Chapter 412
Wang Jiazhi was awakened by thunder and lightning at night. She opened her eyes blearily and saw the heavy rain. The kitten in her arms was still fast asleep.
I don’t know what he is doing now, whether he is sleeping or still working.
She patted her daughter gently. This was the only clean thing in her life.
To this day, she still believes that having a child is because there is someone you love very much, and you must have a child with him.
In her previous life, she truly wanted to give birth to the child, and she would have been fine with dying. There was no such thing as those official statements: without love, a child's life would be miserable.
Do children from ordinary families necessarily have love? Without love, there's no money. Being his daughter at least means money. In these troubled times where people live worse than dogs, money is a better guarantee than any emotion.
If the child can't be born, it might be better to give him a daughter. Who knows if he will be born into a poor family and suffer. Who knows if this unfortunate fate will bring trouble to the child?
Even if his own life was in jeopardy, he could still save a child. He had so much money, which he couldn't bring with him when he was born, so it was better to use some of it to support his own flesh and blood.
It is much better to be rich but have no parents than to be extremely poor with parents.
And she believed that no matter what his final feelings for her were, he would definitely be good to his children.
Mrs. Yi had recently written to discuss the adoption of a child. She, too, felt insecure, and an adopted child would naturally follow her, the legal mother, giving her more leverage when the family was divided.
It wasn't clear what he said, but Wang Jiazhi didn't believe he would do that. They had already agreed not to have any more children. At least not for the time being. If he really wanted a son, he could have had one himself, not let someone else raise him for nothing. At his age, of course he should have adopted a grown-up child. Mrs. Yi wouldn't have the energy to raise a child.
Of course he wouldn't tell her this, but country folks are gossipy, so it was bound to get through to her, and now more and more people were telling her about it. It was hard for her not to know.
Wang Jiazhi felt awkward, and the fact that he had no children was brought up again, as if to make a big deal out of it.
It was already daybreak, just after four, but she couldn't fall asleep. She spent some time in bed, looked at the sleeping child in her arms, kissed him on the forehead, and then got up gently to continue painting.
I've been painting this for three days now, day and night. Yesterday I went out for half a day to have dinner at Mrs. Ma's house, then came back to clean up and continued painting until nine o'clock. The weather was also very cooperative, as it rained for a few days.
In the dead of night, the moon still hung high above the treetops, and a patter of raindrops clung to the leaves of the sycamore trees. She turned to see her daughter fast asleep in bed, then looked back to see her own shadow reflected on the glass, like a marble relief.
Some coffins in Europe have the face and body of the deceased carved into the marble, as if the dead person is lying on the coffin.
I am dead, really dead.
Died at 23. With her own child. With her only beautiful regret.
And the humiliation and the failure.
Now she lived in the house she longed for, with the child she longed for. But he was not there. It was just a fantasy she had before she died.
She immediately shook her head, and the horrible feeling came back.
She painted until nine o'clock and felt very tired. She struggled to feed her child and fell asleep again.
I woke up around noon and went downstairs to see the little girl holding the child and touching the lotus flowers in the pot.
Wang Jiazhi thought it would be a good idea to entrust the child to the maid, giving her all the family property. She seemed to be a good person and genuinely loved the child. She was sure her daughter was very lovable. Isn't this the kind of plot that always happens in novels and movies: the young lady dies, and the maid treats the young lady's child as her own?
Besides, she would definitely be happy if they gave her such a large sum of money.
But novels and movies are ultimately idealistic. She couldn't trust anyone in this world. Who knew if they were real or not? She couldn't even imagine her own child. If someone took her money, betrayed her, and abandoned her, or even abused her, what could she do?
She knew he just didn't say it. Even the child couldn't stop her.
After a while of daze, the phone rang.
"Yes, Mrs. Ma invited us to dinner yesterday. Ms. Qiao, Sister Xiao, Sister Liao, oh, and Mrs. Liang. Mrs. Ma's house is a bit too gaudy. Have you ever been there?"
"Why haven't you been there? Aren't you very familiar with Lao Ma?"
"Baby, be fine. Talk to daddy."
She held the kitten in her arms and placed the receiver next to the child's ear.
"Dad, when will you be back?"
He immediately burst into tears. Oh my God, how could this happen?
