qualification exam so he could get a stable job.
Zhu Shiyi grew increasingly annoyed, and his patience finally snapped after days of endurance.
“You talk and talk every day, but you never talk about my thoughts. You keep talking about what you want me to do and what I should do. Have you ever considered my feelings?”
Liu Lu's body stiffened, and her shoulders trembled violently.
"Didn't I consider your feelings? If it weren't for your own good, why would I bother saying all this and being annoying? Look at other people, who would talk to you about these things? You're yelling at me like this, have you ever considered your mother's feelings?"
"You're getting more and more troublesome as you get older. You were such an obedient child when you were little, how did you become like this now that you're all grown up! All you do is play all day long, you don't even know how to help take care of your younger brother, you're always arguing with me, you're never giving me a moment's peace!"
"How come I'm arguing with you 'every day'? Haven't I taken care of Zhu Shijie? Where haven't I taken care of him since he was a child? I..." Zhu Shiyi blurted out in anger, but when she caught a glimpse of Zhu Shijie out of the corner of her eye, she stopped talking abruptly.
Zhu Shijie kept his head down and quietly sniffed.
"..." Zhu Shiyi took a deep breath, suppressing his frustration.
Coming back to her senses, she tried to be as good-natured as possible and said, "I know you were just saying that out of anger, and I won't hold it against you. Of course I know what you said makes a lot of sense, but I want to make music, and I want to learn it properly."
Liu Lu sneered: "You're not going to hold it against me? You talk big, huh? You're not going to hold it against your mother!"
Zhu Shiyi: ......
"I'm sorry, it was a slip of the tongue," she said, trying to calm herself down. "I don't like my current job, and I don't know what I can do after graduation, so I want to study for a few more years, learn more about what I like and am good at, and have more time to explore my career direction..."
"You're so naive!" Liu Lu interrupted loudly. "Ask your dad if he likes his job? He does it to earn money, for the family, and he still does it! Your dad said we should think about things from a money-making perspective..."
Zhu Shiyi put down her chopsticks and went back to her room; she really had no appetite.
......
He lowered his head and took a deep breath; the woody scent of the guitar filled his heart, and Zhu Shiyi felt a little better.
She plucked the strings, creating a clear, melodious sound.
Music seems to have a kind of magic, always pulling her out of the shadows and leading her into a beautiful world.
There was a slight noise at the door. Zhu Shiyi glanced to the side and saw Zhu Shijie peeking out with his little head, staring at her without saying a word.
Zhu Shiyi chuckled.
These little gadgets are so cute; their expressions are all written on their faces.
"Come in," she beckoned.
Zhu Shijie entered the house with his head down, a few strands of hair sticking up on his head swaying back and forth. Zhu Shiyi couldn't help but reach out and ruffle the fluffy hair: "Are you unhappy?"
Zhu Shijie nodded.
"Did my argument with Mom scare you?" Zhu Shiyi gently comforted her. "Mom and I just had a disagreement, which is normal. It has nothing to do with you, so don't take it to heart."
Zhu Shijie's eyes reddened.
He stretched his face and widened his eyes, trying to hold back the wet droplets: "But I think you two were arguing because of me."
"...Why would you think that?" Zhu Shiyi's heart softened for a moment. She wiped away the tears from the corner of the child's eyes. "It's not because of you. Mom and I were talking about my future job."
"But Mommy also said you don't teach me how to do my homework, and that you don't set a good example for me..." Zhu Shijie's voice became increasingly nasal, and he sounded more and more aggrieved as he spoke, finally breaking into a sob, "Sister, do you hate me?"
"I didn't," Zhu Shiyi said, puzzled. The child really couldn't grasp the point. "Why do you say that?"
Who would hate a cute little henchman whose brain hasn't fully developed but who listens to you, insists on giving you money, and even helps serve you tea and water!
“But when you were little you said… you didn’t want me.” Zhu Shijie’s lips trembled, and he was about to cry again, so he turned away to hide it.
Zhu Shiyi hugged the child and gently patted his back.
She remembered it, but she never expected that Zhu Shijie, who was so young at the time, would also remember it.
When Zhu Shijie was little, he didn't like to eat, and Liu Lu had to feed him three meals a day, which was incredibly exhausting. Young Zhu Shiyi felt sorry for him and offered to feed him instead.
Zhu Shiyi imitated Liu Lu, holding Zhu Shijie in a chair and feeding him bite by bite.
But Zhu Shijie kept his mouth tightly shut and gritted his teeth, refusing to eat, and shook his head, insisting on watching TV.
Zhu Shiyi was anxious and tried to coax the baby while feeding him forcefully. Little Zhu Shijie dodged away, his body tilted to the side, and he fell off the chair.
Fortunately, Zhu Shiyi caught Zhu Shijie in time. The younger brother only bumped his head and was not injured, but he still cried out in pain.
Liu Lu was taking a nap on the sofa when she heard the noise and quickly opened her eyes.
Food was spilled all over the floor, and the child was crying while covering his head. In a moment of panic, Liu Lu yelled at Zhu Shiyi, "Why didn't you take better care of your younger brother?"
