Chapter 347
Because there were no blind dates during the first month of the lunar year, Mrs. Liao was anxious to marry off her second daughter. The more anxious she was, the more impatient she became to wait even during the first few days of the lunar year, so she was in a hurry to arrange a blind date before the Chinese New Year.
Mrs. Liao's family still had a history of climbing the social ladder. Mr. Liao's official position was actually much lower than Mr. Yi's, but they had worked together for a little longer when they were younger. Even though they were now a little further apart in their careers, Mr. Yi treated him as an equal because they were old colleagues, not as if someone a few levels higher up was bullying someone. Mrs. Liao and Mrs. Yi knew each other when they were younger, and she knew Mrs. Yi's background very well. Later, Mrs. Liao and Mr. Yi had a relationship for a while, so she treated Mrs. Yi as an equal. Mrs. Yi was annoyed, but she couldn't show her superiority in front of her.
Ever since Mrs. Ma had disrupted the last drinking party, Mrs. Yi had invited Wang Jiazhi to her house to play cards. Wang Jiazhi knew she was trying to be nice, so she couldn't refuse. That same day, she called him and told him to come back when she had time, give Mrs. Yi a smile, and reassure her that the matter was over.
Later, Wang Jiazhi thought that she had been honest enough and not caused trouble. It was obviously Mrs. Yi who always held the Hongmen Feast, but she had to worry about it. In fact, she didn't care, but he couldn't. Because of this matter, Mrs. Yi was angry, and he was caught in the middle, which was really annoying.
Everyone was so polite during the card game that she was not used to it. Not only was Mrs. Liang fawning over her, but Mrs. Yi was also attentive. Today, it was Mrs. Ma again. Why was it Mrs. Ma again? Because she knew everything and wanted to embarrass herself in front of just one person. Mrs. Xiao and Mrs. Liao were unaware of Old Yi's anger.
In the middle of the night, Old Yi returned, smiled, said a few words, and then left. Mrs. Yi's gloom cleared up and she became more lively. Mrs. Ma smiled and said, "A harmonious family brings prosperity."
None of them responded. Mrs. Yi also felt a little embarrassed, but after all, even if this matter was over, it was still a cause for celebration.
At noon, Mrs. Liao called Mrs. Yi, saying that Mrs. Xiao couldn't go at the last minute and asked if she could fill in. Mrs. Liao's second daughter was going on a blind date today, and she needed a larger group to make a splash. Wang Jiazhi thought Mrs. Xiao must have done this on purpose; it was too obvious that Mrs. Liao's family was relying on their daughter to climb the social ladder, and everyone around them was starting to look down on them.
Mrs. Yi was in high spirits today and insisted on taking them all along. Mrs. Ma didn't refuse, as she wanted to watch the fun.
When they arrived, they found a large round table filled with people. Although Wang Jiazhi had never met Mrs. Liao's second daughter, she knew who she was at a glance. Her attire was clearly elaborate, with every detail and jewelry adorning her head and body. The girl was a little embarrassed, clearly uncomfortable with her mother's extravagant attire. She must have been given a ton of instructions before she came out. Wang Jiazhi was curious if he would come today, just like last time. But no one showed up until the banquet started. After all, there was no way he was going to join such a boring blind date just to get enough people. He might as well get some sleep if he had that time; he was always sleep deprived.
The second daughter resembled Mrs. Liao more than the eldest, with large, round eyes. These eyes depended on how they were dressed. The right look could make them appear quirky and lively, while the wrong look could make them look shifty and shifty. Wang Jiazhi only discovered the man she was meeting after someone told her. He was also quite striking, and incredibly ugly.
Wang Jiazhi thought to herself, "How can I eat in front of someone like this?"
Then I thought again, if I really got married to someone like this... I might as well die.
Wang Jiazhi couldn't tell whether it was successful or not in the end, but judging from Mrs. Yi's tone, the man's family was probably not satisfied.
When she returned, he had already returned, holding her in his arms as he looked at the flowers in her pure white house. Her house, filled with all sorts of pure white flowers, was now in full bloom, and the air was filled with the fragrance of various flowers.
Wang Jiazhi mentioned that she went to attend the blind date organized by Mrs. Liao's daughter, and said that the men on the blind date were too ugly, but she was not interested in them yet.
He remained calm on the surface, but he was furious inside. Why did Mrs. Yi take her to this blind date? Wasn't it intentional to provoke her?
The person attending today was ugly enough. If it was someone younger and more handsome, she would be sad about her situation. Mrs. Liao's daughter was about the same age as her. She could go on blind dates to find a boyfriend and get married in the future. But she had to live such a shameful life. How could she not be sad?
