temper
"Jinrong?" Liao Yan was startled, but quickly recovered and smiled ambiguously, "That's because of your boyfriend, isn't it?"
"No," Zhu Shiyi's face flushed slightly, and she subconsciously denied it, but the next second, she changed her mind, "Not entirely."
"Yuecheng is a technology city, but its cultural and entertainment industry is not good. What we are doing is much better than what Jinrong and Jiangming do."
Liao Yan waved her hand, as if to say, "I know, don't explain anymore," and didn't ask any more questions.
The edges of the ginkgo leaves were gradually turning yellow, and the National Day holiday arrived as scheduled. Before the holiday, Zhu Shiyi asked Pan Yue if he wanted to come to Jiangming for a visit. After graduating from university and leaving Jinrong, the long-distance couple rarely saw each other. In the months from mid-June to the end of September, they only met once, and that was only because Pan Yue had a job in Yuecheng, so they could barely meet for two days.
But Pan Yue refused, saying that the National Day holiday would bring a large influx of tourists and he couldn't leave.
Zhu Shiyi was a little disappointed, but she understood. Pan Yue had always been very busy with work, but recently he seemed to be especially busy.
Calming herself down, she comforted Pan Yue, saying it was okay, since there was already too much work to do with what his supervisor had given him, and they could catch up on it during the National Day holiday.
But when the holidays arrive, students leave with joy, dragging their suitcases, leaving the campus an empty garden, and those who stay behind feel a sense of melancholy.
Zhu Shiyi's words were not an excuse; her supervisor really did give her a lot of work. She worked like a beast of burden during the day and breathed heavily in her closed room at night, her mind filled with many thoughts.
She video-called Pan Yue as usual, and Pan Yue answered as usual. The two would exchange a few words occasionally, but most of the time, Pan Yue would handle his work and Zhu Shiyi would edit audio tracks; they would each do their own thing.
In her spare time, Zhu Shiyi silently pondered her future. Liao Yan was right; she should plan ahead, create more works, and strive to have more options for herself.
Making money, realizing ideals, and choosing a city to work in.
--
Maple leaves turn crimson, and ginkgo leaves twirl in the autumn wind, falling into the window.
Creative writing, submitting articles, and self-media—these were all attempts that accompanied Zhu Shiyi throughout the late autumn of this year.
But none of them brought any reward.
When Zhu Shiyi posted her twenty-first video on social media, only to receive a paltry 7 comments and 30 likes, her spirits plummeted. To make matters worse, her irregular menstrual cycle struck again; the pain wasn't severe, but she experienced spasms every few seconds.
Zhu Shiyi felt listless all afternoon. He ate dinner early and planned to go back to his dormitory to rest, but he stopped by the lake.
Under the setting sun, the small bridge and flowing water are eye-catching and sparkling, offering some relief from boredom.
Zhu Shiyi decided to sit down for a while and took the opportunity to video call Pan Yue.
Pan Yue answered quickly. Judging from his surroundings, he was probably on his way home from get off work and in his car.
"Did you have meal?"
"Not yet," Pan Yue replied. "I still have things to take care of. I'll just grab something to eat when I get back."
"Why have you been so busy lately..." Zhu Shiyi complained casually, "You haven't been doing anything bad behind my back, have you?"
Pan Yue was visibly taken aback. He lowered his eyes, remained silent, a hint of confusion flashing in his eyes, which ultimately turned into deep contemplation: "...No."
Zhu Shiyi said "oh" and didn't press the matter. She had only said it casually and didn't really think Pan Yue had anything going on.
Looking out over the small bridge, students are seen holding hands, chatting and laughing in twos and threes, their shadows reflected in the golden sunlight.
The world is so beautiful, yet it has nothing to do with her; how tragic and desolate. Zhu Shiyi couldn't help but grieve: "I'm really miserable. My submissions are rejected, my creative process is stalled, and even when I thought of posting a video, the traffic is dismal..."
"What video?" Pan Yue didn't know.
"Well... I created an account, thinking of doing some self-media." Zhu Shiyi hadn't actually told Pan Yue about this, only about submitting articles. Mainly, she thought that when you haven't achieved anything, it's better not to be too ostentatious and to work quietly on your own.
"Let me see?" Pan Yue didn't blame her for hiding it; instead, he offered her a suggestion, "How about trying a different style?"
“I’ve changed everything – makeup, song selection, everything – but it hasn’t made any difference.” Zhu Shiyi sent the account ID to Pan Yue.
“I’ll go back and check,” Pan Yue suddenly frowned. “Wait a moment, I need to take this call.”
Zhu Shiyi had just agreed when the other party hung up.
It felt like my attention was being diverted by a third party; my heart swelled up for a moment, then shriveled up and felt suffocated.
