Chapter 52: Fight with You Again
Sasa specially chose an auspicious day on a metaphysics website and moved into Zhou Chengyuan's house.
Of course, in exchange, a month ago she recommended Zhou Chengyuan's model card to several photographers. Zhou Chengyuan's conditions were not bad in themselves. A photographer who was often bullied online happened to have a brand to shoot, so he asked Zhou Chengyuan to shoot and recommended him to a foreign niche brand. Because Zhou Chengyuan looks very cool, the other party took a liking to him at first sight, so in the next issue, Zhou Chengyuan will appear in a major magazine and get a spot.
"But that's more than enough!" Shen Qingqing said.
Chen Qingqing, Sun Ziyi and Sasa were sitting on the floor of Sasa's living room. In front of them were sandwiches, cantaloupe with ham, a bottle of red wine, and mint leaves on a stainless steel square plate.
Sun Ziyi also nodded and said, "Doing business really depends on the right time and place, neither of which can be missing."
Sasa said, "Actually, Zhou Chengyuan is lucky. We do recommendations every day, but there are very few people who are truly blessed by fate. Of course, shooting for a magazine once doesn't mean anything. I heard last time that there was a little star who shot for Vogue all year round and secretly couldn't pay the rent."
"Why?" Sun Ziyi asked.
Sasa said, "Because when he first came to Beijing a few years ago, he was cheated by a film and television company that cheated him out of his termination fee. When he signed the contract, he was promised a lot of money, but after signing, he found out that there were no resources at all. Of course, it was not enough to have nothing. The contract stipulated that half of his income had to go to the company, and the starlet had to pay the company some labor fees for magazine shoots... and then the company would ask for a portion of the publicity fees..."
After listening, Sun Ziyi said bitterly, "Why are all those black-hearted stories from our entertainment industry..." Then, she picked up a piece of cantaloupe ham and put it in her mouth, but she spat it out. She glanced at Sasa and said, "It's too disgusting. You just eat these foreign things."
Sasa picked up a piece of papaya ham and ate it without changing her expression. She said, "I can't cook. This is easy. Cut the cantaloupe and put the ham in. It's like making handicrafts."
The three of them sat on the sofa in the living room in their pajamas, chatting with plates of cold dishes in front of them.
Shen Qingqing thought for a moment and said, “How about I talk to you all about something warm.”
Sun Ziyi immediately cast an earnest look at Shen Qingqing.
Shen Qingqing said slowly, "Wang Shu and I divorced because he bought a house for his brother without telling me."
Sasa and Sun Ziyi said "Fuck" in unison.
Sun Ziyi said, "This, this...isn't this a little too hot...I'm scared."
Sasa asked, "Then what?"
Shen Qingqing said, "Then Wang Shu did not agree to the divorce. He asked me to calm down and I haven't been home recently."
Sun Ziyi asked, "Have you calmed down?"
“Actually, I’ve been calm this year, and I only brought it up when I was calm enough to explode.” When Shen Qingqing said this, she smiled cunningly, looking like she was gossiping about someone else.
"It's horrible, the unequal emotions in marriage. He thought you were just angry, but he didn't know how many times you have already relieved your anger by yourself..." Sasa said.
Sun Ziyi decided to ask something pertinent, so he asked, "How much did you pay for the house you bought?"
"Two bedrooms, one living room, Haidian, not cheap, right?"
"Mr. Wang is really... he didn't tell his wife about such a big thing." Sasa said.
The shock of the two people had not yet ended, Shen Qingqing continued, "I am ready to start a career."
"Haven't you been doing it recently?" Sasa asked.
Chen Qingqing opened a can of sparkling water, picked up a few mint leaves from the stainless steel plate beside her, smacked them hard, and then stuffed them into the bottle. She inserted a straw and took a sip before saying, "I used to work for the teacher, but now I want to do some of my own projects, but I haven't decided what to shoot yet."
Sun Ziyi finally gained experience and told Chen Qingqing, "Creative inspiration is a lot like love. You have to wait slowly."
Sasa sneered, "Love? Love is not as fun as making money."
Sun Ziyi's eyes sparkled as he said, "When I mention this, I think of Mr. Lin... who volunteered to give me ramen."
