Episode 43 Desire for Control
Xu Yiwei knew that she would definitely go to bed with him.
This was one of the reasons why she asked him to compromise on her request to share the apartment, although she did not say it openly.
Although they have broken up, they share the rent. Although they are exes, having sex does not matter to their status. What's more, they have done it before, and if they really need it, they can solve it with each other. It's nothing new.
Just think of it as living with a sex buddy.
But she had never thought that this would happen so quickly, and she had never thought that this would happen when the two were so angry.
What she despised most was her body's subconscious reaction, even though two years had passed. In those two years, she had changed beds so many times, but he still controlled her body's rhythm most precisely, and even a single breath could make her whole body go limp.
The other party had obviously felt her reaction, so he took her in his arms and made her lie in front of him. He then kissed and bit her earlobes and collarbone with ease... Her body softened, and she wished she could just lie down on the bed and wait for his mercy.
Perhaps the body's memory is too profound, even after so long, it will still fall prey to his touch and kisses.
Although her heart was resisting, her body was unaware and only felt relieved and safe.
He whispered in her ear: "Are you so self-conscious in the arms of other men?"
"If you want to do it, don't talk nonsense."
She maintained her dignity, but her hand didn't forget to cover his crotch...
He groaned in his throat, pushed her onto the bed, restrained her under him, and kissed her lips fiercely - he was still angry.
At the end, he did not forget to bite her. She felt pain and subconsciously wanted to hit him, but he seemed to have predicted it and sealed her two wrists with his hands. She had no way to resist and could only allow herself to be in the air and enjoy it in the last second, and receive the warning of pain in the next second.
The way he relieved her desire couldn't help but remind her of the past...
Their first time was not in someone's dormitory, nor in the corner of the playground, nor in a rental house, but in the tiered classroom of his professional class.
It was lunchtime, and the entire classroom was empty except for them. They huddled together in a corner, teasing and comforting each other's bodies. It was the first time Cen Shuo had been relieved by someone, and it was also the first time he had personally experienced the unique wonders of a girl's body...
It was also after that day that they made a decision: to rent a house together.
Yes, that's the realistic and explicit reason.
That's why Xu Yiwei was juggling so many roles back then. Life was frantically draining her energy during the day, while at night she drained Cen Shuo's. Back then, they were both young, passionate and addicted. No matter how many troubles they had, they just wanted to have a satisfying sex session, so they could still have plenty of energy to complete new tasks the next day.
At that time, they would make love when they were happy, and even more when they were unhappy. Anyway, they would find different excuses to do it. They swore that no matter what happened, they would never separate, and no matter what happened, they would never stop having sex with each other...
So now, they still keep their promise to each other.
While he was pulling out a condom from the bedside table, Xu Yiwei couldn't help but ask, "How many have you had in these years?"
"Just the last one."
"Is it easier for her or for me to do it?"
Even with the condom on, his eyes were still cold, looking down at her and saying, "Who still remembers how it felt two years ago?"
To be honest, Xu Yiwei has slept with so many men, but the one who impressed her the most was Cen Shuo. She didn't know whether it was because he had slept with him too many times and became dependent on him, or because their relationship was too deep and they got used to it. In short, when she was with other people, even the climax was so formalistic.
Now, she was back under him again. She felt that he had changed a lot. He rammed into her deepest part with anger, and it seemed that every twist and thrust was questioning her.
"How could you leave me? How could you be so heartless?"
But who was the heartless one? Wasn't he heartless back then?
When Xu Yiwei heard the news of her grandmother's death, she broke down emotionally on the Oriental Pearl Tower and told Cen Shuo immediately. However, not only did he not ask her to find a way to go back immediately, but he advised her in a nonchalant manner:
"Calm down first. Being sad now won't save anything. We'll be going downstairs later and have dinner together tonight..."
"How can I calm down?! How can I eat? I need to go back now!"
"At this time, you'll be home in the wee hours of the morning by high-speed train. How can I let you go back alone?"
"Then you come back with me."
"I can go back with you, but not now. My parents are still here... I can't explain to them."
"Why can't you just tell me? Just tell me that my grandma passed away and I'm her only relative. As my boyfriend, you should go back with me..."
"My parents won't agree. Wait until tomorrow morning and I'll send them off. I'll go back with you right away. It won't take more than a few hours."
Xu Yiwei suddenly realized that she was not recognized and was not worthy of her boyfriend making any request in front of his parents - even if she had lost her only relative.
That night, she suppressed her emotions and had dinner with Cen's parents. Cen Shuo did not mention her grandmother's death at all, and acted as if nothing had happened. He forced a smile and chatted with her parents, asking her to respond from time to time.
Until at the dinner table, when Mother Cen was so picky about her education, she completely broke down and yelled directly -
"It's not your turn to ask so much of me. If you're not satisfied, the worst that can happen is that your son breaks up with me. Why do you make these demands of me?"
As soon as she finished speaking, she threw down her chopsticks and walked away.
At ten o'clock in the evening, Cen Shuo came home with a sullen face. She didn't look at him, but only said:
"I've booked a train ticket for tomorrow morning, and I can arrive in my county town as early as 3 p.m. You don't have to accompany me back. You were right yesterday. This has nothing to do with you. It's my own business."
But Cen Shuo disagreed and said angrily:
"What do you mean it has nothing to do with me? Did you listen to what I said to you back then? Why did you lose your temper in front of my parents? You could have just been patient, why did you have to make such a scene? Do you know that I can't make it up for you..."