She could only leave Pan Yue a message: 【Call me back when you're done with your work.】
Pan Yue did not reply, presumably because he hadn't had time to read the message.
Zhu Shiyi sighed and sat for another ten minutes or so, but Pan Yue still didn't reply. Her stomach was still hurting a lot, so she simply went back to her dormitory.
Liao Yan had probably gone to eat and hadn't returned yet. Zhu Shiyi lay down on the bed, but Pan Yue still hadn't replied to her message.
My mood is like a pebble thrown into a lake; the waves it creates are small, but the ripples it spreads out and linger.
She sent Pan Yue another WeChat message: 【Why aren't you replying to my messages?】
This time, Pan Yue replied quickly: "I forgot."
Zhu Shiyi was annoyed and immediately switched to video mode. The screen changed, and the background on the other end of the phone changed to look like a study.
"Can't you make a phone call?"
"I was looking at the documents and forgot to reply."
"So you're saying you saw my message?"
"......sorry."
Zhu Shiyi punched a pillow. She was already annoyed by her period, and now she had nowhere to vent her anger: "You're always like this, you never pay attention to me!"
Another voice call came through on the other end.
Pan Yue glanced at it, his brows furrowed tightly.
Zhu Shiyi turned her head away, unwilling to look at him.
He was going to accept it, she understood.
This is normal; work is important.
"It's my fault." But the phone went silent on the other end.
He hung up the phone.
Zhu Shiyi was a little taken aback and looked back at her phone.
Pan Yue said to her, "But not every time, it's just recently, this project is more urgent."
Zhu Shiyi focused on the key point: "So you know you've been ignoring me lately, right?"
Pan Yue fell silent.
He pursed his lips, sighed softly, took off his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I'm not ignoring you."
But you didn't even acknowledge me!
"I didn't mean to."
"It wasn't intentional, you just ignored me," Zhu Shiyi said, getting angrier as she spoke. "You even said you 'didn't ignore me,' as if you were talking to me the whole time, making it seem like you're so enthusiastic towards me every day. If I didn't video call you, you wouldn't even talk to me. Every time I video call you, you won't even open your mouth unless I start a conversation."
"I saw you were busy, so..."
So you're saying it's my fault?
"...That's not what I meant."
"So what do you mean?"
"I'm just too busy with my projects, I hope you can understand."
Zhu Shiyi was furious: "You're saying I don't understand you?"
Pan Yue's breath hitched, and he opened his mouth.
"How else am I supposed to understand you?" Zhu Shiyi really wanted to laugh. "We don't see each other for months at a time, and when you come back at night we barely exchange a few words. You never share anything with me on your own initiative. What's the difference between this and emotional abuse? What kind of boyfriend are you? You don't even care about me as much as other ordinary friends do."
......
The words that were about to come out remained unspoken; the words in the conversation struck his heart heavily, and all explanations seemed so pale and powerless.
"It's my fault for not doing a good job." Pan Yue lowered his eyes, concealing the deep sadness in them, which he himself did not even realize.
His heart tightened for no reason, but he couldn't stop talking. "What's the use of just talking without doing anything?" Zhu Shiyi said.
Just then, the other party's phone rang again. Pan Yue glanced at it, and his lips and furrowed brows twitched slightly.
He didn't speak on the other end of the phone; all she could hear was the creaking of the phone, which was incredibly annoying.
"You can answer it." Zhu Shiyi didn't want to delay his work, so she hung up the phone directly.
Clear vision returned to my ears, and all was quiet and deserted. Deep within my heart, in a hidden corner, a certain desire stirred within me.
Rationally, Zhu Shiyi understood Pan Yue and did not want to affect his work;
But when it came to Pan Yue, she was always "unreasonable." She understood reason, but didn't want to reason.
If you have to constantly adhere to moral standards and social norms when facing someone you love or who loves you, then what kind of lover is that?
Must a person always show their prickly side to the one they love?
......
A conflicting mix of emotions swirled within me: anger, nostalgia, sadness, and even a tiny bit of... guilt. This complex tapestry of feelings left me breathless.
......
Was she being too unreasonable?
Pan Yue was busy, but he didn't want to be.
......
But no matter what, the heart will not lie.
She was indeed heartbroken because of him.
The phone screen flashed.
Pan Yue: [Sorry, I'm currently communicating with my contact person on the other end.]
Pan Yue: [Wait until I'm done with my work, okay?]
The fermented rice wine mixed with aged vinegar is so sour and astringent that it makes you dizzy, and at the deepest point of the taste, it is also somewhat bitter.
Zhu Shiyi turned off her phone and didn't reply.
My mind went blank, letting my thoughts wander aimlessly. I wanted to understand everything, but I couldn't grasp anything.
