Chapter 39 Love is being needed by you...
A group of more than twenty people from the magazine gathered at the hotel entrance, distributing their transportation home.
The driver can give a ride to one or two colleagues who live nearby, and the rest can share a taxi based on the principle of going in the same direction.
Jiang Nuanyu was the furthest from the hotel in her direction, so naturally she couldn't hitch a ride with anyone else, and she didn't actively participate in carpooling either.
A Maybach was parked a few meters away from the crowd, its headlights on. She saw it.
As Ji Meng emerged from the revolving door, she casually asked, "Is everything arranged?"
Jiang Nuanyu didn't say anything, but He Anqi, who was next to her, kindly pointed at her and said, "Nuanyu hasn't done it yet."
Jiang Nuanyu quickly replied, "My home is far away; I can just take a taxi home myself."
Ji Meng glanced at her and said, "I remember you live in the North New District, right? I'll give you a ride back."
Jiang Nuanyu was taken aback. Ji Meng lived nearby, and offering her a ride home was definitely not as simple as just "giving her a ride." Besides, she didn't actually want anyone to take her home...
She waved her hands repeatedly: "That's too much of a detour, editor-in-chief. No need to trouble yourself, I'm used to taking taxis."
Ji Meng insisted, "It's settled then."
Jiang Nuanyu: "..."
Ji Meng was not usually a warm and proactive boss, so Jiang Nuanyu couldn't refuse again. After repeatedly trying to win over the editor-in-chief, she had no choice but to follow Ji Meng to the parking lot.
As she walked out of the porch, she couldn't help but glance at the Maybach still parked there, feeling incredibly disappointed.
Ji Meng's car was parked on the side of the parking lot, a bright blue BMW 5 Series.
Jiang Nuanyu opened the passenger door and got in. Ji Meng backed the car out of the parking space and then made a left turn toward the exit.
Jiang Nuanyu glanced at the rearview mirror and saw the black Maybach slowly following behind, its headlights shining brightly in her eyes through the small mirror.
The Maybach followed Ji Meng as she drove out of the parking lot, merged into traffic, and changed to the left turn lane.
Jiang Nuanyu couldn't help but let her imagination run wild.
She could roughly guess the meaning in Liang Qi's eyes when he turned around; he was telling her that he would be waiting for her in the car.
Could it be that... even if she can't get a ride home in his car, he'll still follow her all the way to her apartment complex?
Just thinking about this possibility made Jiang Nuanyu's lips involuntarily purse. She even started to mentally prepare how to bring up the topic of her going to work in Paris with Liang Qi later.
Just as she was secretly pleased, the left-turn signal turned green, and Ji Meng turned the car around. Jiang Nuanyu stared at the rearview mirror and saw that in the intersection illuminated by the headlights, streetlights, and traffic lights, the Maybach turned left onto another road and did not follow.
It turns out it was just a side trip... I was just being presumptuous, wasn't I?
Jiang Nuanyu's hopeful and expectant heart was suddenly smashed to the ground and shattered into several pieces.
This time, she was absolutely certain: the despair she felt at that moment completely overcame any lingering hope of escaping the consequences of confessing. Completely.
Her eyebrows furrowed, she was so frustrated that she couldn't help but sigh softly.
Ji Meng turned to look at her and said, "I hope the sudden announcement that you're leaving didn't put a lot of pressure on you? After all, we didn't discuss it with you beforehand."
Jiang Nuanyu smiled and answered honestly, "It's alright..."
Ji Meng seemed to have expected her to say that. She smiled and nodded, saying, "Knowing you as I do, you must feel a little uncomfortable talking about your personal choices in public like this."
Jiang Nuanyu remained silent, which was taken as tacit agreement.
Ji Meng changed the subject: "But I think you need such a ritual, even if you don't pursue it."
Jiang Nuanyu understood what Ji Meng meant. The fashion industry is a circle, neither small nor large, with complex interpersonal relationships, fierce competition, and many rumors and gossip.
If she leaves quietly without a public and dignified farewell, it could easily be interpreted as a malicious job-hopping or poaching, or a bitter parting of ways. This could affect her personally, Ji Meng, and the overall reputation of "Florian".
“I understand.” She thanked him sincerely again. “Thank you, editor-in-chief.”