"Dad will be back soon, he will be back soon..."
His daughter babbled a lot about Huahua, Maomao and Dabai, but she couldn't understand what they were saying.
"Okay, okay, go ahead and do your thing. Don't worry about the family. Everything is fine."
After hanging up the phone, both of them felt very uncomfortable.
It's just that this business trip was temporarily extended by three or four days, and there's something wrong.
When he was a teenager, a teacher told him that a person can go a long time without seeing his wife, but he cannot go a long time without seeing his children.
He can't stand anyone not seeing him now.
She had a very strong temper and kept everything in her heart for fear that he would worry about her. She was always tortured and worried that she would get sick when she was not around.
After finishing his discussion in the evening, he went back and took out three kitten cookies she had made and a bag of cracked melon seeds.
It was already one o'clock, so they should be asleep. But not necessarily. She was a bit nervous now, and her sleep time was getting less and less.
It's said that two people become more and more alike when they spend time together. This is why she looks more and more like him. It's probably because of her perseverance.
Wang Jiazhi coaxed her daughter to sleep and continued painting. These days, she doesn't really care about day or night; she paints whenever she feels like it. She sleeps when she's tired, usually for two or three hours at most, and then continues painting when she wakes up.
She finally finished the painting at four o'clock in the morning. She was so tired that she climbed into bed in a daze and fell asleep with her child in her arms.
I woke up again at eight o'clock the next day, earlier than the child.
The little girl standing in front said in surprise: "The painting is finished, it's so beautiful."
She held the child in her arms, sleepy-eyed. She didn't believe the little girl didn't understand. Taste is something that's innate and has nothing to do with reading or knowledge.
Wang Jiazhi was wearing white pajamas, with her hair loose, and she was hugging her child in a daze, like a little girl holding her rag doll in her arms.
When I was thirteen or fourteen, I read classic novels and read the introductions, always siding with the protagonist. Anyone who made the protagonist unhappy was considered bad. Of course, children still blindly followed the lead, but they also had doubts.
At the time, I felt that Tess was wrong to hide the truth from her husband. I could understand her. She was brave enough to write the letter, but she hadn't seen the letter. She loved him too much and didn't have the courage to confess. But she felt guilty and sorry for him. It was impossible not to tell him. But after getting married, divorce was not an easy thing. This matter was ultimately her problem. Either don't talk about it, or make it clear before the wedding. He originally thought he was marrying a pure and innocent girl, but on the wedding night, he didn't expect to find out that she had lost her virginity and had given birth to a child. Of course, he couldn't accept it for a while and felt cheated.
If I had told him earlier, we would definitely not have gotten married and we would have gone our separate ways.
But we can't blame her entirely. There are many things that, even though we know it's the right thing to do, it may be difficult to put it into practice.
He was the same. He knew she wasn't a clean slate, but if he truly knew how terrible things were, he wouldn't be able to accept it. Perhaps in his heart, he didn't want her to tell him, so he just lived in ignorance. If he told her, no one would accept it, and he couldn't continue living like that. Especially now that the child was almost a year old and his situation was getting worse, what would he do if he knew?
At nine o'clock, Xiao's sister called and asked me to go out for dinner. I had finished the painting and had nothing to distract me for the time being, so I decided to go out and socialize.
She didn't expect that Xiao Meimei was there too. Xiao Meimei had said that her sister and her boyfriend were in the honeymoon period and no one else could take care of them.
Sister Xiao mentioned that she had just finished reading Tess and complained a little: "I mentioned it to my classmate, and he actually said that. He said Lin Daiyu's death was tragic and beautiful, worthy of regret and love. Her nature is pure and she will remain pure. Tess's death can only make people feel pity, not love. In any case, she was a tainted person, and death was a relief for her."
Wang Jiazhi said, "Many people think this way."
She thought that the man who had abused Tess was at least a playboy, and many women were chasing after him, and because of this they were jealous of Tess. Perhaps no one was in a worse situation than herself.
Xiao Meimei's words must have been her boyfriend's opinion. It wasn't surprising, since the girl he loved was pure and innocent, like Lin Daiyu. Of course, he couldn't accept a woman who had been raped and had children.
Xiao went to the front to choose some snacks. Her sister and Wang Jiazhi laughed softly and said, "My sister said that your literary insights are really good, like a female teacher. She really wants to talk to you more."
