Chapter 36 Light and Darkness...
The next day, Jiang Nuanyu went to her workstation and took something out of her bag. When she saw the envelope containing the autographed photo, she paused.
She parted ways with Ye Ji at the entrance of the exhibition hall last night. After getting home, she sent Ye Ji a WeChat message to let him know she was safe, but Ye Ji didn't reply.
Jiang Nuanyu placed the autographed photo on Feng Shasha's desk, sat back down, and sent a message to Ye Ji.
"Heating starts this weekend, how about coming over to my place for hot pot to officially welcome winter? (Hot pot doesn't count as pre-cooked food [cowardly emoji])"
A minute passed, and Ye Ji still hadn't replied.
She posted another message: "Friday? Saturday? or Sunday? You choose."
Before the phone screen even turned off automatically after sending the message, Ye Ji replied: "Saturday night, perhaps."
Jiang Nuanyu replied with an "OK!" emoji, and her heart finally settled down.
She understood that Ye Ji needed time. However, she also wanted Ye Ji to know that she cared about her feelings; and that she hadn't forgotten all the good things between them because of a single emotional outburst.
*
On Saturday, Jiang Nuanyu didn't wake up until almost noon because she had stayed up late the night before. She threw back the covers, and the warmth filling the room made her realize that the heating was on.
She stretched out one leg and stepped barefoot on the ground. Sure enough, a slight warmth was seeping through the floor to her feet.
She got out of bed and drew back the curtains, and sunlight instantly flooded the room. She stretched lazily in the light.
After a quick wash, she opened the cupboard and rummaged through it, then opened the refrigerator to look around, but couldn't find anything she particularly wanted to eat. Left with no other option, she grabbed a boiled egg to make do.
She tapped the egg on the counter, stood it on the edge of the island to peel it, and glanced at the closed laptop on the dining table, immediately becoming preoccupied again.
Last night, she had a video call with Mariana, the editorial director of Chaleur.
Contrary to her initial expectations of collaboration, the other party offered her a full-time job as the official editor of the international edition of Chaleur.
Mariana also specifically mentioned that the Chaleur team hopes to leverage her Asian cultural background to promote the planning and implementation of more East-West integration themes.
This, ironically, became the catalyst for Jiang Nuanyu to seriously consider the job offer.
Beyond the universal ability to produce content, her unique and irreplaceable core competency lies in the perspective brought about by her cultural background. This alone makes her far from being entirely passive.
She took bites of the boiled egg, the yolk dry and hard to swallow, but she seemed oblivious, her mouth mechanically chewing and swallowing.
Last night, she had a rare bout of insomnia, tossing and turning until midnight, but still couldn't come up with a definite answer.
Working for Chaleur was something she never dared to dream of. But every word Mariana said conveyed the same message: it was worth trying.
Accepting this invitation means she will no longer rely solely on Florian's platform and connections. She will truly be at the heart of global fashion resources, engaging directly with top designers and artists.
This means she will be personally involved in the entire process of selecting in-depth topics and bringing the features to fruition for top international fashion magazines. Her name will be featured in every issue. Her professional abilities and personal influence may be elevated to unprecedented heights, reaching levels she could never have achieved with *Florian*.
But this also meant that she had to leave Beijing and go to another city nearly 10,000 kilometers away to start a new life.
She had to leave her familiar environment, give up her comfortable work atmosphere, and sacrifice the relatively close proximity to her friends and family...
...and Liang Qi.
Thinking of him, Jiang Nuanyu felt a tightness in her chest that almost made her suffocate.
Even though she couldn't even define their relationship, she began to worry that her choice would wipe out the last bit of connection between them.
She had never even possessed it, yet she feared losing it completely.
All she needed to do was reply to a confirmation email.
She had unconsciously crushed the eggshells on the counter into small fragments with her hands. She glanced down at them and swept them into the trash can.
*
In the afternoon, Jiang Nuanyu rummaged through the kitchen drawers and cupboards, but couldn't find the hot pot base. She clearly remembered that she used to have it at home.
She figured it might be because she hadn't had hot pot at home in a long time and might have misremembered, so she stopped worrying about it and decided to go buy it again.
Jiang Nuanyu usually buys groceries online, but this time, she suddenly had a whim and decided to go to the supermarket herself.
She quickly tidied herself up, changed into a comfortable set of casual clothes and flat shoes, and walked to the nearby shopping mall.
Perhaps because it was the weekend, the supermarket was quite crowded. She pushed her shopping cart back and forth among the shelves, and after browsing for quite a while, she finally managed to buy all the ingredients she needed for a hot pot meal.