"How's the progress on 'Chaleur' going lately?" Ji Meng asked. "There must be a lot of details that need further discussion, right?"
Jiang Nuanyu's eyes dimmed.
The day before, Chaleur did send her a contract confirmation email. In addition to the content mentioned in last week's video call, the email contained more specific information about salary, contract duration, and other details that she needed to confirm.
She saw it, but hasn't replied yet.
Going to Paris is a done deal, but she hasn't given herself a chance to accept reality.
Ji Meng, driving, glanced at her and smiled: "You made a decision quickly after you contacted me that day, but now you don't seem so decisive anymore?"
Jiang Nuanyu also felt that her behavior was immature and touched her hair embarrassedly.
"Does your family still support you?" Ji Meng asked.
“I haven’t told them yet,” Jiang Nuanyu said truthfully, “but they have always respected my choices when it comes to my own affairs.”
Ji Meng nodded: "You're a decisive person, I can tell." She looked at the road ahead and said, "But if you go to live abroad alone, and you're a girl, your family will definitely worry."
Jiang Nuanyu agreed with Ji Meng's words and silently lowered her head. She felt somewhat guilty because her choice had worried her parents.
Ji Meng comforted her, "But you've already made your decision, so be firm. Going to Paris is definitely a good thing for you." Ji Meng turned to the right, glanced at her, and asked, "From what I remember, you graduated from Peking University, right?"
"yes."
Ji Meng rarely praised someone so directly: "There aren't many people like you from prestigious universities who are willing to work diligently."
Jiang Nuanyu dared not accept this rashly, and only said, "Everyone's pursuits are different."
Ji Meng smiled faintly and remained silent for a while.
The car fell silent as Jiang Nuanyu gazed at the receding street scene outside the window.
Although she wasn't one for flattery, she was capable of engaging in conversation and knew how to deliver messages effectively. Her decision to remain silent at this moment stemmed from her understanding that the leader wouldn't feel awkward due to an awkward silence after the conversation ended, and therefore, she didn't need to deliberately break the ice. The leader would speak up when they wanted to.
Fortunately, the way home wasn't too far, and Ji Meng dropped her off at the entrance of the residential area a little over ten minutes later.
Jiang Nuanyu watched Ji Meng's car drive away, then took her phone out of her bag. The screen was blank, with no notifications.
She opened her contacts list, wanting to apologize to Liang Qi and tell him that she had arrived home.
It was a cold night, and she stood under the streetlights, the light overhead feeling cold as well.
She stared at the number on the screen for a long time, perhaps because of the embarrassment of her previous unrequited love; her fingers holding the phone were frozen, and she hesitated to make a further move.
Another gust of cold wind blew by, mercilessly penetrating her collar, making her shiver.
She shrank back, ultimately deciding not to contact Liang Qi. After putting her phone back in her pocket, she turned and walked towards home.
*
After much negotiation, the final filming location for the feature on electronic painter Yu Miao was decided to be a private art gallery in Beijing.
Jiang Nuanyu had collaborated with this art museum before, and when she communicated with the person in charge to coordinate the venue, the other party readily agreed to the request to borrow the space.
However, after learning that she was only filming outdoors this time, the person in charge expressed concern: "It's cold now, and the scenery outside is withered, so it may not look as good."
The other party also sent several recent photos of the venue, and sure enough, the lawns were all withered and yellow, and the overall atmosphere seemed rather desolate.
However, Jiang Nuanyu believes that although the natural environment is not perfect, it does not have a significant impact. She values the architectural appearance of the art museum itself more.
She was deeply impressed by the minimalist architecture when she visited last time.
This time, she carefully examined the photos sent by the person in charge. The building consists of three parts, all of which are pure white, but connected by black glass corridors. The building is only one story high, but the geometric shapes of the roofs are all different, simple yet stylish, and the overall atmosphere is quite sophisticated.
Jiang Nuanyu determined that the venue was still worth using, so she asked He Anqi to compile the details and send them to Yu Miao for confirmation. Surprisingly, this time, Yu Miao didn't raise any objections.
The art museum is located in the suburbs of Beijing. On the day of the shoot, Jiang Nuanyu was already on her way when the sun had just risen in the east.
She worked overtime at the magazine for two days last weekend and didn't sleep well the night before. Plus, she got up early in the morning, so she felt dizzy and lightheaded.