Sasa smiled bitterly and said nothing; but Shen Qingqing couldn't help asking, "So, what was Mr. Lin's attitude later?"
Sasa grabbed the sparkling water she had been drinking, took a sip, and then slowly said, "To be honest, Mr. Lin hasn't spoken to me yet... I even suspect he's using me to launder money. Sometimes in the middle of the night, when I think about this money, I have to get up and walk around a few times to calm myself down."
"The other party may be waiting for you to think it over and doesn't want to put pressure on you."
"Are people from Northeast China really that straightforward? They gave me the money without saying a word, just a gift..."
“There haven’t been any big brothers like this from Northeast China in recent years, but my parents’ generation seemed to have many uncles and aunts who were blinded by love… I heard a lot of bizarre love stories when I was a child…” Shen Qingqing analyzed calmly.
After she finished speaking, she turned around and found Sasa lying on the sofa with her arms and legs spread out. She said with a look of indifference, "When I was young, I received an orthodox education. I was taught not to accept gifts without merit, and that giving roses to others will leave a lingering fragrance. But after the money was in my pocket, I realized that no one is perfect. I really want to swallow this money!"
After saying that, she jumped up, ran to the bathroom and started applying a facial mask.
While she was sitting on the toilet, smoothing the membrane, Sasa's phone rang. When she picked up, the voice on the other end suddenly changed her expression. After a moment, it softened, and she spoke slowly and quietly. "I'm fine." "It's been fine these past few years." "I don't have any moments where I can't control myself anymore."
Although Zhou Chengyuan's house is old, its layout is reasonable. The bathroom also has its own small window, through which you can see the scenery outside. Outside the window, there happens to be a large sycamore tree. Sycamore trees are rare in Beijing, and no one knows why there is a sycamore tree in this shabby community, so the view outside the window resembles the Nanjing of her childhood.
Sasa stood up and stared at the branches extending over the bathroom window. Many soft emotions flashed through her heart in an instant. She held up the phone, suddenly smiled, and spoke into the phone.
"But do you think we have the final say in life? Definitely not!"
-
The next morning, Sasa deliberately found a set of lululemon from her closet. She took a taxi to the nearest Batong Line subway station, rode a few stops, and then took another taxi to the hospital. This route sounded very sick, with repeated tossing and turning.
The hospital was packed. She reached the entrance to the Psychology Department and called. Doctor Tingting had already come out to meet her. The last time she saw Tingting was four years ago. She really wanted to be polite with Tingting, but then she realized that any pretense was unnecessary here. So, without saying a word, she obediently followed Tingting into the chat room.
Sasa sat down on the sofa, and Tingting asked the same questions from yesterday again: "How are you feeling lately?" "Have you ever felt energetic even without sleep for a few days?" "Do you have too many mood swings?" "Do you feel powerless and overwhelmed by life? Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?"
Sasa's answer was exactly the same as what she gave on the phone the night before.
Tingting observed her expression and said, "Susu, I told you on the phone that our hospital pays great attention to the follow-up care of patients with depression, so we're giving you a free checkup this time. We'll do an MRI of the back of your head to see if your brain has been deformed by your illness. I did that for you five years ago when you first came to see your psychiatrist."
Sasa nodded and said I remembered.
-
At the entrance to the MRI room, she removed her jewelry piece by piece: her earrings, the Prada hairpin, the Van Cleef & Arpels bracelet, and the necklace around her neck. However, she found metal still on her jeans. The nurse quickly returned to the department and fetched her a hospital gown, which was oversized and baggy on her.
Before going in, Sasa turned around and said to Tingting, "I'm going in!"
"Don't be afraid, I'll be waiting for you here."
-
The MRI machine scanned the person inside back and forth. Lying there, she suddenly remembered a lot of things. She remembered that when she was suffering from depression five years ago, she went to the hospital for the first time and met an acquaintance in the stairwell. The other party greeted her, but she didn't know how to react, so she just looked at the other party's surprise coldly. Fortunately, the person had nothing to do with her work circle, so she deleted the other party immediately after returning home.