As she walked toward the checkout, she looked down at the items in her shopping cart: meat rolls, shrimp paste, various vegetables and mushrooms, meatballs, bean curd sheets... Soon, she realized she had forgotten the most important thing—hot pot base!
She had no choice but to push her cart and go back against the flow of people.
Jiang Nuanyu can eat spicy food, but not a lot; she couldn't possibly endure a whole spicy hot pot meal. Ye Ji, however, a true Beijing native, couldn't live without spicy hot pot. So, Jiang Nuanyu chose a spicy broth and a non-spicy tomato broth. Luckily, they had a divided hot pot at home.
When I returned to the cashier, the line was much longer than before.
Jiang Nuanyu deliberately chose the shortest line, but to her surprise, the people ahead of her all had their shopping carts overflowing. The lines on both sides were constantly moving forward, but hers remained completely still for a long time.
She was upset.
She chose this team because she thought it would be the fastest.
She waited behind, her gaze wandering aimlessly back and forth. A slender, tall, and shapely figure caught her attention from diagonally ahead.
The person took a step forward and turned to the side, and Jiang Nuanyu recognized him—it was Shi Youning.
What a small world, and what a coincidence.
She quickly looked away and pressed her hat down over her head.
Her relationship with Shi Youning, while far from being on the verge of conflict, was definitely not that of friends. They were colleagues, but there was always an unspoken, subtle, and awkward tension between them.
She wasn't going to go over and greet Shi Youning; she just needed to avoid eye contact, otherwise she'd inevitably have to exchange a few pleasantries. She simply wasn't in the mood for it today.
That said, Shi Youning has been working with the magazine for several months now, but the two haven't had any direct professional interaction. Their last exchange was in mid-September at the fashion week gala hosted by the magazine.
Thinking of this, Jiang Nuanyu suddenly recalled what Shi Youning had told her about the reason she broke up with Liang Qi that day.
At the time, she felt that it was the other person's business and had nothing to do with her. But now, facing the invitation from Chaleur, she can't help but project Shih Yu-ning's experience onto herself.
Liang Qi's views on relationships, his definitions of time, space, and relationships, and his ranking of other people and himself... all seemed to have a completely different feel for her than before.
She was looking down, lost in thought, feeling as if there was nothing in front of her.
The line, which had been stuck, suddenly became smooth.
She pushed the shopping cart forward, and one by one, the people in front of her left. Before long, it was her turn. She paid, carried two large bags of groceries, and went home.
Not long after I got home, Ye Ji arrived.
Ye Ji also carried a bag of food, which included a mille-feuille cake, various sliced fruits, and several cans of sparkling wine. As soon as she entered, she expertly put the wine in the refrigerator to chill it beforehand.
Ye Ji was in charge of washing the vegetables, while Jiang Nuanyu chopped and plated them. Ye Ji then carried the plates, bowls, and chopsticks to the table one by one. Once everything was ready, the two sat down and began to eat amidst the rising steam.
The ingredients in the pot are bubbling and turning, and the flavors of different ingredients intertwine to create the unique aroma of hot pot.
During the meal, the atmosphere was as usual. The two chatted about this and that, as if the unpleasantness of a few days ago had never happened, but they both tacitly avoided sensitive topics.
When the broth in the pot was almost dry, Jiang Nuanyu leaned back in her chair and patted her stomach: "I'm full."
"I'm stuffed too." Ye Ji wiped her mouth with a tissue. "Was it from this hot pot meal? Why does your house feel so hot?"
"The underfloor heating in this house is really good," Jiang Nuanyu said.
"I'm sure I'll be feeling hot and bothered when I wake up tomorrow morning." Ye Ji said, forking a strawberry into his mouth. He glanced at the scene on the table, knowing that Jiang Nuanyu wouldn't let this mess linger overnight, and said, "While I still have the energy, let's clean this up first."
Jiang Nuanyu didn't stand on ceremony with her: "Okay."
The two sorted the leftover food and put it in the refrigerator, put the pots and pans in the dishwasher, and moved to the sofa to slowly digest it.
Jiang Nuanyu sat on the single sofa, biting the edge of a soda can, glancing at Ye Ji several times before finally speaking: "Ye Ji, what's going on between you and Jing Yao?"
Ye Ji lay back on the sofa, her head resting on a cushion, looking at the ceiling. A soft chuckle escaped her nose, and she patted the sofa gently with her hand, but remained silent for a long time.
"Is the person in your heart him?" Jiang Nuanyu asked again.
