Episode 67 Private
During those years, Lin Ying had always envied Jiang Shu in her heart. She envied him for being valued by his parents, and envied him for always being able to call on friends and be the center of attention. Even a quick glance at him could make people's eyes light up.
I still remember that during the summer vacation of my second year in high school, Lin Ying, who had been staying at home all year round, was called by her classmates to have afternoon tea. The girls were chattering and gossiping about someone's love affairs and which boy in which class was very handsome.
Lin Ying was originally distracted, but was suddenly pointed at by her deskmate——
"If you ask me, who is not as handsome as Brother Lin Ying?"
"Are you talking about the guy who came to pick up Lin Ying after the final exams? I saw him too! He's really handsome, so he's your brother!"
"Does he have a girlfriend? Would you consider dating a high school student?"
"Are there any photos? Are there any photos? I didn't see any!"
Smart phones were not popular at that time, so how could Lin Ying get the photos?
She has always been the most taciturn one among her friends. That day, Jiang Shu inexplicably became the center of discussion, although he was just an information transfer station. It was also from that year that she began to pay attention to Jiang Shu inexplicably.
In order to bring up the topic, she would even find reasons to have Jiang Shu appear in front of her friends to prove her rare presence in front of her friends - which was later proved to be a second-year syndrome that everyone would suffer from during adolescence.
She and Jiang Shu were not familiar with each other at all in private, but she had to pretend to have a "deep brotherly love" in front of her classmates.
To her surprise, Jiang Shu actually cooperated very well every time. He must have been too bored at home during the summer vacation and had no choice but to accompany her to act.
On the first day of her senior year, he took the initiative to drive her home. When the luxury car arrived at the school gate, it attracted some passers-by to watch and gossip. Lin Ying saw Yan Yiming waving at her from the passenger seat from a distance. As soon as the car stopped, she was about to open the door, but not only did she fail to turn the lock, but the car window was also rolled up, instantly separating her from Yan Yiming outside the car.
Before Lin Ying could even think of answering, Jiang Shu beside her pulled out a brand new digital box.
"Remember to use the new MP3 and headphones I bought you."
It was the day the concert ended. The two of them were in such a crowded subway that her MP3 player and headphones both fell under someone's feet, and she died heroically.
After that, Jiang Shu promised to compensate her with a new one. However, a summer vacation passed and he never mentioned it again. She never asked for it on her own initiative, so she thought he had forgotten about it long ago.
“…Thank you, bro.”
In the moment she was embarrassed, the other party glanced at the person outside the window and asked for no reason -
"Are you in love with him?"
Knowing he was referring to Yan Yiming, Lin Ying immediately denied it, "No."
"Really?"
"Of course, I'm going to take the college entrance exam next year... If my dad knew I was dating, he would definitely scold me again."
That day, Jiang Shu stared at her with a teasing look in his eyes, which made her cheeks hot. Her fingers kept turning the car handle. She thought he would remind her, but with a "bang", without any warning, she suddenly found that the car door was opened, which scared her.
Jiang Shu couldn't help laughing out loud.
He put his hands on the steering wheel, his arms naturally lowered, and smiled casually at her reaction.
Before she fled, he did not forget to "instruct" her:
"Study hard, high school student."
He was twenty years old that year, like a bright rising moon, hanging in the vastness, and she, who was sixteen years old, was a corner that his light could never reach.
This man, who was the center of attention, was her stepbrother, and she couldn't covet him. But one day, he told her that he had always coveted her...
"When I was in high school, I had a crush on you, but it was so fragile, so weak that I couldn't even notice it, and if I did notice it, I would immediately look away.
At that time, you were outstanding and dazzling. No matter at home or at school, you always had a reason to be the focus. I envied you and wanted to be you. I even wished that if I were your sister, I might be as confident as you. I even thought that if I were not your sister, I could be a fangirl of you openly, like an ordinary girl... But I am both.
Maybe at that time, I had already fallen in love with you.
When we got married, you didn't come to my wedding. I felt so empty inside. You said you were on a business trip to Japan, and I saw your Moments. I thought at that time, I'm so unimportant to you as your sister. You had time to go to Mount Fuji and post on Moments, but you didn't even bother to come to my wedding for a formality...
Until we crossed the line after marriage, you were clearly secretly seducing me. Even though we crossed the line physically, I still didn't dare to cross the line emotionally. I felt that I was unworthy and that your heart would not stay for me.
Lin Ying blurted out all the words that she had suppressed in her heart in one breath, as if she had moved an old stone. What was exposed after it was moved away was not only the secret itself, but also the small insects crawling on the thorns, which quickly pulled away, causing her some pain.
"So you saw that circle of friends back then."
Jiang Shu's expression seemed to be relieved, and his thoughts finally returned to their place -
"You're half right. I did deliberately avoid going through the motions, but I wasn't going to Japan on business. It was simply because... I wanted to see Mount Fuji, to see that 'mountain' that I couldn't keep privately just because of love. Because it will never be mine again. Back then, I set the permissions on that Moments circle—only you can see it."
That year, several small financing projects he was responsible for were just starting to gain momentum. Just when he was about to make a name for himself, he suddenly learned of Lin Ying's marriage news.
He was still in Guangzhou at the time and had just agreed on terms with his partner. They had agreed to have breakfast the next day and eat free-range chicken in the countryside. Suddenly, when he received this news, he felt like his soul had been sucked out of him. He ate absent-mindedly the whole time and the food tasted like chewing wax.
After seeing the wedding date, he had already boarded the flight back to Shanghai. The ten minutes of taxiing before takeoff completely unbalanced his mind. For some unknown reason, while the internet was still available, he booked a flight to Tokyo with the date in mind...