Unfortunately, the driver of the car she took today was driving very erratically, accelerating suddenly and braking a lot. Sitting in the back seat, she felt a headache and nausea several times and wanted to get out of the car.
She persevered all the way, and by the time she reached her destination, the sun had fully risen. Stepping out of the car, she took a deep breath of the cool air, which finally made her feel a little better.
The photography team has arrived on site, and two lighting technicians are setting up equipment, with Shih Yu-ning directing from the side.
When Shi Youning saw her, she greeted her first: "Editor Jiang."
Jiang Nuanyu smiled and was about to greet him with "Good morning" when Shi Youning asked, "You're here so early?"
Her words caught in her throat.
The agreed time was 9:00 AM, and it's only 8:30 now, so she's definitely early. But wasn't Shi Youning even earlier...?
Jiang Nuanyu suppressed her inner complaints and said, "I left a little early because I was worried about traffic." She added politely, "I didn't expect you to arrive even earlier."
Shi Youning didn't respond to her conciliatory remark. She glanced at the two colleagues setting up the equipment next to her and said, "We're setting up equipment. If we come on time, we'll be too late."
Jiang Nuanyu: "..."
Shi Youning's question seemed like she was asking a question she already knew the answer to.
"Oh. Hmm." She nodded and tried to start a conversation, but couldn't come up with anything. After a couple of seconds, she suddenly said, "Let's wait inside when it's almost time. It's quite cold outside."
Shi Youning glanced at her and said, "Okay, let's do it later."
Jiang Nuanyu forced a smile, then walked into the art gallery.
As soon as she turned her back, her cheeks puffed out, and she slowly exhaled.
Fortunately, it's highly likely that this will only be a one-time collaboration.
The art gallery was vacant that day, and the venue manager specially opened a side door for the magazine staff to enter and exit temporarily during their break.
Jiang Nuanyu was walking in that direction when she caught a glimpse of someone coming in through the entrance of the wall. She turned her head and recognized one of them as He Anqi, with two other people beside her, presumably a makeup artist and a stylist.
Three people were pushing two flatbed carts, each with a large cardboard box on it.
Jiang Nuanyu went over to lend a hand. She wasn't wearing gloves, so He Anqi took off one of hers and gave it to her.
"These two!" He Anqi pointed to two huge cardboard boxes, then to her face, and complained, "I pushed them all by myself from the warehouse to the elevator, and then from the elevator to the door!"
Jiang Nuanyu then realized that someone seemed to be missing and asked, "Where is Shasha?"
"She hasn't arrived yet?!" He Anqi's eyes widened in surprise.
"No, I didn't." Jiang Nuanyu was also confused.
“She wasn’t here when I got to the magazine office. I called her and she said she overslept. I was worried about making things difficult, so I told her to come directly to the shooting location.” He Anqi couldn’t help but complain, “That Feng Shasha! Honestly, she’s so unreliable.”
“It’s a special situation today, she must have forgotten to set her alarm.” Jiang Nuanyu said with some annoyance, “I should have reminded her last night.”
He Anqi scoffed: "You always have to remind her. What will happen when you're no longer around? Won't she have an excuse to be late every day?"
That's true, and Jiang Nuanyu was speechless for a moment.
Several girls worked together to move the cardboard boxes indoors. The stylist set up a simple clothes rack and took out the clothes borrowed from the brand one by one to hang them up, ironing them as needed. The makeup artist also quickly spread out her makeup case, laid out various tools, and began preparations.
He Anqi tidied the suitcase containing jewelry and accessories, and asked softly, "Hasn't he arrived yet?"
This time, she was referring to Yu Miao.
Jiang Nuanyu shook her head.
She glanced at the time on her phone screen: 8:50. Ten minutes until the agreed time.
She hoped in her heart: Please don't be late...
If you're going to be late, don't be too late; daylight waits for no one.
By nine o'clock, Yu Miao still hadn't appeared, and Jiang Nuanyu couldn't stand it any longer, so she decided to wait outside.
The art museum is surrounded by unobstructed views, offering a refreshing and pleasant vista. The weather and air quality are also excellent today, with only a thin layer of clouds overhead, revealing glimpses of the pale blue sky.
She strolled slowly along the concrete path, the sunlight shining on her body, the warmth seeping through her clothes and gently reaching her skin, enough to ward off the cold air outside.