Actually, she had always known that among Ye Ji's many exes, there was one person who seemed a little different. But Ye Ji was so carefree about relationships that she wasn't sure if this difference was really that unusual, so she never asked.
Ye Ji turned to look at her, seemingly surprised that Jiang Nuanyu had figured this out.
She always thought she had hidden it well.
Ye Ji sat up, reached over to pick up the can of sparkling wine from the coffee table, took a slow sip, and then said, "Do you remember that winter in my junior year when I skipped a few days of class to go skiing?"
Jiang Nuanyu thought for a moment and nodded: "I remember."
“At that time, I was with him,” Ye Ji said. “We had only known each other for a short time and hadn’t officially become a couple, but I knew I liked him. I could also sense that he was somewhat interested in me too.”
Later, while casually scrolling through his WeChat Moments, he saw photos posted by a friend showing him with another girl.
“I hinted at asking him, thinking he would deny it, or at least give me some evasive answer. But I didn’t expect him to be so honest.” Ye Ji smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I knew then that he had no intention of being with me.”
Jiang Nuanyu lowered her eyes and listened quietly.
“He will still treat me very well, even if there is no definite relationship between us.” Ye Ji’s tone was indifferent. “We meet occasionally, and there is no special purpose. It’s just about being with him. Even if there are other people around, I will have a kind of illusion: that he and I are bound together, that we are different.”
“He would care about me, and would suddenly look after me in some very small detail. That kind of intimacy…” she squinted her eyes, “was vague and boundless, but I felt it was very real, and it made me think for a time that there was still hope for our relationship.”
At this point, Ye Ji paused, picked up the wine jar, took a sip, licked his lips, and then tilted his head back to drink another large mouthful.
Jiang Nuanyu asked, "And then what happened?"
"Later..." Ye Ji turned to look out the window, and after a long while, she spoke, "I found that I became more and more bothered by the people around him, and I found it increasingly difficult to resist his kindness. I would think, why can't I be his only one?"
"But I'm also realizing more and more that he will never become the person I want him to be. I can't make him become the person I want him to be. So, I'll just be the same person as him."
She began to date different people, trying to fill the emptiness in her heart with these fleeting novelties and to distract herself from her almost obsessive liking for Jingyao.
They never shied away from talking about her boyfriends, and Jingyao would sometimes casually mention them. His tone was neither positive nor negative, making it unclear whether he was genuinely interested or just being perfunctory.
Once, Ye Ji couldn't help but ask, "How does he compare to you?" Jing Yao just looked at her, smiled, and remained silent.
Shortly after she graduated, Jingyao asked her to accompany him on a business trip. It was during that trip that they had sex for the first time.
However, the breakthrough in physical boundaries did not fundamentally change the way the two interacted.
Jingyao's women kept changing, and Ye Ji was still switching between dating and breaking up. And every time she broke up, Jingyao would appear at just the right time, asking no questions and saying no words, yet maintaining that ambiguous relationship.
He seemed to treat her really well, and sometimes Ye Ji even wondered if Jing Yao might have really fallen in love with her.
However, at the beginning of this year, on the open-air balcony of Jingyao's house, the sky was clear and bright. He was wrapped in a quilt and wrapped his arms around her from behind as they watched the snow falling heavily.
In Beijing, even on a clear day, the temperature in winter rarely exceeds zero degrees Celsius.
The air was cold, the snowflakes were cool, and beneath the blankets lay their nearly naked bodies. Their skin, pressed tightly together, was transmitting warmth to each other.
"Ye Ji, what do you want from me?" Jing Yao said out of the blue. "If you want something from me, I'll feel a little more at ease."
At that moment, the chill truly seeped into my bones.
Ye Ji was right. She was indeed special to Jing Yao, but not so special that he would willingly empty his free world.
His tenderness both captivated and tormented her, because she knew it was never meant to be exclusively hers.
She tried to completely sever ties with Jingyao, but whenever he took the initiative to approach her, she couldn't help but indulge herself. Knowing it was like drinking poison to quench thirst, she still found it sweet.
Until a thought arose in her mind: perhaps, she needed to give herself a reason to leave completely.
"Didn't he want me to get something from him?" Ye Ji's voice echoed in the living room. "Then I'll get something from him."
Even if it seems absurd, at least her emotions have an outlet.
“I used Jingyao’s connections to switch my position at the TV station, giving me more time to do other things. You know what happened next, the studio.” As he said this, Ye Ji lowered his eyes somewhat awkwardly.
“I took the easiest, yet also the hardest, path. The studio’s first project was with an international brand, and afterwards, even without him, I had the confidence to succeed.”