At that time, he had not yet thought of any excuse to excuse his absence from the wedding. His mind was only thinking about avoiding the reality that she was getting married.
"Aying, I've said it before, I've liked you for a long time. Even when you were still timid around me, I already liked you. Even though you were always so cautious, you were the only one in that family who made me feel truly warm. You're tougher and braver than I am, and even than you imagine yourself.
I am very selfish. Everything I did and said to you in the past was self-righteous. I thought you would accept me, and you should accept me. I was just too greedy. I had everything, but I was still not satisfied. I wanted everything. But now... I only like you, I only want you, I only want to be someone you like..."
He couldn't stop talking, and the rain was getting heavier. He felt Lin Ying's body swaying, as if trying to leave his side. He turned around to stop him, but before he could react, the other party ripped off his tie...
The next second, he tasted the softness.
It was the soft and rippling lips he had tasted.
But Jiang Shu was homesick and his whole body froze. This was an experience he had never had before, even during his first kiss.
She took the initiative to kiss him, as if trying to bring him back to his senses, but this time, he was completely different from usual. Not only did he not rush to attack, but he gently and slowly twisted her body with soft and delicate kisses, suppressing her aggression step by step...
Lin Ying was also surprised when Jiang Shu took the initiative to hug and kiss her.
What is she doing and why is she doing this?
All she knew was that when Jiang Shu said "I only like you", she was sure that she must kiss him.
This was a surprise for him, this was her affection.
She can't control it.
Even though she knew that the man before her had been so absurd, so arrogant, and had brought her so much pain...
But she couldn't let go either. If it weren't for him, she wouldn't have become the Lin Ying she is today.
It had nothing to do with good or bad, right or wrong, it was just because she wanted to love him - just like the desires and feelings she had suppressed countless times in her life, how nice it would be if she could love him.
It's not about whether he is worthy or not, but whether she wants to. She is worthy, her love is worthy, she deserves to be loved passionately, instead of always being chosen, always waiting, always measuring whether others are worthy or not.
She can make choices, can choose her feelings, and can tell Jiang Shu - this time, I took the initiative to choose you.
The kiss stretched out onto the island platform, stretched out until the two of them were inseparable, stretched out until the rain grew heavier...
Lin Ying grabbed his collar and moved closer to his chest, his voice as soft as a mosquito's and his breath as weak as a wisp—
"Will I be unable to leave?"
He almost immediately chimed in, "It's raining too hard...stay."
"Shall we go to bed then?"
Her requirements are still very strict. Kissing is allowed regardless of the occasion, but love must be made in bed.
The sound of rain continued outside, while the damp and noisy atmosphere began inside.
It was obviously not the first time for either of them, and it was obviously not the first time for either of them, but both of them were experienced in battle, and this time they were inexplicably at a loss - especially Jiang Shu.
When he trapped the person under him, his brain seemed to have shut down, but his body honestly went through the process as usual. However, this time the process was not familiar, as if he had opened a new path, so unfamiliar that this preliminary tenderness almost exhausted Lin Ying's patience...
She took the initiative to explore his urgency and teased him softly in his ear -
"If you don't take the next step, I'm going to be irritated by it."
He was slightly startled and ashamed, and buried his face in her shoulder, lingering... He was annoyed for no reason why the buttons on this shirt were so complicated.
Until the restraints fell off, her body came into view again - at first glance, there was not much difference, but this small difference still made him unable to help but temporarily slow down his movement.
The scar across her lower abdomen was really hard to ignore. Even though it had long been flat and her figure was still in good shape, he understood that the scar still remained on her body and in his heart - this scar was because of him.
Lin Ying noticed his pause, and she stroked the scar with her fingers, explaining calmly, and caressed his face—
"I wanted to have a natural birth, but I was afraid of the pain, so I opted for caesarean section... But after giving birth, I realized that childbirth is painful no matter where the incision is made."
He felt mixed emotions at the moment, and he just carefully touched the scar, saying guiltily:
"I'm sorry... I left you alone to face it back then."
But Lin Ying laughed out loud and threatened him, "It was bloody back then. If you were there, you would have fainted before I was born."
"How could I be so timid?"
"I don't know if you're timid or not, but you're definitely more afraid of pain than I am. When I applied medicine to you when we were little, you pinched me in pain and it hurt me too."
…
She didn't expect that the embarrassing and touching moment he had left in her memory would be such a difficult experience.
But Lin Ying didn't want to ruminate on this experience at the moment, she just wanted to hold on to the pain in front of her.
She took the initiative to kiss and bite his lips and shoulders. He couldn't help but groan, as if he couldn't bear it anymore.
"I told you you're afraid of pain, but you can't even bear this..."
Last time, she had also unreasonably caused him pain, but that time he seemed unconscious and only focused on teasing her body, willing to endure the pain. How could she let her succeed again this time?
He chose to fight it, kissing her collarbone, chest, belly button and scar...
Do enough foreplay and kiss until you are half satisfied.
He encountered the same dilemma again - he forgot to prepare condoms.
After the previous lesson, Jiang Shu didn't dare to cross the line this time. He was about to stand up and end this unfinished passion, but Lin Ying used the same trick again, pulling him back and urging him to continue...
He still wanted to refuse, but the other party gave him a sedative.
"I have it in my bag, don't worry."
It rained all night that day, and for a moment Lin Ying wondered if the rain had fallen into the house. Otherwise, how could she be soaked all over, and how could the tears in her eyes melt down to her thighs?
I don’t know whether it was the rain that carried away the desire, or the desire that prompted the rain, but for the first time, Lin Ying felt that the rain was not so unpleasant.
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