83 He must have hated me
After returning home, Liu Yuwei switched her phone to airplane mode and closed all WeChat friend-adding channels, leaving a refuge in the center of the storm open only to family and friends. The world was falling apart outside, but at least she could still receive news from her family. She leaned against the hallway cabinet and stared at the screen of her phone, her fingertips hovering above Liu Wenjun's portrait, but she didn't dare to click it. She was afraid that her family would see the obscene words on the Internet and feel distressed, and she was even more afraid that her forced calmness would completely shatter when she heard the comfort. But the more you fear something, the more it will come. In the evening, when Liu Yuwei was standing in front of the mirror with toothpaste foam in her mouth, her cousin called on WeChat and told her that Yuyao was hospitalized due to high blood pressure. After hanging up the phone, she put her palm against the washbasin, the cool touch of the white porcelain wall ran up her spine, and her eyes were instantly filled with hot moisture. Xiaohe heard it and started to help Liu Yuwei pack her luggage without saying a word. "Don't worry too much. Auntie didn't tell you, so it's definitely not a big deal." "Yeah, I know!" Liu Yuwei tucked a skirt into the corner of the suitcase. "My mom has had high blood pressure for years, and she's had regular checkups every year!" She spoke with such certainty, she couldn't tell if she was trying to convince others or herself. "I guess she saw all that nonsense online, and she couldn't recover for a while, so her blood pressure shot up." As soon as she finished speaking, Liu Yuwei's hand, tucking the clothes in, froze in mid-air, her eyes drooping. Xiaohe wanted to bite her tongue off. After packing, Xiaohe went to put the children to bed, leaving Liu Yuwei alone in the living room. The silence was silent, yet even heavier than the night outside. She seemed to have forgotten she had just brushed her teeth, turned around, pulled a can of beer from the refrigerator, and retreated to the balcony. She opened the window, and the night breeze blew in, making her hair flutter. The ups and downs of life seemed to have thrown her on an unstoppable roller coaster. Just two days felt longer than half a lifetime. The cold wine mixed with a lot of bubbles poured directly into her throat. She leaned against the railing, her eyes looking out the window blankly. Under the street light not far away, a tall figure was wandering, with a little scarlet between his fingers, flickering in the dim light. Suddenly, the man raised his head and looked in the direction of her balcony. The shadow blurred the outline of his facial features, but the posture was too familiar. The aluminum can groaned in Liu Yuwei's suddenly tightened hands. She swiped the screen and made a voice call. Sure enough, the man downstairs quickly put out his cigarette and took out his mobile phone. "Where... are you?" "Outside..." Liu Yuwei was silent for a moment. Why didn't she tell the truth? She didn't expose it. She couldn't even remember what emotion she should have. She was tired like a wet quilt...
Back home, Liu Yuwei switched her phone to airplane mode and closed all WeChat friend-adding channels, creating a safe haven in the center of the storm open only to family and friends. While the world outside was shattering, at least she could still hear from her family.
She leaned against the cabinet in the hallway, staring at her phone screen, her fingertips hovering over Liu Wenjun's profile picture, but she hesitated to click on it. She was afraid her family would be distressed by the obscene language online, and even more afraid that her forced composure would completely shatter when she heard the comfort.
But the more you fear something, the more likely it will come.
That night, as Liu Yuwei stood in front of the mirror, her mouth covered in toothpaste foam, her cousin called on WeChat to announce that Yuyao had been hospitalized for high blood pressure. After hanging up, she rested her palm against the sink, the cool touch of the white porcelain wall running up her spine, and her eyes instantly filled with heat and moisture.
When Xiaohe heard this, she started helping Liu Yuwei pack her luggage without saying a word.
"Don't worry too much. Auntie didn't tell you, so it must be a serious problem."
"Yeah, I know!" Liu Yuwei tucked a skirt into the corner of the box. "My mother has had high blood pressure for many years and has had a physical examination every year!"
She spoke with certainty, not knowing whether she was trying to convince others or herself.
"I guess it was because I saw all that nonsense online that my blood pressure spiked."
As soon as the words fell, Liu Yuwei's hand that was stuffing his clothes suddenly froze in mid-air, and he lowered his eyes. Xiaohe wanted to bite off his tongue.
After packing, Xiaohe went to put the child to bed, leaving Liu Yu alone in the living room. The silence was even heavier than the night outside the window. She seemed to have forgotten she had just brushed her teeth, turned around, pulled a can of beer from the refrigerator, and retreated to the balcony.
She opened the window, and the night wind blew in, making her hair dance. The ups and downs of the storm seemed to throw her on an unstoppable roller coaster. In just two days, it felt like half a lifetime.