......
“My sister was still little back then,” Zhu Shiyi said, her nose tingling with emotion as she recalled the past. She gently comforted the child, “I only said that because I was angry at the time; it wasn’t what I really meant.”
Zhu Shijie nestled in her arms and slowly calmed down.
......
When she was little, Zhu Shiyi sometimes wondered if her parents would have given her all the love she had before she was eight years old, if she didn't have a younger brother.
The answer is yes. She doesn't have to be sensible or mature so early, and no one can take away half of her love.
But the facts are also certain.
Zhu Shiyi's only purpose in life was to have a younger brother, whether she wanted it or not.
But then I thought about it again.
Is being sensible and mature a bad thing?
No, she just cares about that past that lacked some care.
...Pan Yue involuntarily came to mind.
In countless moments, he was like a parent, taking care of her in the same way she took care of Zhu Shijie.
What was he like in the past?
Zhu Shiyi then realized that she had never known about Pan Yue's past.
......
"Little brat, don't overthink it," Zhu Shiyi pinched Zhu Shijie's cheek. "You're so cute, and you can even serve tea and water. Why would I dislike you?"
Zhu Shijie almost burst out laughing: "Sister, I'll take good care of you! All the money I earn will be for you to spend!"
"How disgusting!" Zhu Shiyi pushed Zhu Shijie away, disgustedly pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to him, "Stop giving me empty promises, just do your winter break homework properly first."
Zhu Shijie's lips stiffened.
"...Sister, what song are you playing?" The child immediately changed the subject, grinning, "Can you play 'Miracle Again'?"
Zhu Shiyi: ......
"No," Zhu Shiyi said, holding his guitar. "I'll play you a piece of high art."
She played a few songs on her own, and Zhu Shijie sat down with her on the floor, listening attentively. He even praised her, saying, "It's really good! You're amazing, sister!"
......
"I don't dislike you," Zhu Shiyi solemnly told her younger brother, like a parent, before he left. "Just study hard, don't cause trouble, and don't follow those people in society astray."
Zhu Shijie frowned and asked, "Why do we have to go to school?"
"What else can we do? When your parents go to work, kids your age are home alone. Don't they end up walking around in groups? They'll be everywhere, running red lights and dating. That's the biggest hidden danger to society!"
Zhu Shijie: ......
That makes a lot of sense.
Outside the door.
Liu Lu listened to everything.
--
Once the seed of curiosity is planted, there is no possibility of ignoring it.
Zhu Shiyi sent Pan Yue a WeChat message directly: 【Do you have any siblings?】
Pan Yue: [No.]
Zhu Shiyi: [Would you want siblings?]
Pan Yue: [When I was little, I wanted a younger sister.]
Zhu Shiyi laughed: [Brother, I'm your little sister!]
Pan Yue did not reply.
Staring at the motionless screen, Zhu Shiyi was driven to the brink of madness.
Why is this guy suddenly impossible to flirt with?
Zhu Shiyi persisted. She asked, "[A video call tonight?]"
After thinking for a moment, she changed her mind: "If it's inconvenient, a voice message is fine too."
Pan Yue: [I'm not home, so it's not very convenient.]
Zhu Shiyi was completely discouraged.
Although she comforted herself, she figured the other person must have gone to visit relatives and couldn't make a phone call.
But the fleeting thoughts in my mind are hard to control.
...Did Pan Yue actually like her?
......
In the following days, Liu Lu remained silent about pursuing graduate studies, but she didn't hold back her nagging—
Go to bed early!
"Time to eat breakfast!"
"Tie your hair up! There's hair everywhere when you come back!"
"......"
Zhu Shiyi gave perfunctory replies and obediently tied up her hair.
Countless times she had wanted to speak directly to Liu Lu and have them discuss graduate school in detail. But as soon as she opened her mouth, Liu Lu would flee like a raging flood, deliberately changing the subject.
......
She's a very realistic person. She listened to her parents' advice, but she still had reservations about pursuing graduate studies.
Zhu Shiyi really wanted to communicate with her parents, but her mother refused to talk to her, and her father was nowhere to be found.
In fact, her goal was not to get her parents' unconditional support, but to consider the matter from her perspective, taking into account various factors, and together decide whether or not to pursue a graduate degree.
What she couldn't accept was that they, from the perspective of "experienced people" who were in control of everything, categorically denied her, saying "Don't go."
She wanted to tell Pan Yue everything, big and small, as usual. But his subtle indifference made her hesitant to approach him.
......
Zhu Shiyi completely gave up and slumped onto the sofa.
A wave of helplessness washed over me.
"You just lie around all day," Liu Lu grumbled as she mopped the floor. "Don't stay home all the time, go out more!"
......
Liu Lu's words echoed in my ears, sounding incredibly familiar.
......
The road ahead is shrouded in mist, and the person I love remains elusive.
These were the words she heard before she made up her mind to go to Qin City.
......
The impulses of the past resurfaced once again.
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