Of course he knew that Wang Jiazhi liked him very much, but that didn't mean she had no regrets.
Wang Jiazhi was an honest and simple person. The love she wanted was, of course, to marry a young, handsome, upright, and excellent man, have children, and grow old together. If she had been the kind of person who wanted to be a canary from the beginning, he wouldn't have liked her.
In fact, Mrs. Yi and the others could not be blamed for this matter. They did not know that Wang Jiazhi had never been married. They thought she was a married businessman's wife who had just climbed up the social ladder and married Mr. Yi and lost her home.
In a previous life, I once went to a friend's house for a social gathering. The family's daughter was getting married soon and was preparing her trousseau. The wife wanted to show off everything she had already prepared, so she displayed it one by one.
Thick wool blankets, thin wool blankets; thick duck down quilts, goose down quilts, silk quilts; thin duck down quilts, goose down quilts, silk quilts; thick summer quilts, thin summer quilts; down pillows, buckwheat husk pillows, chrysanthemum pillows; summer pillows made of porcelain, bamboo, jade, and leather—the bedding alone nearly filled the entire room. Not to mention the dowry of clothes and jewelry. The wife of the family showed off her daughter's mermaid wedding dress and a bright red Chinese wedding gown with gold thread trim, along with the matching veil and jewelry. The other wives chattered and discussed the scene like hens.
He recalled a time when the car passed a restaurant with a pink rose-covered doorway at the entrance. A bride emerged from inside in her wedding dress. She clutched the window with her small hands, turning her head to look until she was out of sight.
He remembered Cuicui in "Border Town," a grown-up woman who always loved watching the bride ferry across the river. She looked just like Cuicui in the book then. Her expression wasn't one bit sad, but rather one of pure admiration and yearning, which was even more heartbreaking than sadness. Of course, she'd dreamed of meeting someone she loved, but that person certainly wasn't like him. He must be young, handsome, and dazzling, offering her a lifetime of marriage and happiness. It would have been possible when he was twenty years younger, but how could that be possible now?
But it was obvious that all her dreams had already been destroyed by someone, and sending her to him would only destroy them more completely.
The regret at that time was only a macro one, a regret that would last for thousands of years, about her love life and marriage. He never imagined that her life would be so short, and would soon end at the age of 23.
At that time, he watched as people brought out his daughter's dowry, which had piled up like a mountain and filled the sea. The girl was 22 years old, full of hope and happiness, waiting to be a bride. He remembered that when she was 22, she was starving and freezing in Hong Kong. At 22, the girl's dowry of bedding alone almost filled a room, and she could only use twigs and torn newspapers to make a quilt. Not only did she have no dowry and no marriage, but in the years before her death, she had no place to live, no decent clothes, and even few decent meals.
During those three years, at first she would write down her feelings in her notebook. They were all terrible: starvation, starvation, almost being bombed, no water, no electricity, almost being bombed, being bullied, being mean, being bullied, being mean, disappointment, sadness, despair, despair. In the last year, she hardly wrote about her feelings, only writing short poems after the date.
The world is cruel and people are evil.
Only when the weather is cold and the sun is warm can people's life be shortened.
That kind of thing is so bad that I don’t want to write it anymore.
Wang Jiazhi never thought of showing the notebook where she recorded her feelings to anyone, not even to anyone. Even when she wasn't hurt and was full of beautiful dreams, even if she found someone she deeply loved, she wouldn't show it to anyone. She never imagined that one day, the notebook would be found by Old Wu and used to take revenge on him. Old Wu thought that the more miserable she was, the better, because that would make her revenge more effective.
He learned more about her suffering, and the smallest things in his life always reminded him of her suffering. He had no place to vent his grief. The people who had hurt her had been swiftly executed, and only Old Wu was still alive. So he turned his revenge on Old Wu. This revenge had a beginning and an end, a cycle that had returned to the starting point.
Later, it happened that the girl kept following up because they were close colleagues. After she got married, she gave birth to two more children, and she always received full-month celebration invitations.
Perhaps it was the end of the world, as more and more people married and gave birth to daughters, and more children were born. He thought again that if it weren't for these misfortunes, she could have married, become a mother, and lived a stable life. She only lived to her twenties, and she had nothing that a woman should have in her life.
In reality, there were many women like Wang Jiazhi who, despite their best efforts, were still oppressed by the patriarchal culture, the male chauvinism, and the harsh reality of the times, leaving them with only a path to death. There were many before her, and there will be many after her. He had seen many before her, and he would see many more after her. Wang Jiazhi was not an isolated case; she was part of a vast community of unfortunate women. But because she was the only one in this group whom he loved, he couldn't bear it.