The cold wine, mixed with a lot of bubbles, poured directly into her throat. She leaned against the railing, her eyes cast out the window with a blank look. Under the streetlight not far away, a tall figure wandered, a little scarlet fingertips between them, flickering in the dim light.
Suddenly, the man raised his head and looked toward her balcony. Shadows blurred his features, but the gesture was all too familiar. The aluminum can groaned under the weight of Liu Yuwei's suddenly tightened grip.
She swiped the screen and made a voice call. Sure enough, the man downstairs quickly put out his cigarette and took out his cell phone.
"Where...are you?"
“Outside…”
Liu Yuwei was silent for a moment. Why didn't she tell the truth? She didn't expose the truth. She couldn't even remember what emotion she should have. Exhaustion was like a soaked quilt, weighing heavily on her lungs.
She thought of the wound on the corner of Ren Yiming's mouth, "You...are you not hurt?"
"Injured?" Jin Lang was stunned for a moment before reacting, "Oh, you mean in the morning..."
A short laugh came from the other end of the phone, and the voice was a little dry from smoking, "Ren Yiming said I deserve a fight, and he's right!"
An hour ago, Liu Yuwei might have still had the energy to dissuade him from thinking this way, but now she was completely overwhelmed. After two days of trying to hold on, her mind and emotions were stretched to their limits, and even maintaining a basic sense of optimism became a luxury.
The draft carried a chill that blew into her collar, causing her to shiver. The phone pressed against her ear, her skin cold, was filled with only his barely audible breathing.
"Xiao Yu," his voice sounded again, with a desperate earnestness, but without confidence and determination.
"How about we go public? All it takes is a tweet, a few lines, and without much effort, those people won't have any reason to criticize you."
Liu Yuwei pulled the corners of his mouth helplessly, his muscles stiff and sore. "How can you be so naive? Do keyboard warriors need a reason to curse people? I'm just venting my emotions!"
"As for me... I'm like standing on the edge of a cliff. If you openly reveal your true feelings now, it might not help me pull myself up, but instead give others leverage to push me down!"
There was a hint of laughter at the end of her voice, as if she was joking, but to Jin Lang's ears, the weight of her words was heavier than a thousand pounds.
After Ren Yiming left, Jin Lang mobilized almost every resource he could to try to put out the fire he had started. Zhang Yi scolded him for his "bad idea," nearly losing her temper. But after Liu Yuwei was exposed, he was determined, and Zhang Yi lost his temper, saying angrily, "We'll break up when the contract expires!"
He couldn't control his steps and wanted to come see her, but he was afraid of any more accidents, so he could only stand downstairs, shortening the physical distance in this way, as if being closer could block the invisible but omnipresent malice for her.
"By the way, I bought a train ticket back to the Acropolis for tomorrow morning."
"So sudden?" A strong sense of unease rose in my gut. "Did something happen at home?"
“…Well, my mom is in the hospital, I have to go back and see her!”
"sorry…"
His voice was choked with sobs. These three words sounded so thin, pale and meaningless in the night wind.
"Go back!" Liu Yuwei suddenly interrupted him. "Those ladies strolling in the yard have passed by you for the third time. If you don't leave now, you might be reported as a suspicious person!"
He looked up suddenly and vaguely saw a familiar figure waving at him by the fourth-floor window.
He wanted to say, "I'll go home with you," wanted to tell her, "I'm here for you no matter what happens," but these words were like oil splatter on the surface of water, light and thin. He was clearly downstairs, but he didn't even have the right to stand by her side openly. Those empty promises that he couldn't fulfill only added to her burden and exposed his own incompetence.
No wonder...she has no confidence in this relationship and the "future".
…
Before daybreak the next day, Liu Yuwei had already boarded the train alone. The route home was familiar, but this time it carried the air of a desperate escape.
Relying on the "precise intelligence" provided by her cousin, she easily found Yu Yao's ward and asked about the patient's condition at the nurse station, and only then did she feel relieved.
"Xiao Wei?"
Hearing a familiar female voice, Liu Yuwei turned around and saw that it was indeed his aunt, holding a thermos in her hand.
"Why are you back? Aren't you going to work today?"
"Aunt, I'm taking a leave! Thank you and uncle for your hard work these past two days!"
"Why are you asking for leave? Your mom is fine! She just told me not to tell you!"
The two walked into the ward together. Yuyao's bed was next to the window. When she heard the voice, she turned her head, her expression surprised, but she understood instantly. "I knew I couldn't hide it. Someone must have told you!"
The aunt quickly waved her hands to indicate that she was not the "traitor", and the three of them smiled at each other.