Several pine trees, trimmed into cloud-like shapes, stand beside the building. As a rare splash of color in this season, they harmonize well with the white walls of the art museum.
Jiang Nuanyu took out her phone, opened the camera, and casually snapped a few photos.
On the screen, the white buildings blended almost seamlessly with the thin clouds in the sky and the concrete walkways on the ground. The shadows of tall trees in the distance cast dappled patterns, as if adding a hazy filter to the entire scene.
Suddenly, a figure appeared in her lens.
It was a girl, wearing a loose and crisp black coat, paired with black wide-leg pants. From a distance, Jiang Nuanyu couldn't see what style of shoes they were, but she was sure they were also black.
The only part of the girl's body that wasn't black was the exposed section of her turtleneck sweater; it looked like a very dark green.
Upon seeing Jiang Nuanyu, the girl walked towards her and asked, "Are you from Florian magazine?"
Jiang Nuanyu nodded: "Yes. And you are?"
"I am Yu Miao."
Jiang Nuanyu raised her eyebrows, and after a brief moment of surprise, she extended her hand in a friendly manner and smiled: "Hello, I am Jiang Nuanyu, the editor of Florian."
"Oh—you're the one who wants to interview me?" Yu Miao also extended his hand and shook hands with her.
Jiang Nuanyu then got a clear look at her face.
Unlike her all-black outfit, her eyelids alone displayed several colors: green near the inner corner of her eye, gradually turning blue towards the outer corner, and then extending outwards with a pinkish-purple eyeliner. The colors were vibrant yet not jarring.
Jiang Nuanyu glanced at it again before saying, "It's me. Let's go inside."
Yu Miao nodded: "Okay."
When Jiang Nuanyu introduced Yu Miao to the others, everyone's reaction was somewhat unexpected, especially He Anqi's.
She was in charge of the initial communication with Yu Miao. She initially thought he was a bit difficult to deal with and had a so-so impression of him. But after meeting him in person, her dissatisfaction eased considerably.
Ultimately, people, regardless of gender, are naturally more tolerant of good-looking people.
Yu Miao saw the makeup case on the table, walked closer to take a look, and said, "I do my own makeup, so there's no need to bother."
Upon hearing this, everyone turned to look at Jiang Nuanyu, who was in charge; Jiang Nuanyu remained silent, which was considered tacit approval.
Yu Miao walked to the clothes rack again, fiddled with the clothes on it, turned around, her gaze moved between the group of people, and finally settled on Jiang Nuanyu's face, asking, "Do I have to wear all of these?"
Everyone looked at Jiang Nuanyu again.
Jiang Nuanyu smiled faintly and said, "Just choose the one you like."
Yu Miao nodded and began picking out clothes.
It must be said that Yu Miao has good taste. The clothes she chose, whether in style or color, may seem unusual at first glance, but when put together, they are surprisingly eye-catching and quite creative.
Since there's no need for on-site makeup, preparation is much simpler, and the shoot can begin quickly.
Yu Miao had no assistant or companions with her. Before leaving, she handed her phone to Jiang Nuanyu and said, "Could you keep it for me?"
Jiang Nuanyu looked at her eyes, which were filled with color, and subconsciously took the phone, saying, "Of course."
"Thank you." Yu Miao smiled and turned to leave.
Jiang Nuanyu glanced at Yu Miao's phone in her hand, paused for two seconds, and then went out with everyone.
The sun was getting higher and higher. The temperature wasn't particularly low that day, and there was no wind, so shooting outdoors wasn't too bad.
Filming had just officially begun when Feng Shasha arrived late.
She jogged over, muttering, "I'm so sorry! I'm late..." She carried two bags, which she lifted up in one swift motion. "I brought breakfast for everyone!"
The people filming glanced at her, then continued working without responding to her.
Feng Shasha looked around but didn't see a table or anything like that to put things on. Jiang Nuanyu pointed to the side door and whispered, "Inside."
Feng Shasha nodded and went to put the things in the direction she pointed.
Jiang Nuanyu then glanced at He Anqi, who also frowned and looked over, clearly still not happy. Jiang Nuanyu gave her a reassuring smile.
A moment later, Feng Shasha slipped out from the side. She knew exactly who she had wronged the most, and kept apologizing to He Anqi: "Anqi—angel—don't be angry, I'll carry everything when we get back! Don't be mad at me..."