Wang Jiazhi laughed and said, "How dare I take that responsibility? I was just talking nonsense."
"No way, your insights are even more profound and charming than the Chinese teacher's. It's really fun to talk to you."
Sister Xiao came back and continued, "Really? No wonder you don't like playing mahjong with those ladies. It's really a waste of you to be with that bunch of vulgar people."
Sister Xiao asked about her educational level again. Wang Jiazhi had no need to hide it at this time. She said that she studied Chinese in college for only one year.
Sister Xiao said, "I'm telling you, no wonder you understand so much. It's a pity you should have finished reading the book."
Wang Jiazhi said, "I really regretted not finishing my studies back then. But it's different now. If I were asked to go back to study, I wouldn't have the same mood as I did back then."
Wang Jiazhi also knew that these two carefree young ladies could not understand.
The Xiao sisters fell into the same doubts as before. How could such a person be willing to be the lover of a high-ranking official?
In their eyes, Old Yi is a good person, but he is the good person who can be a lover, not the good person who can be a lover.
Wang Jiazhi later recalled and realized that before she met him, she had never been able to understand the scenes in novels and movies where young girls fell in love with men more than ten years older than themselves and were completely obsessed with them.
But I forgot everything about it with him and never felt anything was wrong.
She was always upset when he went on a business trip, and this time he was delayed for three or four days.
Wang Jiazhi is now trying hard not to have her attacks. As a result, her attacks don't happen as often, but she's now shrouded in a certain emotion for a while.
She was starting to withdraw again. What was he doing now? He must have been worried about a lot of things after staying there for so many days. It gave her a headache just thinking about it.
Until Sister Xiao said something, she was surprised and said: "Didn't you say to wait a while?"
Sister Xiao took her sister's hand and said, "For those who are in love, it's better to get married first to feel at ease."
Sister Xiao lowered her head shyly and said, "What?"
Wang Jiazhi smiled and said, "Okay, if you're in love, you should get married as soon as possible to avoid any more trouble."
Mrs. Liang's daughter is about to give birth, and everyone has their own regular life.
After separating from the Xiao sisters, she walked alone on the street.
"Wang Jiazhi, is that you?"
She turned around and saw the person who was the class monitor and the person sitting in front of her.
He was wearing a light apricot-yellow gown. His sweater and coat were also yellow, a color he must have liked very much.
She smiled slightly.
"Oh my God, it's really you. I followed you for a while and didn't dare to recognize you."
She just smiled, not knowing what to say.
"Are you OK?"
The boy looked at her, and she knew he must be thinking the same thing.
Wang Jiazhi smiled and said, "I'm fine. How's the class?"
"OK."
Then the boy said, "I have been worried about you. Seeing you doing well, I am relieved."
"Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled and looked down.
When I got home, I felt really tired. I lay on the bed hugging my child and woke up after less than two hours of sleep.
She got up and went to the study to write. She was almost done, but once he left, she felt too lazy to continue. She finished before nine o'clock. She moved her daughter's crib over and slept there while she copied the manuscript. She worked until dawn, having copied nearly ten thousand words. She couldn't hold on any longer, so she gently carried her child back to her bedroom and went to sleep.
But she didn't fall asleep immediately after touching the pillow, wondering what he was doing now. She didn't count the days since he left, and there was no point in counting them.
The next day I woke up at nine o'clock with a terrible headache, but I couldn't fall asleep again.
That whole day was a blur. I had a terrible headache, and I couldn't sleep deeply. I woke up quickly, and it was a patchy sleep-wake cycle. I felt so miserable that I couldn't do anything.
At night, she sat on the edge of the bed with her frizzy hair. Dabai came in and rested his head on her legs. She reached out and touched its furry fur.
I finished copying the stationery yesterday and opened a new one. Thinking that we will die one day, I can't bear to throw away even these few unused pages.
As he entered the yard, he saw her wearing a light blue and white plaid dress, her hair braided at the back, and a kitten tied to her back. She was looking at the peaches in the tree, and when she heard him coming back, both kittens turned to look at him. These two kittens at home were always like illustrations from a fairy tale book.
Wang Jiazhi then calculated that he had been gone for exactly a week, though he had returned three days later than before. It was as if the firewood had rotted away. On the phone and in person, she seemed the same as before. In fact, it was obvious that she had lost some weight in just a week.