"Aunt, I'm here, you can go back!" Liu Yuwei took the thermos and put it in the corner. "Uncle will definitely not be able to take care of the child alone!"
"He can do anything when no one is around, but as soon as I get home, he's like he has no hands or feet!" Although she complained, she was still worried about her precious grandson, so she gave him a few more detailed instructions before leaving.
Only mother and daughter were left by the bed. Liu Yuwei first stared at the dripping liquid from the IV tube, then shifted her gaze to the steaming cup of water. She had never been as close to Yuyao as she was to Liu Wenjun. She had so much to say that she didn't know where to begin, or how to say it properly.
"Mom, you saw all that on the Internet, didn't you?"
She was like a child who had made a mistake, twisting her fingers and lowering her eyes, not daring to look her mother in the eye.
"Yes, but I know that what they say is definitely false. How could I not know what my own child is like?!"
Yu Yao sighed heavily, "But the more I read, the angrier I get. I toss and turn at night and can't sleep. Even taking blood pressure medication doesn't control it."
"I'm sorry for making you worry..."
"What are you saying sorry for? It's not your fault! Some people have mouths that only serve to eat and talk nonsense."
Liu Yuwei had never expected that her usually calm and rational mother could say such "rough" but satisfying words, and the gloom that had been accumulating for days was easily dispelled.
"But...you and that Jin..." Yu Yao realized that there were other patients and their families in the ward, and quickly changed the subject, "What's going on with that high school classmate?"
"Well...it's a bit complicated..." Liu Yuwei responded vaguely, avoiding her mother's inquiring gaze.
Seeing her daughter's turmoil, Yu Yao stood up and asked, "Boyfriend?"
"I guess so!" The voice was as thin as a mosquito's.
"I guess so?" Yu Yao's voice suddenly rose, then quickly dropped again. "Why, he couldn't handle the online storm? He wants to distance himself from you?"
Without waiting for Liu Yuwei to answer, her words came out like a machine gun.
"Is it so great just to appear on TV and earn some money? You put the girl in the front and get scolded, while you hide in the back and dare not say a word. What a joke!"
"Weiwei, it's better not to have such a blind and heartless man. We can definitely find someone better!"
Liu Yuwei couldn't help but burst out laughing when she heard this string of insults against Jin Lang. An indescribable sense of relief washed over her, a mixture of bitterness and warmth.
No matter what happens, there will always be someone who can stand in front of you without reservation, without asking reasons, and even a little "unreasonably".
"Mom..." Liu Yuwei's voice softened, "I know what's going on, don't worry!"
She was too lazy to explain everything again, so she simply went along with her mother's wishes, which at least put her at ease.
At noon, Liu Yuwei went to the hospital cafeteria to get Yuyao's lunch. She stood in line behind two young nurses. The tall girl lowered her head and scrolled through her phone. "Why is Jin Lang always on the trending searches these past few days? Every time I open Weibo, it's him..."
"Weren't you quite enamored with him before? Why did you change your husband?"
"Hmm, the drama-forsaken husband! Wow, he's going to work with the best actor and produce the film... That's a big step!"
"What is it? Let me see..." The short girl leaned over, "Dust Lamp Past... this name sounds a bit sad..."
Back in the ward, Liu Yuwei set the table and told Yuyao to eat slowly. She then ran to the end of the hallway, her phone in hand. With a flick of her finger, she released airplane mode. The signal instantly returned, and the notification chimes rang out repeatedly. She skipped WeChat and went straight to Weibo.
Sure enough, Chen Deng Wang Shi launched an official account, featuring a textured black-and-white concept poster on its homepage, along with a mention of the main creators. Jin Lang's studio and a series of entertainment public accounts also reposted the post.
The combination of a veteran Hong Kong actor and an A-list star, along with a young director who won Best Short Film at an international film festival two years ago, was bound to be a hot topic. Several professional film critics also praised the film, expressing their anticipation for its "ambitious" release on the big screen.
Liu Yuwei casually glanced at the hot search list. Most of the entries closely related to her name had quietly disappeared, and the few remaining ones were pushed to the middle and lower reaches of the page. The popularity was dissipating rapidly like the tide.
Obviously, someone is helping her cool down at all costs.
The midday sun poured through the high windows of the hallway, burning the metal frame of her phone. She sniffed, and the strong smell of disinfectant in the hallway instantly choked her eyes.
Launching the film's promotional campaign so hastily, using new buzz to cover old topics and forcibly refreshing netizens' mental cache, is a typical risky PR move. If successful, it will certainly divert attention; if unsuccessful, it will be criticized for "riding on the momentum of the romance," ruining its popularity and all previous efforts.