Ye Ji looked up at Jiang Nuanyu, her jaw clenched, and she moved her lips, stubbornly saying, "I need to know if I really want something from him. I need to see these solid pieces of evidence in front of me, so that I have no right to talk about feelings."
Her eyes were red, and tears were welling up in the corners of her eyes. She tried her best to hold back her tears, but her voice still trembled uncontrollably: "My feelings for him are meaningless now."
As Jiang Nuanyu listened to all this, her gaze was fixed on the ground, her brows furrowed repeatedly, and she was speechless.
She was shocked, stunned, at a loss, speechless, and most of all, heartbroken.
The depth of Ye Ji's feelings for Jing Yao, or rather, the depth of Ye Ji's feelings for Jing Yao, was something she had never expected and was far from being realized.
She wanted to ask Ye Ji if it was worth it, and also if this was the only way.
She didn't utter a word. Because she knew that Ye Ji's choice was already the answer.
She almost felt Ye Ji's pain as if it were her own, and it was this empathy that made it difficult for her to easily offer words of comfort. Simple words were insufficient to alleviate the weight of Ye Ji's emotions.
Ye Ji downed the wine in one gulp, leaned over and placed the jar on the coffee table, tilted his head back and shook his hair, patted his lap with both hands, and let out a long sigh: "That's it. It's good to say it out loud."
Jiang Nuanyu finally looked up at her. Under the light, Ye Ji's skin was so white it was almost translucent. The alcohol had caused a blush to spread from her cheeks to her cheekbones and fill her eyes. And the tears that had been welling up in her eyes finally slid down her cheeks.
Jiang Nuanyu got up, took another can of wine from the refrigerator, stood next to Ye Ji, opened the tab and handed it to her, without saying a word, and sat back down.
The two sat on separate sofas, each lost in their own thoughts.
"Ye Ji." After a long silence, Jiang Nuanyu suddenly said, "I support you."
Ye Ji didn't speak.
Jiang Nuanyu added, "No matter what, I support your choice. All of it."
Bright and dark, joyful and painful, indulgent and destructive, all of them.
Ye Ji chuckled and, after a long pause, finally uttered, "I know."
Jiang Nuanyu didn't reply. She took a sip of wine to suppress the emotions that were already stuck in her throat and surging wildly.
After a while, Ye Ji sighed and broke the heavy silence, pretending to be relaxed, "I'm not kidding. I will definitely do a good job with the studio. Opportunities are given by others, but I have to walk my own path. No matter how difficult it is, I will walk it beautifully. As beautiful as I am."
Jiang Nuanyu smiled slowly, but said, "Boss Ye, if you become rich and powerful, don't forget me?"
"Whether she'll be rich or not is hard to say," Ye Ji turned his head and brazenly looked her up and down, "but I'll never forget your beauty."
Jiang Nuanyu knew that she didn't want them to be immersed in a gloomy and dejected atmosphere, so she cooperated and said, "I'm a straight woman with a steely heart. Even if you're rich, I can only politely decline you."
Ye Ji pursed her lips: "Thanks to Liang Qi's existence, I'll reluctantly believe you're straight."
Mentioning Liang Qi, Jiang Nuanyu's upturned lips drooped slightly. Certain aspects of the relationship between Ye Ji and Jing Yao gave her a strange, unsettling sense of familiarity.
Will Liang Qi, like Jing Yao, offer warmth while harboring insurmountable boundaries in his heart?
Ye Ji asked, "What happened to you all that night...?"
She was referring to the day Liang Qi stopped Jiang Nuanyu at the entrance of the Yunting Club.
Jiang Nuanyu lowered her eyes, lost in memories. Just thinking about Liang Qi that day made the bitterness in her heart seem to be mixed with a few traces of sweetness.
She looked up and met Ye Ji's malicious expression, instantly speechless: "Can't you be serious for once?"
Ye Ji opened her eyes wide, looking genuinely innocent: "How am I being inappropriate?" She retorted, "But you, can't you be a little 'normal'?"
Jiang Nuanyu retorted, "What's wrong with me?"
Ye Ji argued logically and convincingly: "You do not possess the desires and needs that a normal adult woman should have."
Jiang Nuanyu was about to retort, but her face turned red.
Nevertheless, one must still defend one's physiological needs.
"That's not what you're saying." With that, she got up and walked away.
"Wait, what do you mean?!" Ye Ji's eyes lit up as he chased after her retreating figure, asking, "What did you two do that day?"
Jiang Nuanyu had already gone into the bathroom.
If she can't win an argument, she can at least avoid it.
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