5. Widowed or not
"Do you think this way of learning English is useful? After half a year, I feel like I haven't made much progress?" Yi Yi stirred her coffee and asked He Miao.
He Miao was eating cheesecake in small bites, quite calmly: "Learning a language isn't something that can be rushed; it takes time. It takes us a year or two to learn our mother tongue before we can speak a complete sentence."
“We’re not very good at English ourselves, so we can’t teach him. Sending him out will save us the trouble and also help him build a foundation in advance.” He Miao glanced at her. “I’m planning to enroll Gun Gun in a programming class.”
"Programming?" Yi Yi was surprised. "How old are you! Aren't you afraid of hurting your eyes?" She had always strictly controlled the amount of time Kai Kai spent using electronic products.
"No one can predict what the future world will be like. But AI is a major trend, and programming thinking is very important." He Miao said with certainty, "Rather than letting him become addicted to games in the future, it's better to let him understand the logic behind games earlier."
"Why do children inevitably become addicted to games?" Yi Yi countered, "It's because real life isn't interesting or fulfilling enough. If you fill their time with interesting things, they naturally won't think about games."
“You’re too idealistic.” He Miao put down her fork and leaned forward slightly. “Let me tell you, 98% of boys get addicted to games. As soon as they touch electronic devices, game ads and push notifications are everywhere. You may not have noticed because you’re immune to games. But you should know how many visual experts, psychological experts, and marketing experts are racking their brains behind the scenes to do one thing: how to make you addicted, how to increase user stickiness… Trying to fight against this on our own is like a mantis trying to stop a chariot.”
These words seemed to strike a nerve with Yi Yi. She wasn't unaware of the allure of games for children, but she always felt she could "counterbalance" it by arranging more diverse activities. He Miao's words made her realize that this "confrontation" might be even more unequal than she had imagined.
In Yi Yi's vision, maintaining a child's curiosity is more important.
Life is long; lifelong learning is the key.
A curious mind is the source of motivation for learning, and this is what we should be focusing on. But can these training courses truly solve these problems? Many training courses claim to cultivate this or that skill, but ultimately they all boil down to problem-solving strategies and remain tied to college entrance exams. Take, for example, a middle school in Nanjing that, despite achieving good college entrance exam results while promoting holistic education, faced protests demanding the principal's resignation because it couldn't compete with the county's exam-oriented model.
Amidst everyone's anxiety about preparing for the future, Yi Yi also wavers. She fears that her "unconventional" approach will ultimately hinder her child's development, after all, she's not an education expert. Back when she was in school, there were no tutoring classes, yet she still easily got into a top university.
These words prompted He Miao to mock her as an old-fashioned relic.
"Big sister, big aunt, big madam..." He Miao always started with these exaggerated titles, always with a sense of exasperation. "What era were you living in back then? What era are we living in now? You know the 'theater effect,' right? You can say the theater effect is wrong, but everyone else is standing up, and you insist on doing the right thing by 'sitting,' and the end result is that you won't see anything. Look around you, Teacher Li's top students, Huihui, and Zihan... I can't even count them all on my fingers. Aren't they all proficient in everything from playing musical instruments to singing and dancing? Aren't they all running around in several training classes, casting a wide net and focusing on key students? When we were kids, even with tutoring, we were indeed the ones with poor grades. Now, it's all elite education! The top students are expanding their interests and hobbies. Big sister, big aunt, big madam... we need to keep up with the times."
Is this what it means to keep up with the times?
When Yi Yi told Zhuang Jia this, Zhuang Jia's first reaction was, "Has everyone gone crazy?" Her second reaction was, "With so many training institutions now, is it also related to the large number of stay-at-home moms?" This sentence left Yi Yi speechless. This logic made her feel inexplicably uncomfortable. It was like someone being groped on the subway, and then everyone was not criticizing the perpetrator, but implying that the harassed person was too sexy.
"What kind of logic is that?" Yi Yi was a little angry.
But Zhuang Jia still argued, "If so many mothers weren't free, no one at the training institutions would have time to deliver the packages!"
"It is precisely because many training institutions have helped some parents who cannot pick up their children on time," Yi Yi argued, but she fell right into Zhuang Jia's self-consistent logic.
"Then we don't need to deliver it, since you're home anyway," Zhuang Jia said casually.