He hadn't mentioned a word about this on the phone last night. Liu Yuwei didn't need to think too hard to guess that he was afraid she'd stop him if she knew. She rubbed her swollen temples. Now that things had come to this, all she could do was wait and see.
At three in the afternoon, the ward buzzed with activity as the patient in the middle bed welcomed a few friends to visit. Liu Yuwei offered her small stool to sit beside Yuyao's bed, flipping through a magazine aimlessly.
After asking about the patient's condition, the old ladies started chatting about gossip.
"Hey, I went to northern Beijing a while ago. Guess who I met?" The aunt in the floral shirt asked mysteriously.
"Who is it?"
"Li Xin, the one who entered the cotton mill in the same year as me!"
"She used to live in the unit next to mine, and her son is a celebrity, the Li Xin?"
"Yes, yes! It's her!"
When Liu Yuwei heard this, his fingers suddenly stopped, and creases appeared on the edge of the page.
"Oh, I haven't seen her for a few years. How is she? Is she in good health?"
The aunt lying on the hospital bed asked.
"He looked energetic and well-dressed. His son has made a lot of money, so he must be living a comfortable life! But I was in a hurry to catch the train, so I just said hello and didn't chat in detail."
"She finally got her reward after all the hardship she's endured. It's not easy for both mother and child!" sighed another aunt.
"I heard... that when her husband died, he left behind a lot of debt? Is that true?"
The person who spoke deliberately lowered his voice, but the ward was so small that the volume was loud enough for Liu Yuwei, who pricked up his ears, to hear it clearly.
She caught a glimpse of the person on the bed nodding.
"Those few years were truly...uneasy for their family. Her husband's company ran into trouble and he owed a lot of money. After he passed away, Li Xin couldn't handle the shock and stayed in the hospital for a long time... But luckily, she raised a good son!"
Yu Yao sensed something was wrong with his daughter. Seeing her holding the magazine for a long time without turning the page, her eyes fixed on her, he gently touched her arm and said, "It's time to change the fluid!"
"Oh, okay, I'll go get the nurse!"
Liu Yuwei, as if awakened from a nightmare, jolted out of the ward at a trot, practically escaping. In the empty hallway, she gasped for breath, barely able to steady herself, clinging to the cold wall. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest, threatening to burst through her ribs. Her ears buzzed, echoing over and over again—"debt," "passed away," "laid in the hospital for a long time"...
When we returned to the ward, the aunts had already changed the topic to something lighter.
She silently adjusted the drip rate of the infusion tube, then sat on the edge of the bed, clenched her hands, staring at the ground with unfocused eyes, as if her soul had been drained by the conversation just now.
No wonder Jin Lang kept saying that he entered the entertainment industry to make money, and no wonder Zhang Yi hinted at it that day but refused to say it explicitly.
What did the days others casually described as "uneasy" mean to a young person who had suddenly lost her father, whose mother fell seriously ill, and was burdened with heavy debts? She couldn't imagine it, not even for a moment.
Somehow, the memory of that unexpected encounter with Jin Lang at the hotel surfaced. His tone was harsh, his eyes filled with aggressive anger and accusations. Even though he later took the blame for their breakup that night in Berlin, where was she when fate struck him? When he was most desperate, helpless, and in need of support, where was she?
Because of a misunderstanding and a little suspicion, she made a harsh remark, cut off all contact, and left him alone in the endless darkness. At that time, deep in his heart, he must have hated her, right?
He hated her coldness, her infidelity, and the fact that when he fell into the abyss, not only did she not help him, but she turned away without mercy.
Liu Yuwei's throat tightened and the strong smell of blood almost suffocated her.
She stiffly raised her head and looked out the window. The afternoon sun was just right, basking the leaves of the tall sycamore trees in front of the building in a brilliant green. They swayed in the wind, their brightness blinding, as if flaunting a vitality untouchable by those within the window.
His thoughts continued to drift with the flashing spots of light, but at least... Song Miao was by his side later.
If the last time this thought occurred to her, her heart was still swirling with entanglement, jealousy, and bitterness, then at this moment, amidst the heartache and regret that threatened to overwhelm her, that bit of jealousy twisted into another emotion that even surprised her.
An almost cruel sense of relief and a feeling of relief at having survived a disaster.
Yes, thankfully.
Fortunately, during that long, cold, dark time when she was absent, when he was alone and struggling with fate, there was someone who stayed by his side. At the moment when he was on the verge of collapse and wanted to give up, she reached out and grabbed him, "Jin Lang, you can still hold on a little longer."
Even if the person who accompanied him through the cold winter was not her, Liu Yuwei.
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