Disliking this feeling of emptiness, Zhu Shiyi called Yu Fan. She didn't confide in her friend, but only discussed the account traffic issue with Yu Fan.
Yu Fan had also worked in self-media, although she didn't continue, she still had some experience. She carefully offered her advice: "Actually, I think it's better if you don't change your style. You should find a style that suits you and not change it, so that you can be recognized."
"So what style do you think suits me?" Zhu Shiyi asked humbly.
Yu Fan gave a long "hmm" and pondered for a moment: "...Singing quietly is fine. Oh right, you also need to pay attention to the shooting style. Your shooting is too casual now. Look at those singing videos online. Even if it's just relaxed, it's still a refined relaxation. There's lighting and composition! You need to shoot more professionally."
Professional skills aren't something that can be mastered in a short time. With her mind still half-understanding, Zhu Shiyi racked her brains without success, then clicked her tongue in frustration, accidentally pulling on her stomach and causing a sharp pain.
Yu Fan heard her cry of pain: "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing, I just got my period," Zhu Shiyi said weakly, her mind a mess. She decided to stop thinking and just yelled in frustration, "Who would randomly watch my videos?!"
Yu Fan laughed: "Your boyfriend."
“He’s busy,” Zhu Shiyi hummed unconsciously. “He hasn’t said much lately.”
“Lin Changren is always so busy,” Yu Fan said with a hint of helplessness. “He doesn’t even have time to watch dramas with me anymore.”
Zhu Shiyi strongly agreed: "Men are all the same."
“What are you saying?” Yu Fan clearly sensed something was off. “What’s wrong with your boss, Mr. Pan?”
"Nothing much," Zhu Shiyi said, turning her lips away, wishing she could vent her emotions, but she didn't want to say too much bad about her boyfriend in front of her friends, so she didn't say much. "He's too busy and never has time for me."
"Work is fine, just don't mess around outside."
"Don't try to comfort me," Zhu Shiyi said, forcing a smile. "I know it's not his fault, I'm just not happy."
Maybe I'm just being dramatic.
She felt that in Pan Yue's eyes, she always came after work;
Work is more important than her.
Should work be more important than people?
Upon first thought, Zhu Shiyi was somewhat unclear about the answer to this question.
Work, money, and future prospects are undoubtedly important; but are they more important than people?
If Pan Yue also thinks that people are more important, then what's the difference between him and her father?
What she wants is acceptance and companionship.
The answer became clear immediately.
Work should not be more important than people.
It doesn't matter if she's poor; she's used to it anyway, as long as she can support herself.
When faced with a choice between work and relationships, she chose the latter; whether it's naive or immature, that's just how Zhu Shiyi thought.
Choosing a job doesn't guarantee you'll make a lot of money, but it definitely means you won't have time for it; choosing a relationship doesn't guarantee you'll be poor, but it definitely means you'll have companionship.
There are so many fathers in the world who neglect their families, but there are very few wealthy families. These children's childhoods are not a choice between money and companionship, but rather a lack of companionship and, likewise, a lack of money.
"I'm glad you're alright," Yu Fan said without elaborating, and continued the conversation casually, "They seem to be working on some new project, they're very busy, and it's in your Yuecheng."
My heart skipped a beat, and my thoughts were instantly pulled back to reality.
"Yuecheng?"
“Yes, we leased a piece of land in the development zone and invested a lot of money,” Yu Fan’s voice was a little softer, sounding somewhat wistful. “But I heard Lin Changren say something on the phone, something like… we might not be able to make it back.”
"Then why invest in it!" Zhu Shiyi clicked her tongue, feeling her heart clench as if her money had gone down the drain.
"I don't know, I didn't ask for details, or maybe I didn't hear everything."
......
After the call ended, Zhu Shiyi remained in a daze for a long time.
...Pan Yue, why did you choose to undertake a project that doesn't make money, especially one that just happens to be located in Yuecheng?
An answer vaguely appeared in my mind.
He wanted to come to Yuecheng for her?
Zhu Shiyi reminisced about her more than twenty years living in Yuecheng. Yuecheng developed at a fast pace, with few leisure and entertainment options. Camping? That word was practically non-existent in her vocabulary.
Everyone in Yuecheng is busy making money, who has time to go camping? Will Pan Yue's project really not fail?
He thought of Yuecheng, clearly for her sake, but why had he never mentioned it to her?
Zhu Shiyi had many questions and wanted to talk to Pan Yue about them.
She tried calling Pan Yue, but the line was busy.
It seems they're still busy, and quite possibly, they're busy with this project.
Zhu Shiyi didn't disturb him, only leaving a message for Pan Yue: "Let's talk."
Pan Yue's nickname flashed for a while, but after a few minutes, he only sent two words: "Wait for me."
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