Regrets are flaws in an ointment, the absence of a few essentials despite having so much. Wang Jiazhi's life was far from regretful, for she had practically nothing left, only endless pain and suffering. He reflected on his life, and while those last few years had been a single misstep, a fate he could never undone, the majority of her life before that had been filled with ambition and success. Her life had barely begun when it ended, not only premature but also in ruins.
He knew she was unwilling to live this life. Even though she said she didn't want an afterlife and that life was too hard, it was because she didn't believe it would be better. He felt even more unwilling for her than she did for herself.
Of course he believed that she liked him, but her feelings for him were because she had no choice. If she could start her life over again, she would definitely not repeat the choice she made in this life.
Wang Jiazhi’s understanding is different. She knows that she has no right to regret in her life. But fortunately, although she cannot have regrets, she can still be thankful.
Of course, she was thankful to have him. Before she died, she felt deeply sorry for him. The disgusting thing she had done must have hurt and irritated him. Furthermore, he was the only flower that had blossomed amidst her ruins, and she had never properly cherished him. It was truly a pity to think about it.
She actually felt regrets before dying, because life is full of regrets, so she had no right to talk about them. But at that moment, she truly felt regret. She hadn't cherished him, and she hadn't given birth to the child. In fact, it was impossible for them to have a relationship in the first place. The child should never have existed, so how could she even think about giving birth to it? She had such unrealistic regrets because she had wanted to continue like that, and to have the child.
Wang Jiazhi has believed since childhood that people only fall in love once. If you truly love someone, it's impossible to have those same feelings for a second person. Some people are said to be born for love, and every love is unforgettable and passionate. After breaking up, she will fall just as intensely in love with the second person, and after that breakup, she will fall equally intensely in love with the third and fourth. In Wang Jiazhi's eyes, that's not love at all, but passion, an intense liking. It's simply because the feeling is so intense and exciting that it's mistaken for love. Once the passion fades, the liking fades, and gradually calms down, and the relationship ends. Then the same cycle begins again with the next person, switching boyfriends or girlfriends.
It's like a girl who loves a piece of clothing, but when the novelty wears off and she gets tired of it, she throws it aside, then moves on to the next one, and when she gets tired of it again, she switches to the next one. Love, on the other hand, is something incredibly meaningful. Even when it's old, worn out, and outdated, we still can't bear to throw it away, cherishing it with all our heart. Even when the novelty and passion fade, we still find it hard to let go, and there's no one else who can replace it.
Yet, most people in this world are loveless. Wang Jiazhi believes that, with so many people, no one is lucky enough to find the one person they will love only once in their lives. As a child, I thought the saying "searching for him among thousands of people" was romantic, but later, through experience, I realized how true it truly is. That one person is something you have to search for among millions of people, but most people never find it.
She had heard a word: practicing love.
She had always understood it as a process of two people getting along and understanding each other. But things changed later.
The three years of separation were a period of training for her to cultivate her love.
She once felt that she didn't deserve love, but some things still forced their way in, broke in, leaving her powerless to resist.
In college, however, her resistance was remarkably strong. She felt that men with good academics, good personalities, and good family backgrounds lacked talent. If they did possess talent, she felt they lacked masculinity. If they did possess masculinity, she felt they weren't willful or spoiled, weren't childish or boring, and were simply uninteresting. With those qualities, she felt that grown men were like children, completely hopeless.
She just couldn't like anything. She was especially obsessed with appearance. She disliked tall people, short people. She disliked people who were too white, she disliked people who were too dark. She would definitely dislike people who were too ugly, and she would also dislike people who were too pretty. She was never satisfied with anything, and she didn't like anything. Except for that male vixen who had transformed into a fox, there was no one she was satisfied with.
I don’t know what sin the boys in the world have committed. They get along fine normally, but once she asks her to consider whether she is within her scope of consideration, she will dislike them in all kinds of ways.
Wang Jiazhi certainly fantasized about finding someone she loved, marrying, and having a warm and romantic wedding. Even without a wedding, as long as it was someone she loved. In her eyes, weddings and status weren't important; what mattered most was that she loved that person. But she never imagined she'd end up being someone's lover. What concerned her most was not being able to be together openly.
As for the dowry and ceremony he thought she'd care about, of course she did. But after seeing those lavish weddings, followed by the endless quarrels and fights after the wedding, and the burden of children, no matter how lavish the wedding was, it was better to forget it. When Wang Jiazhi was playing cards with the other wives, someone mentioned a young lady from a certain family, whose dowry was a mountain of gold and silver. But the two of them were very bad, either not talking or fighting. And they had two children with them.
Wang Jiazhi thought at the time: So what if the dowry is larger?
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