Chapter 382
As soon as Wang Jiazhi entered the door, she saw a small figure by the window. Ever since she could walk, the kitten had been waiting for her to come back. The furry friends often waited obediently with her. Today, Mom and Dad were both away, so she waited for Mom to come back, then stood by the window waiting for Dad to return.
In the evening, Lao Yi came back and was very happy to see his children waiting for him again.
When the child wouldn't leave, she would hold him at the window and wait. Now he was just a tiny figure. Most of the time, he was very happy, but sometimes he wondered what would happen if he couldn't come back one day, and they would never be able to wait for him again.
The kitten was held by the little girl, and was very happy to see him back with its two little arms open. He hugged the kitten in his arms and asked if Wang Jiazhi had come back. The little girl said she was in the study.
He and the kitten quietly opened the door of her study and saw her sleeping at the desk with writing brushes, ink and scriptures in front of her.
Wang Jiazhi began copying the Three Officials Sutra when she was in Hong Kong, and she continued to do so for the past few years, burning it after she had copied it ten times. She kept this a secret from him, but he knew about it.
She knew it was meaningless, but when people were desperate and had no other options, they could only seek hope in this way.
When she woke up and saw that he knew about it, she thought that she probably couldn't hide it from him.
He said, "Don't do these things in the future. Do other things when you have time."
She said, "I like copying. It helps me calm down."
"I don't believe this, and you don't have to believe it either."
"Then you always wear that ring on your hand."
He took off the ring on his hand and said, "It's okay if I don't wear it. It's just a custom in this industry. Who would really believe it?"
"Put it back on and be careful."
She put the ring back on his hand. When Meng Shunying was making trouble for her, the ring was very useful when she put it under her pillow.
They played with the child for a while, as if it were normal.
After turning off the lights, she snuggled in his arms and fell asleep, and he stroked her arms and back.
"I'm fine. I won't get sick again."
Wang Jiazhi felt that she was useless, but Mrs. Yi was not like that. She never showed her emotions.
"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I... nothing... anything happened to me. I'm fine."
She knew he was comforting himself, trying to say that he was prepared, but even if he was prepared, what could she do? How could she be open-minded and let go? Wang Jiazhi didn't believe in Buddhism, she felt that she couldn't. She could never achieve the state of emptiness of the four elements. She lived in the world, and her heart could not leave the world. Some things could never be let go. Those who said they could let go, in fact, just because they couldn't let go no matter what, they were tortured to death. In order to survive, they self-anesthetized and said that it was all in the past and they had let it go long ago.
"Okay, I get it. I'm fine."
After a moment of silence, she said, "Let's bring Mrs. Yi back. She knows how to deal with people, but now they keep looking for me, and I don't know how to handle that kind of socializing."
"People say you're better at socializing than her. When she was younger, she couldn't speak and made a lot of fools of herself."
Hearing him say this, Wang Jiazhi thought that they were a young couple who had been together for a long time. Even if they didn't love each other, the feelings they had forged over the years were there. How could she compare to that?
"No, I think Mrs. Yi is very good. She never looks panicked. Just like you, she never shows her emotions."
He said: "If you don't care, you won't panic."
"You always think of people like this."
"Don't be too naive. It's not what you think. As time goes by, you will always care."
Wang Jiazhi certainly believed it, but based on her experience from novels and movies, she was subconsciously skeptical of the idea of men drinking from their mouths.
One of them always lacked trust in the other, but their care for each other grew stronger and stronger.
Wang Jiazhi had been feeling this way since her last life. Although Mrs. Yi was always talking about her husband in public, she also felt that she didn't seem to care much about some things. But Wang Jiazhi felt very inferior, and she felt she had no right to doubt Mrs. Yi. Mrs. Yi was a very respectable first wife, and she was a world apart from her.
There are roughly two stages in a relationship. The first stage is "me", and the second stage is "him" or "her".
At first, she was thinking about herself, but then, for some reason, she started thinking about him. She was already very sad at that time. Every time he came back tired and haggard, Mrs. Yi would just glance at him and continue chatting and playing mahjong. She felt that Mrs. Yi had become hateful.
It's understandable that even in ordinary families, couples who work hard together, raise children together, and spend years together, can still have different dreams and no one cares about the other. Even more so in wealthy families, where everyone lives their own lives and rarely eats a meal together, and when they do, they often have two different dishes.
It's just that Wang Jiazhi was influenced by novels and movies, and she believes that wives in wealthy families are all incredibly devoted to their husbands, and because of this devotion, they tolerate everything their husbands do. The truth is, the richer the family, the weaker the love between husband and wife.
In her previous life, Wang Jiazhi was extremely rebellious. She had suffered so much, especially towards the end, that she felt a kind of madness, hating the whole world. At the same time, as her feelings for him grew deeper, she became a ferocious tiger, becoming increasingly aggressive towards him. To him, she became a clingy cat.
He returned exhausted, and Mrs. Yi, still playing cards and eating as usual, fumed. She was heartbroken when she bought herself high-end fabrics and precious jewelry, using discounted items to please him. Watching the heartless, decadent lives of debauchery and extravagance, she thought of him crying in her arms, barely able to hold back a cry in bed. His writing style was a kind of joyful melancholy. Watching the laughter and joy before him, he thought of the things he had done in that horrible place; watching them chatter at the card table, he retreated dejectedly to his dark study. She truly felt as if everyone was dead, completely destroyed.