Was this Yi Yi's original intention in talking to him? It's obvious they were talking past each other. When Yi Yi complained to He Miao and Ding Xiaojuan, they mocked her in unison.
"Why can't you make your own decisions?" "Aren't you that dependent on men?" "Do you need to ask a man about this kind of thing?"
Three barrage of questions left Yi Yi somewhat bewildered: "The child belongs to both of you, shouldn't the father be involved? Everyone talks about single-parenting, if you don't let the father participate, can you blame it all on him?"
He Miao said, "Of course, the blame for 'single-parenting' lies with the father. First, the child belongs to both of us; the father should take the initiative in raising the child, instead of blaming the mother for 'stealing the opportunity.' But think about it, how many times has he gotten up when Kai Kai cries in the middle of the night? His snoring is louder than his crying. Second, raising a child is already tiring enough; am I supposed to train him 'how to be a father' first?"
The phenomenon of "single-parenting" is not that a capable mother deprives a father of his rights, but rather that an immature father loses the opportunity to grow himself.
"
He Miao spoke with some emotion. Ding Xiaojuan, however, downplayed it: "My family's 'widowhood' was due to geographical limitations, which is understandable."
"Okay, okay. You win." Yi Yi couldn't argue with He Miao's various theories, so she turned to Ding Xiaojuan and asked, "What about you? You've moved to Haidian."
“Haidian isn’t a safe haven,” Ding Xiaojuan smiled. “We moved to Haidian because we’re closer to resources. Raising children really requires a lot of effort. When we sent our child to Benzhen Kindergarten, the tuition was twice that of a public kindergarten, precisely for the sake of comprehensive development. After starting elementary school, academic subjects and comprehensive development need to be combined. We’ll continue with piano lessons, and I plan to add a Chinese language course. English can’t be neglected, and we’re also looking into robotics courses… That’s all for now.”
Yi Yi listened, remaining silent for a long time. "Goodness, that must be 100,000 a year, right?"
Ding Xiaojuan said, "It won't reach that, it should be around 60,000 or 70,000. We didn't touch those expensive activities like horseback riding, swordsmanship, skiing, and golf! What can we do when we're poor!"
Yi Yi grabbed a cushion and threw it, and He Miao grabbed one and threw it back. The three of them laughed wildly... Yi Yi fell into deep thought again. He Miao and Ding Xiaojuan teased, "Stop thinking about it, you should just go home and listen to your old man!"
Zhuang Jia, of course, had different ideas from them. He disagreed with the notion of "absentee parenting." Although he didn't know how his child was behaving in kindergarten, who his child's best friends were, or what the teachers looked like, he played with his child every day and took him outdoors for exercise every week. He felt that even with a hundred tasks on his mind, he could do this much and had a clear conscience.
He added, "Have you all been brainwashed by 'success studies'? Success is getting what you want, while happiness is liking what you already have... So success requires running desperately, while happiness requires stopping to appreciate it. When they enroll their children in all sorts of programs, have they ever asked the children?"
Yi Yi, who was already somewhat hesitant, became even more at a loss. She couldn't agree with He Miao and Ding Xiaojuan's approach, nor could she refute Zhuang Jia's point of view. She thought that these things couldn't be decided in a day, and since the child hadn't started school yet, she should put it aside for now and not rush it.
Some things can be delayed, but others cannot.
He Miao was decisive when it came to enrolling her child in classes. However, she would procrastinate on the physical examination as long as possible. He Tian's company had already sent out the annual employee physical examination notice long ago, until HR urged He Tian again, "Mr. He, your physical examination will expire if you don't do it soon."
He Tian, who had been well taken care of by He Miao, asked, "Haven't you scheduled your medical check-up yet?"
He Miao exploded upon hearing this, her beautiful lips moving rapidly. "Can't you just make the appointment yourself? Can't you make mine too? Why do I have to make the appointment for such a simple thing?" Then she asked fiercely, "What's your phone number?"
I finally managed to schedule two medical checkups just before the deadline.
A few days later, one afternoon, Yi Yi and He Miao were chatting in a coffee shop when He Miao's phone rang. She answered it, and as she listened, her hand holding the coffee cup suddenly trembled, spilling half a cup of coffee onto the table.
Yi Yi quickly grabbed a tissue, but when she looked up, she saw that He Miao's face was deathly pale, and she looked like she had been frozen.
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