"Why are you trying to explain this to me?! Are you trying to explain why I lost my temper? My grandmother passed away, Cen Shuo! Is this something so difficult to talk about? Why are you hiding it? Why, at this moment, are you still focused on whether your parents are satisfied with me? Why are you torturing me? Why can't you even think about me a little bit?"
"Why didn't I consider you? I never said I couldn't let you go back. I just picked a good time to be with you..."
"Do you have to choose the right time to die? Do you want to listen to what you're saying?! To put it bluntly, aren't you just worried that I won't make a good impression on your parents? Aren't you afraid that they'll think I'm not worthy of you, that the dead are less important than the living?"
“That’s enough!”
He had long been confused by his parents' admonitions and his girlfriend's complaints. At this moment, he was too lazy to argue or analyze. He just wanted to let it all go - "Just think of it as my lack of consideration and delaying you. If you want to leave, just leave. I won't stop you, just leave now!"
Of course she didn't leave that night, but left the next day.
She went home for a week to attend the funeral, and only after her grandmother passed the seventh day after her death did she get everything sorted and return to Shanghai.
But life went completely out of control and off track from that moment on.
She worked part-time like crazy to make money, and she wanted to be so busy that there was no rest except for eating and sleeping. She and Cen Shuo, who used to be inseparable, became roommates who just slept in the same bed.
She found it ridiculous.
With such expensive rent, I'd just be living with roommates if I moved out. I might as well just stay in the dorm and save a ton of money...
So their relationship ended the week before they moved out.
That night, she went out for karaoke and drinks with her senior schoolmate. The CEO of one of the small businesses praised her voice and quietly gave her 800 yuan, saying it was a reward for her talent...
She felt that all this was so easy - if people can live easily with what they already have, why choose to struggle painfully to explore the unknown?
No matter how you live, it's a lifetime. What you can hold on to is reality.
That night, she returned to the rental house drunk. Seeing her like this, Cen Shuo naturally didn't look happy. He held his breath and helped her to the bed, then started to question her -
"What have you been doing? I called you so many times, and you didn't even reply?"
She waved the eight hundred yuan in front of him, her face full of joy, but Cen Shuo's face froze instantly.
He wanted to snatch Xu Yiwei away but was not allowed to succeed. He rolled his hand and missed.
"Where did you get this money?"
“Earned money!”
She loudly replied: "With my own ability and talent!"
"Xu Yiwei, tell me the truth!"
"You have no right to question me! Because you can't give me what I want. Being with you will only make me hate myself more and more, and will only make me more and more disappointed! Disappointed in you, and disappointed in myself! But my life doesn't have to be so hard!"
The next morning, she left with her luggage, but left the eight hundred yuan behind, saying it was this month's rent and that was all she could give, so she told him to take care of the rest himself.
This is the story of her first love.
A fateful encounter gave rise to a passionate youth, but after burning, not even ashes were left.
She loved him, deeply and passionately, and he too, they loved each other, even at the moment they were apart.
But she knew that this was all that could happen between them.
Just like now, when she came back to find him, she knew that this was the only way between them - the thing he once hated so much, now it happened to her.
Cen Shuo was still angry, so much so that after all this time, he still had to find ways to bully and torture her, to let her see how ridiculous her betrayal was, and how much she underestimated herself by choosing to live with him again this time.
Xu Yiwei was a little resistant to his rough kisses, bites and caresses at first, but when his breath scattered along the back of her neck, it was like a drop of dew that dripped defenselessly into the depths of her waist and hips, and then flowed away.
Her whole body trembled uncontrollably, a familiar reaction, yet it seemed like she hadn't seen it in a long time.
Damn it! People are just superficial, sensual creatures, men and women alike! Vicious! Frivolous! Despicable!
The small house of only 30 square meters was filled with the sounds of her seeking pleasure and death, and the bed was shaken by the impact of his agitated body, like one wave after another, sweeping her away countless times and pushing her back to the reef countless times.
The cycle repeats itself, and the memory remains fresh.
In my memory, he still looked like he was 19 years old. He was so innocent and gentle when we first had sex, and he was so inseparable when we were in love. But now it has become such an absurd and ridiculous angry sex.
His desire for control seems to be stronger.
Even though she tried her best to resist, she was only pushed into the abyss by this ferocious beast...
Maybe this is what it means to "hate".
This hatred is endless.
Because they are all lies, both love and hate.
Until the "hatred" between the two of them calmed down, she lay on his pillow, wiping her tears. She didn't want to cry, but the tears still came uncontrollably, no matter what the reason, it was uncontrollable.
It was at this time that Cen Shuo received a call. Then he got up and dressed, saying that he was going out for an interview.
Xu Yiwei suddenly said, "Remember to give me money."
The other person's face instantly darkened, and she added indifferently, "Barbecued pork meal money."
He rolled his eyes lightly, put on his clothes, picked up his backpack, but his eyes couldn't help but linger on the thermos in her side pocket for a few seconds... With a clang, he rushed out the door.
Only Xu Yi was left lying on the bed in a daze.
Crash.
She heard a sound from a payment app collecting money, and when she opened the screen to check, she found that the other party had transferred two shares of money to her - this was the same as before.
This meal is quite worth it. I had a full meal and made a profit.
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