At that time, Wang Jiazhi was simply overflowing with maternal love, and the fact that she was pregnant with his child made it even more terrifying. As long as he was happy, he didn't care about anything. Things that mattered so much to others were nothing to him. He treated her like a prostitute, so he treated her like a prostitute. He could do whatever he wanted, and if he wanted her dead, she died.
Wang Jiazhi had always considered dignity the most important thing, but at that moment, she experienced another manifestation of the saying, "Everything goes to extremes and then reverses." Giving up all dignity and humbleness for the people you care about is more enchanting than anything else.
Almost all her experience with marital relations came from her parents. Her mother was infinitely tolerant of her husband, putting her children and husband first and herself last. Whenever her father came home looking unhappy, her mother would carefully, gently, and thoughtfully comfort him. She saw a piece of fabric she liked but thought it was too expensive. After much hesitation, she ultimately didn't buy it. But she was willing to give it to her father. For a while, mink coats were very popular for men. Her father didn't care much for them, but seeing so many men wearing them, her mother insisted on buying one for him. Although she was only eight or nine at the time, she knew the price was exorbitant.
Alas, the fur coat was packed up and taken with him when he left the country. Later, Wang Jiazhi thought, she wondered if her father, seeing the fur coat, would remember that it was something her mother had saved and bought for him. Perhaps her father only knew the coat's value and had long forgotten how to buy it.
Whenever she thought of this, she really felt that her mother was not worth it.
But when her mother was alive, she didn't think there was anything wrong with that. If you truly love someone, you should give them the best. If you think of yourself first, then the other person, then you don't care about them at all. In Wang Jiazhi's heart, she always believed that true love is loving the other person more than yourself.
At that time, everyone looked down on Huang Liju's appearance, and she was no exception. During the discussion, Wang Jiazhi said with great confidence: "Only when you love yourself first can you have the right to love others. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to cherish you?"
Everyone felt completely right. But this was a conclusion she'd drawn from her experiences with that bastard Kuang Yumin and her father's beastly nature. As for her earlier reckless behavior towards Lao Yi, and her subsequent escalation, she felt completely justified, completely unaware that she was following in her mother's footsteps. She always felt that she was different from her mother and Huang Liju.
The women in her family have a common tendency to be infatuated. If her mother were still alive, she would use the words she said to warn her not to be like herself.
I wonder if her mother could have imagined that when she saw other people's husbands wearing fur coats, she would scrimp and save to buy them for them. And when her daughter grew up, she would sell her blood to buy other people's boyfriends wearing high-end clothes. And even at such a young age, she was willing to risk her life.
It's said that she learned from her mother since she was a child, but Wang Jiazhi didn't learn her father's selfishness and ruthlessness, but instead picked up her mother's infatuation. It seems that hereditary traits are also very scary.
Wang Jiazhi was extremely surprised to see that Mrs. Yi's attitude towards him was completely opposite to her mother's. However, she felt that there were many ways to love someone, and since they were very wealthy, love certainly wasn't just about material things. Mrs. Yi only pretended to be indifferent, putting on a show for everyone to see, but she was actually very anxious that he was unhappy.
Even after so much experience, Wang Jiazhi's mind has matured significantly, yet he's still confused about the people and events around him. This is because what you treasure might not be what others value. Or perhaps, what they value is different from what you value.
After such a horrific experience, Wang Jiazhi had always felt she could no longer have a normal relationship. In her previous life, her relationship with him wasn't a normal one to begin with. In this life, she herself didn't realize it, and in the end, like her mother, she became a gentle, devoted wife and mother.
If you really love someone, of course you are willing to give everything for that person. The different outcomes depend on whether the other person is worthy or not.
When love reaches its deepest level, you care about everything, but in the end, nothing matters. As long as the other person is well, you are no longer important.
In her previous life, Wang Jiazhi had been constantly worried about what she could achieve, struggling with his true feelings for her and whether he still held any sincerity. In the end, it seemed like that wasn't the most important thing; all she cared about was that he was well. As long as he was happy, he didn't mind how he tortured her. But he wouldn't do that. He'd fallen for her first, and at first, he was very possessive, wanting her to be his completely. Later, as long as she was happy, he didn't care anymore; he let her do whatever she wanted.
Movies about characters retracing their pasts have been all the rage for a while. One tells the story of a man with great ambitions but little talent, who achieves nothing in his life, unable to provide for his family and treating his wife terribly. Forced to work and comfort him, his wife eventually becomes ill from overwork, and the family lacks the funds for proper treatment, leading to her death in her forties. The hero returns to his youth and, through various offensive tactics, wins the heroine over from the capable and excellent second male lead, and they finally "happily" end up together again. Another story follows a similar one, but the hero desperately tries to bring the heroine together with the second male lead, as he doesn't want his wife to marry him again, leading to a life of hardship and premature death.
I just laughed it off when I saw it as a child, but thinking about it years later, I'm filled with emotion. Someone who doesn't love you just selfishly wants to drain you dry. They only care about themselves and don't care if you live or die. Someone who truly cares about you simply wants the best for you. Even if they love you deeply and long to be with you, as long as you're doing well, they can put aside their selfish desires, never see you again, and even stop wanting you to remember them.
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