During the year after taking the medicine, she often experienced side effects, including hand tremors, nightmares, rapid weight loss, and loss of appetite. The most terrifying day was when she looked up and found that the soup bowl on the table was talking to her. She was so scared that she peed her pants the next day and went to the hospital. There she had her first MRI to see if there was any deformation in the back of her brain. Then she adjusted her medication and continued the treatment for another whole year.
After she stopped taking the medication, Tingting or one of the other nurses would call her constantly. First, once a month, then once every three months, then once every six months. The most recent call had been two years since the last one. Sometimes it was between interviews with celebrities, sometimes on the way home from work. She remembered one time clearly: it was dusk. She was in Hengdian, having just finished an interview the night before and caught up on a long nap in the hotel. It was already evening when the caller asked, "How are you doing? Are you emotionally stable?" She looked out the window at the lights of countless homes and cried, saying, "I'm doing fine, but I don't know why I'm crying."
The other party said, if you feel particularly uncomfortable, come back and have a look.
-
After the examination, Sasa chatted with Tingting for a while on the sofa in the lounge. Tingting is married and has a little daughter who will soon go to kindergarten. Her husband is a doctor in the rehabilitation department upstairs.
Sasa had not been crying until now, but suddenly she started crying. The tears came out inexplicably, making her a little embarrassed, but Tingting took out a piece of paper and said without surprise that being a mother was a happy thing, giving birth to a new life and watching her grow up was like playing a nurturing game.
Every time Sasa came here, she was caught off guard. Finally, Sasa thought for a while and said, Tingting, I have some troubles recently... I want to talk to you.
-
The test results came out two hours later. Tingting took the results and told her that there was no deformation on the back of her head. She also advised Sasa, "You have to be careful about your own behavior. Sometimes you shouldn't be so competitive. Don't worry too much about other people's affairs. Most importantly, you have to learn to cherish yourself. Of course, if one day you can't hold on, you can still come back. We can fight with you again."
Finally, Tingting took a small piece of Paris Baguette cake from under her desk and said, "Take it home and eat it to celebrate the new beginning of your life."
Sasa smiled, held the cake and said goodbye to the nurse. After walking two steps, she turned back and found Tingting with her hands in her uniform pockets, watching her go.
Sasa asked, "Can we hug each other? This should be the last time we meet."
Tingting smiled and stretched out her hand to her. Sasa walked over slowly and hugged Tingting tightly.
"From now on, you must forget the time you were sick," said Tingting.
-
After leaving the hospital, Sasa held her cake box in her arms. In her pocket, she also had two hundred yuan given by Tingting. That was the subsidy given by the hospital to the Department of Psychology. Every person who came back for a follow-up examination received one. She wanted to put the two hundred yuan in a photo frame, keep it as a treasure, and place it in the most conspicuous place in her home.
She cried so hard while holding the cake all the way, but few passers-by looked at her; perhaps it was because in this city with top medical care, crying near the hospital is a very common thing.
She loved this city, loved the city's disdain for her, loved the insignificant sense of her existence when living here, loved those embarrassing years when no one looked at her twice, loved those unrealistic fantasies when no one laughed at her, loved those days when she forgot herself because of running, and everyone around her was the same as her.
"Because in Beijing, I'm not an outlier."
She still wanted to take the subway back, but the subway station was too far away. She cried as she crossed the street, without looking up, but just kept her head down looking at the crosswalk. So she didn't see the rows of vehicles on her left. There was a boy wearing a shirt and jeans, with a pale face and line makeup. After confirming it was her, he hurriedly got out of the taxi and ran towards her along the flow of people.
The boy with long arms and legs caught up with her in just a few steps, then took her hand and led her across the intersection safely.
After the two of them stood firmly, Zhou Chengyuan asked breathlessly, "Why are you crying? This is very dangerous."
Sasa sobbed and sobbed twice, then spoke haltingly. "I hate myself for not being a villain. A villain wouldn't feel guilty or sick even if they killed everyone in the world."
Zhou Chengyuan thought she had lost a fight with someone, and he never expected Sasa to answer like this. He was stunned for a moment.
After reacting, Zhou Chengyuan reached out and scratched the back of his head. "Party A paid me today, so I can treat you to a meal."
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