The only sounds on the entire set, besides Shi Youning's instruction of Yu Miao in his Cantonese-accented Mandarin and the mechanical noises from the filming equipment, were Feng Shasha's pleas for mercy.
Unable to resist her nagging any longer, He Anqi put her index finger to her lips and loudly said, "Shh—"
Feng Shasha immediately pursed her lips obediently.
Helpless, He Anqi disdainfully brushed aside Feng Shasha's messy bangs and gestured to the side, indicating that she shouldn't disturb the filming. Feng Shasha nodded repeatedly.
Jiang Nuanyu glanced at the interaction between the two during a break from filming and shook her head with amusement.
Although the weather outside was nice, it was still quite cold after a while, and by the time the shoot was halfway through, everyone's condition had noticeably declined to some extent.
Seeing that Shi Youning's hands, which were red and stiff from holding the camera, Jiang Nuanyu suggested that they take a break and eat something to replenish their energy.
She wasn't very hungry and didn't have much of an appetite, so she found a secluded corner to be alone.
Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, a few withered vines sparsely climbed the waist-high white wall in the distance. In summer, it might have been a unique sight, but now, at first glance, the vines looked more like cracks in the wall.
Jiang Nuanyu leaned against the wall, her gaze fixed on the distance, lost in thought. Lately, she had been enjoying this, letting her mind completely empty, not thinking or feeling anything.
A series of footsteps suddenly sounded in the quiet corridor, seemingly approaching her. Jiang Nuanyu turned her head; it was Shi Youning coming over.
Their eyes met, and after a silent exchange of glances, Jiang Nuanyu turned her gaze back to the window.
Shi Youning leaned against the window frame diagonally opposite, one leg casually draped over the other, and said, "I heard you're leaving?"
Jiang Nuanyu paused for a moment, then realized that her trip to Paris was no secret within the magazine.
She looked out the window, remaining silent for a moment. In the silence, Shi Youning asked again, "What is your relationship now?"
Jiang Nuanyu looked up. Upon meeting Shi Youning's direct and probing gaze, she quickly looked away.
Shi Youning understood.
She raised an eyebrow and said, “Going to Paris is a step up. If you stay, you’re very likely to get nothing from him. Choose the one you can control.” She nodded and said, “You’re smarter than I initially thought.”
Jiang Nuanyu: "..."
She blinked and couldn't help but glance at Shi Youning again.
After Shi Youning finished speaking, her expression was nothing special; it didn't seem like she was being sarcastic or provocative, but rather like she was just having a normal chat.
Jiang Nuanyu initially felt that Shi Youning spoke too directly, making people uncomfortable. She thought it was because there was a subtle relationship between the two of them regarding Liang Qi, so she was somewhat wary of Shi Youning.
But now she suddenly felt that Shi Youning might not be targeting her; perhaps he simply didn't like to beat around the bush and was too lazy to embellish his words before speaking.
Thinking this way, Jiang Nuanyu felt inexplicably more at ease.
She stared at the ground for a moment, then swallowed hard, trying to keep her tone calm: "When you left, did he try to stop you?"
Shi Youning was taken aback, then suddenly chuckled: "Heh..."
Jiang Nuanyu: "..."
“How could that be?” Shi Youning stopped laughing and shook her head. “You really don’t understand him. You don’t understand him at all.”
Jiang Nuanyu's heart suddenly tightened again, and she licked her lips to hide her unease.
She does need to get used to Shi Youning's way of speaking.
“He started playing tennis when he was very young, around four or five years old? Tennis is a purely individual sport; winning or losing depends entirely on oneself. This habit has permeated every aspect of his life.”
Shi Youning looked at her and said calmly, "His feelings will not depend on any one person, and likewise, he will never ask anyone to change anything for him."
Jiang Nuanyu felt a pang of disappointment. She was somewhat surprised, yet found Liang Qi's reason for not trying to keep Shi Youning reasonable.
“Even with our relationship back then, I only thought that maybe he would want to leave with me instead of interfering with my choice and making me stay.” Shi Youning paused, her voice lowering. “In all the years I’ve known him, he has never made any demands on me, not even once.”
“Oh, no, just once.” Shi Youning smiled softly and said, “I had just returned to China a few months ago and went to see him. He said he hoped I could look forward.” She lowered her head, a hint of bitterness in her smile. “...That was the only time.”