Of course, he pretended not to notice anything, but he was still thinking about what would happen if he died.
When I entered the room, I saw an easel by the window, covered with white cotton cloth.
He opened it and exclaimed in admiration, saying, "That's great! No wonder you were always painting in my dreams."
She hugged him from behind, but she wasn't to the point where he would worry, so it was just right for her to rest her head on his shoulder.
"There are three of us here."
"You'll find out."
She drew their faint shadows on the window glass.
He brought back a small package from England. It had been in his office for several days.
She exclaimed "Ah" excitedly and quickly took a pair of scissors to open it.
It was the photo album at home, and this time I really sent the bracelet to her.
She asked him to at least return the pink tourmaline bracelet, and sure enough, her father only gave her the pink bracelet from her dowry.
Wang Jiazhi first hugged the kitten and opened the photo album to look at it.
There was a lot of empty space inside, and it was obvious that her father and his brother's parts had been taken out.
The first one was a photo of her when she was one month old. She looked like a kitten, not a month old, but several months old. She was smiling with her mouth wide open, just like the one he saw in Hong Kong, except that she had two more rows of white teeth, which hadn't grown in when she was young.
Wang Jiazhi hadn't seen these photos in ten years. She kept them in the album, but she didn't often flip through them. Most people are like this when they're young: they look forward, rarely looking back.
From birth to fifteen. Watching herself grow from a baby, the photos in the family albums were forever frozen at fifteen. Wang Jiazhi remembered the student ID card she'd received from a classmate a few days earlier. It was still new, and the photo on it was her last. It looked like a ghost. It was there, a lifetime.
She turned to look at him, then at the child in her arms. He also had a bright smile in the photo when he was a child. Who could have imagined what he would look like when he grew up.
They flipped through the photo album, watching her grow up year by year, and there were photos of her mother holding her.
Because her younger brother was in the photo, her father took out the photos of the four-person family. The rest were photos of her and her mother, or photos of her parents. If you didn’t know, you would think that there were only three of them in the family.
Wang Jiazhi felt heartbroken when she saw that even the wedding photos were sent along.
She said to him, "He doesn't care about my mother at all. How can someone be so heartless?" She also said, "He's the only one who's done all the marriages in the family. I don't even know if my brother will ever get married."
Wang Jiazhi had only read a letter from her brother a long time ago, in which he said that their father had lost a lot of money in investments. It was just an angry remark. She had no idea it would really come to that.
He laughed and said, "You look like your father, especially your forehead."
"Girls mostly look like their fathers."
"Where's your brother?"
"Everyone looks a bit like me."
He thought to himself that his daughter was so nice and looked so much like him, how could he be so cruel.
Turning to the next few pages, there was a marriage certificate tucked inside.
Wang Jiazhi said angrily, "Even if it's just a piece of waste paper now, can't we keep it as a souvenir?"
She remembered that her mother had later put the marriage certificate in an album. It was the perfect size and well-preserved. It was well-preserved and still looked new.
It says: The married persons are Wang Wen Ze and Su Wan Zhen.
Seeing these things again, I felt a sense of past and present life. The family was separated just like that.
He said casually, "So that's how it is."
She remembered that he didn't have this thing.
She put the bracelet on the kitten's hand and said, "Look, this is given to me by your grandmother. I'll give it to you as a dowry when you grow up."
She hadn't seen it in years, so her memory of the bracelet wasn't as clear. This time, she saw it and thought it looked very similar to the one she had. She found it and it was exactly the same, as if they were a pair.
"How strange, they are the same. My mother has had this thing for years."
"Yeah, that was probably the style that was popular at that time."
"I won't be able to tell which is which in a moment."
They opened the letter from her father and spoke very politely, probably because they saw that it was a government envelope.
Wang Jiazhi felt humiliated, and as expected, she only sent the photo and the bracelet back. She actually accepted the money. Her father used to be very concerned about his reputation. She had no idea that the money was really needed there.
She somewhat regretted letting him know. It was so shameful to have such a family. They were really going backwards.
He was also very indignant, but he couldn't show it. How could a girl suddenly have so much money? Her father could of course guess what was going on and just accepted it. Oh my God!
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