Hearing all this, Jiang Nuanyu didn't know what to think. Was she sympathizing with Shi Youning's unrequited love after her repentance? Was she lamenting Liang Qi's coldness beneath his gentle facade? Or was she relieved? Relieved that he didn't love Shi Youning.
She was silent for a moment, but driven by curiosity, she finally asked, "You broke up just because... you chose to leave?"
"That's what I thought back then too." Shi Youning switched to her supporting leg, squinted her eyes, and seemed to be recalling something.
She was backlit, and the light and shadow cut her silhouette into three-dimensional curves, which, together with the early winter scenery outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, created a kind of cool beauty.
“When I first returned to Europe, I couldn’t believe our relationship was over. He was Liang Qi, after all; he could go anywhere he wanted. I thought that even if he hadn’t come with me in the first place, he would have come looking for me sooner or later, or waited for me to come back to him… But he did none of that.”
Jiang Nuanyu really didn't understand: "But why? You guys aren't..."
She couldn't bring herself to say words like "mutual liking" or "love." Even if it was just in the past, it sounded too harsh to her.
"Perhaps it's because we have different definitions of the future. Although I chose to leave, he's always been a part of my future, but he..."
Shi Youning shook her head and said, "Like I said, he is an extremely complete person who doesn't ask anything of others. It sounds good and charming, right? But at the same time, he is also an extremely self-centered person. He is good at using gentleness and grace to make others think that they are cared for and valued by him, but others are actually not needed by him and are naturally not within his real consideration."
Jiang Nuanyu leaned against the wall behind her, her fingers digging into the hard surface, unable to speak.
Her heart ached, as if two hands were trying to tear her apart.
Shi Youning's words were cruel, yet precise in stripping away the seemingly perfect facade that had been covering her eyes regarding Liang Qi.
She clenched her jaw, struggling to maintain her crumbling sanity, but her face grew increasingly pale. In the end, her face was almost completely bloodless.
When she said this, Shi Youning didn't look at Jiang Nuanyu. It was more like she was speaking to herself than to Jiang Nuanyu.
She was calm, insightful, and understood Liang Qi well enough that she had to soberly give herself a final verdict.
Looking forward is far from easy for those who are truly stuck in the past.
She glanced at Jiang Nuanyu, who was on the verge of collapse, and a fleeting look of pity crossed her eyes, but perhaps there was also a strange sense of comfort and balance in them.
Shi Youning straightened up, and before leaving, she said, "There's one thing you can rest assured about: he will support you when you go to Paris." She paused, then added, "But that's all."
Shi Youning turned and left, and Jiang Nuanyu behind her could no longer hold on and immediately closed her eyes tightly.
Although she had never personally experienced or understood Liang Qi, the aloof, cold, and emotionally stingy to the point of selfishness that Shi Youning described, a quick glance back revealed evidence in all her memories of him that supported Shi Youning's claims.
She verified the evidence over and over again, feeling pain all over her body. The feeling of her self-esteem being shattered was so painful, so excruciating it made her tremble.
Liang Qi allowed her to get close to him and had the most intimate moments with her. When he saw that she was trying to escape, he was willing to give her some signals she wanted, such as pulling her back, giving her his phone number, and taking the initiative to say that he was waiting for her.
This made her think that he might like her a little bit too.
But her dream shattered, and the fragments that shone with beautiful light told her that she was not needed by him.
Only then did she realize that, despite all this, her existence would still have no impact on his world.
And she was ridiculously worried that he might be disappointed by her choice to go to Paris, and that he might try to keep her there because he was reluctant to let her go.
Her feelings for him seemed to suddenly become meaningless, because he didn't need them.
She felt bewildered and helpless, unsure how to deal with this feeling that had no value to Liang Qi.
However, liking him and giving him her love and affection without reservation had become her instinct; she didn't want to let go, nor could she.
My thoughts piled up and expanded in a chaotic and savage way, and in a certain moment, as if a fuse had been lit, they exploded in my mind with a hum.
Jiang Nuanyu's head was so throbbing that she could barely stand. Her fingers were clenched so tightly that the skin on her knuckles was stretched painfully.
She slowly squatted down against the wall, buried her head in her chest, and hugged herself little by little.
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